“Arguments Rage
As Cricket Ball Gets a Thrashing”
Match: 16
/ 396
Won
by 27 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
214 - 6 |
|
M. Westmoreland 87, D. Shorten
40* |
|
|
|
|
|
Wootton & Bladon CC |
187 - 7 |
|
G. Timms 3 - 26, M. Reeves
2 - 22 |
|
|
Sunday’s match against one
of The MAD’s oldest and bitterest rivals would bring the curtain down on what
had been a most successful triumvirate of cricket matches at the Brasenose
College Sports Ground. A mini-festival of sporting par-excellence synched
with belated upblasts of hot sticky weather from southern Europe. Following
on from a nerve-jangling victory against Warwick University’s finest gin
quaffing XI on the Friday, The Boys of The MAD rolled up their sleeves for
one final push. With scores tied at 1-1 over the extended weekend, it was all
to play for against the corpulent ranks of Wootton & Bladon CC.
Dr Doolittle. Following on from the
visitor’s decision to field first, the hosts relaxed back into a row of
striped deckchairs to divide their time between enjoying the action and entering
into a colourful debate concerning the rigours of standing up. Yep – the
arduous, nay intolerable business of using your legs to… stand… up. “I’m shattered”,
decried Timms. “All this standing around over the past few days has really
gotten to me.” “Standing up? For fuck’s sake,” exclaimed Shorten. “How can
standing up be so fucking tiring? Jesus
Christ, man….” The camp was split in two – and it goes down as one of the
most pathetic, mind-numbing discussions in recent MAD history…. Out in the middle it became
apparent that if Phil Tufnell were guesting for the opposition, he would be
by far and away their quickest bowler. Wootton would work through an armoury of
spin, loop, flight, darts, pie and nondescript flan as they methodically
twirled their way through 35 overs of gloop. Pearson (0), Turner (20) and
Howarth (11) would all struggle with the tortuous pace, whilst Webster (18) underlined
his credentials as the worst runner
in the club by simply deciding to run himself out. This after he had firstly*
run Mr. Ainsworth (13) out. Or did Lee actually run himself out?
Ainsworth (centre) discovers the joys of running
with Webster. We now look into this
incident* in greater detail, with both batsmen stood at the same end
discussing world politics, whilst the umpires quickly download the MCC’s laws
of cricket governing run outs. So, which
is the batsman’s ground? Well, it remains [Webster’s] ground even if he is later joined there by the other
batsman (Ainsworth). But, what if Webster leaves his ground, even
momentarily, is it still his – or is
it now Ainsworth’s? We pick up the dialogue caught on stump mic…. Ainsworth: “F___ sake, Jan. Just
f___ing run!” Webster: “Good gosh man, there was never a
single there, and nor is there to the best of my acutest calculations.” Ainsworth: “F___ing
unbelievable. You left your ground you c___!” Webster: “Your assertion would appear untrue,
Mr Ainsworth, or at least the first part of your second sentence is untrue –
since redirecting my angle of vision to look in a downwards direction, it
would suggest both my feet are in fact behind the popping crease.” Ainsworth: “I’m the senior batsman
here you d___head!” Webster: “And whilst I concur with your last
statement, with it comes the minor caveat of, erm… you being out.”
Westmoreland (batting) survives being given out
by his team mates. An extremely impressive MAD
total of 214-6 would be largely attributable to the only two home batsmen to time a ball during most the afternoon.
Having been consoled by his family after Friday’s dismissal to a no-ball, Mr
M. T. Westmoreland (87) dusted off a season’s worth of frustrations by
flaying the Wootton bowling to all parts. It was great to see, and a timely
reminder than when Mooman clicks, he really
clicks. We’d like him to click a little more you understand, but then maybe
we should stop inventing various ways to give him out? Just a thought. In the dying overs, MAD
spirits would be then lifted to the higher echelons of orgasmic euphoria, with
Mr Shorten combining those builder’s shoulders and a kitchen sink to clobber
an unbeaten 40* off just 18 balls. It was tonking of the highest calibre from
the Club’s Premier Tonkmeister. Mike Reeves (0*) also batted, or rather
wandered out to stand at the non-strikers end – and in doing so, formed 50%
of a titillating *new* MAD partnership strike-rate record (of sorts), by
adding a quite amazing 9 runs off the final ball of the innings (two runs
were scampered off a wide followed by a majestic, awe-inspiring Shorten hoik
for a maximum).
