“MAD in a Flap in the Absence of Jack”
Match: 20
/ 519
Lost
by 2 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
87 |
|
J. Pearson
20, R. Turner 19 |
|
|
|
|
|
Wootton & Bladon CC |
88 - 8 |
|
C. Vermaak
4 - 15, J. Hoskins 2 - 23 |
|
|
They say a memorable game
of football is a result of a glut of goals and terrible defending, so maybe
this game of cricket will be revered for its glut of wickets and terrible
quality? It certainly helps that the home team conspired to make a tense
finale. Village cricket is that
laughable version of the sport viewed through contemptuous eyes by those who
do League, and on the basis of this match it is very
hard to argue. To be fair to all those involved, this was several rungs
further down the ladder than ‘village’, so maybe it was hamlet cricket or
perhaps something altogether different without any categorisation such as
single dwelling cricket?
Hamlet cricket involves lots of joshing, hands in
pockets and crappy pitches. To try and summarise the
day, you could say the away team batted like pricks first up, making the
pitch appear to have more demons than Dante’s Inferno and then the home team
developed a shared encephalitis of the brain and did everything in their
power to try and fuck up and unfuckable. Rewinding to the start
of this merde de cricket absolue,
Turner (19) and Cartwright (11) steadied the toilet seat after Hadfield (1)
went early complaining he might be going senile. So far so beige, 35-1 and
then… both fell in quick succession, followed by the star of the unfolding calamity
Mr Howarth.
Turner and Cartwright discuss capsizing The MAD
boat. It is unclear whether
Ian (4) was on a compound infusion of psychedelic mushrooms and ketamine, but
his decision to reach and hit a ball to Poole Jr before it bounced twice
beggared belief. The home team almost called him back such was the unedifying
crapness of this passage of play. Instead, he walked off in a daze, found a
foldaway chair to commandeer and began writing his overdue obituary as a Perhaps disconcerted by
the shite they had just witnessed, a procession of
MAD gentlemen with wooden implements now came and went. Ringer Pearson (20)
swung over a dipping full toss to see the dreaded finger, whilst Carter (1)
dined out on his runs at OUP a few weeks ago to anyone who was listening.
Timms (3) tried and failed but found the edge of his bat is going nicely,
Hoskins (7) smited a few before a vicious lollypop caused
confusion, Vermaak (2) snapped his runs of ducks whilst Hotson’s 2020 binary
equation grows in length with another zero. 87 all out and Mr Reeves (13*)
open mouthed and wondering how to explain an absence of flapjacks at the
interval to his dispirited and sullen team mates.
Howarth: truly fucking terrible
dismissal. With the coronavirus
still slaughtering humanity, cricket’s tea interval has now been rebranded as
simply ‘interval’, a period of lonely reflection with no tea. Or in this
case, no tea or flapjacks, and if you forget
to bring a chair, you sit on your bum on the grass with Giant Duck and a few rescued
dogs for company. It’s the new new, or so we’re told, adapted cricket for the diehard,
because as far as social interaction goes in these depressing times, this is
as good as it gets. As dance partners go,
Wootton are about the best you can get in a nonsensical type of way. I mean
at 35-0 chasing not a great deal you can nudge and nurdle your way home, take
the plaudits and hit the pub. But where would the fun it that be… other than
hitting the pub? Who would remember that? Certainly not at this level. What
you need to do is surpass the pitiful total with all guns blazing and attach
zero value to your wicket.
Closed during lockdown, it’s
great to see The MAD bakery has reopened. Trinder‘s
(19) hangover inspired but utterly inept reverse sweep set the ball rolling,
closely followed by his ridiculous cohorts trying to win the game by smashing
sixes into trees and hedgerows. Reeves (5-1-21-2) and Hoskins (7-2-23-2) were
both grateful beneficiaries, with Mr Vermaak finally demonstrating to himself
if nobody else he is a more than decent bowler (7-1-15-4). With scores tied
and 8 wickets down, an almost farcical finale saw Ash Hambridge (4*) play and
miss one that brushed his timber before skewing the winning runs to backward leg. Repairing to the pub, it
was time to steal the home team’s beer table, laugh at the injured Williams’
dysfunctional body and look puzzled at the landlady’s washing left hanging
out (again) to gather the fumes of cigarette smoke and acidic drizzle.
