“Pearson XI Defeated in Sanitised Performance”
Match: 20
/ 510
Lost
by 8 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
72 |
|
I. Howarth
27 |
|
|
|
|
|
Middleton Stoney CC |
74 - 2 |
|
M. Reeves
2 - 11 |
|
The stumping of Mr Bhattacharjee
on September 15, 2019 would be the last piece of cricket undertaken by The
MAD until Chris Williams faffed about with a dot ball some 304 days later. This
was a record of cricketing idleness only bettered by the individual slackness
of the famed Richard Hadfield. It is a record unlikely to be broken until the
team disband or perish with the upcoming Wave 2 of Covid-19 this autumn. Not to dwell on the
numerous hurricanes that battered the UK, a world knackering pandemic and the
non-stop barrage of protests and demonstrations foreshadowing mass
unemployment and starvation, the ECB’s decision to grant recreational cricket
a renewed licence was a wonderful one. Now the guys could finally stand in a
field in off colour whites, bitch and moan about the
world at large and welcome back into their lives that wholly depressed
feeling of sporting underachievement. It would also be a long overdue and blessed
three hours away from significant others, non-others
or a fucking laptop with a Zoom app.
The first socially distanced MAD team photo. Notable amendments to
the game in its now socially crippled format would include travelling on your
own where possible, no bar or pavilion, turning up in ones
whites ready to play like James Pearson, no bar or pavilion, signing your
life away on a Track & Trace form, no bar or pavilion, sanitising
yourself, sanitising the ball, sanitising the scorebook and sanitising Giant
Duck. You must also remember not to high five, avoid celebratory group hugs,
not hand the umpire anything whilst in the field and not throw the ball to
each other, apart from when you have to or forget not
to. You could, thankfully, on this particular occasion,
use the crapper hidden behind the unmentioned closed bar and pavilion to avoid
over-sanitising the hedgerows should you need a visit. On arrival at a leafy Middleton
Stoney park, it quickly became obvious that the home team were far more
experienced in adapted gameplay having hosted the Sunday before versus
Banbury. In contrast, The MAD just shuffled about looking perplexed and
awkward but nevertheless overcome with emotion to once again be reunited with
a quorum of hasbeens and neverweres. Attention was now drawn
to Mr Turner out in the middle, who was once again securing the toss before
elbowing his opposite number. This act of elbowing wasn’t
akin to football where you lose your rag and break someone’s jawbone, but
symptomatic of the times where elbow bumps have now replaced the cordial and
very English handshake. That seems most odd.
Cricket in 2020…. The decision to bat
first at MSCC is a simple one, given that the second innings is normally
played out in darkness as the non-sun dips behind the very real trees.
Entrusted with laying the foundations of a solid MAD total were Williams (7)
and Hotson (1), both looking bewildered at the wicket and both out in comical
fashion. Jake notched an earlier contender for the fictional EBI Trophy,
whilst Williams decided to find the welcoming hands of the same deep cow
fielder who dropped him for four the ball previous. Who says stupidity doesn’t strike twice? A docile pitch shorn of
any real pace would eventually do for Captain Turner (12) and would almost do
for Howarth first ball. Dropped, Ian then chanced his arm for an enterprising
27 before lobbing some flan to point. From 59-4 the pub team lived up to
their name by collapsing about like banjaxed winos at a landlady’s wake.
Carter (1) may have been there, but probably wasn’t, Pearson could have
scored fifty but only jogged 9, Timms’ (3) dismal day got off to being out to
the catch of the century and Mike (4) was deeply unimpressed with walking out
to face the opposition’s quickest bowler when clearly
he shouldn’t have to because he holds the prestige of being The MAD’s
incumbent Player of the Season.
