“The Sun Comes Up, The Sun Goes Down”

Match: 19 / 509

Won by 3 runs

Team	Total
FFTMCC	185 - 6
J. Cartwright 44*, C. Williams 39
OUCCC	182
T. Smith 3 - 16, M. Reeves 2 - 36

The season began in Kidlington with nets on 10th March. The cricket season ended in Kidlington on the 15th September. In between, a tumultuous season will long be remembered for the constant cancellation of matches and hasty rearrangements, usually north of Yorkshire or south of the Isle of Wight. This onerous task falls on the shoulders of the Fixture Secretary or Ian Howarth as the Far from the MCC call it. Now this would be a total turd mound of a job, but for the fact you can bask in the glory of stellar achievements and dividends reaped on the pitch. Oh.

This final chapter was in itself an addition to an already overflowing resume of previously inked, crossed out, re-inked and pencilled in again matches, most likely born out of a cancellation and replacement in the weeks before. The MAD had crossed swords with the good folk of OUCCC in an entertaining T20 earlier in the season, so why not try the longer format – and why not end an eleven-year hiatus and play cricket once more at Stratfield Brake?

A thoroughly lovely day out.

Kidlington itself is famed for being not very famous. It could easily pass as a reasonably large town given its size, but for the fact there is fuck all of interest, henceforth it is classed as a large village. The main drag, if you can call it that, consists of various takeaways, Eastern European car washes and a clutch of battle-hardened drinking establishments where the regulars will likely greet you with a punch in the face or some joyful putdown about your heritage/upbringing. There are also a few estate agents, likely trying to sell properties in the locale and failing miserably once the prospective client tries to Google something nice about the place. Kidlington is also home to Andrew Darley, who can neither reed nor rite.

The ground itself can also be a forgettable experience, being that it often suffers hurricane winds and occupies a vast expanse of land which is ringed by random bushes and a large muddy ditch where you can lose a dozen cricket balls. On a lovely summer’s day however, such as this one, Stratfield isn’t so bad, because with the sun on your back how can you not enjoy a game of this maddening, unforgiving sport?

Walker – loving it.

In absence of the de facto Skippers, Messrs Timms and Turner, Howarth slipped into their jet stream and just like he did so many months ago in the opening game of the season, won the toss. In doing so, Ian almost managed to overhaul Gary’s staggeringly low tally accrued over an entire season. And yes, for once it was the opposition mumbling about their skipper and having to field in the unseasonable highs.

The OUCCC bowling was ragged to say the least with 71 runs plundered in the first eight overs on an outfield quicker than Charlie Sheen smashing three lines of coke for breakfast. Pearson (38) and Williams (39) will both lament not cashing in on benevolence only equalled by Marilyn Monroe’s bed when it came to famous men. Thereon, and metaphors aside, things became more glacial in progress with Joe Cartwright (44*) anchoring things adroitly and Reeves (18) and Smith (23) chipping in with some very healthy cameos. Smith’s innings in particular was of interest, as he inadvertently went to the crease with Howarth’s bat, and in doing so proved that any issues were not with the wood but the fucker holding it.

Cartwright digs in.

Needless to say, the ball of the day followed a glorious straight cover drive by the aforementioned Howarth (7), swinging in late at pace and crashing against the base of leg stump. The same ball was delivered next up by Rene Seegobin (7-1-25-2), but fortunately Mr Walker got right behind his, unfortunately he used his pads in doing so. Rundle (4*) would selfishly protect his average at the end and in doing so manhandled a team total 186-6 off 35 overs.

Truly shite.

The length of the tea interval would eclipse the one on the August Bank Holiday where both teams of players had stopped to listen to Ben Stokes’ heroics at Headingley. There was no Ashes coverage on this day, just an insane amount of fucking about. Players retraced their steps back to personal belongings and kitbags marooned on the side of the pitch, before traipsing back into the pavilion to block all available fire exits with their wares and head back upstairs to realise the tea still wasn’t ready, but the bar was (ready). You can guess the rest….

In reply, the hosts battered The MAD bowling to all parts with S Pathak (58*) tucking into Rundle with the kind of zeal not witnessed since Jaws tucked into the audacious Robert Shaw (one last metaphor). An undiscussed retirement at the end of the over curtailed the carnage and the match would list in another direction.

From 102-1 before the drink’s interval, the OCCSCC innings began to take on water as batsman thrashed about but eventually sank. Reeves (7-0-36-2) underscored his credentials in a pool of one as the best left-handed all-rounder in the club, with Smith (7-1-16-3) producing another mesmeric performance with the ball as yet undefined. The upshot of all this cricketing mayhem was a constant flux of home batsman juggling batting, scoring and umpiring as the overs dwindled by, to a point where Skipper Howarth forgot who had bowled what and who had what to bowl.

