“Pie Storm Devastates Small Village of Aldworth”

Match: 16 / 382

Won by 6 wkts

Team	Total
Aldworth CC	62
C. Roberts 3 - 9, M. Westmoreland 2 - 6
FFTMCC	63 - 4
L. Ainsworth 27*

Well this was it, the day The MAD had waited for eagerly, it was Cup time. The chance to bring silverware back to a non-existent trophy cabinet in a non-existent clubhouse. And there was no denying that this extra slice of competition did have us that little extra bit more ready for a game of cricket. Timms had specifically requested a 12.30 gathering at the ground – a full 1.5 hours before the start, and everyone was there. Except Timms, he arrived at 1pm, said nothing about tactics and quickly downed a beer. That was his special test, his clever preparation for us, it worked for Spam at least because he had time for at least three jars of ale.

So we gathered in the absolute middle of nowhere which is Aldworth, population about 100 at the Bell Inn, which curiously had about 400 people in it. It was about the busiest pub I have ever been in ever and it was in the middle of nowhere. Odd. So a bit pissed from the extra mindset preparation time we wandered over to the ground which is next to the pub. A beautiful ground in a beautiful setting, and I deeply regretted not bringing my dog Midge along. She would have had a wonderful time trying to catch and maim wildlife and failing for hour after hour such were the expansive fields beyond the alternately planted green then red leafed trees that were dotted around the boundary. So, alas instead she had to watch from home on her drone cam which she skillfully manoeuvred with one paw. There were a few laser flashes in the cornfields during the game and that was little Midge killing rabbits. WARNING: Don’t let your dog play Xbox 360 all night this is what happens.

So we were anticipating a hard fought game – the winner would go through to the semi-final after having already made it all the way to the quarter finals having been invited to compete. Timms won the toss again, that’s five in a row. How does he do it? Simple. He practices at home a lot and always calls tails. I don’t know how it helps exactly, but it is working and so Aldworth were invited to have a bat. There was some quite proper warm up from The MAD which is not something you see every day and then we started at 2pm.

Salad opened the bowling and was tight and accurate and quick and is customary with that sort of bowling did not get a wicket to reward such skill and effort. Bob on the other hand was looking a bit jittery. You can tell how Bob (3-1-9-3) is feeling about things by his run up. At its worst he comes to an almost standstill before delivery. When he is pumped up he uses his speed and large stature to generate pace and bounce which make him one of our best bowlers. The pressure was on today and he was near a dead stop for his first delivery which was a looping ball that hit the batsman’s pads and went into the stumps. Then there was a four, a couple of wides and then I think off the ninth ball of the over another looping ball and a defensive prod from the batsman and another wicket bowled. 10 balls in the over and 2 wickets. A brilliant start, but a bit weird as well. But that’s Bob – he’s a wicket taker.

Salad had his second over. Another tight maiden. This was to be his last and cruel to have figures of 2-2-0-0 and then get fined for Opening Bowler no Wicket. But, well, we all found that quite funny really. And so the fourth over yielded Bob his third wicket – this time another high looping delivery had that batsman swishing wildly and missing. It was about 10-3 now and what’s this... a child is walking in to bat! This is not how I imagined the Cup game to be! So, Salad was removed from the attack for bowling too quickly, Bob also for… I suppose being too successful, to be replaced by Timms and Moo.

Giant Duck (right) is ducknapped and now held somewhere in Aldworth awaiting a ransom.

We all know the story; we aren’t meant to talk about it, Moo for the last 27 years has had the bowling yips. Oops, was I meant to say that? They struck when Moo was on 99 club wickets, that was back in 1985 when Moo was 14 years old. It’s been that long. By coincidence his club catches have been accumulating as well so that he was poised on 98 as well. We could all smell the history in the big pie oven. As it turned out Moo no longer has the Yips. Yips yips yips yips yips. Say it as much as you want. Send Yip mail to him in the post. Leave a voicemail message from Yipland. It won’t make the slightest difference. He got his wicket and then another and finished with 5-3-6-2. Well done Moo. And then he caught two catches as well. So that’s 100. Well done Moo again. And then Timms got two wickets and so he has got 100 wickets. Well done Timms (4.4-0-9-2). It’s like waiting for a bus. Life and cricket is going to be so boring now that all of these milestones are gone in one game….

