“A Day in
the Life: Part 2”
Match: 14
/ 334
Lost
by 21 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
Appleton CC |
104 - 8 |
|
G. Timms 3 - 11, M. Reeves
2 - 16 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
83 - 7 |
|
R. Turner 31*, I. Howarth
17* |
|
|
Those that took time out
to come and spectate The MAD’s latest T20 encounter at Brasenose would have
gone home disappointed. That is unless they had a bag of beer for company and
a decent chair in the sun. For as the game wore on, balls of marginal bounce were
eventually replaced by ones that struggled to climb above your bootlaces. T20
cricket is meant to be explosive and entertaining, but this was the pinnacle
of turgid dullness. Herewith the notes
scribbled by one of the unfortunates who witnessed the game – our very own
David Emerson….
Me (left) chilling in my FBI shades, innit. Well, I managed to blag a lift from work to the game.
Might as well, as the sun is out and there’s fuck all to do in Wallingford
apart from sit by the Thames and drink tinnies like
some hobo. I know I’m not playing at the mo,
because of my shoulder, but nice to keep my hand in – support the guys and
stuff, you know? Well, actually, I couldn’t give a shit – they haven’t missed
me one fucking iota during my absence. In fact, they’ve won more they’ve lost,
so I’ll park my arse on a deckchair and just get pissed. Click-tisssshhhhhhh [sound of a
can being opened]. Nice. I love these Brasenose deckchairs. It’s like being
on a beach it is. Like back in New Zealand. I bet I never mentioned I surf,
did I? I do you know – and I take my surfboard wherever I lay my hat. It’s currently
hung on the wall of my mum’s living room – not sure she’s best happy…. Ha.
Looks like Timms lost the toss again. Useless wanker. Ha ha.
We’re fielding – surprise surprise. Glad I’m sat
here then. It’s too hot for all this running about lark. Looks like Shorten’s (3-1-12-0) radar is off. Why the fuck
are we bothering with slips? Nobody ever induces an edge off the bat – apart
from me – and if you do, the dozy fuckers stood there will drop it. Mellor’s
the worst. Useless prick. Ha – some poor cunt just slapped Bob’s first ball
bunger to Psycho [E. Bennett 0]. Amazing. They say crap takes wickets. That was crap. He’s bowling well though is
Bob (4-0-12-1) – though he always does in T20s. Its Sunday’s where he
struggles.
Midge admires her owners, er… lack of a radar. Click-tisssshhhhhhh [sound of a
can being opened]. Hmm 57-1 off 11. We’re not getting much success here.
Reading’s (2-0-16-0) getting some tap, though Rundle (2-0-8-0) looks like he’s doing okay. Twat! He just spilled one. Oh, looks like
Godwin (30*) has retired… let’s see what happens next. Reeves (3-0-6-2) is
having a bowl. Bowled! Jesus – Ol’ Big head is in
the form of his life. Makes you wonder what the fuck he’s been doing over the
years, but hey ho. And another! [bowled] Must be swinging out there. It
certainly isn’t bouncing – then again it never does…. Looks like Appleton are doing their level best to
capitulate here. C. Jones (5) just ran himself out and little C. Salmon (0)
was just put out of his misery by a J. Hoskins (4-0-23-1) pie. Ha. That
really was baked to perfection, tossed into orbit and rolled right onto
middle peg. Reminds me of a James Bond theme tune – ‘The Spy Who Loved Me’ I
think… [breaking into song with a fresh tinnie] “Nobo-o-o-o-o-o-ody does it better-r-r-r-r…
la la lar… Bakes his pies to perfec-c-c-t-i-i-i-o-o-n….
Nobody does it half as… Ooh, action!” Tonkmeister genereal (Bungay) is giving it the long handle here.
Splat, splat, splat. Loves his pies does Bungay (14). And gone! Timms done
him with a gloopy peashooter. Click-tisssshhhhhhh [sound of a
can being opened]. The collapse is on! Timms (2-0-11-3) is on fire. Old Roger
(Gilkes) doosra’d like a [burp] and D. Woodhouse
(3) here’s the death rattle himself. Good stuff The MAD [clap, clap, burp] –
Appleton 104-8. Drinks. Or a break. Or whatever really – I need a piss,
innit.
Geoff / George / Godfrey prepare to face…. …that’s better. Busting I was. Right, where are we. Click-tisssshhhhhhh [sound of a can being opened]. Pearson and Carter
opening up. I’m not sure I can see any discernible bounce out there anymore.
I might be pissed and my eyesight is shit, but The Apples’ battery of short
medium pacers are just skidding it through. “Come on! HIT the fucking thing!”
Oh, Carter (6) gone – and now Pearson (11). [Emerson now unhinges his mouth
from his lager can to inquire of the returning Pearson] “Fats – that ball
bouncing at all out there?” “No, Dave – it is not. I’m only glad my parents
weren’t here to witness this debacle.” Howarth and Turner at the crease. Now this should be fun.
Neither can judge a run, neither has a good word to say about the other, and
both look fucking hopeless on this track. And another thing – why on earth
did Howarth drop 180 quid on my bat if he’s going to take that other piece of shit out there? Idiot.
