“Day of the Drink”
Match: 17
/ 421
Lost by
125 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
Battisford &
District CC |
283 |
|
M. Reeves 3 - 34, M. Bullock
2 - 41 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
158 |
|
D. Emerson 26, J. Hotson
20 |
|
|
Buggering off en masse for a lads weekend away, slipping backwards
through the gears of clarity, Tour is the holy grail of any cricket season. Results and averages
are mostly forgotten, as a wave of alcoholic idiocy and male-bonding takes
precedent. But without the commitment of those willing to host, these
indelible memories would never come to fruition, which is why this club will always try and oblige, despite
a fixtures itinerary as cramped as a Glaswegian police cell. Foremost to any game is a ground. The Far from the
MCC don’t have a ground, not that we own, so in the unlikely event of anyone
reading this shite and having one spare, then we’d be more than appreciative.
Especially if you can chuck in a striking pavilion and a subsidised bar, such
as the University Club in the centre of town, the venue for this particular
game.
The Batty Bus. To source a ground you also
need a contact. Howarth knows a few, Turner and Carter too, whereas Reeves
indulges himself with the chaos and migraine of local councils. However the
legwork and thanks for this particular match must go to The MAD’s perennial
university workhorse, Mr Darley. Having undertaken two decades of taxiing
Tory speakers to and from high class call girls, Andy has been rewarded by
job regression and his understudies become his overstudies. As a result that charismatic,
unflappably buoyant outlook on the world had slowly morphed into the darkened,
brooding netherworld inhabited by everyone else. Nagging and sarcastic emails
aside, and despite having a wedding to attend, Darley even agreed to ferry Captain
Howarth and Emerson to the ground, meet and greet the Norfolk tourists and park
their team bus in a zone of non-clamping. Stirling effort Mr Darley and I
promise to never ever mention your
chauffeuring of politicians to brothels in the match report. So what was known about
these Batty Boys? If you went from the flippantly engaging texts from Henry
Ruffel, then this Battisford & District CC party were a youthful, handy
league collective with a particular penchant for getting pissed. Their
website wouldn’t corroborate the drinking, but it was taken as a given, just
like somewhere in Norfolk over weekend someone is getting bumped off by a
serial killer. Rolling out The MAD carpet
and taking a fun-filled hammering is one thing, but how to make a game
vaguely competitive when the skills and talents of two teams are so
dissimilar? Get them out on the piss beforehand obviously, lapping up
Oxford’s romantic architecture and history, and perving at the pretty Uni
ladies celebrating their honours with champagne and party sprays.
One Turf Tavern, Kings
Arms and Uni bar later and having been invited into bat; it soon became clear
the tourists weren’t as inebriated as first thought. Reeves (5-0-34-3)
enhanced his evergreen reputation by dismissing the ones who were pissed, whereas Newman (7-0-36-2)
didn’t, despite having five slips and plenty to say
for himself, mostly utter crap. 33-3 quickly became an
inky scribble in the scorebook with the bar staff struggling to keep apace with the boozing. Out in the middle and away from
the stench of beer and cider, farmer C Bull’s agricultural smear of 100 (retired)
would prove a highlight of the day. He was ably supported by boyish C
Morrell, who somehow made 69 whilst trying to differentiate which of four
balls he was seeing was for real. Emerson (3-0-28-0) and Hoskins (4-0-46-0) copped
some flack, whilst South African import Cornelius Vermaak (4-0-39-0) had a
debut to hold dear.
Emerson was considered vulnerable outside off. Under the circumstances,
The MAD bowling on the whole was pretty good, as it is when you’re pissed,
but The MAD fielding was certainly not, as it isn’t when you’re pissed.
Bullock (4-0-42-2) got a couple to rip inbetween the ones that landed in the
science blocks, Rundle (3-0-24-1) didn’t get anything do anything inbetween
the ones that landed in the science blocks, Pearson (2-0-14-1) was militarily
on point inbetween the ones that landed in the science blocks, Timms
(1-0-13-0) simply bowled from the science blocks, and Howarth (0.3-0-1-1)
came on at the end to avoid the science blocks. Time during the tea
interval was divided up into decoding the illegible scorebook, watching
Battisford eat all of Mike’s teas and queueing up at the bar to get another
round in. Those who were previously tipsy were now pissed and those who were
shitfaced were now asleep.
All out aggression form batsman Timms. On resumption and with a
cursory 283 to defend, the visitors sensibly decided to bowl their batsmen, who
were at least the equal of The MAD batsmen who were playing as batsmen. An
entertaining opening stanza by Emerson (26) and Hotson (20) quickly subsided
for a procession of home team players to get in and then get out. Actually,
Pearson (3), Howarth (8), Hoskins (0) and Vermaak (6) didn’t really get in,
and henceforth missed the drinks break which consisted of several more jugs
of beer. With BDCC wanting to
prolong the contest to avoid jaundice, one of their right handed bowler
bowlers even tried his luck using his left. I can’t remember his name, and in
fact at this point in the match I can’t really remember a fucking lot, safe
to say their vested interests were compounded by blurry eyed batsmen. A total
of 158 all out was achieved with some late cameos from Rundle (13), Timms (18),
Newman (8) and Bullock (8*), shortly before a curtain call and applause for
Reeves (15) who was run out for the umpteenth time this season.