Right, that’s Club Records out of the way. Let’s get back to painting the picture of what was unfolding. Basically, Bob bowled out their top order (3-1-9-3).  Following this there were lots of children. Four I think we counted. One after the other. Russ came on and bowled a lengthy spell (5-0-31-2). He went for a few, but if you get it in the right area a spot of flan gets wickets. And there was plenty of flan on offer. Even Pearson slowed it down a notch (3-0-7-1). By Aldsworth’s own admission – they were woefully under resourced, and Timms had little option with so few runs on the board and with so many young ‘uns batting, to simply unleash the whole bakery at them. There were pies flying in from everywhere. There were custard tarts, strawberry jelly cakes, wobbly jammy blancmange filled scone doughnuts, Easter bunny topped chocolate sprinkled iced finger trifles – and at the end of it all we left the field dripping in cake and jam and cream. It did the job mind. Aldworth bowled out for 62. 

Ainsworth (27*) – as ever, the rock around The MAD reply.

The chase, as you might hope for in this circumstance was relatively straightforward. Timms opted for Shorten to open the batting with Ainsworth. Shorten departed for 17 after being bowled by and 8 year old (an exaggeration), Lee held it all together (27*), but with the fall of the first wicket on 41 the game was really done. But let us not gloss over some of the other 4 wickets to fall. No, no, no. As I now know, two weeks on from the game, Spam has been having shameful feelings, self-loathing at attempting to cart said 8 year old out of the ground on his second ball only to also be skittled. “I could have ruined his confidence, his whole life chances – the arrogance, the lack of respect for Aldworth….” – these are the thoughts of the sleepless Spam in the coming days. Well, it’s sorted you right out, hasn’t it? – 2 fifties since then and now looking to value your wicket. Oh, for the record – it was just really, really, funny. There’s nothing better than seeing one of your best batsmen get bowled by a child, and the said minor, a youthfully exuberant B. Newing (3.1-0-14-3), will have sky high confidence now. You did him a favour, Ian.

Roberts (4) came and went quickly – getting bowled by the same aforementioned young lad and Moo (2) holed out to an excellent catch at mid-on. Newman would finish on 3* not out. For the record: Aldworth CC did have some decent bowling and another 50 runs would have made it much more interesting….

Dearly departed (Westmoreland – right).

So, onto the semi-finals where we will expect a tougher challenge. But, thanks to Aldworth – for great company, a beautiful ground – just a shame for them they had so many players away. Oh – and the pub which had 423 people in at lunch was now deserted and closed. People from Aldworth live under the ground in burrows – it’s the only rational explanation. So we ended the day at a different pub on a beer verge on the other side of a busy road from the actual pub. There were no road traffic injuries ferrying drinks I am pleased to report.

‘Lego’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Aldworth CC Played at Aldworth, 15 May 2016 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field Far from the MCC won by 6 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none

16 / 382 Friendly Cup Quarter Final 40 over Friendly Cup match

Team	Aldworth CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	B. Gardener	b Roberts	0				2-8
2	P. Jones	b Roberts	0				1-0
3	J. Wood	b Roberts	5				3-10
4	B. Newing	b Westmoreland	2				4-11
5	W. Baker	c Westmoreland b Timms	0				5-13
6	M. Gregory *	lbw b Pearson	30				9-56
7	E. Jenkin	b Westmoreland	6				6-41
8	W. Newing	b Turner	0				7-51
9	E. Webber	c Westmoreland b Turner	0				8-51
10	S. Giles	not out	2				-
11	R. Meades	st Carter b Timms	4				10-62
	Extras	W13	13
	TOTAL	(all out, 22.4 overs)	62

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Newman-Robson	2	2	0	0
2	Roberts	3	1	9	3
3	Timms	4.4	0	9	2
4	Westmoreland	5	3	6	2
5	Turner	5	0	31	2
6	Pearson	3	0	7	1

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	D. Shorten	b B. Newing	17	(27)	3	-	1-41
2	L. G. Ainsworth	not out	27	(51)	2	-	-
3	I. Howarth	b B. Newing	0	(2)	-	-	2-41
4	C. D. Roberts	b B. Newing	4	(4)	1	-	3-51
5	M. T. Westmoreland	c Wood b W. Newing	2	(7)	-	-	4-54
6	J. Newman-Robson	not out	3	(6)	-	-	-
7	D. Emerson
8	G. Carter †
9	J. W. Pearson
10	R. P. Turner
11	G. J. Timms *
	Extras	W9, LB1	10
	TOTAL	(for 4 wickets, 16.1 overs)	63

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Baker	2	1	5	0
2	Jones	3	0	10	0
3	Webber	3	0	13	0
4	Gregory	2	0	9	0
5	B. Newing	3.1	0	14	3
6	W. Newing	2	0	7	1
7	Jenkin	1	0	5	0

MOTM: M. T. Westmoreland Champagne Moment: M. T. Westmoreland’s catch over his shoulder by boundary Buffet Award: R. P. Turner’s extra fat burgers with extra fat cheese

Opposition: V087 / 01 Ground: G079 / 01 Captain: C022 / 43