“MAD Victorious in Day-Nighter”

Match: 15 / 367

Won by 6 runs

Team	Total
FFTMCC	121
I. Howarth 37, N. Hill 22
Middleton Stoney CC	115 - 3
D. Shorten 3 - 14

Following on from 2014’s inaugural ‘amateur’ T20 day-nighter featuring these two protagonists, particular attention was paid to the winning of the toss. Success would merit whacking leather about in the embers of a warm and sunny July day, whilst failure would see club funds dipped into for the loaning of mining helmets and night vision binoculars.

Heads or tails, Mr. Shorten? Heads or tails? We couldn’t see or hear the outcome from fifty yards away, but we could see a broad smile manifesting itself upon the Skipper’s face – as he motioned to us all by smacking the air violently with his right hand. He’d won – you fucking beauty – and The MAD were to going bat first. Roles reversed from last year then. The club Treasurer would thus omit and audible sigh of relief.

Little did Matt (left) realise how unfunny running between the wickets would be later in the innings….

Having been instrumental in organising this particular fixture in the calendar, Mr. Turner was bestowed the honour of entertaining his family members by opening up – and they weren’t disappointed, arriving just too late to see their hero bowled for a third ball duck [“Phew” said Homer]. His partner in slogging, J. Hotson (4) looked slightly better, but his dismissal was seen by Russ’ family members – and cameraman I. Howarth circling the boundary. Ian will no doubt be gracious enough to pay royalties to Jake in the coming weeks for mounting said photo in The MAD’s much lauded Exhibition of Batting Incompetence.

The FFTMCC’s total was now given some impetus by Centrica drones N. Hill (22 off 12 balls) and G. Timms (5), with the former’s slow morphosis from baseball star into cricketing pinch-hitter coming on a gallop. Nick’s game is very simple: wait for the ball to be delivered, give it a modicum of thought, or none at all, and then give it the long handle, tonking the fucker as straight and as far as possible. Simple works or at least it does for Mr. Hill – so well done him.

Mr. Hill utilising one shot very well.

Experience also counts and there are no batsman more seasoned [or senile], than The MAD’s venerable duo of Howarth and Westmoreland – excellent choices to flesh out the middle order. Their last endeavour at Garsington was a joy to behold – both sat back on plastic chairs with ducks to their names in the first over, but here, both looked in prime form, with Westmoreland (5) to be frustrated by one that glanced from pad onto stump. Howarth (37) continued to play his shots as he boosted the visitors’ run rate, before misreading one of M. Simpson’s (4-2-11-3) well-disguised dobbers with fifty there for the taking. 74-6 (13 ovs).

Into the championship rounds with Mr. Shorten (17) cajoling cameos from Reeves (8) and Bullock (3) – leaving the tallest member of the team (Bob 0*) to think about heeding Mr. Dobner’s call for a single, not being swayed, and risking the wrath of the club’s seminal lunatic as they both headed back to the clubhouse in disgrace (Steve run out 6). MAD 121 all out and the cardinal sin committed by not batting out their overs. Tut tut.

The bowler just clears the washing line.

With the sun slipping slowly behind the trees and lengthening shadows eaten up by approaching darkness, the MSCC began their reply. Good bowling and energetic fielding would blunt the host’s run-rate, but that opening wicket would prove elusive. Dobner and Reeves (2-0-12-0) were both tidy, ditto the unlucky M. Westmoreland (3-0-20-0) – but as is usual these days, it was the talismanic Shorten who made the breakthrough, having N. Moorman caught by Reeves for 23. M. Ford-Langstaff (0) followed soon after to make it 50-2 (10 ovs).

With wickets refusing to fall and a run-rate refusing to accelerate, players and spectators alike knew this was going down to the wire. Timms (3-0-16-0) kept things in check, as would Roberts (3-0-14-0), but after Howarth (1-0-9-0) threw down some utter shite, it was left to the Shorten and Dobner show. Calculation: restrict MSCC to less than 15 runs off the final 2 overs = win.

