“Woodstock Cancelled in Favour of Islip 2014”

Match: 14 / 315

Lost by 7 wkts

Team	Total
FFTMCC	94 - 7
I. Howarth 33, R. Turner 24
Islip CC	97 - 3
J. Newman 2 - 10

Following on from the Far from the MCC’s seminal re-enactment of Woodstock in 2013, ticket sales were so bad this term that the whole event was cancelled in favour of smaller scale revelry in the quintessential Oxfordshire village of Islip. Last year’s festival organiser, Derek Hambridge, spoke candidly after it was announced a shift of venue commenting that “it was with great regret to see all my good work and effort undone by a complete lack of support in the camp. I cannot afford to host these events if the key protagonists find themselves preferring (league) events on a Saturday and finding themselves too busy on Sundays with trips to Sainsbury’s with their wives and girlfriends. I rely on people to make themselves available and I have been sorely let down.”

Revellers meet in the village….

Rival promoter and lynchpin of the Islip 2014 event, Rick Henshaw, was sympathetic to Mr. Hambridge’s problems, but was upbeat in adding “one man’s loss is another man’s gain. The cancellation of Woodstock 2014 will only serve to boost trade in the village of Islip and put us on the world map. Such is the media interest I have received; I am even contemplating hosting a game of cricket on the nearby sports field. The pitch isn’t very suitable and the forecast looks terrible, but the team we have invited to play the locals are as thick as cow shit apparently – and will thus play in any conditions.”

Temperatures in Islip hovered just above two long-sleeve sweaters when the sun came out, but this only happened when Far from the MCC commuter, S. Dobner, moaned vehemently about the incessant charcoal cloud cover. “It’s not training right now, but it will rain. It’s looked like pissing down the past 24 hours – so let’s just bat first and fuck off when it does.”

Hoodies ‘R Us.

The decision as to what to do first is never one afforded to The MAD, with returning Skipper, I. Howarth, once again correctly calling the wrong side of the coin (just like his understudy Turner the previous Sunday). “We’re batting.” Ian informed his shivering, hoodie sporting comrades, “it looks shit out there, but I reckon it’ll only get worse – particularly with all this rain we’re going to get.”

With Mr. Pearson failing to buy an entry ticket on time, Turner and Howarth strapped on the pads to initiate proceedings. Islip’s decision to bowl first on a soft and rugged grass top proved a good one, with 12 year olds J. Washington (5-2-15-0) and H. Venables (5-2-16-0) working The MAD openers over at will. Despite the oohs and aahs as balls zipped past stumps with irregular bounce, the only real damage done was to S. Dobner’s sides – as he stood laughing at the insanity of it all from the umpire’s end.

Howarth shows admirable restraint on a gloopy slow one.

Incredulous applause greeted the half-century opening partnership, with Howarth (33) slogging across the line to quickly pacify any MAD delirium. Geoff Carter (1), back in the squad due to a life-threatening neck injury sustained by Kiwi D. Emerson, misjudged a straight one, paving the way for P. Mellor (1) to equal his contribution with style and aplomb. 57-3 (21 ovs).

Things could easily have stalled at this point and gone downhill. They did, with Islip ringer Farooq (6-2-15-3) discovering that bowling at a MAD batsman’s stumps provided a rich reward. After looking good for a double-figure contribution, M. Westmoreland (8) left a gap between bat / boot / thigh pad / arm / helmet and some large clumps of mud to allow the ball to trickle onto his stumps. Unlucky, perhaps, but at least Martin’s dismissal allowed him the luxury of watching a quick downpour from the sanctuary of the changing rooms. J. Hoskins (2) then made good his return from duties in Overton by wasting little time, as did Mr. Reeves (0) who chose to halve his season’s batting average by playing an hour too early and seeing a bail dislodged into surrounding weeds. 82-7.

“X” [the ball] marks the spot.

Could Islip CC close the deal – or would the Far from the MCC come out swinging and bat their remaining overs out? Neither actually with Dobner (6*) and J. Newman (8*) utilising 37 balls between them in hauling the visitor’s total to the lofty heights of 94-7. Tall Bob briefly stood with his pads on and then carefully sat down to remove them, whilst substitute T. Smith didn’t bother putting any pads on and even less time in taking them off.

