“Cholsey Bludgeoned by Boredom”
Match: 17
/ 414
Won
by 5 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
Cholsey CC |
132 - 8 |
|
M. Reeves 2 - 15, T. Smith
2 - 21 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
133 - 5 |
|
I. Howarth 43, D. Shorten
33 |
|
|
As incumbent Fixture Secretary
for the FFTMCC, Ian Howarth attended his first congenial Cup meeting at the
back arse of 2016. Hosted 400 miles away in nearby Cholsey, Ian’s roundtrip
from Cowley was made complete with an awe-inspiring draw against a team they
play every month and who last battered up 303-2 with J. Rahman’s not-so
insignificant 219 not out a standout. There were several draws with sex appeal,
three of which involved teams The MAD had never
played against, these didn’t happen, but at least being drawn out last
ensured a happy Treasurer with no ground costs incurred by playing away every
game.
Hi-tech notes of said FC draw on beer stained
paper. On arrival at Cholsey
Meadows on a sultry afternoon there were two concerns foremost, namely the
pitch and the strength of the home team’s international contingent. These
worries were allayed somewhat by an absence of any West Indians, Australians,
Kiwis and the aforementioned Mr Rahman, and after days of heavy deluges the
ground staff had worked wonders in preparing something flat and soft which
could at least entertain a game of cricket. So no bowl off and no coin toss
to decide the match. Happy days. With regular Sunday
supremo Gary Timms slashing the strength of a MAD touring party by taking the
entire Centrica workforce on a fucking stag do, the eleven godforsaken souls
stood in front of the nuthouse for a team photo were marshalled by Mr Turner.
Since the heady days of results under his stewardship reading L,
L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L (a wee bit of artistic
licence there, but not much), Russ has come of age, demanding the respect of
everyone, particularly when he eats. Today was an important toss to win and
“tails never fails” apparently – correct.
With any rolled strip of
mud and mottled grass, the key to bowling is to pitch it up less it sits up
begging to be summarily twatted. Unfortunately, it took a good half an hour
for this memo to be passed to Messrs Darley (8-0-21-1) and Newman (8-0-28-0),
the penny dropping some way through the seventh over. Thereon an
indefatigable effort from R Williams (48*) was the glue for what turned out
to be a creditable 132-8 off 40 overs. Roberts (4-0-20-0) was awry, Reeves
(8-1-15-2) and Shorten (6-1-17-1) bang on song, Smith (4-0-21-2) twirled to success
and Howarth (2-0-5-0) wrapped things up by bowling at bootlaces. Cholsey have always
provided excellent teas and sometimes without cheese. On this day there was
no surfeit of coagulated milk protein casein, but Russ was more than content
with the two tons of cake that collapsed the tables, the lemon drizzle
delighting him both during and after the game.
Carter (left) has Turner pondering his own
sanity. The popularity of any
sport can be measured by the immeasurable quantity known as entertainment value. Outstanding
advocates of this attribute in our sport would be Ben Stokes, David Warner
and Brendon McCullum. The MAD have a few ‘flair’
players themselves, none of whom are Geoff Carter. His is the straight man role
of any batting duo, although in this game it was hard to differentiate
whether he was straight or deceased. In a tortuous spell of batting in which
a crowd of ten fell into comas, Geoff played and missed for 17.5 overs, or
was it 175 overs? – and when he did finally hit one, he broke his fucking
bat. His innings of 3 off 47 balls outlasted Turner (22) and Westmoreland (1)
and was so overwhelmingly, infuriatingly dull, that Cholsey’s opening stanza
simply gave up. If there is one accolade we should bestow on Geoffrey, it is
that his cult following seemingly grows with each passing year.
Howarth perfecting the northern forward
defensive. Shorten joined Howarth
at the crease on 42-3 and was happy to make drinks to discuss whether Carter actually
had a heartbeat or not (conclusion unknown). Known for their own absence of functional
brain circuitry when batting, the duo were surprisingly
studied in defence and happy to wait for the bad one, up until Shorten
collapsed on the floor claiming injury. The outcome of this theatrical
intermission of unparalleled emotion was the return of Westmoreland to act as
a runner, here to supervise the ensuing chaos in his jeans and club T-shirt.
Herath (8-3-18-1) bowled out and Howarth struck out, an over from Williams
going for 12. The trio were finally
separated when Howarth (43) played on to the excellent R Thomas (7.1-1-17-2),
but the partnership of 73 proved pivotal. Mr Howe’s excellent glove work did
for the wounded Shorten (33) moments later, before Smith (10*) and Reeves
(4*) administered the final rights with some healthy slogs to cow.
