“Where Salad is the Main Course”
Match: 17
/ 419
Won
by 6 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
Wootton &
Bladon CC |
132 - 6 |
|
G. Timms 2 - 20 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
133 - 4 |
|
L. Ainsworth 54, D. Shorten
30* |
|
|
A repeat of The MAD’s infamous
Woodstock Festival of 2013 was averted, not because of the predictably shitty
weather, but due to the relocation of the match to Carterton, West Virginia. Set
amongst a dystopian military landscape and just an eight hour flight from
central Oxford, a feral expanse of tempestuous scrubland ticked all the
Countryfile boxes. Stratfield Brake was bleak, but with aircraft hangers and
Hercules aircraft replacing Cotswold cottages and the sound of ethereal church
bells, this was fucking worse. At least the meatheads in Kidlington weren’t
trained to smash your face in the local pubs.
One consolation of using
Kilkenny CC’s godforsaken nothingness was the sanctuary of a sports hall.
Devoid of character, save for a plaque bearing the names of the poor bastards
involved with running the club, it at least offered shelter from the
continual squalls of rain that plagued the day. Scorer and famed Wootton
mascot Derek Hambridge was in attendance, typifying someone who would rather
be at his own funeral. Still, at least he wouldn’t have to endure a repeat of
huddling under an umbrella whilst his scorebook soaked up the wet. Thank fuck
we weren’t at that equally miserable and forlorn school ground. A year ago and
potentially the only time in
fourteen years, the sun had actually shone. It is almost worth repeating that,
so here you go… a year ago and potentially the only time in fourteen years,
the sun had actually shone (on this fixture). On that day the Wootton team
were recovering from apocalyptic hangovers or some sort of body paralysis and
batted like pricks. In reply, The MAD cantered home with Messrs Ainsworth and
Shorten topping up their averages. What a difference twelve months doesn’t
make. Here, Wootton batted slightly
better than pricks, applying themselves for at least a few overs, before The
MAD cantered home with Messrs Ainsworth and Shorten topping up their
averages.
Mr Shorten demonstrating technique with the bat
over vulgar barbarity (for once). But this match wasn’t
about batting or topping up your averages, far from it, it was about bowling
or one bowler in particular, who if
the cricketing gods conspired against him would be in striking distance of a
fabled and unwanted MAD record for the longest sequence of overs without a
wicket (35.3 by M. S. Rundle circa 2012/13). Jon Newman-Robson was keenly aware
of it as were the rest of his teammates slyly sniggering at each unsuccessful
ball. Putting it into
perspective, Jon is our bowling
bowler. He has been our opening bowler since the day he arrived and failed to
bowl a pile of shite. His is the hardest job, steaming in ball after ball
against the best bat, beating the outside edge or watching his doleful,
apologetic slips juggle a bar of soap. As was the case here, his eyes
betraying a hatred as Pearson chested one to the floor. By the eighth over Jon
was fucking incandescent and the slip cordon stood at four, and then finally
the moment arrived, Hambridge (16) fending one off to Howarth stood at
fourth. He bungled one at Cholsey, but not here, it stuck in his tiny hands
and backslaps and hugs were the order of the day. Unlucky Jon, 34.3 overs, so
so close.
Newman can make the ball do magical things using
just the powers of his mind. Mr Newman’s splendid
opening burst (8-2-8-1) would be backed up by all. Roberts (8-0-36-1), Timms
(4-0-20-2), Shorten (4-0-17-1), Hoskins (8-2-19-0) and Rundle (8-0-22-1) all
on the money. In reply to Wootton’s
132-6 it soon began to piss down, with the crumbs of the tea interval coming
back into focus as players trudged out the rain. Dave Shorten is a studied
example of an atypical eccentric, but don’t ever doubt the predictions of his prized weather app. Lifting his
eyes from his iPad he confidently declared “it’ll be clear in the hour, this
belt of rain will fuck off and there are clear skies behind.” And thus it
was, although Russell Paul Turner would have wished it not. Having avoided
paratroopers rearranging his face at the pub earlier, Russ had brazenly
extolled the fact he had never had a golden duck. Never, not once in his long and distinguished career as a
half-decent village blocker who has two scoring shots. This author didn’t
witness that run ended as he is “always having a shit” (according to Field
Marshall Pearson), but the schadenfreude of Turner’s first baller was
palpable.