Smith earlier headbutting a ball into orbit.

The scoreboard, or rather the foldable scoreplastic thingy now read the hosts requiring something like nine an over off the last three overs with two wickets in hand. These two wickets included S Pathak who was now padded up again and salivating his return. He would be delayed by some lusty slogging from tailenders S Bhattacharjee (26) and R Dantuluri (8), the latter running himself out with three balls remaining whilst sprinting in every direction imaginable but not the one required. The upshot of this second upshot was Pathak stood at the wrong end and 10 still needed to win.

This requirement became 4 off 1 with a four and a two and Pathak still stood at the wrong end. A discussion was now aired regarding four fielders within an unspotted circle of plastic lids, with any annoyance or argument allayed by keeper Hotson, correctly stating the fourth player could be the invisible eleventh man (Timms) and that fine leg and third man could shuffle up.

All this political gamesmanship would count for nothing as it transpired, as Howarth (5-0-33-1) bowled it full outside of Bhattacharjee’s arcing bat and Hotson chipped off the bails with the batsmen attempting four. Game over and the FFTMCC victorious by the landslide margin of 3 runs.

…and that, ladies and gentlemen, was that. A lovely way to sign off against a popular new opposition, encapsulating a rollercoaster season of exhilarating highs, depressing lows, predictably unpredictable days, with tough and hilarious moments along the way, which is every bit The MAD. There was just enough time for one last moan at the pub and for Old Joe to herald it as one of his most enjoyable seasons he could remember. A statement that underlines perfectly what a wonderful thing we have. That, or Mr Cartwright is in the throes of Alzheimer’s.

As players shook hands and disappeared into the unwelcoming arms of winter and loneliness, it was gratifying to see our treasurer sprinting back to the Six Bells, hoping in earnest to relocate club funds and the cash box he’d left behind.

See you all next year, hopefully. If we’re still solvent.

‘Flake’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Oxford University Club CC Played at Stratfield Brake, Kidlington, 15 September 2019 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 3 runs Far from the MCC debuts: n/a

19 / 509 35 over match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. W. Pearson	b Dantuluri	38	(45)	8	-	2-89
2	C. T. J. Williams	c and b Dantuluri	39	(23)	8	1	1-71
3	J. A. Cartwright	not out	44	(72)	7	-	-
4	I. Howarth *	b Seegobin	7	(13)	1	-	3-98
5	B. E. L. Walker	lbw b Seegobin	0	(1)	-	-	4-98
6	M. K. Reeves	b Bhattacharjee	18	(23)	4	-	5-133
7	T. P. W. Smith	b Ritter	23	(29)	4	-	6-180
8	M. S. Rundle	not out	4	(6)	1	-	-
9	C. J. Vermaak
10	J. C. W. Hotson †
11
	Extras	NB2, W5, LB1, B4	12
	TOTAL	(for 6 wickets, 35 overs)	185

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Bhattacharjee	7	0	52	1	7.43
2	Kapur	6	1	35	0	5.83
3	Dantuluri	7	2	18	2	2.57
4	Seegobin	7	1	25	2	3.57
5	Mahale	5	2	30	0	6.00
6	Ritter	3	0	20	1	6.67

Team	Oxford University Club CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	S. Pathak	not out	58		10	2	-
2	D. Malhotra	c Williams b Vermaak	22		1	2
3	H. Rees	b Smith	3		-	-
4	B. Ramanathan †	c Reeves b Smith	13		2	-
5	J. Mahale	c Williams b Rundle	22		4	-
6	T. Ritter	b Smith	4		-	-
7	J. Chauhan	b Reeves	1		-	-
8	A. Kapur	b Reeves	11		2	-
9	R. Seegobin	run out (Smith/Rundle)	2		-	-
10	S. Bhattacharjee	st Hotson b Howarth	26		2	-
11	R. Dantuluri	run out (Vermaak/Howarth)	8		-	-
	Extras	NB2, W7, LB2, B1	12
	TOTAL	(all out, 35 overs)	182

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Reeves	7	0	36	2	5.14
2	Rundle	7	0	50	1	7.14
3	Pearson	4	1	25	0	6.25
4	Vermaak	5	1	20	1	4.00
5	Smith	7	1	16	3	2.29
6	Howarth	5	0	33	1	6.60

MOTM: J. A. Cartwright Champagne Moment: M. K. Reeves’ stunning one-handed catch in the covers Buffet Award: M. S. Rundle’s cheap sardinhas assadas (cooked by his missus) MAD Moment: C. J. Vermaak run out attempt (hurling ball to third man)

Opposition: V108 / 02 Ground: G032 / 07 Captain: C007 / 67 Match No: 35 / 181