“Open-Top Bus on Standby”

Match: 18 / 455

Won by 3 runs

Team	Total
FFTMCC	115
C. Williams 34, D. Shorten 31
Isis CC	112 - 9
J. Newman 3 - 20, D. Emerson 2 - 11

Cancel your holidays, your wedding invites, your house and garden projects, shopping with the missus around the new Westgate centre and any other inane activities you may have planned for Sunday, 2 September – because whisper it LOUDLY – The MAD have made the final of the Friendly Cup! But it really shouldn’t have turned out this way….

Having grown bored of eating sushi and seeing all of the sights he’d already seen in Tokyo, Mr Timms returned to the UK to quickly dampen the euphoria that had surrounded the team since his departure (namely three magnificent and memorable victories from a losing position).

Joe includes Giant Duck in his fire sale.

The warm and beautiful weather last weekend was naturally replaced by leaden skies, with an appropriate out of season wind cutting into your bones. The visitors look shorn of their regular demolition experts, so fixturing this cup fixture on the day that sons are supposed to give a shit about their fathers was a good one. At least on paper.

Eyebrows were raised after Isis won the toss and elected to watch the home team batter up 300, an odd choice (or so we thought). Eyebrows were quickly lowered as Emerson (5) clubbed one into the air at long off to be dropped and then clubbed one in the air at long off to be caught. Learning from your mistakes is something the FFTMCC have adhered to ignoring with a panache mostly reserved for the Champions League of the Fucking Ignorant.

Emerson (batting) aiming at long off.

Pearson (15) once again looked in fine fettle before receiving the one beauty of the day (Cooper 3-28), swinging late to ravage his timber, thereon it was bloody hopeless. Howarth (4) entertained little Harry with one more ball than his previous Isis adventure, whereas the memories Turner (1) had of an average over a ton are tainted sepia. So maybe that crack on his coconut out in Wantage was worse than was initially thought?

Cartwright’s (2) leading edge brought a very studious Shorten to the crease, who together with the now circumspect Williams batted for drinks at 87-5. During this intermission the thinking on MAD terraces was that if these two could navigate the next ten overs or so, a decent total of 180 plus was on the cards. Cue Williams (34) to fall straight after his cordial and blame everyone else for his failure (and quite justified so I might add).

The MAD bat deep, but as previously explored this year, deep in what? Darley (8) was next to go after threatening to use his brain, Shorten (31) followed with a lob into gully, joined quickly thereafter by the hungover efforts of Timms (3). A quite risible innings overall was now neatly bookended by Hoskins (1*) charging down the pitch at Newman after hitting the ball straight to a fielder. 115 all out and a quite incredulous Isis team giggled their way off the pitch.

The Isis players have a right laugh at these two bell ends (with bats).

Tea was a quiet and reflective process with a visiting Ainsworth delighting in joining Howarth and Turner for a good fucking moan, both of whom are considering a change in sport. Williams mucked about with his kids, Timms probably threw up and Emerson cracked open a four pack whilst watching Shorten sever his thumb in the kitchen.

On resumption, Beavis and Butthead (Newman and Darley) huffed and puffed without making a breakthrough, with the visiting openers batting with the sort of application unapparent in the innings before. In fact, it resembled proper cricket, although whether proper cricket puts bums on seats is open to discussion. A discussion not to be had at this point in this pithy essay as we’re already 600 words in and it’s getting a little lengthy, though once again, that assertion is open to discussion.

Given these teams play each other every week and have formed competitive, but engaging friendships, umpire J Walter kindly triggered Stanbury (18) to breathe some life into the match, this after Hoskins (8-1-20-1) got one to deviate off an unseen divot. Then nothing happened of any interest other than some more drinks and some idle chatter about how crap the Far from the MCC had been thus far.

Earlier in the day, Hoskins got off the mark for the season.

However, if The MAD were to be totally crap, then why not share out the crapness? Skipper Timms now working through his batman bowlers hoping one of them wasn’t crap. Shorten (3-0-10-1) was tidy, Pearson (3-0-7-0) tidier and Howarth (3-0-6-0) the tidiest, although being tidy does not bring you a wicket. At least not here, not in this match, yet.

Having done practically nothing all season, other than stop a ball with his face in the gully and drink some Stella, Emerson decided he was now miraculously fit enough to bowl again. Starting off from a one pace salvo, he steadily went through the gears (and years) to bring a hitherto forgotten hostility not seen since 1907 and New Zealand’s famed Independence Day (particularly famous if you were born in those parts). Penhallurick’s (35) lengthy vigil now ended with a smart catch from Pearson as Kella (28) fluffed his lines. 78-1 became 89-3 became 91-5 as Timms (5-1-17-2) also decided to do something. His second wicket, a sensational sprawling catch in the deep again by Pearson (Valsan 2) would normally have been a champagne shoe-in, but not today.

With the required run-rate having risen with the spate of recent wickets, it suddenly dawned on a few of the more positive MAD players that the team could actually win this game. Best bring the opening bowlers back on then. Darley (5-0-18-1) had Emerson to thank for another good catch in the deep (Cooper 5) whilst Newman charged in from the other end.

