“Records Tumble as Carter Unearths a Diamond”
Match: 20
/ 511
Lost
by 8 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
143 - 11 |
|
C. Williams
54, M. Bullock 24* |
|
|
|
|
|
Cumnor SAS |
144 - 2 |
|
A. Darley
1 - 10 |
|
|
With the conspiracists
proved correct and the coronavirus linked to a global, media driven fantasy, President
Trump was swept back into the Whitehouse and the Far from the MCC were
readied for a concertinaed cricket season consisting of thirty games in as
many days. The first Sunday workout
would take Team MAD to the rather delightful surroundings of Cumnor CC, a
ground of no little beauty which would seem to epitomise the wealthier side
of rural Oxfordshire. Tucked away between a ring of trees with a pitch that
slopes up to a perfect pavilion, it is a ground that begs your affection and
sticks in your mind.
In advance of the match,
a requisite eleven were culled from a squad of over two dozen salivating MAD hopefuls,
with Skipper Timms matching up against an “older and stronger” Cumnor XI (at
least on paper). What was lost in translation was the fact that the home team
used the term “older” in reference to not picking lads from their U7s, U9s
and U11s, and instead fielded an old team with an average age of 13.
So, it would seem prudent to issue an apology to The MAD’s axed Westmoreland
Juniors who were probably both older than
this old Cumnor XI…. An eleven-a-side game was then boosted to twelve-a-side
when Cumnor requested to field a six year old. The
MAD would hit back by fielding their own upcoming starlet in Joe Cartwright …
about fifty years his senior. Having been inserted on
a perfect batting track, The MAD got to off to a scintillating start as
openers Pearson (2) and Williams were clean bowled by the prodigious inswing
of young Hitton-Dew. Chris would be reprieved by a
no ball, then a dropped sitter before settling into a lovely partnership with
Turner (17). This would be one of only two decent partnerships on the day,
the other we will come back to later.
Turner stares out a floating ball. With the score on 72-1,
Turner was run out by a direct hit from the boundary and his demise would
mark a steady decline into the realms of shoddy incompetence only matched by
the Far from the MCC themselves. Cartwright came and went
for a duck, and with a ton there for the taking, Williams (54) opted to
“enjoy himself” and top edge a pull to slip. Taking on the mantle of senior
batsman, Howarth (10) skewered a passing buzzard who may well have been
circling to pick apart what is now left of his dwindling stocks of batting acumen.
Jan (7) appeared as if he had arrived from all night techno festival,
wide-eyed and utterly disorientated, Carter the latest entrant of the Webster
Club, ran out without facing a ball. A captain’s innings was
required, and we might well have developed a Covid vaccine by then (Timms
caught for 4). Shorten (0) looked like he’d never
been away, maybe because he hasn’t, holed up in his sprawling mansion atop of
Boars Hill reflecting on times past when he put bat and ball. POTS Reeves (2)
was next to be shit, obviously as confused as everyone else as to how he won
the fucking thing. Could the talismanic Andy Darley
(3) summon one of his legendary knocks to counter this uncontainable, soul
destroying mess of an innings that reminded one of the Exxon Valdez disaster?
I think we all know the answer to that one. So, there you have it, TEN
wickets had fallen for 40 runs in 12.5 overs on a dream surface under warm
blue skies. But wait … what was
this? Cumnor rather magnanimously allowed Diamond Carter (5*) to return as a
thirteenth man, probably in hope he could keep Mr Bullock (24*) company in
raising the total to something considered resolutely below par. This they did
in an unbroken, record strewn partnership of 31* spread out over ten overs
with both of them entering MAD folklore as the
highest scorers in their respective positions. 143-11 at final count. You really
don’t see that type of score very often.
Carter and Bullock (facing) during their epic
twelfth wicket partnership.
A tea interval consisted
of both sets of players grouped in their own social bubbles, with the old old men chucking their monies through a bar window
and buying cans of plonk, whilst the yoot checked the latest social media
feeds on their iPhones and laughed whilst recounting the old fuckers’ batting
collapse they’d just witnessed. It is also worth
noting the generosity of
Mike and his Tintin tin. On resumption things
went pretty much to script, with The MAD getting an absolute carting thanks
to retirees Cook 63* and Lydford-Brace 54*. Messrs Darley (5-0-10-1) and
Shorten (4-2-13-0) were the standout in a battery of forgettable bowling nonsense,
with Andy’s final act of breaking into pieces on the turf reminiscent of a shagged
old steam engine prior to being hauled off to the knackers
yard. Mr Reeves (4-0-35-0) completed
a cosmic day by being thrashed into Botley followed by the pavilion bar,
whilst Timms (4.3-0-36-0) looked to rescue his figures somewhat before
Shorten carried a catch across the boundary for six. A pleasant smattering of
locals were then served up some classic English comedy
towards the end by the double act of Pearson (6-0-32-0) and Howarth
(2-0-15-0), and a virtuoso bout of Tourette’s from Clubber Webster. James,
quite inexplicably, ended up running back to his bowler’s mark with both
batsmen, only to heed calls to throw to the “other end”. Pirouetting on the
spot, his limp-wristed return to keeper Bullock was that wide the batsmen
could probably have ran three. Not to be outdone, we
had Howarth setting a trap of three fielders at straight cow only to hurl
some waist high crap down leg that went considerably
further down long leg before disappearing over a car park. Two other run out fiascos with both batsmen stranded would include
Howarth again, this time throwing wide of all three stump’s from a metre
(whilst perfectly balanced I might add) and Mr Webster serenading his aim at
the sticks with a decibel shattering expletive that rhymes with LUCK.
