“Poor Team Selection Mars Otherwise Routine Cup KO”

Match: 19 / 508

Lost by 7 wkts

Team	Total
FFTMCC	127
J. Newman-Robson 31*, G. Timms 25
Hampstead Norreys CC	131 - 3
A. Darley 2 - 24

Having previously lost in the semi-finals of the Friendly Cup after receiving a bye in the first round, hopes were high that the Far from the MCC could justify their preposterous boasts of being pre-tournament favourites and actually win a game. This was the second visit to the bowl-esque charms of Hampstead Norreys and the second time the sun had shone throughout.

Hampstead fielded a team of all-round ability with plenty of guns in the bag, whilst The MAD fielded a team of eleven bowlers. This bizarre team selection was made to look even more incredulous following the decision to bat first after under-fire Skipper Timms somehow won a coin toss.

Timms (left): “Seriously, guys… I really did. I won a coin toss.Hellooooo?”

Our roving reporter and sports journalist Cuppas Frienderson asked the questions whilst the inevitable collapse ensued, striking up quick interviews after the ‘bowlers’ left the field, after being out….

CF: “Chris? Can I call you by that name?

Williams (7): “No, not really, it sounds like a woman’s name. It’s Renon, although people prefer to call be by an age-old nickname that seemingly won’t go away. I’ve recently become Nuno.”

CF: “You look annoyed?”

Williams: “I am actually. Being asked to open up the batting for an important cup match when everyone knows I’m picked for my swing bowling is a fucking joke.”

CF: “Hi Jake, quite a short innings out there?”

Hotson (0): “Yes, it was rather, but then when have I ever been considered a number three? I’m a keeper by trade and bat number eleven. Bloody ridiculous. Oh, look – and now Russ is out too….”

CF: “Bit of a collapse going on here, Mr Turner?”

Turner (17): “Who the fuck are you?

CF: “Cuppas, I’m reporting on the Friendly Cup.”

Turner: “Well good for you, now fuck off. Bloody stupid this is. Everyone knows I’m the King of Pie, so why the hell am I out there to front things up and hold all this shit together? Who picked this fucking team anyway?”

(sound of celebration out in the middle as someone catches a ball)

Turner hits something before failing to do so.

CF: “Hi Max, a little unlucky out there?”

Anderson (3): “Oh, I’m not too sure, I’m in the team for my bowling really, so any runs I get really would be a bonus. Still, Andrew has just got to the wicket and he’s well up for the… oh.”

CF: “Andrew, that was a brute of a ball, you were unlucky to fend it off your grill straight to the slips.”

Darley (0): “Aah, I’m giving up. Had enough. Stupid bloody game, I hate it. Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish. Just as well I’m a bowler.”

(sound of timber rattling and collective groan amongst MAD support… scoreboard now reading 45-6)

CF: “Hi Ian, it’s Cuppas, looked a good ball that did for you there?”

Howarth (6): “Eh? No, not really. The same shit shot that’s done for me about a dozen times this season. You know, a straight ball that carries on being straight, does fuck all and I try and smack into Aldworth.”

CF: “Well, we all live and learn.”

Howarth: “I fucking don’t. Anyway, being asked to rescue this shitshow when I’m predominantly a death bowler is ludicrous.”

(small pause during wholesale batting incompetence as Skipper Timms and Reeves takes onus on themselves to score some runs)

CF: “That was a decent little partnership out there, Mike?”

Reeves (1): “Was it? It didn’t feel it was as I only just got off the mark.”

CF: “Oh.”

Reeves: “To be frank, I’m fed up of having to dig this team out the shit every single week because our batsman don’t value their wicket.”

Library footage of the ‘Pavilion Steps’ and Tall Bob asleep.

(audible groan to accompany the captain falling)

CF: “A shame about that, Gary – you were looking good?”

Timms (25): “Yes, I thought I was. Still, my main suit is that of a leg spinner and I see much in this wicket to have belief in that we can turn this around. It is a game of two halves, Cuppas. Oh….”

(loud appeal)

CF: “Mr Vermaak, was that out d’you reckon?”

Vermaak (0): “Yeah, kind of. I’m not really sure about the LBW law to be honest, I just kind of throw the bat. I’m a bowler you see.”

