“Champagne Conclusion”
Match: 16
/ 402
Won
by 15 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
220 - 8 |
|
I. Howarth 53*, J. Pearson
40 |
|
|
|
|
|
Pylewell Park CC |
205 - 7 |
|
I. Howarth 2 - 12, D. Shorten
2 - 18 |
|
|
Creaking bodies, sore
heads, one last push for Day 4 of Tour. Assembling outside Balti Towers for
one final time, Mr Reeves has already been criticised for having a “private”
breakfast before driving over Giant Duck and Ian Howarth’s kit bag. With time
at a premium, Sunday cricket’s finest ensemble decides to disassemble in
Lymington, opting for a quiet pint at the harbour front rather than a shit-kicking
down the Nelson. Nearby tables empty
quickly at the Ship Inn as the team talk candidly about Mr Robert’s bowels
and a pecking order for shitting in the only available toilet. Those in queue
after Mr R. P. Turner decide to hermetically seal for the day. A forgotten
fines book is perhaps a good thing, with most lunchtime diners in this
affluent and picturesque port town probably not that enthused in hearing the
word “cunt” banded about for 20 or so minutes.
Blackout juice (Prosecco) – a new MAD favourite. On arrival at Pylewell
Park, overhead clouds are soon blown away and Sunday’s match will be played
out under rich blue skies and a sapping heat. A defibrillation unit is
immediately administered to OAP Geoff Carter in the vein hope he is able to
conduct his duties as Skipper for the day and the requisite winning of the
toss. He would succeed with the first criteria, not the second; however the
genial hosts decide on chasing some leather anyway, for whatever reason that
may be. Sado-masochists? A delayed hangover is
blamed for a quite wretched day that is experienced by The MAD’s marquee
signing, Mr. L. G. Ainsworth. Disinterested in cashing in on a decent if
slowish track with a lightning fast outfield, he fucks about at the crease
and is castled for a 5 ball duck. Fucking around far less, Mr Pearson (40) is
ably assisted by some pleasing tonking from M Bullock (22) and customary
pulling from R. P. Turner (33) – whose efforts in guiding a wide on to his
stumps is acknowledged as being in the higher echelons of shit dismissals of the day.
Ainsworth (batting) making a fluent 0 off 5
balls. After audibly
criticising the run rate before discarding a bottle of Prosecco, a bristling
D. Shorten enters the fray, swinging wildly across a straight one to leave
for a second ball duck. As regards the cocktail of alcohol and sport, we
believe the penny may have dropped for Dave. MAD now limping on 126-5 (26
ovs). Averaging a derisory
7.33 on Tour thus far, Mr Howarth’s discordant mind and body finally click
into some sort of rhythm to help oversee a MAD lower order that plunders 94
runs off the final 9 overs. Amidst this maelstrom of tonking mayhem, Howarth (53*)
helps himself to 10 boundaries, Timms (12) chips in before chipping out
(rib-ticklingly funny), Reeves whacks 19 off just 8 balls, Hoskins clubs 10
off 6 balls, with messrs Roberts (9*) and Skipper Carter (1*) swinging from
the hip and somehow avoiding running themselves out.
Chairman Bullock (batting) on the tonk. Tea tastes great with
220 runs in the bank, but then tea always tastes great if you’re called Russell
Paul Turner. With members of both teams scrambling around for resultant
crumbs, the confines of a fascinating old thatched pavilion are studied by
The MAD. Time for a quick wallow in sadness that this pub team with no pub
don’t have their own home…. In reply, Pylewell
remain glued to the run-rate worm as I. Robertson (35) and M. Doe (34) send
the ball flying into the distance. Roberts (4-0-21-0) is off-key, much like
his backside, but Hoskins (7-1-36-2) seems unaffected by his new love of
Prosecco. Plumbing new depths of alcoholically afflicted incompetence, Mr
Ainsworth (3-0-25-0) buffets up, whilst Mr Pearson (5-0-35-1) is far more
assured from the same end. The home side’s march
for victory is now checked by D. Shorten (7-4-18-2), who to the casual
observer now appears to have shaken off the psychoactive, fizzy intoxication
of the French bubbles that were orbiting his brain. Reeves’ (5-0-33-0) knees
somehow get through 5 overs whilst his team mates grimace with his every
delivery – all leaving Pylewell requiring 31 runs off the final 3 overs.
