“Billionaire Shorten Returns to Glorious
Acclaim”
Match: 17
/ 417
Won
by 2 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
Wootton & Boars
Hill CC |
138 - 5 |
|
J. Hoskins 3 - 19 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
139 - 8 |
|
D. Shorten 33*, L. Ainsworth 30 |
|
|
Decked out in a sailor’s
top and some farcical hat with feathers shoved through it, Mr Shorten loped
into view to the amusement of his beer swilling deck hands. Retirement among
the billionaires on Boars Hill had softened Dave’s sporting desires, now reliving
his youth through festivals and camping excursions with his daughter, his was
the good life of wellington boots and discussions over privet hedges about
upcoming flower shows. Time was of a premium these days and his team should
feel very privileged by his presence.
Margo is just out of shot. Time away hadn’t sullied
his tossing skills and The MAD soon themselves in the field, soaking up the sunshine
on a lovely May evening, whilst retrieving the ball for venerable moaners
Ainsworth (2-0-14-1) and Howarth (2-0-16-0). Lee did produce one good one,
nipping back to do for D Wiskin (11), whilst Ian didn’t produce a good one. This Boars Hill track
would reveal itself to be a lover of all things slow, or all things pie
depending on cricketing disposition. Step forth The MAD’s legendary exponent
of the clay-brick oven, Mr J. D. Hoskins, nearly two decades in to perfecting
the impeccable glaze; it is both an honour and pleasure to witness his artistry.
Figures of 4-0-19-3 gave scant praise for a baker in his class, however Greggs
were in attendance. At the non-nuclear end, Mr T. P. W twirled with equal
majesty (3-0-18-0), his bowling credentials enhanced with every game’s duet
with the Legend of JMO. Timms (4-0-25-0) has
struggled of late, but here he was imperious, his figures only dented by a bunger
that landed in Cumnor and Howarth’s inability to gauge a red ball against a
clear blue background. Pearson (3-0-24-0) went through the military gears, holding
fort before allowing Mr Webb (31*) to reintroduce him to the nearby paddocks.
Thiers is a relationship built out of Bill’s respect for James’ ranking, and
a necessity that the ball disappears at some point before its return from a
pile of horse shit. A Wootton innings of 138-5 was concluded with an over
apiece from Shorten (1-0-8-0) and Roberts (1-0-11-0), our skipper bounding to
the wicket with yellow ribbons in his hair.
Having roused himself to
finally contribute something to the evening, Mr Shorten now took the bull by
the horns and strapped on his pads, swing and a miss, swing and a miss, swing
and a BIG FUCK OFF into the trees. His 33* retired set the tempo for a MAD
run chase which was gleefully bungled by Hill (3), Smith (3), Turner (6),
Roberts (9), Timms (ahem) and finally Howarth (3). To their credit, their
dutiful and woeful demise certainly hadn’t wasted any precious time. 73-6 off
10.5 ovs. A tantalising finale was
now configured by the energy of Hoskins (5) complementing the consummate
skills of Ainsworth, adding 34 before the former had his stumps splattered by
a Jeffries’ (4-0-25-2) angry ball. The bowler perhaps irked by the unrewarded
audible snick the ball before, or
at least the snick that was heard by the entire MAD team watching on
incredulously from the boundary…. Having contributed three
golden ducks to Sunday’s largely purportless total versus Isis, it was
gladdening to see corporate behemoth Centrica at least provide a few of guys
who could hold a bat. Well, a couple anyway (ahem). With Ainsworth’s fuel
gauge in the red due to an apparent lack of fitness, the final push would
come from Staff Sergeant Pearson (13*), unfurling that familiar club to cow
with a few sprightly jaunts up and down the wicket. One jaunt proved too jaunty for Lee, ran out for 30 at
the non-strikers end, which all left The MAD requiring a further 2 off the
long-haired B Webb’s (2-0-8-0) final over.