We thank you Nick
Hambridge and Wootton for your neverending supply of humour and absurdity in helping
to revive a season thought lost. We will hopefully welcome you back to the
greens of our college ground next term, where once again we can contrive to
appall our contemporaries and enjoy a memorable game of cricket. NEWSFLASH!!! Wootton & Bladon and
the FFTMCC have thrown the rule book out the window and agreed in principle
to contest a decider on the first weekend in October! Sunday 4th will see these
maverick cricketing desperados play into a month never thought capable of
sustaining cricket, to decide on the winner-gets-the-beer-table and bragging
rights going into 2021. Stay tuned, folks…. ‘Shit Shot’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Wootton &
Bladon CC Played at Cassington, 16 August 2020 Wootton & Bladon CC won the toss
and elected to field Wootton & Bladon CC won by 2 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: n/a |
20 / 519 35 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. P. Turner |
lbw b Hambridge |
19 |
(24) |
2 |
- |
2-35 |
|
2 |
R. J. T. Hadfield |
c Barber b Hambridge |
1 |
(5) |
- |
- |
1-6 |
|
3 |
J. A. Cartwright |
b Haywood |
11 |
(19) |
1 |
- |
3-35 |
|
4 |
J. W. Pearson |
lbw b Wood |
20 |
(36) |
2 |
- |
7-65 |
|
5 |
I. Howarth |
c T. Poole b Haywood |
4 |
(6) |
1 |
- |
4-45 |
|
6 |
G. Carter |
c Valentine b Wood |
1 |
(20) |
- |
- |
5-54 |
|
7 |
G. J. Timms * |
b S. Poole |
3 |
(11) |
- |
- |
6-65 |
|
8 |
M. K. Reeves |
not out |
13 |
(19) |
2 |
- |
- |
|
9 |
J. D. Hoskins |
c N. Hambridge b S. Poole |
7 |
(8) |
1 |
- |
8-82 |
|
10 |
C. J. Vermaak |
c T. Poole b Wood |
2 |
(6) |
- |
- |
9-80 |
|
11 |
J. C. W. Hotson † |
c Doggett b Wood |
0 |
(7) |
- |
- |
10-87 |
|
|
Extras |
NB2, WW, LB2 |
6 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 26.3 overs) |
87 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Haywood |
7 |
0 |
31 |
2 |
4.43 |
|
|
2 |
N. Hambridge |
7 |
1 |
16 |
2 |
2.29 |
|
|
3 |
Wood |
6.3 |
1 |
19 |
4 |
2.92 |
|
|
4 |
S. Poole |
6 |
0 |
20 |
2 |
3.33 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Wootton & Bladon CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. Trinder |
lbw b Reeves |
19 |
|
4 |
- |
1-35 |
|
2 |
A. Collett |
c Turner b Hoskins |
17 |
|
3 |
- |
3-50 |
|
3 |
J. Barber |
b Reeves |
0 |
|
- |
- |
2-35 |
|
4 |
T. Poole |
b Vermaak |
20 |
|
2 |
1 |
5-61 |
|
5 |
N. Hambridge |
c and b Hoskins |
2 |
|
- |
- |
4-60 |
|
6 |
T. Valentine * |
c Turner b Vermaak |
10 |
|
2 |
- |
6-72 |
|
7 |
G. Doggett † |
c Timms b Vermaak |
11 |
|
2 |
- |
7-85 |
|
8 |
A. Hambridge |
not out |
4 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
9 |
N. Haywood |
b Vermaak |
2 |
|
- |
- |
8-87 |
|
10 |
S. Poole |
not out |
0 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
11 |
C. Wood |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
W1, LB1, B1 |
3 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 8 wickets, 25.0 overs) |
88 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Timms |
3 |
0 |
23 |
0 |
7.67 |
|
|
2 |
Reeves |
5 |
1 |
21 |
2 |
4.20 |
|
|
3 |
Hoskins |
7 |
2 |
23 |
2 |
3.29 |
|
|
4 |
Vermaak |
7 |
1 |
15 |
4 |
2.14 |
|
|
5 |
Howarth |
3 |
0 |
4 |
0 |
1.33 |
|
|
MOTM: C. J. Vermaak Champagne Moment: C. J. Vermaak’s bowling
of T. Poole Buffet
Award: G. J. Timms’ introspective
banana splits MAD
Moment: I. Howarth’s inexplicable
spoon of some total shite |
Opposition:
V027 / 31 Ground: G067 / 05 Captain: C022 / 94 Match No: 35 / 185 |