Webster sets off on another perilous single…. Flapjack time and time
for Mike to take the credit for his long suffering wife’s culinary
endeavours. However, for the second time in the day, another heated debate now
raged over allocated flapjack allowance. Certain players were now bitterly
complaining over an empty tray than purportedly started with two dozen
slices. 24 divided by 22 less Derek Hambridge means at least 1.04 flapjacks a
head. This clearly was not the case, and the need for players to scamper
outside to pull covers on during a mid-innings downpour probably prevented a
full blown riot…. Talking of Mr Reeves,
his opening salvo (7-2-22-2) during the Wootton riposte was exemplary. This
is a man considered by Howarth to have been “fucking shite in his Marlborough
days”, but now has it on a shoelace, despite a career threatening knee injury
which has used up Sports Direct’s quota of pink muscle tape support. Here he
castled the dangerous T. Clapham (19) before having D. Floyd (5) nonchalantly
taken at skip by Howarth. DeBono (12) would fall a
little later and thereon the pitch would resemble a driving range as Messrs
Doggett and Ryan teed off. 3-irons, 5-irons, 1-woods and an occasional pitching wedge were the order of
the day as Ainsworth (6-0-27-0), Shorten (7-0-38-1) and Hoskins (7-0-36-0)
all sailed down the fairway. Hell, even Holly Rood Catholic Church found
itself within striking distance. The partnership of 115 between [Gary] Doggett
and M. Ryan should be applauded, especially taking into context the
difficulty of chasing down 8 or 9 an over for a sustained period of play. It
wasn’t slogging, but selective hitting – and if it wasn’t for Gary’s buggered
body refusing to hobble anything other than singles to complement the many boundaries,
this game would have gone right to the wire. As it was, it was Pearson (3-0-24-1)
who eventually made the breakthrough (Ryan 64) and with it Fat Boy hopes
died. Time enough for Timms (5-1-26-3) to bring himself on and accrue some
cheeky wickets at the death – as is his want it would seem.
In summation, an
excellent match played in excellent spirit. A feather in the cap for Sunday
cricket and we look forward to playing our perennial rivals next year. We
also hope for a more generous supply of flapjacks. ‘Tonk Envy’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Wootton
& Bladon CC Played at Brasenose College, 24 July
2016 Wootton & Bladon CC
won the toss and elected to field Far from the MCC won by 27 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none |
16 / 396 35 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
M. T. Westmoreland |
c MacDonough b Dale |
87 |
(100) |
13 |
1 |
4-141 |
|
2 |
J. W. Pearson |
b Saxby |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
1-7 |
|
3 |
R. P. Turner |
lbw b Ryan |
22 |
(44) |
2 |
- |
2-87 |
|
4 |
I. Howarth |
c Hambridge b Ryan |
11 |
(18) |
- |
- |
3-126 |
|
5 |
L. G. Ainsworth |
run out |
13 |
(15) |
2 |
- |
5-151 |
|
6 |
J. vdG. Webster |
run out |
18 |
(17) |
2 |
- |
6-205 |
|
7 |
D. Shorten |
not out |
40 |
(18) |
4 |
2 |
- |
|
8 |
M. K. Reeves |
not out |
0 |
(0) |
- |
- |
- |
|
9 |
G. J. Timms * |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
J. C. W. Hotson † |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
J. D. Hoskins |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
NB3, W14, LB4, B2 |
23 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 6 wickets, 35 overs) |
214 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Saxby |
7 |
2 |
21 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
MacDonough |
5 |
1 |
24 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Hambridge |
5 |
0 |
40 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
Hayward |
3 |
0 |
19 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Ryan |
7 |
0 |
39 |
2 |
|
|
6 |
Dale |
5 |
0 |
33 |
1 |
|
|
7 |
Barber |
2 |
0 |
25 |
0 |
|
|
8 |
Floyd |
1 |
0 |
8 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Wootton & Bladon CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Floyd |
c Howarth b Reeves |
5 |
|
- |
- |
2-41 |
|
2 |
T. Clapham |
b Reeves |
19 |
|
4 |
- |
1-26 |
|
3 |
G. Dogget † |
c Reeves b Timms |
65 |
|
8 |
- |
6-181 |
|
4 |
D. De Bono |
c Timms b Shorten |
12 |
|
2 |
- |
3-59 |
|
5 |
M. Ryan * |
b Pearson |
64 |
|
8 |
2 |
4-174 |
|
6 |
J. MacDonough |
st Hotson b Timms |
1 |
|
- |
- |
5-181 |
|
7 |
W. Dale |
not out |
2 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
8 |
A. Hambridge |
b Timms |
0 |
|
- |
- |
7-186 |
|
9 |
R. Saxby |
not out |
1 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
10 |
J. Barber |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
N. Hayward |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
NB2, W8, B8 |
18 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 7 wickets, 35 overs) |
187 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Reeves |
7 |
2 |
22 |
2 |
|
|
2 |
Ainsworth |
6 |
0 |
27 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Timms |
5 |
1 |
26 |
3 |
|
|
4 |
Shorten |
7 |
0 |
38 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
Hoskins |
7 |
0 |
36 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Pearson |
3 |
0 |
24 |
1 |
|
|
MOTM: M. T. Westmoreland Champagne Moment: M. K. Reeves’
inswinging yorker to remove T. Clapham Buffet
Award: J. W. Pearson’s tangerine
sponge cake (with extra thick custard) |
Opposition:
V027 / 23 Ground: G040 / 53 Captain: C022 / 49 |