The final edge by Pearson. Delivered on a length by
Neil from The Young Ones, Pearson looked to smite into the paddocks. Timed
with the acumen of getting caught with your cock in the mistress, the ball
squirted behind square, but into a gap, big enough for Hotson (0*) to achieve
what Ainsworth had failed to do a ball earlier, in running 2. A sensational
victory then and a first at Boars Hill in the shortened version of the game. ‘Rave Commoner’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Wootton
& Boars Hill CC Played at Wootton
& Boars Hill, 31 May 2017 Wootton & Boars Hill CC
won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 2 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none |
17 / 417 20 over match |
|
Team |
Wootton & Boars Hill CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Wiskin *† |
b Ainsworth |
11 |
|
2 |
- |
1-16 |
|
2 |
A. Benson |
run out (Pearson) |
13 |
|
2 |
- |
2-55 |
|
3 |
N. Collins |
b Hoskins |
30 |
|
2 |
2 |
3-55 |
|
4 |
M. Faulkner |
b Hoskins |
2 |
|
- |
- |
4-59 |
|
5 |
C. Mannix |
b Hoskins |
1 |
|
- |
- |
5-63 |
|
6 |
J. Ulyatt |
not out |
36 |
|
3 |
1 |
- |
|
7 |
B. Webb |
not out |
31 |
|
1 |
2 |
- |
|
8 |
M. Glover |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
B. Jeffries |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
T. Crowe |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
M. Wiskin |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
W6, LB6, B2 |
14 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 5 wickets, 20 overs) |
138 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Ainsworth |
2 |
0 |
14 |
1 |
7.00 |
|
|
2 |
Howarth |
2 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
3 |
Hoskins |
4 |
0 |
19 |
3 |
4.75 |
|
|
4 |
Smith |
3 |
0 |
18 |
0 |
6.00 |
|
|
5 |
Timms |
4 |
0 |
25 |
0 |
6.25 |
|
|
6 |
Pearson |
3 |
0 |
24 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
7 |
Shorten |
1 |
0 |
8 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
8 |
Roberts |
1 |
0 |
11 |
0 |
11.00 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Shorten * |
retired |
33 |
(33) |
3 |
1 |
- |
|
2 |
N. S. Hill |
run out |
3 |
(2) |
- |
- |
1-24 |
|
3 |
T. P. W. Smith |
b Crowe |
3 |
(5) |
- |
- |
2-28 |
|
4 |
R. P. Turner |
c D. Wiskin b Jeffries |
6 |
(7) |
1 |
- |
3-42 |
|
5 |
C. D. Roberts |
run out |
9 |
(10) |
1 |
- |
5-68 |
|
6 |
G. J. Timms |
b M. Wiskin |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
4-68 |
|
7 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Jeffries |
5 |
(16) |
- |
- |
7-107 |
|
8 |
I. Howarth |
c Ulyatt b Collins |
3 |
(4) |
- |
- |
6-73 |
|
9 |
L. G. Ainsworth |
run out |
30 |
(31) |
2 |
2 |
8-137 |
|
10 |
J. W. Pearson |
not out |
13 |
(12) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
11 |
J. C. W. Hotson † |
not out |
0 |
(0) |
- |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W13, LB5, B15 |
34 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 8 wickets, 20 overs) |
139 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Crowe |
3 |
1 |
20 |
1 |
6.67 |
|
|
2 |
Jeffries |
4 |
0 |
25 |
2 |
6.25 |
|
|
3 |
Collins |
3 |
0 |
27 |
1 |
9.00 |
|
|
4 |
M. Wiskin |
4 |
0 |
8 |
1 |
2.00 |
|
|
5 |
Mannix |
4 |
1 |
32 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
6 |
Webb |
2 |
0 |
8 |
0 |
4.00 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note: D. Shorten retired at 68-3 (9.0 overs) |
|
||||||
|
MOTM: J. D. Hoskins Champagne Moment: D. Shorten’s huge
maximum over longest deep cow Buffet
Award: C. D. Roberts’ churros with
chocolate orange sauce MAD
Moment: C. D. Roberts’ American
Football body check of potential catcher |
Opposition:
V039 / 17 Ground: G017 / 13 Captain: C016 / 22 Match No: 20 / 097 |