Boozing continued
unabated into the twilight hours with the visitors’ singing about Croatian
soldiers, farm animals, dogs and Norfolk homicides, with an incorrect order
preceding the downing of a pint. Others made us of Hoskins’ mongoose bat to
crack balls into the darkness for others to catch, whilst myself and the remaining
MAD were beginning to ponder the repercussions of playing the Lemmings the
following day. ‘Captain Unfantastic’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Battisford
& District CC Played at University Club, 10 June
2017 Battisford & District CC
won the toss and elected to bat Battisford & District CC won by 125 runs Far from the MCC debuts: Cornelius
Johannes Vermaak (141) |
17 / 421 35 over match |
|
Team |
Battisford & District CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
A. Fairfull |
c Rundle b Reeves |
3 |
|
- |
- |
1-4 |
|
2 |
J. Peacock |
b Reeves |
8 |
|
2 |
- |
2-17 |
|
3 |
C. Morrell |
c Vermaak b Bullock |
69 |
|
9 |
2 |
|
|
4 |
A. Rudge |
c Bullock b Reeves |
14 |
|
1 |
1 |
3-33 |
|
5 |
C. Bull * |
retired out |
100 |
|
19 |
1 |
- |
|
6 |
R. Armstrong |
c Hotson b Rundle |
6 |
|
- |
1 |
|
|
7 |
A. Whitefield |
c Newman-Robson b Bullock |
9 |
|
2 |
- |
|
|
8 |
H. Ruffle |
c and b Pearson |
16 |
|
2 |
- |
|
|
9 |
B. Milner |
st Hotson b Timms |
32 |
|
6 |
- |
|
|
10 |
T. Sillett |
b Howarth |
2 |
|
- |
- |
10-283 |
|
11 |
J. Doughty † |
not out |
12 |
|
1 |
1 |
- |
|
|
|
NB1, W3, LB2, B6 |
12 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 33.3 overs) |
283 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Newman-Robson |
7 |
0 |
36 |
0 |
5.14 |
|
|
2 |
Reeves |
5 |
0 |
34 |
3 |
6.80 |
|
|
3 |
Emerson |
3 |
0 |
28 |
0 |
9.33 |
|
|
4 |
Hoskins |
4 |
0 |
46 |
0 |
11.50 |
|
|
5 |
Vermaak |
4 |
0 |
39 |
0 |
9.75 |
|
|
6 |
Bullock |
4 |
0 |
41 |
2 |
10.25 |
|
|
7 |
Rundle |
3 |
0 |
24 |
1 |
8.00 |
|
|
8 |
Pearson |
2 |
0 |
14 |
1 |
7.00 |
|
|
9 |
Timms |
1 |
0 |
13 |
1 |
13.00 |
|
|
10 |
Howarth |
0.3 |
0 |
1 |
1 |
2.00 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note: C. Nijhawan fielded instead of B. Milner |
|
||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Emerson |
c and b Ruffle |
26 |
(25) |
5 |
- |
1-42 |
|
2 |
J. C. W. Hotson † |
b Nijhawan |
20 |
(27) |
4 |
- |
2-59 |
|
3 |
J. W. Pearson |
c b Whitefield |
3 |
(9) |
- |
- |
3-60 |
|
4 |
I. Howarth * |
lbw b Whitefield |
8 |
(8) |
2 |
- |
4-68 |
|
5 |
J. D. Hoskins |
c b Sillett |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
5-68 |
|
6 |
C. J. Vermaak |
b Armstrong |
6 |
(7) |
1 |
- |
6-76 |
|
7 |
M. S. Rundle |
b Armstrong |
13 |
(34) |
2 |
- |
8-116 |
|
8 |
G. J. Timms |
b Rudge |
18 |
(22) |
4 |
- |
7-112 |
|
9 |
J. Newman-Robson |
c b Bull |
8 |
(14) |
2 |
- |
9-143 |
|
10 |
M. K. Reeves |
run out (Sillett) |
15 |
(17) |
3 |
- |
10-158 |
|
11 |
M. Bullock |
not out |
8 |
(8) |
2 |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
NB4, W7, LB4, B18 |
33 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 28 overs) |
158 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Ruffel |
5 |
0 |
32 |
1 |
6.40 |
|
|
2 |
Nijhawan |
6 |
0 |
28 |
1 |
4.67 |
|
|
3 |
Whitefield |
2 |
0 |
9 |
2 |
4.50 |
|
|
4 |
Sillett |
2 |
1 |
5 |
1 |
2.50 |
|
|
5 |
Armstrong |
3 |
0 |
7 |
2 |
2.33 |
|
|
6 |
Peacock |
2 |
0 |
6 |
0 |
3.00 |
|
|
7 |
Milner |
3 |
0 |
19 |
0 |
6.33 |
|
|
8 |
Rudge |
3 |
1 |
12 |
1 |
4.00 |
|
|
9 |
Morrell |
1 |
0 |
8 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
10 |
Bull |
1 |
0 |
10 |
1 |
10.00 |
|
|
MOTM: M. K. Reeves Champagne Moment: C. J. Vermaak’s routine
catch at mid on Buffet
Award: G. J. Timms’ pistachio,
apricot and dark chocolate energy bars MAD
Moment: I. Howarth fielding the ball
on the boundary with his bollocks |
Opposition:
V093 / 01 Ground: G028 / 07 Captain: C007 / 62 Match No: 35 / 150 |