Somehow, we arrived in the final over of the game with the following equation, Isis need 8 to win with 4 wickets in hand, or 7 to draw and a resultant super over, or less than 7 to lose and wonder why the hell they let the run rate spiral when chasing only 116 to win.

Joe Walter enquiring whether is it possible to bat worse than The MAD.

Ball 1: Whack! The ball sails into the air above Williams where he runs underneath it, runs out from underneath it, back under it and then heads off somewhere else to watch it bounce on the grass (2 runs).

Ball2: Nurdle from Symons for another run.

Ball 3: Nurdle from Naqvi for another run.

Ball 4: Whack! The ball sails into the air above Williams where he runs underneath it, runs out from underneath it, back under it and then… CATCHES the bloody thing! Symons gone for 5, but batsmen have crossed.

Ball 5: Whack! The ball sails into the air above Howarth where he runs underneath it, runs out from underneath it, back under it and then… back peddling to the boundary he amazingly CATCHES the bloody thing! Naqvi gone for 3. Sensational, Howarth can almost taste that AGM champagne (Berry Bros & Rudd Champagne by Mailly, Grand Cru please, Matthew).

Ball 6: Everyone out covering the boundary sans Keeper Turner as Newman now runs in to J Walter. BOWLED! Amazing scenes as the MAD win by 3 runs and, erm… Newman bags a HAT-TRICK!

Chubby Cheeks and Hatters.

A match played out in splendid spirit throughout became the fourth consecutive shoe-in for most memorable game of the season. Crazy times. We thus await the outcome of that particular AGM vote and also Paddy Mellor signing the deal for the open-top Oxford bus parade following our win in the Friendly Cup final.

Greatness starts here, gentlemen. Failure is not an option.

‘Spam’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Isis CC Played at Brasenose College, 17 June 2018 Isis CC won the toss and elected to field Far from the MCC won by 3 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

18 / 455 Friendly Cup Semi Final 40 over match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	D. Emerson	c Kella b Cooper	5	(10)	1	-	1-10
2	J. W. Pearson	b Cooper	15	(17)	3	-	2-30
3	C. T. J. Williams	c Jacobs b Wyatt	34	(51)	5	-	6-90
4	I. Howarth	c Jacobs b Cooper	4	(2)	1	-	3-45
5	R. P. Turner †	lbw b Naqvi	1	(8)	-	-	4-48
6	J. A. Cartwright	c Naqvi b Wyatt	2	(8)	-	-	5-59
7	D. Shorten	c Valsan b Walter	31	(52)	4	-	8-108
8	A. Darley	c Cooper b Walter	8	(13)	1	-	7-104
9	G. J. Timms *	b Ponsford	4	(15)	-	-	9-111
10	J. D. Hoskins	not out	1	(3)	-	-	-
11	J. Newman-Robson	run out	4	(7)	-	-	10-115
	Extras	NB3, B3	6
	TOTAL	(all out, 30.3 overs)	115

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Cooper	6	1	28	3	4.67
2	Symons	3	1	12	0	4.00
3	Navqi	6	0	30	1	5.00
4	Wyatt	6	2	11	2	1.83
5	Ponsford	6	0	22	1	3.67
6	Walters	3.4	1	9	2	2.45

Team	Isis CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	D. Penhallurick	c Pearson b Emerson	35		3	-	2-78
2	M. Stanbury	lbw b Hoskins	18		2	-	1-38
3	R. Kella	b Emerson	28		5	-	3-89
4	D. Valsan	c Pearson b Timms	2		-	-	5-91
5	P. Jacobs †	hit wicket b Timms	0		-	-	4-90
6	A. Symons	c Williams b Newman-Robson	11		1	-	7-112
7	S. Cooper	c Emerson b Darley	5		-	-	6-104
8	M. Naqvi	c Howarth b Newman-Robson	3		-	-	8-112
9	J. Walter	b Newman-Robson	0	1	-	-	9-112
10	N. H. R. Wyatt *	not out	0		-	-	-
11	K. Ponsford
	Extras	NB1, W4, LB2, B3	10
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 40 overs)	112

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Newman-Robson	8	0	20	3	2.50
2	Darley	5	0	18	1	3.60
3	Shorten	3	0	10	0	3.33
4	Hoskins	8	1	20	1	2.50
5	Pearson	3	0	7	0	2.33
6	Howarth	3	0	6	0	2.00
7	Timms	5	1	17	2	3.40
8	Emerson	5	0	11	2	2.20

MOTM: J. Newman-Robson Champagne Moment: I. Howarth’s back peddling catch (ball 2 of the hat-trick) Buffet Award: A. Darley’s crispy cod fingers with wedges and dill slaw MAD Moment: J. D. Hoskins farcical running out of J. Newman-Robson

Opposition: V009 / 32 Ground: G040 / 64 Captain: C022 / 71 Match No: 40 / 137