The game is firmly in
the balance, with young H. Vaughan (38) displaying a talent that will surely
make him a star in years to come. He swats Timms (2-0-12-0) into a cornfield
before the defining moment arrives – driving Howarth (2-0-12-2) like a rapier
missile to Mr Turner at mid-off. Swiftly calculating he is unable to get out
the way, Turner clasps onto the ball before it rearranges his sunburnt face,
and with it, Pylewell hopes die. A weary but elated MAD
now encircle the scorebook, carrying out the usual popularist voting scheme,
hereby awarding accolades to the least deserving. JMO then alerts everyone to
a dwindling stock of Prosecco, and thus the fridge is emptied – as is
Howarth’s wallet. But if we can make a toast at the end of such a great match
and great Tour, then can we all please raise a glass of Prosecco to Mr Chris
Todd? Chris, who notched a
robust 27 against The MAD in 2015, sadly fell foul to the ills of nature a
few weeks ago, reminding us all that cricket is – and only ever will be –
simply a game.
Here’s to you, Mr Todd –
and on behalf of the Far from the MCC, may I say your cricket club has done
you proud on both our visits to Pylewell Park. Should they ever they wish to
Tour the fields of Oxfordshire in the coming years they will be warmly
received. Third Test update: Day Five,
Edgbaston – England 297 & 445-6, Pakistan 400 & 201. England won by
141 runs. ‘Spam’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Pylewell Park CC Played at Pylewell Park,
7 August 2016 Pylewell Park CC won the toss and elected to field Far from the MCC won by 15 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none |
16 / 402 35 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
L. G. Ainsworth |
b Kennedy |
0 |
(5) |
- |
- |
1-0 |
|
2 |
M. Bullock |
st Robertson b A. Vaughan |
22 |
(36) |
2 |
- |
2-44 |
|
3 |
J. W. Pearson |
c and b A. Vaughan |
40 |
(58) |
5 |
- |
3-83 |
|
4 |
R. P. Turner |
b A. Vaughan |
33 |
(39) |
3 |
- |
5-125 |
|
5 |
D. Shorten |
b A. Vaughan |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
4-83 |
|
6 |
I. Howarth |
retired |
53 |
(41) |
10 |
- |
- |
|
7 |
G. J. Timms |
c Doe b Gibson |
12 |
(13) |
1 |
- |
6-151 |
|
8 |
M. K. Reeves |
b Smith |
19 |
(8) |
3 |
1 |
7-182 |
|
9 |
J. D. Hoskins |
st Robertson b Russell |
10 |
(6) |
1 |
- |
8-207 |
|
10 |
C. D. Roberts |
not out |
9 |
(6) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
11 |
G. Carter *† |
not out |
1 |
(1) |
- |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
NB5, W8, LB2, B6 |
21 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 8 wickets, 35 overs) |
220 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Kennedy |
7 |
5 |
7 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Russell |
3 |
0 |
24 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Smith |
6 |
0 |
41 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
A. Vaughan |
7 |
0 |
44 |
4 |
|
|
5 |
H. Vaughan |
5 |
0 |
34 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Gibson |
4 |
0 |
38 |
1 |
|
|
7 |
Creed |
3 |
0 |
23 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note: I. Howarth retired at
206-7 (33.4 overs) |
||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Pylewell Park CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
A. Russell |
b Hoskins |
6 |
(13) |
1 |
- |
1-25 |
|
2 |
I. Robertson † |
c Pearson b Hoskins |
35 |
(41) |
7 |
- |
2-55 |
|
3 |
C. Mills |
lbw b Shorten |
9 |
(30) |
- |
- |
3-85 |
|
4 |
M. Doe |
b Pearson |
34 |
(28) |
6 |
- |
5-136 |
|
5 |
S. Smith |
lbw b Shorten |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
4-85 |
|
6 |
G. Kennedy * |
run out (Pearson/Timms) |
38 |
(56) |
6 |
- |
5-180 |
|
7 |
H. Vaughan |
c Turner b Howarth |
38 |
(24) |
4 |
1 |
6-190 |
|
8 |
J. Creed |
b Howarth |
1 |
(8) |
- |
- |
7-204 |
|
9 |
G. Gibson |
not out |
11 |
(6) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
10 |
B. Fraser |
not out |
1 |
(2) |
- |
- |
- |
|
11 |
A. Vaughan |
|
|
|
- |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W15, LB8, B8 |
32 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 7 wickets, 35 overs) |
205 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Roberts |
4 |
0 |
21 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Hoskins |
7 |
1 |
36 |
2 |
|
|
3 |
Shorten |
7 |
4 |
18 |
2 |
|
|
4 |
Ainsworth |
3 |
0 |
25 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Pearson |
5 |
0 |
35 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Reeves |
5 |
0 |
33 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Timms |
2 |
0 |
12 |
0 |
|
|
8 |
Howarth |
2 |
0 |
12 |
2 |
|
|
MOTM: J. W. Pearson Champagne Moment: R. P. Turner’s catch of
H. Vaughan near end of match Buffet
Award: L. G. Ainsworth’s roast
salmon with hasselback potatoes |
Opposition:
V084 / 02 Ground: G076 / 02 Captain: C025 / 01 |