“Strolling to Defeat”

Match: 19 / 481

Lost by 16 runs

Team	Total
St Clements Strollers	150 - 3
I. Howarth 1 - 15
FFTMCC	134 - 4
J. Cartwright 37*, I. Howarth 32

If history serves us right, which is normally the case, seeing Chairman Bullock's opus of MAD cricketing records has no peer, then this was the ninth contest by the team formerly known as The Jude Obscure and the team formerly known as the St Clements Strollers who remain by that name. Nobody quite remembers how the teams came in to contact, but one suspects Messrs I Howarth and N Wharry were involved seeing that they both hold office of Fixture Secretary.

It is doubtful it was a chance meeting at Nick's hairdressing salon however, as that is a touch upmarket for Ian. His is the preserve of striped barber poles and bloodletting, cheap and with not a fuck given. It is also doubtful it was conducted by email, since Nick has only just discovered the world of text after previous dependence on his classic rotary dial. Whatever the method, they do manage to communicate at odd times of the year and the match does actually happen, even if neither of them can actually recall the conversation, or the text.

Clems Class of ’19.

Magdalen College ground seems synonymous with this particular game, so it was with a huge degree of close associatedness that players arrived for an unpunctual start with Mr Wharry flagging up his team of nine as being “shite” and “wholly inferior”. They didn’t have nine as it transpired and they weren’t very shite either, as evidenced by the way openers Higgs and Haynes both consummately retired on 35 not out, and never once lost a ball in the tennis courts either. One should make mention of the unmentionable however, a bungle during this stand in the field, so bad as to make you think it was done on purpose. However, Rundle (4-0-18-0) resisted the temptation to plant Pearson on the chin as the latter commenced some strange ceremony of prayer as the ball dobbed on the floor.

Overall, bowling was thoroughly mediocre, with all who bowled being distinctly average and nobody setting the world alight or giving rise to an overnight social media frenzy reflecting the unforgettable. With the Clems X (ten) subscribing to a useful total of 150 for not a lot, the wickets would be shared out equally between Timms (4-0-34-1), Howarth (2-0-15-1) and a bizarre run out. Bizarre in that keeper Carter appeared to fumble Ian’s throw from fine leg, trip over the stumps and apply the sort of finesse that Ayrton Senna demonstrated on the bends of Imola. It mattered not, despite a majority field agreeing with the batsman that not out was the sporting decision, the home umpire was steadfast in telling Mr Bradshaw (15) to bugger off stage left.

Bob is a professional padder upper / padder downer.

The MAD reply dates back some fifteen years to when Howarth (32) and Hotson (11) first opened up together. Back then Howarth was way more effective and Hotson had way more hair. Here they at least swapped ends, something missing from their last Tour to Minehead, and they at least hit a few balls. Though they didn’t hit many off Mr Finch (4-0-9-0) as nobody ever hits that many off Mr Finch. With an action and fitness at odds with the game, Reggie could spin a ball at right angles in quicksand. We’re never sure quite how – or why – and we approach every duel with a memory so bad we could plan our own surprise party.

After Walker’s dismissal for an enterprising 5, The MAD innings was finally given a shot in the arm by the professional Welsh heritage of Cartwright (37*) and uniformed prestige of Brigadier Pearson (20), who both cast off the Clem’s shackles to stroke some much-needed boundaries. Stroke, slog, swipe, smear, rake, bash – you’ll find them all these wonderful attributes bracketed together in the Guide to Village Cricket handbook*.

It would all prove a little too late, and with the sun painting beauty in the evening sky, Turner (13*) and Jenkins (5*) protected their averages with chins held high. Tall Bob padded up and then padded down.

A fine game of fine spirit and a feather in the cap to all those who still involve themselves in these pointless, utterly charming evenings of total irrelevance.

* - A fictional work often referenced by more fiction so ignore.

‘Cheap Cut’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus St Clements Strollers CC Played at Magdalen College, 23 May 2019 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field St Clements Strollers CC won by 16 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

19 / 481 20 over match

Team	St Clements Strollers CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. Higgs	retired	35	(32)	6	-	-
2	A. Haynes	retired	35	(28)	6	-	-
3	J. Head	lbw b Timms	16	(14)	3	-	1-107
4	G. Da Silva	c Roberts b Howarth	31	(30)	5	-	3-144
5	P. Bradshaw	run out (Howarth/Carter)	15	(10)	2	-	2-142
6	M. Clarke-Warry	not out	7	(6)	-	1	-
7	R. Finch	not out	0	(0)	-	-	-
8	N.J. Warry *
9	A. Rochester
10	M. Shirley †
11
	Extras	W3, LB2, B6	11
	TOTAL	(for 3 wickets, 20 overs)	150

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Roberts	3	0	21	0	7.00
2	Rundle	4	0	18	0	4.50
3	Jenkins	3	0	28	0	9.33
4	Timms	4	0	34	1	8.50
5	Pearson	4	0	28	0	7.00
6	Howarth	2	0	15	1	7.50

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	I. Howarth	c Higgs b Clarke-Warry	32	(32)	5	-	3-67
2	J. C. W. Hotson	b Rochester	11	(20)	-	-	1-29
3	B. E. L. Walker	c Head b Clarke-Warry	5	(12)	1	-	2-42
4	J. A. Cartwright	retired	37	(28)	6	-	-
5	J. W. Pearson	c and b Bradshaw	20	(16)	3	-	4-118
6	R. P. Turner *	not out	13	(9)	1	-	-
7	L. T. Jenkins	not out	5	(4)	1	-	-
8	C. D. Roberts
9	G. J. Timms
10	G. Carter †
11	M. S. Rundle
	Extras	NB2, LB7, B2	11
	TOTAL	(for 4 wickets, 20 overs)	134
Note: J. A. Cartwright retired at 107-3 (17 overs)

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Rochester	4	0	25	1	6.25
2	Finch	4	0	9	0	2.25
3	Warry	4	0	25	0	6.25
4	Clarke-Warry	4	0	22	2	5.50
5	Bradshaw	4	0	44	1	11.00

MOTM: J. A. Cartwright Champagne Moment: C. D. Roberts’ catch at long on Buffet Award: I. Howarth’s pistachio chicken with pomegranate sauce MAD Moment: M. S. Rundle’s Eric Morecombe impression fielding on boundary

Opposition: V052 / 29 Ground: G043 / 06 Captain: C024 / 20 Match No: 20 / 127