Westmoreland (right) looking just the ticket. Victory secured and safe
passage into the semis of the Friendly Cup, it was now time to crack open the
cider and respond to text messages from Taunton. “Yes, Gary, the boys done
good, we won and Carter was magnificent. Oh, and
Newman has now gone some 28 overs without a wicket and is threatening to
retire. Yours…” ‘…Spam’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Cholsey
CC Played at Cholsey Meadows, 21 May
2017 Far from the MCC won the toss and
elected to field Far from the MCC won by 5 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none |
17 / 414 Friendly Cup Quarter Final 40 over Friendly Cup match |
|
Team |
Cholsey CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
I. Ellis |
run out (Shorten) |
29 |
|
3 |
- |
2-58 |
|
2 |
O. Maddox |
c Shorten b Darley |
6 |
|
- |
- |
1-20 |
|
3 |
R. Williams |
not out |
48 |
|
5 |
- |
- |
|
4 |
A. Herath |
c and b Reeves |
9 |
|
2 |
- |
3-76 |
|
5 |
P. Miners |
c Newman-Robson b Shorten |
3 |
|
- |
- |
4-92 |
|
6 |
R. Thomas |
c and b Reeves |
1 |
|
- |
- |
5-94 |
|
7 |
D. Hill |
c Carter b Smith |
5 |
|
1 |
- |
6-104 |
|
8 |
P. Howe *† |
lbw b Smith |
6 |
|
- |
- |
7-128 |
|
9 |
R. Natarajan |
run out (Roberts/Smith) |
0 |
|
- |
- |
8-128 |
|
10 |
S. Clayton-Chance |
not out |
2 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
11 |
P. Sergeant |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
W17, LB2, B4 |
23 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 8 wickets, 40 overs) |
132 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Darley |
8 |
0 |
21 |
1 |
2.63 |
|
|
2 |
Newman-Robson |
8 |
0 |
28 |
0 |
3.50 |
|
|
3 |
Roberts |
4 |
0 |
20 |
0 |
5.00 |
|
|
4 |
Reeves |
8 |
1 |
15 |
2 |
1.88 |
|
|
5 |
Shorten |
6 |
1 |
17 |
1 |
2.83 |
|
|
6 |
Smith |
4 |
1 |
21 |
2 |
5.25 |
|
|
7 |
Howarth |
2 |
0 |
5 |
0 |
2.50 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
G. Carter |
b Miners |
3 |
(47) |
- |
- |
3-42 |
|
2 |
R. P. Turner * |
c Howe b Herath |
23 |
(47) |
1 |
- |
1-34 |
|
3 |
M. T. Westmoreland |
c Natarajan b Ellis |
1 |
(5) |
- |
- |
2-37 |
|
4 |
I. Howarth |
b Thomas |
43 |
(58) |
4 |
1 |
4-115 |
|
5 |
D. Shorten |
st Howe b Thomas |
33 |
(51) |
2 |
- |
5-124 |
|
6 |
T. P. W. Smith |
not out |
10 |
(16) |
- |
- |
- |
|
7 |
M. K. Reeves |
not out |
4 |
(6) |
- |
- |
- |
|
8 |
M. Bullock † |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
J. Newman-Robson |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
A. Darley |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
C. D. Roberts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W4, LB6, B5 |
16 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 5 wickets, 38.1 overs) |
133 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Natarajan |
8 |
1 |
25 |
0 |
3.13 |
|
|
2 |
Thomas |
7.1 |
1 |
17 |
2 |
2.37 |
|
|
3 |
Ellis |
8 |
0 |
24 |
1 |
3.00 |
|
|
4 |
Herath |
8 |
3 |
18 |
1 |
2.25 |
|
|
5 |
Miners |
5 |
0 |
19 |
1 |
3.80 |
|
|
6 |
Williams |
2 |
0 |
19 |
0 |
9.50 |
|
|
MOTM: D. Shorten Champagne Moment: D. Shorten’s direct run
out from square of wicket Buffet
Award: T. P. W. Smith’s tomato, red
wine & chorizo risotto MAD
Moment: G. Carter’s broken bat & then
almost being used by T. Smith |
Opposition:
V033 / 22 Ground: G070 / 06 Captain: C024 / 13 Match No: 40 / 128 |