Hotson (facing) on his way to duck avoidance…. Anyone left? Ah, yes. Mr
Rundle (0*) would cleverly stand at the non-striker’s end to expose Vermaak
and Bullock to ducks (golden and silver respectively). Corne’s
dismissal did of course tip its hat to that classic village two-card trick –
namely an ill-directed wide followed up by a pearler on middle just nibbling
off the seam. So, 72 all out off 18.5
unspectacular, run-of-the-mill, nothingy, often trundling, unmemorable and
occasional pie-esque humdrum overs. During an odd and
decidedly puzzled interval bottles of sanitiser were liberally splashed about
as fielders resolved to rebuke vectors of infection and stand up and be
counted. In the gathering gloom, Mike (3-0-11-2) then did what Mike normally
does, which is bowl with the ball on a shoelace and encourage batsmen to have
a slog at him and eventually perish (Lancaster 0, G Williams 13). Mr Rundle
(4-0-30-0) is similar in pace and dexterity but he
alas had Mr Timms fielding at mid wicket. Gary
would later apportion blame for his buttery fingers on sanitising gel being
like butter (sort of). The other two bowlers to
go wicketless in this
Psycho (left) blissfully unaware of the Buffet
fiasco to come…. In a year symbolic for
banging household pots and pans for NHS workers and ignoring all other
essential workers, it felt utterly therapeutic to be back out in the field
chasing leather and taking the piss. Friendly
cricket doesn’t miss the competition, it doesn’t
even miss being cricket sometimes, it never has, but it desperately misses
the social interaction and witticisms. If this turns out to be the one and
only game of 2020, before team mobiles begin to chime with calls from
government offices to self-isolate, it will have been worth it. Many thanks to Simon
Pettit and MSCC for their resolve in getting this game on and a very warm clanging
of his missus’ Stella cans for our Skipper, Mr Turner. Russ performed
admirably on the evening as he cajoled and shepherded his flock and in doing
so helped to divert an obvious unease. Fuck you Covid.
‘Spam’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Middleton
Stoney CC Played at Middleton Park, 15 July 2020 Far from the MCC won the toss and
elected to bat Middleton Stoney CC won by 8 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: n/a |
20 / 510 35 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
C. T. J. Williams |
c E. Barton b J. Williams |
7 |
(8) |
1 |
- |
2-14 |
|
2 |
J. C. W. Hotson |
b J. Williams |
1 |
(8) |
- |
- |
1-5 |
|
3 |
R. P. Turner * |
c J. Williams b R. Barton |
12 |
(23) |
1 |
- |
3-28 |
|
4 |
I. Howarth |
c A. Patel b J. Williams |
27 |
(25) |
5 |
- |
7-68 |
|
5 |
G. Carter |
b R. Barton |
1 |
(10) |
- |
- |
4-33 |
|
6 |
J. W. Pearson |
b A. Patel |
9 |
(15) |
1 |
- |
5-59 |
|
7 |
G. J. Timms |
c R. Barton b G. Williams |
3 |
(4) |
|
- |
6-66 |
|
8 |
M. K. Reeves |
b Wordsworth |
4 |
(10) |
- |
- |
8-71 |
|
9 |
M. S. Rundle |
not out |
0 |
(7) |
- |
- |
- |
|
10 |
C. J. Vermaak |
b Wordsworth |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
9-72 |
|
11 |
M. Bullock † |
b Wordsworth |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
10-72 |
|
|
Extras |
W7, B1 |
8 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 18.5 overs) |
72 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
J. Williams |
4 |
1 |
11 |
3 |
2.75 |
|
|
2 |
Wordsworth |
3.5 |
1 |
8 |
3 |
2.09 |
|
|
3 |
E. Barton |
2 |
0 |
12 |
0 |
6.00 |
|
|
4 |
R. Barton |
2 |
1 |
4 |
2 |
2.00 |
|
|
5 |
A. Patel |
3 |
0 |
14 |
1 |
4.67 |
|
|
6 |
K. Patel |
2 |
0 |
19 |
0 |
9.50 |
|
|
7 |
G. Williams |
2 |
0 |
3 |
1 |
1.50 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Middleton Stoney CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
H. Lancaster |
c Vermaak b Reeves |
0 |
|
- |
- |
1-0 |
|
2 |
G. Williams |
b Reeves |
13 |
|
2 |
- |
2-28 |
|
3 |
K. Patel |
not out |
28 |
|
4 |
- |
- |
|
4 |
J. Lumb † |
not out |
30 |
|
3 |
1 |
- |
|
5 |
B. Breaker |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
6 |
T. House * |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
7 |
A. Patel |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
8 |
P. Wordsworth |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
J. Williams |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
R. Barton |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
E. Barton |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
W3 |
3 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 2 wickets, 13.1 overs) |
74 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Reeves |
3 |
0 |
11 |
2 |
3.67 |
|
|
2 |
Rundle |
4 |
0 |
30 |
0 |
7.50 |
|
|
3 |
Vermaak |
4 |
0 |
18 |
0 |
4.50 |
|
|
4 |
Timms |
2.1 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
7.38 |
|
|
MOTM: I. Howarth Champagne Moment: M. K. Reeves’ wicket
with a straight ball Buffet
Award: M. S. Rundle’s out-of-date
Tesco Value chicken pie MAD
Moment: I. Howarth & J. W. Pearson ball watching as it stopped
shy of the boundary (would then sprint two) |
Opposition:
V079 / 06 Ground: G071 / 06 Captain: C024 / 32 Match No: 20 / 140 |