Turner (right) contemplates being shit. So that was that, the
highlights, and after Pearson’s 9, Turner’s big fat zero and Howarth’s 14,
Messrs Ainsworth (54) and Shorten (30*) topped up their averages in ushering The
MAD to a six wicket victory. Googling the most
inhospitable places in the world, I wonder if Wootton are going to host next
year’s game in Grozny in the Chechen Republic? This horrible oppressive
shithole has been effectively obliterated by several waves of bombing and
violence, but offers up hardened locals trading on homemade vodka in
shelled-out derelict buildings. For sightseeing there is a huge crater and
one of Europe’s largest mosques which opened a few years ago. Clearing the
rotting corpses and rubble from the main market area and this Cossack built
municipality may tick all the boxes. ‘Fourth Slip’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Wootton
& Bladon CC Played at Carterton Sports Pavilion, 4
June 2017 Wootton & Bladon CC
won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 6 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none |
17 / 419 35 over match |
|
Team |
Wootton & Bladon CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
A. Hambridge |
c Howarth b Newman-Robson |
16 |
|
2 |
- |
2-39 |
|
2 |
M. Ryan |
b Roberts |
21 |
|
1 |
1 |
1-38 |
|
3 |
T. Valentine |
st Hotson b Timms |
4 |
|
1 |
- |
3-53 |
|
4 |
J. Trinder |
lbw b Timms |
15 |
|
3 |
- |
5-62 |
|
5 |
G. Dogget † |
c Hoskins b Shorten |
1 |
|
- |
- |
4-58 |
|
6 |
D. Floyd * |
not out |
43 |
|
5 |
- |
- |
|
7 |
W. Dale |
st Hotson b Rundle |
17 |
|
1 |
- |
6-132 |
|
8 |
J. MacDonough |
not out |
0 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
9 |
N. Haywood |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
R. Saxby |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
S. Edwards |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
W3, LB3, B9 |
15 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 6 wickets, 40 overs) |
132 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Newman-Robson |
8 |
2 |
8 |
1 |
1.00 |
|
|
2 |
Roberts |
8 |
0 |
36 |
1 |
4.50 |
|
|
3 |
Timms |
4 |
0 |
20 |
2 |
5.00 |
|
|
4 |
Shorten |
4 |
0 |
17 |
1 |
4.25 |
|
|
5 |
Hoskins |
8 |
2 |
19 |
0 |
2.38 |
|
|
6 |
Rundle |
8 |
0 |
22 |
1 |
2.75 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. W. Pearson |
c Valentine b Saxby |
9 |
(24) |
- |
- |
1-27 |
|
2 |
L. G. Ainsworth |
st Dogget b Dale |
54 |
(60) |
5 |
- |
4-115 |
|
3 |
R. P. Turner |
b Saxby |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
2-27 |
|
4 |
I. Howarth |
b Edwards |
14 |
(28) |
2 |
- |
3-57 |
|
5 |
D. Shorten |
not out |
30 |
(37) |
3 |
1 |
- |
|
6 |
J. C. W. Hotson † |
not out |
0 |
(6) |
- |
- |
- |
|
7 |
G. J. Timms * |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
8 |
C. D. Roberts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
J. Newman-Robson |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
M. S. Rundle |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
J. D. Hoskins |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W15, LB4, B6 |
26 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 4 wickets, 25.5 overs) |
133 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
MacDonough |
5 |
1 |
19 |
0 |
3.80 |
|
|
2 |
Saxby |
8 |
2 |
29 |
2 |
3.63 |
|
|
3 |
Edwards |
6 |
0 |
32 |
1 |
5.33 |
|
|
4 |
Dale |
4 |
0 |
24 |
1 |
6.00 |
|
|
5 |
Trinder |
2 |
0 |
8 |
0 |
4.00 |
|
|
6 |
Haywood |
0.5 |
0 |
11 |
0 |
13.20 |
|
|
MOTM: J. Newman-Robson Champagne Moment: I. Howarth’s catch at
fourth slip for Newman’s overdue wicket Buffet
Award: G. J. Timms’ broccoli and
ginger beef stir fry (extra noodles) MAD Moment: R. P. Turner’s
self-fulfilling golden prophecy |
Opposition:
V027 / 04 Ground: G085 / 01 Captain: C022 / 59 Match No: 40 / 129 |