“Ten Years On”
Match: 15 / 344
Lost by 1 wkt
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
142 - 9 |
|
I.
Howarth 34, R. Turner
30 |
|
|
|
|
|
Cholsey CC |
143 - 9 |
|
L.
Ainsworth 4 - 27, M. Reeves
2 - 24 |
|
|
This match could have gone either way in the end,
twisting in plot as it did, over by over, but after a dramatic and contentious
finale, so it was that Mr D. Emerson remains the only MAD cricketer to have
savoured a successful result. In 2015 anyway. But, in all sincerity, good for
him – bastard. Earlier in the day, Mr. G. J. Timms became the first
non-northerner to skipper a MAD season opener in close to a decade. 10 years
have now elapsed since J. D. Hoskins took his troops into battle on a lumpy
football field by some train track; and how the personnel of that day would have
drooled at Cholsey CC’s new home in Fair Mile. Flanked by an imposing
Victorian mental asylum, a quaint reconstructed pavilion, ageing oak trees
and a modern housing estate costing a premium for the views, it was a world
away from… that other place.
The MAD cast
for the season opener in 2015. As was the case back in 2005, Mr. Timms correctly
guessed the coin toss incorrectly, and was rewarded by his opposite number,
Mr. Chapman, by having first crack on a questionable track seeing its first
action of the year. Still, with a star-studded batting line up that included
Reeves and Ainsworth as low as #8 and #9, maybe batting first was a good
thing? We would soon find out…. Progress was initially cautious, with Corporal Pearson
(12) exhibiting the timing of a fucked stopwatch, before a slightly more
rhythmic M. T. Westmoreland (12) fell foul of Chairman Bullock’s erect finger
to a ball hitting his left nipple. R. D. Lots of initials. Hadfield (10)
reminded everyone of his class, before reminding everyone he is a Sunday
cricketer for a reason, leaving a ball on his off stump. Laughter residing,
The MAD total wobbled on 47-3 (11.2 ovs).
Loving it.
Moo is in total agreement with his LBW. At #4 and #5, I. Howarth and R. P. Turner seem reasonably
at home, the latter’s obdurate consistency in contrast to his partner’s
splintered Tesco Value fireworks. Whatever their beef is with one another,
they seem to gel in tandem, and here they took the score to close to a ton
before Howarth (34) tried putting one in Wallingford – silly fucker. Just as he did a decade ago, Mr. Lots of initials.
Dobner (6) exited stage right with a SR of over 100.00, as didn’t Mr. M.
Bullock, another survivor of that day, who became the first MAD duck of the
season. Well done him, kind of. But at least Matt got a bat, because he
didn’t ten years ago. Actually, only three MAD players got a bat all those
years ago, and two of them no longer play for the club. So Steve is in a
special club of… one. With M. K. Reeves bashing 13 smashing runs off 11
amazing deliveries, it brought the criminally undervalued MAD Fantasy player
L. G. Ainsworth to the crease. A lot is expected of Lee, as it should be for
a cricketer who has cut his cloth in league circles, and he didn’t
disappoint, immediately running out the cumbersome Homer Turner (30), before
rewarding the bowling of A. Chapman (6-1-27-5) by standing in front of his
uprights (LBW). A quality virtuoso performance if ever there was and a
disaster for all those who picked Lee in their Fantasy teams (that would be
nearly everyone then).
Lee (left):
“So, it’s like this Russ – you’re old, your overweight, and I’m going to run
you out.” With G. J. Timms (1*) looking like grace and talent
personified, his maiden fifty was only denied by a lack of any more overs to
bowl and his inability to travel with a SR of 5000.00. Perennial #11, C. D.
Roberts (2*) added the final touches to a competitive MAD total of 142-9.
Good total? Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, time to eat, sit about, drink some
tea, fart and talk bollocks for a while. In reply, Cholsey revealed their hand early, with
antipodean opener Mr. C. Hansen, deciding anything of full length warranted a
full twatting. This act he performed with a certain degree of mastery and a
worrying amount of ease and power. He also twatted other stuff too; shite
down leg and shite outside off. So a lot of twatting to be done then. Fortunately for The MAD, at the other end, wickets
tumbled, with Ainsworth (6-0-27-4) redeeming his tattered reputation with a
classy spell of medium paced whirly-type stuff, which included a spectacular
C&B – a feat, which in all probability, prevented his team mates whiling
away the afternoon relocating his front teeth (and quite probably his head).
Lee’s accuracy with ball was complimented by Mr Reeves (6-1-24-2), who
finally snared a wicket after a couple of years of trying. They were
brilliant wickets too, clearly befitting a man of such a lofty Fantasy
Cricket valuation. The score now read 60-6.