(mounting excitement as Newman-Robson and Carter repel twelve overs in adding 43 for the tenth wicket)

Home team pavilion steps: “Oooooh, bollocks. Just 9 runs shy of the tenth wicket partnership record….”

Timms: “Good. One of my favourite achievements.”

CD: “John, an excellent rear guard effort that was.”

Newman-Robson (31*): “Yeah, some of us bowlers showing the batsmen up again. I was fit for a fifty there before this dozy old cunt got out….”

Carter (8): “That was a beauty that was. Must’ve been. I all fairness, I’m used to seeing off the new ball as Keeper-cum-opener, so trying to play against that old frayed piece of leather is asking a bit much.”

CD: “There you have it, a great last stand taking the FFTMCC to 127 all out. Can they claw this back? Can they finish in third place in this season’s Friendly Cup…?”

Mostly excellent with his bowling in 2019, Darley wasn’t great here.

Returning to the earlier narrative, the answer was no. John (6-2-13-0) was excellent with no joy, Darley (4-0-24-2) as bad as he’s been but with some joy. Timms took a cheeky wicket and Russ fell over whilst catching a ball.

Teas were sublime. The Spirit on the field excellent throughout. Backwards and downwards to 2020.

‘FC Reportage’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Hampstead Norreys CC Played at Hampstead Norreys, 1 September 2019 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat Hampstead Norreys CC won by 7 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: n/a

19 / 508 Friendly Cup 3rd/4th Place 40 over Friendly Cup match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. P. Turner	b Adalkha	17	(32)	1	-	3-32
2	C. T. J. Williams	c Jackman b Renganathan	7	(15)	-	-	1-16
3	J. C. W. Hotson	c Dey b Adalkha	0	(6)	-	-	2-31
4	I. Howarth	b Adalkha	6	(19)	-	-	6-45
5	M. W. Anderson	c Renganathan b Adalkha	3	(9)	-	-	4-39
6	A. Darley	c Roberts b Adalkha	0	(5)	-	-	5-39
7	G. J. Timms *	b Renganathan	25	(33)	3	-	8-82
8	M. K. Reeves	b Jackman	1	(13)	-	-	7-70
9	J. Newman-Robson	not out	31	(56)	5	-	-
10	C. J. Vermaak	lbw b Adalkha	0	(6)	-	-	9-84
11	G. Carter †	b Jain	8	(30)	-	-	10-127
	Extras	NB2, W13, LB5, B9	29
	TOTAL	(all out, 37.1 overs)	127

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Rekhi	7	1	20	0	2.86
2	Renganathan	7	0	30	2	4.29
3	Adalkha	8	3	12	6	1.50
4	Singh	2	0	9	0	4.50
5	Jain	5.1	0	17	1	3.29
6	Jackman	4	0	13	1	3.25
7	Dey	4	0	15	0	3.75

Team	Hampstead Norreys CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. Riffat	c Turner b Darley	2		-	-	1-14
2	A. Dey *	c Williams b Timms	31		5	-	3-81
3	I. Singh	b Darley	6		1	-	2-25
4	A. Adalkha	retired	54		4	2	-
5	C. Nadadilli	not out	16		2	1	-
6	J. Dawes	not out	7		1	-	-
7	A. Jain
8	T. Jackman
9	S. Renganathan
10	K. Rekhi
11	I. Roberts †
	Extras	NB1, W9, B5	15
	TOTAL	(for 3 wickets, 26.4 overs)	131

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Newman-Robson	6	2	13	0	2.17
2	Darley	4	0	24	2	6.00
3	Reeves	6	0	28	0	4.67
4	Timms	6	0	37	1	6.17
5	Vermaak	3	0	10	0	3.33
6	Anderson	1.4	0	13	0	7.80

MOTM: J. Newman-Robson Champagne Moment: R. P. Turner’s tumbling catch at gully Buffet Award: M. W. Anderson’s ham and cheese rolls (extra pickle) MAD Moment: C. J. Vermaak being stranded with someone’s dog

Opposition: V099 / 02 Ground: G090 / 02 Captain: C022 / 89 Match No: 40 / 139