Attempting to make amends for his piteous effort with the ball, Howarth now zeroed in on a ball tonked out into the darkness at a gloomy cow corner. Years ago he’d have swallowed it and thrown his shirt among adoring fans, but here, ageing paralysis saw him fail to lay a bloody hand on it. Thank heavens for his hernia, freshly stitched the previous year, the ball sinking nicely into his flesh as a disbelieving J. Mumtaz left for a studied 42.

Handy Shorten tonking to complement handy Shorten bowling.

Shorten (4-1-14-3) had done his job and so the small matter of bringing The MAD home fell to the celebrated X-Tesco shelf filler, Mr. S. L. P. Dobner. Since retiring from bowling some 7 or 8 years ago, and recovering from a series of life threatening injuries, Steve has been something of a revelation with the ball recently, proving to an absent R. J. B. Hadfield that it isn’t compulsory to leave a field fucked. Here, our Essex maverick bowled with consummate aplomb, keeping the hosts to 0s, 1s and 2s before populating the boundary.

New to the crease, it was an impossible ask for W. Harris (3*) to adjust his eyes to batting under moonlight, and try as he might, he could only lump a few shy of a distant boundary. MAD celebrations thus began in earnest, with Mr. Dobner chaired from the field – obviously anxious to get to the free barbeque before the ravenous R. P. Turner.

Not a bad zoom for a £250 Canon….

An excellent game of cricket all in all and a pleasure to guest with such hospitable hosts. MSCC’s free barbeque after midnight is a lovely touch, and one which was warmly appreciated, even if the extra £1 sell off at the end left Mr. Turner estranged from disgusted his wife and family.

‘Mr. D. Pan’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Middleton Stoney CC Played at Middleton Park, 30 July 2015 FFTMCC won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 6 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

15 / 367 20 over match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. C. W. Hotson	b J. Ford-Langstaff	4	(6)	-	-	1-4
2	R. P. Turner	b M. Simpson	0	(3)	-	-	2-4
3	N. S. Hill	b Harris	22	(12)	3	-	4-32
4	G. J. Timms	c and b Harris	5	(8)	1	-	3-31
5	I. Howarth	b M. Simpson	37	(32)	6	-	6-75
6	M. T. Westmoreland	b Vadivale	5	(12)	1	-	5-56
7	D. Shorten *	c M. Simpson b J. Ford-Langstaff	17	(18)	2	-	8-114
8	M. K. Reeves	b M. Simpson	8	(9)	1	-	7-85
9	S. L. P. Dobner	run out	6	(11)	1	-	10-121
10	M. Bullock †	run out	3	(3)	-	-	9-121
11	C. D. Roberts	not out	0	(1)	-	-	-
	Extras	NB4, W6, LB3, B1	14
	TOTAL	(all out, 18.3 overs)	121

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	J. Ford-Langstaff	3	0	19	2
2	M. Simpson	4	2	11	3
3	Harris	2.3	0	14	2
4	Vadivale	4	1	17	1
5	R. Simpson	2	0	20	0
6	M. Ford-Langstaff	2	0	15	0
7	Cole	1	0	18	0

Team	Middleton Stoney CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	N. Moorman †	c Reeves b Shorten	23	(30)	2	-	1-49
2	J. Mumtaz	c Howarth b Shorten	42	(44)	3	-	3-107
3	M. Ford-Langstaff	c Roberts b Shorten	0	(2)	-	-	2-50
4	A. Silverman	not out	31	(38)	2	-	-
5	W. Harris	not out	3	(7)	-	-	-
6	D. Cole *
7	G. Delaney
8	M. Simpson
9	J. Ford-Langstaff
10	S. Vadivale
11	R. Simpson
	Extras	NB1, W10, LB1, B4	16
	TOTAL	(for 3 wickets, 20 overs)	115

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Shorten	4	1	14	3
2	Dobner	4	0	23	0
3	Roberts	3	0	14	0
4	Reeves	2	0	12	0
5	Timms	3	0	16	0
6	Westmoreland	3	0	20	0
7	Howarth	1	0	9	0

MOTM: D. Shorten Champagne Moment: I. Howarth’s catch on the boundary (with hernia) Buffet Award: I. Howarth’s overdone sausage baps (with Value spicy ketchup)

Opposition: V079 / 02 Ground: G071 / 02 Captain: C016 / 11