Some of those darned, uber skilled and thoroughly
well-coached kids. Bodies ached after this
second game in five days after 304 days off, but mostly from the laughter. It
was another eight-wicket loss, but how thoroughly enjoyable to be simply
playing cricket amongst such dreamy surrounds. We thank you David Clapton and
Cumnor for your warm hospitality and beer hatch and hope to give your kids a darned
good thrashing in 365 days’ time. ‘Leighton Buzzard’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Cumnor SAS Played at Park Field, Cumnor, 19 July
2020 Cumnor SAS won the toss and elected
to field Cumnor SAS won by 8 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: n/a |
20 / 511 35 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. W. Pearson |
b Hitton-Dew |
2 |
(4) |
- |
- |
1-2 |
|
2 |
C. T. J. Williams |
c Cook b Clapton |
54 |
(50) |
7 |
1 |
4-88 |
|
3 |
R. P. Turner |
run out (Lydford-Brace) |
17 |
(32) |
2 |
- |
2-72 |
|
4 |
J. A. Cartwright |
b Herbert |
0 |
(4) |
- |
- |
3-72 |
|
5 |
I. Howarth |
c Lydford-Brace b Clapton |
10 |
(18) |
- |
- |
5-91 |
|
6 |
J. vdG. Webster |
b Price |
7 |
(18) |
- |
- |
8-103 |
|
7 |
G. Carter |
run out (Murkett) |
0 |
(0) |
- |
- |
6-91 |
|
8 |
G. J. Timms * |
c Lydford-Brace b Clapton |
4 |
(6) |
1 |
- |
7-95 |
|
9 |
D. Shorten |
lbw b Handa |
0 |
(9) |
- |
- |
9-105 |
|
10 |
M. K. Reeves |
b Price |
2 |
(8) |
- |
- |
10-105 |
|
11 |
A. Darley |
c Lydford-Brace b Freely |
3 |
(16) |
- |
- |
11-112 |
|
12 |
M. Bullock † |
not out |
24 |
(28) |
4 |
- |
- |
|
13 |
G. Carter |
not out |
5 |
(23) |
- |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
NB6, W5, LB4 |
15 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 11 wickets, 35 overs) |
143 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Hitton-Dew |
5 |
0 |
17 |
1 |
3.40 |
|
|
2 |
Nicol |
3 |
0 |
19 |
0 |
6.33 |
|
|
3 |
Murkett |
6 |
0 |
28 |
0 |
4.67 |
|
|
4 |
Freely |
6 |
0 |
40 |
1 |
6.67 |
|
|
5 |
Herbert |
4 |
1 |
8 |
1 |
2.00 |
|
|
6 |
Clapton |
4 |
1 |
15 |
3 |
3.75 |
|
|
7 |
Price |
3 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
0.67 |
|
|
8 |
Handa |
3 |
2 |
8 |
1 |
2.67 |
|
|
9 |
Paton |
1 |
0 |
3 |
0 |
3.00 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Cumnor SAS |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
A. Cook |
retired |
63 |
(60) |
8 |
2 |
- |
|
2 |
O. Paton † |
b Darley |
1 |
(8) |
- |
- |
1-3 |
|
3 |
T. Lydford-Brace |
retired |
54 |
(52) |
4 |
3 |
- |
|
4 |
D. Blakey |
not out |
12 |
(25) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
5 |
K. Handa |
run out (Pearson) |
5 |
(5) |
- |
- |
2-140 |
|
6 |
W. Nicol |
not out |
4 |
(3) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
7 |
W. Price |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
8 |
S. Herbert |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
J. Clapton * |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
N. Hitton-Dew |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
T. Murkett |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
12 |
J. Freely |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
13 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
W1, LB2, B2 |
5 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 2 wickets, 25.3 overs) |
144 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Darley |
5 |
0 |
10 |
1 |
2.00 |
|
|
2 |
Shorten |
4 |
2 |
13 |
0 |
3.25 |
|
|
3 |
Reeves |
4 |
0 |
35 |
0 |
8.75 |
|
|
4 |
Pearson |
6 |
0 |
32 |
0 |
5.33 |
|
|
5 |
Timms |
4.3 |
0 |
36 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
6 |
Howarth |
2 |
0 |
15 |
0 |
7.50 |
|
|
MOTM: M. Bullock Champagne Moment: C. T. J. Williams’
maximum to long leg (off a no ball) Buffet
Award: M. K. Reeves’ overly exposed
flapjacks MAD
Moment: J. W. Pearson’s non run out
with both batsmen stood at the same end |
Opposition:
V113 / 01 Ground: G069 / 05 Captain: C022 / 90 Match No: 35 / 182 |