“Lessons Unlearnt: Part II”

Match: 17 / 431

Lost by 15 runs

Team	Total
Middleton Stoney CC	112 - 6
J. Hoskins 2 - 22
FFTMCC	97
J. Hoskins 17*, J. Hotson 15

Following on from the demoralising and inexcusably limp batting display on Sunday, a hastily assembled MAD board of selectors sat and passed judgement. In an attempt to reverse a recent slump in MAD form, particularly in the batting department, out went Carter, Darley, Shorten and Rundle and in came Ainsworth, Bullock, Hoskins and Smith. Somehow other members involved in the Astons fiasco escaped the chop, but knives were sharpening….

A midweek fixture synonymous with a charming and leafy little ground, Middleton Stoney CC are your atypical blend of paunch and youth, where the lesser members of the team are complemented with those of league pedigree. Previous visits to the stately park have yielded defeats in deteriorating light and tonkings off the bat of the egotistical R Simpson. On this evening however, both of those excuses for a further drop in MAD standards were notable by their absence.

Not wishing to fly in the face of fashion, Office Cadet Pearson (2-0-7-1) quickly lost the toss and as penance opened the bowling with Chris Roberts (4-0-15-1). Both bowled with aplomb and with the greatest of all flan throwers this side of a bespoke Italian bakery (Hoskins 4-1-22-2), MSCC were wobbling on 31-4. Their innings would be rescued firstly by Westmoreland dropping J Springer when on not a lot, and then by J Springer (49) bashing it about a bit. Smith (4-1-31-0) was off song, Timms (4-0-17-2) more attuned and Howarth (2-0-13-0) steady but slightly out of key. A Middleton total of 112-6 was considered par at best.

James’ intelligent deployment of his pie chuckers (Hoskins, Smith and Timms) would afford his batsmen far better light due to a quicker turnaround and first innings. However you would think Turner was batting blindfolded at midnight (6 off 18 balls). Hotson (15) would impress and Mr Hoskins (17* off 12) was a revelation, the only fly in the ointment being the woeful demise of all who preceded him.

A whimsical post-match speech by Middleton’s Mr Lee, would praise the eight catches his team took, which in his own words was “astonishing for a team who can’t catch.” Less astonishing was the efforts of The MAD batsmen who couldn’t bat. Westmoreland (9) bemoaned his last decent knock in 2006, Ainsworth (7) retired from T20 cricket after hitting a full toss to a bloke stood alone in twenty hectares of space, Howarth (9) hit yet another tee shot to mid on, Pearson’s pads (caught 14) let him down again, Timms (0) was out playing “one of the best of shots of [his] life”, Bullock (5) wished the football season had started, Smith (1) picked out the other guy stood alone in twenty hectares of space, and Roberts (2) decided he would simply just run himself out.

97 all out, but at least there weren’t 60 balls left wanting.

Westmoreland – just about to give some more catching practise.

So why do The MAD keep repeating the same basic mistakes? Why are we so fucking stupid? And why keep playing this utterly depressing and infuriating bloody game…?

Well, it might not be all bad, or entirely our fault, so please read on, as the clue might be in our name you see. One of the Founding Fathers of the United States, Benjamin Franklin, was certainly no brain scientist, but he was however a keen observer of human behaviour. Born a couple of centuries too early to explore the intricate neuronal interplay of physics and biochemistry, he famously defined insanity as “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” This lauded 18th-century polymath was really being more intuitive than rigorously scientific, but he could easily have been describing and justifying The MAD.

We, the Far from the MCC are The MAD.

Not stupid, just mad.

I feel much better already, thanks Benjamin. And I look forward in earnest to getting caught at mid on in the next game I’m picked.

‘C. Ulpable’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Middleton Stoney CC Played at Middleton Park, 12 July 2017 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field Middleton Stoney CC won by 15 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

17 / 431 20 over match

Team	Middleton Stoney CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. Moorman	b Pearson	15		2	-	1-19
2	M. Ford-Langstaff	b Hoskins	3		-	-	2-22
3	S. Pettit	b Hoskins	9		-	1	4-31
4	J. Mumtaz	c Westmoreland b Roberts	0		-	-	3-23
5	J. Springer	b Timms	49		5	2	5-111
6	S. Vadivale †	c Westmoreland b Timms	23		1	-	6-112
7	E. Delaney	not out	1		-	-	-
8	H. Lancaster
9	J. Ford-Langstaff
10	J. Watson
11	S. Lee *
	Extras	NB1, W6, LB4, B1	12
	TOTAL	(for 6 wickets, 20 overs)	112

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Roberts	4	0	15	1	3.75
2	Pearson	2	0	7	1	3.50
3	Hoskins	4	1	22	2	5.50
4	Smith	4	1	31	0	7.75
5	Timms	4	0	17	2	4.25
6	Howarth	2	0	13	0	6.50

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. P. Turner	c Lee b J. Ford-Langstaff	6	(18)	1	-	1-18
2	J. C. W. Hotson	lbw b Lee	15	(20)	1	-	3-41
3	M. T. Westmoreland	c J. Ford-Langstaff b Watson	9	(10)	2	-	2-36
4	L. G. Ainsworth	c J. Ford-Langstaff b Moorman	7	(11)	1	-	4-51
5	I. Howarth	c Moorman b Pettit	9	(10)	-	-	5-57
6	J. W. Pearson *	c and b Lee	14	(14)	1	1	7-76
7	G. J. Timms	c Mumtaz b Pettit	0	(3)	-	-	6-67
8	M. Bullock †	c Moorman b Pettit	5	(8)	-	-	8-78
9	J. D. Hoskins	not out	17	(12)	3	-	-
10	T. P.W. Smith	c Mumtaz b Moorman	1	(5)	-	-	9-84
11	C. D. Roberts	run out	2	(4)	-	-	10-97
	Extras	B12	12
	TOTAL	(all out, 19.1 overs)	97

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	J. Ford-Langstaff	4	1	11	1	2.75
2	Watson	4	0	20	1	5.00
3	Moorman	3.1	0	9	2	2.84
4	Lee	4	0	13	2	3.25
5	Pettit	4	0	30	3	7.50

MOTM: J. D. Hoskins Champagne Moment: J. D. Hoskins’ second wicket Buffet Award: T. P. W. Smith’s warm quinoa with grilled halloumi MAD Moment: n/a

Opposition: V079/ 04 Ground: G071 / 04 Captain: C021 / 08 Match No: 20 / 105