Nothing doing – our run rate is drying up quicker than a nun’s chuff…. [48-2
off 14 ovs]. “GET ON WITH IT!!” Click-tisssshhhhhhh [sound of a
can being opened]. Christ, this is dull. Finally, a good over – a couple of
boundaries and… oh, Turner’s (31*) retired. Maybe he should retire permanently.
The old duffer. Howarth swinging for all his might, but I can’t remember him
coming close to middling one. You may as well give Stevie Wonder a fucking
toothpick and send him out there….
Tall Bob… lost batting out of position. Oops. Bob’s gone for a golden. Bitch – think he’s got more
than me now…. And Hoskins. And Timms. Speaking of which, Timms is away with a
slice through Gully, and er… he is plumb lbw (2). At least Shorten will
splatter this Apples’ piechucker, Woodhouse. SMACK!
Get in. Oh… straight to the guy at deep cow. Unlucky, Dave (0). Reading next…
and er… caught and bowled (0). Fuck me – this Woodhouse guy has just taken a
treble-wicket maiden! Ha ha ha.
Jesus, we’re shit. You just watch from the non-striker’s end, Howarth – play
for fucking average…. [sigh]. Looks like T. Crowe (4-1-9-3) is exercising the final
rights on this batting corpse. Rundle (2) gone. Reeves (0*) sees out the
final ball by not seeing it…. 83-7 with Howarth left on 17*. Garbage. Click-tisssshhhhhhh [sound of a can being opened]. Looks like
everyone is shaking hands and looking at the pitch. Crap. Crap. Crap. Right – I need another piss. Oops, just remembered – forgot
to text my mum I’d be late for dinner…. Right, gotta scramble, got a bus to
catch! ‘The Real
Mr. Emerson’
|
*
Statto
Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Appleton
CC Played at Brasenose College, 23 July
2014 Appleton CC won the
toss and elected to bat Appleton CC won by 21 runs Far from the MCC debuts:
none |
14 / 334 20 over match |
|
Team |
Appleton CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
E. Bennett |
c Rundle b Roberts |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
1-6 |
|
2 |
J. Bennett |
b Reeves |
12 |
(30) |
1 |
- |
2-57 |
|
3 |
M. Godwin |
retired |
30 |
(30) |
5 |
- |
- |
|
4 |
A. Lord |
b Reeves |
3 |
(9) |
- |
- |
4-71 |
|
5 |
C. Jones |
run out (Shorten/Carter) |
5 |
(9) |
- |
- |
3-65 |
|
6 |
M. Bungay * |
b Timms |
14 |
(9) |
3 |
- |
6-83 |
|
7 |
C. Salmon |
b Hoskins |
0 |
(7) |
- |
- |
5-83 |
|
8 |
H. Blomerus |
not out |
8 |
(11) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
9 |
R. Gilkes + |
b Timms |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
7-83 |
|
10 |
D. Woodhouse |
b Timms |
3 |
(7) |
- |
- |
8-95 |
|
11 |
T. Crowe |
not out |
6 |
(4) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
(W8, LB4, B11) |
23 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 8 wickets, 20 overs) |
104 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Shorten |
3 |
1 |
12 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Roberts |
4 |
0 |
12 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Reading |
2 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
Rundle |
2 |
0 |
8 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Reeves |
3 |
0 |
6 |
2 |
|
|
6 |
Hoskins |
4 |
0 |
23 |
1 |
|
|
7 |
Timms |
2 |
0 |
11 |
3 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note: M. Godwin retired at
57-2 |
||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. W. Pearson |
c Jones b Blomerus |
11 |
(26) |
- |
- |
2-28 |
|
2 |
G. Carter + |
b Crowe |
6 |
(15) |
- |
- |
1-9 |
|
3 |
R. P. Turner |
retired |
31 |
(38) |
3 |
- |
- |
|
4 |
I. Howarth |
not out |
17 |
(26) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
5 |
C. D. Roberts |
b Crowe |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
3-76 |
|
6 |
G. J. Timms * |
lbw b Woodhouse |
2 |
(5) |
- |
- |
4-79 |
|
7 |
D. Shorten |
c J. Bennett b Woodhouse |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
5-79 |
|
8 |
M. J. Reading |
c and b Woodhouse |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
6-79 |
|
9 |
M. S. Rundle |
b Crowe |
2 |
(4) |
- |
- |
7-83 |
|
10 |
M. K. Reeves |
not out |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
- |
|
11 |
J. D. Hoskins |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB1, W4, LB7, B2) |
14 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 7 wickets, 20 overs) |
83 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Bungay |
3 |
0 |
13 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
J. Bennett |
3 |
0 |
9 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Crowe |
4 |
1 |
9 |
3 |
|
|
4 |
Salmon |
3 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Blomerus |
3 |
0 |
7 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Lord |
2 |
0 |
14 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Woodhouse |
2 |
1 |
7 |
3 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note: R. P. Turner retired at 75-2 |
||||||
|
MOTM: R. P. Turner Champagne Moment: M. K. Reeves’
inswinging first wicket Buffet
Award: M. J. Reading’s caramel tarts
(with chocco topping) |
Opposition:
V051 / 15 Ground: G040 / 38 Captain: C022 / 19 |