“Preposterous Rambles of Fictional Embezzlement

And Tales of a Fugitive Lifestyle

(Part II)”

Match: 20 / 525

Lost by 9 wkts

Team	Total
FFTMCC	97
M. Reeves 27*
Ipsden CC	101 - 1
C. Vermaak 1 - 3

With the Mandarins euphoric in victory, Beancounter Reeves’ shoddy finances were brushed under a beer stained carpet and the HMRC declaring the FFTMCC had no case to answer. Captain Timms was immediately reinstated and returned forthwith from the glens and Castle Barnard whence he … went.

The next match would be five years in the making, ever since The MAD were formally accepted into the prodigious Oxford Friendly Cup. By some odd quirk of fate, they had never played Ipsden, never visited Ipsden, and if you live as a pikey in Wallingford, you would probably remark “didn’t even know they were in the fackin’ cap.” With the coronavirus ripping up all sporting calendars, Fixtures Gopher Howarth immediately contacted his Ipsden counterpart (Charlie) to ensure this game happen on a now vacant cup date. Game on.

Ipsden CC and its infinity views.

To find the ground would have you first finding the King William IV pub, a famed establishment ran by a former chef for Chelsea football club and his lovely wife Pey. It is situated among a crazy maze of B roads with little in the way of network coverage for guidance, and the resultant vehicles of the lost and abandoned are everywhere to find. Fortunately, Geoff was playing today, and Geoff knows everything there is to know about Oxfordshire, so The MAD were in good hands.

A short journey from the pub is the enchanting ground of Ipsden, taking you through arable farmland and into unchartered country territory where outsiders are often stopped and hung from trees. Ignoring these ghastly suspensions by the neck, the cricket ground itself affords stunning views to the east of Oxford, where on a clear day you can clearly make out the loony bin in Cholsey. The ground also boasts a few trees and a telegraph pole to affect the scoring process, 6s become 4s and a risky jog for 1 by Paddy Mellor becomes a 4 if the ball connects with the pole.

John and an offending tree.

Winning the … oh, losing the toss, Mr Timms relayed to his unsurprised colleagues that they were batting first. It was a haphazard XI culled from an assortment of those who could walk, breathe and consider themselves to be halfway fit, but a team nonetheless with instructions to put on a show and a post a total in excess of a ton.

Things looked great at 10-0 but no so great at 39-7, with Turner (13) returning dejectedly to the sidelines after watching batsmen 2 to 7 struggle with the concept of being a batman. There was a brief cameo in there to lighten proceedings, David Emerson casting responsibility to one side and blazing a four and a towering six, just a shame the theatre was only 8 balls in duration.

Mr Emerson carts one into Cholsey.

Sanitisation is something that will be remembered for years to come, perhaps with little affection, but certainly as a point in an innings where momentum can be stopped, and things restarted. This was precisely the outcome here after a gel break, with Ipsden losing their line as the evergreen Reeves (27*) and Rundle (14) rescued the day, or at least the innings as it plateaued out at a more respectable 97 all out. Not quite the ton, but certainly not the shambles it could have been. Standout bowler for the home team was W Simpson with the luscious figures of 5-12.

In reply, a steady Ipsden beginning was soon derailed by Bertygate, with Joe Cartwright’s dog refusing to move from his slumber at a busy mid-on boundary. Or, more to the point, behind Geoff who was minding the stumps. Several members of cast and crew attempted to move the immoveable, with the furry lead weight only reciprocating when his dad made the several hour commute from the opposing end of the pitch. That this whole irrelevant saga has taken up a whole paragraph in this report perhaps exposes the lack of anything else to recount, though the views from the scorer’s table were exquisite.

Discussing Bertygate.

On resumption, Team MAD spiralled through anyone who could bowl in the hope the constant changes might unsettle the batsmen. They didn’t, with D Wood (50) b Vermaak (3-1-3-1) being the only blemish in a carefully constructed run chase. The end of which seeing J Church (20*) launch Harris high out the ground but clipping a leaf of an on-pitch tree and thus becoming four.

Defeat by nine wickets, but a game played out in excellent spirit and with views to match. Hopefully, the Cup draw of 2021 will see these teams meet again, albeit with a decidedly different outcome.

‘Corti Sone’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Ipsden CC Played at Ipsden, 6 September 2020 Ipsden CC won the toss and elected to field Ipsden CC won by 9 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: n/a

20 / 525 35 over match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. P. Turner	b Simpson	13	(33)	-	-	7-39
2	J. W. Pearson	c Bennett b Fanstone	2	(9)	-	-	1-10
3	J. A. Cartwright	b Fanstone	6	(9)	1	-	2-16
4	D. Emerson	b Fanstone	11	(8)	1	1	3-28
5	J. D. Hoskins	c Wood b Hughesdon	4	(5)	1	-	4-33
6	J. Harris	c Church b Simpson	2	(10)	-	-	5-38
7	G. J. Timms *	b Simpson	0	(2)	-	-	6-38
8	M. K. Reeves	not out	27	(45)	6	-	-
9	M. S. Rundle	c Hughesdon b Withers	14	(31)	3	-	8-70
10	C. J. Vermaak	c Wood b Simpson	6	(18)	1	-	9-96
11	G. Carter †	c Houseman b Simpson	0	(5)	-	-	10-97
	Extras	NB1, W1, LB2, B8	12
	TOTAL	(all out, 29 overs)	97

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Hughesdon	5	0	17	1	3.40
2	Fanstone	5	0	16	3	3.20
3	Withers	7	1	24	1	3.43
4	Simpson	7	3	12	5	1.71
5	Houseman	5	0	18	0	3.60

Team	Ipsden CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	D. Wood	b Vermaak	50	(45)	9	1	1-74
2	C. Cox	not out	23	(52)	3	-	-
3	J. Church	not out	20	(21)	4	-	-
4	C. Rudling
5	S. Bennett
6	J. Withers
7	D. Houseman *
8	M. Hughesdon
9	W. Simpson
10	J. Fanstone
11	A. Symonds †
	Extras	W1, LB1, B6	8
	TOTAL	(for 1 wicket, 19.4 overs)	101

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Timms	5	1	20	0	4.00
2	Rundle	2	0	14	0	7.00
3	Reeves	3	1	18	0	6.00
4	Emerson	2	0	5	0	2.50
5	Hoskins	4	0	22	0	5.50
6	Vermaak	3	1	3	1	1.00
7	Harris	0.4	0	12	0	18.00

MOTM: M. K. Reeves Champagne Moment: D. Emerson’s huge six over cow Buffet Award: J. Harris’ halibut and king prawns served with a seafood cream sauce and mash (roasted shallot side) MAD Moment: R. P. Turner’s breakdancing routine

Opposition: V115 / 01 Ground: G105 / 01 Captain: C024 / 41 Match No: 35 / 188