Following an unpopular takeover of the local Red Lion pub, Mr. Henshaw announced the food court had been relocated to the village hall (following a sponsorship wrangle). Sandwiches and sausage rolls proved popular, as did remaining inside the hall’s confines to shelter from the drizzle and now gale force winds. With players just starting to enjoy themselves, it was unfortunately time to return to the elements….

Oxford summer.

“94-7 is plenty on this track,” opined Team MAD. “All you need to do is just put the ball in the right place and the pitch will do the rest.” J. Newman (7-1-10-2) would put plenty in the “right place”, whilst apart from one woeful over (on his return), Mr. Reeves (7-1-20-1) would do the same. C. Roberts (5-0-18-0) found a couple of areas thought to be “roughly in the right place”, whereas J. Hoskins (4-0-27-0) looked palpably confused (as to where the “right place” would be). Howarth (2.1-0-15-0) hadn’t got a fucking clue, whereas P. Mellor (1-0-5-0) bemoaned his opportunity to at least try and find “the right place”, his one solitary over of aerial pie causing consternation in the Islip ranks.

With all this chatter of “right places”, it seemed the only person who nailed it truly was substitute / 12th man / disinterested mod rocker in work boots, Mr T. P. W. Smith. Masquerading as a deep square leg umpire under a canopy of trees, Thorn avoided any squally showers and undue gusts of wind whilst being perfectly positioned to retrieve errant MAD bowling from the surrounding hedgerows. Smart placement indeed.

1-1 became 9-2 became… er, 82-3 became 97-3 and game over (Farooq 30, O. Black 43*).

And thus it was done.

Islip 2014 empties soon after the match.

With the stalls and marquees now packing away, Mr. Henshaw counted up receipts, and whilst not the financial and morale sapping disaster that Woodstock 2013 proved to be, Islip 2014 could argue its successes in being such a hastily organised event.

With rival promoters now keen on staging a festival in May of 2015, we await with interest with our tie dye T-shirts, rainbow umbrellas and day-glow wellington boots….

‘Michael Lang’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Islip CC Played at Islip Sports Ground, 11 May 2014 Islip CC won the toss and elected to field Islip CC won by 7 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none

14 / 315 35 over match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. P. Turner	b Farooq	24	(74)	2	-	5-77
2	I. Howarth *	b Mishra	33	(49)	4	-	1-52
3	G. Carter	b Epton	1	(7)	-	-	2-55
4	P. A. S. Mellor	b Mishra	1	(3)	-	-	3-57
5	M. T. Westmoreland	b Farooq	8	(22)	-	-	4-74
6	S. L. P. Dobner +	not out	6	(25)	-	-	-
7	J. D. Hoskins	b Farooq	2	(5)	-	-	6-79
8	M. K. Reeves	b R. Washington	0	(2)	-	-	7-82
9	J. Newman-Robson	not out	8	(12)	1	-	-
10	C. D. Roberts
11	T. P. W. Smith
	Extras	(NB2, W4, LB1, B4)	11
	TOTAL	(for 7 wickets, 35 overs)	94

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	J. Washington	5	2	15	0
2	Venables	5	2	16	0
3	Mishra	7	0	18	2
4	Epton	6	0	13	1
5	Crawford	4	0	10	0
6	Farooq	6	2	15	3
7	R. Washington	2	0	2	1

Team	Islip CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. Henshaw	c Turner b Reeves	5		-	-	2-9
2	Sagmer	c Turner b Newman-Robson	0		-	-	1-1
3	Farooq	c Roberts b Newman-Robson	30		3	-	3-82
4	O. Black *	not out	43		6	1
5	A. Epton	not out	9		1	-
6	J. Washington
7	A. Mishra
8	Freddy +
9	H. Venables
10	K. Crawford
11	R. Washington
	Extras	(NB2, W5, LB2, B1)	10
	TOTAL	(for 3 wickets, 26.1 overs)	97

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Newman-Robson	7	1	10	2
2	Reeves	7	1	20	1
3	Hoskins	4	0	27	0
4	Roberts	5	0	18	0
5	Howarth	2.1	0	15	0
6	Mellor	1	0	5	0

MOTM: J. Newman-Robson Champagne Moment: C. D. Roberts’ juggling catch at short cow Buffet Award: I. Howarth’s short crust pasties (with extra cheese filling)

Opposition: V078 / 01 Ground: G069 / 01 Captain: C007 / 49