Far from the MCC fines 05.08.16 v Hythe & Dibden CC (a) lost by 8 wkts

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

In a departure from the normal method of typing out recorded fines, herewith the actual pages from the ‘Fines Book’ that was used to transcribe transgressions on the Tour of Hampshire in 2016. Though many of the fines are tied to the game versus Hythe & Dibden CC, they do actually encompass all four days of the Tour – H&D was however the gasoline for the fire.

These lurid pages thought lost, then found, then lost again, then refound under a cat’s bowl in Cowley, offer a tantalising glimpse into the world of a MAD Tour. There are many hands at work in the book and many uses of the c___ word, so if you’re offended by the word “cunt” then probably best not to read on.

Disclaimer: CISCO in no way sponsored or endorsed these notes.

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*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership < 25 Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Uber (anything) – particularly arrogant, smug or condescending	£0.50
Extreme (anything) – particularly Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£1.00
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute* (* - Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00*
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2