“Bloody ‘ell,
how on earth did we….” At this stage of the game, the match was dead and
buried. Even if Mr Hansen continued on his merry way with twatting things in
gay abandon, he’d eventually run out of partners. But if one club knows how
to drag defeat from the jaws of victory, it is…. (No fucking prizes for
guessing….) Tall Bobby Roberts (6-0-28-1) was good, very good,
whereas Skipper Timms (6-0-38-0) wasn’t, though he will fare better as the
season progresses. So that’s 24 overs gone then, so who next? Pearson? Hmm,
okay. Howarth? Jesus…. A dearth of bowling options and assurance from the
Skipper, saw Pearson (3-0-9-0) tie things up nicely at one end (including a
run out) and Howarth (2.4-0-10-1) enjoy his death bowling at the other
(bowling R. Thomas for 15). Ten man Cholsey all out for 135 and poor Mr
Hansen stranded after a sublime 81 not out. Unlucky lads, you gave it a good
go, but in the end, you fucking lost. Viva Le MAD. Erm… not quite. You see, watching afar through Judas
eyes, atop a small mountain of discarded cider cans sat an “injured” Dave
Emerson. A man too crocked to play, too loyal a servant to take the place of
a fit member of our club, so hell with it, he could strap on the pads and bat
for Cholsey, right? He could wobble out to the crease as their #11, exchange
pleasantries with Steve behind the stumps, sneer at other members of his club, slog a herculean 1 not out
trying to break Ian’s bat, and thus ensure than Mr Hansen (88*) had a dancing
partner to hit the winning runs. Magic.
Up to the job
of sawing his mates off: Judas Emerson. (Ahem…) notwithstanding the plumb LBW in the final over
that had the aforementioned Hansen muttering “that was rather close”, our
praises must go to Mr. Chapman and his Cholsey colleagues for putting on such
a bloody good show. We lost, but we kinda won, with cricket most definitely a
winner. Here’s to a most rewarding 2015 gentlemen. We’ll see
you, David, in the coming weeks…. ‘I. N. Mate
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Cholsey
CC Played at Cholsey, 12 April 2015 Far from the MCC won the
toss and elected to bat Cholsey CC won by 1 wkt Far from the MCC debuts: none |
15 / 344 30 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. W. Pearson |
c Robertson b Williams |
12 |
(26) |
1 |
- |
2-36 |
|
2 |
M. T. Westmoreland |
lbw b Thomas |
12 |
(18) |
2 |
- |
1-19 |
|
3 |
R. J. B. Hadfield |
b Williams |
10 |
(21) |
2 |
- |
3-47 |
|
4 |
I. Howarth |
c Williams b Chapman |
34 |
(34) |
6 |
- |
4-96 |
|
5 |
R. P. Turner |
run out (Chapman) |
30 |
(54) |
1 |
- |
8-138 |
|
6 |
S. L. P. Dobner † |
b Chapman |
6 |
(5) |
1 |
- |
5-107 |
|
7 |
M. Bullock |
b Chapman |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
6-107 |
|
8 |
M. K. Reeves |
b Chapman |
13 |
(11) |
2 |
- |
7-132 |
|
9 |
L. G. Ainsworth |
lbw b Chapman |
0 |
(6) |
- |
- |
9-138 |
|
10 |
G. J. Timms * |
not out |
1 |
(1) |
- |
- |
- |
|
11 |
C. D. Roberts |
not out |
2 |
(2) |
- |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W10, LB2, B9 |
22 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 9 wickets, 30 overs) |
142 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Thomas |
6 |
1 |
22 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Williams |
6 |
0 |
23 |
2 |
|
|
3 |
Miners |
6 |
0 |
32 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
Hansen |
6 |
0 |
30 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Chapman |
6 |
1 |
27 |
5 |
|
|
6 |
Thomas |
6 |
1 |
22 |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Cholsey CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
P. Howe † |
c and b Ainsworth |
6 |
|
- |
- |
1-18 |
|
2 |
C. Hansen |
not out |
88 |
|
10 |
1 |
- |
|
3 |
S. Clayton-Chance |
c Reeves b Ainsworth |
9 |
|
2 |
- |
2-50 |
|
4 |
A. Chapman * |
lbw b Reeves |
0 |
|
- |
- |
3-52 |
|
5 |
B. Robertson |
b Ainsworth |
0 |
|
- |
- |
4-53 |
|
6 |
P. Sergeant |
b Ainsworth |
0 |
|
- |
- |
5-53 |
|
7 |
R. Chadwick |
b Reeves |
0 |
|
- |
- |
6-60 |
|
8 |
P. Miners |
c Ainsworth b Roberts |
16 |
|
3 |
- |
7-100 |
|
9 |
R. Thomas |
b Howarth |
15 |
|
1 |
- |
8-134 |
|
10 |
R. Williams |
run out (Dobner/Turner) |
0 |
|
- |
- |
9-135 |
|
11 |
D. Emerson |
not out |
1 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
W1, B7 |
8 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 9 wickets, 29.4 overs) |
143 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Ainsworth |
6 |
0 |
27 |
4 |
|
|
2 |
Reeves |
6 |
1 |
24 |
2 |
|
|
3 |
Roberts |
6 |
0 |
28 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Timms |
6 |
0 |
38 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Pearson |
3 |
0 |
9 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Howarth |
2.4 |
0 |
10 |
1 |
|
|
MOTM: L. G. Ainsworth Champagne Moment: L. G. Ainsworth’s
reactionary caught and bowled Buffet
Award: G. J. Timms’ gourmet lamb
burgers (with beef tomato and lettuce) |
Opposition:
V033 / 17 Ground: G070 / 02 Captain: C022 / 25 |