“Does Alcohol Affect Cricketing Performance?
A Scientific Study”
Match: 21 / 548
Won by 81 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
144 - 9 |
|
D.
Shorten 73*, J. Bateman
18* |
|
|
|
|
|
Zambuca Tigers CC |
63 |
|
G. Timms 5
- 4, C. Roberts 2 - 12 |
|
|
Introduction This paper attempts to quantify the impact of alcohol
on cricketing performance, namely batting, bowling and catching. Subjects in
this randomised trial were selected from a pool of fourteen respondents using
the ‘Top Trumps and coin toss’ method (Ref 1.) A control group (David
Shorten) who consumed no alcohol on the day of the game was measured against
the test group of ten, who got progressively more battered as the game
approached. The traditional Friday of tour was selected as the optimum day of
the test as it combined numerous drinking establishments in the host city
with copious time to kill before the game.
The opponents in the experiment were Zambuca Tigers (ZT
Ref 2.) a team that appear to be moulded very similar to us in that they get
that cricket is a largely social event. We hear they have over 100 members
with 50 or so hanging on live updates to the Whatsapp group. Great credit and
many thanks are given for persevering with the game through intermittent
drizzle and fading light. Apparently, they tour to exotic locations including
Russia, but we’d be very happy to host if they decide on a more modest tour
to Oxford. Methodology After an enjoyable night at the Hope and Ruin, Friday
dawned grey and windy. I mean like properly gale force five, lean into it
when you’re walking the 2.5 miles along the seafront to the crazy golf type
of windy. For perhaps the one and only time on tour, the team walked past a
pirate themed crazy golf course and on to the ‘Jungle Rumble Adventure’, a
course named close enough to the classic encounter for the lawyers of Mr Ali
and Mr Foreman to take an interest. Thirty six holes allowed the leaders to
be grouped into a final foursome, in to which an early (for him) rising Jake
inserted himself. As they came to the final hole, the result was still up for
grabs, but Russ emerged victorious.
So on to the experiment. Dave Shorten removed himself
from the possibility of drinking by opting for a 10km run along the seafront,
whilst the rest of the team headed for The Evening Star (ES Ref 3.) Coin
tossing (Ref 1) the night before had established that Messrs Reeves, Psycho
and Salad would not be playing today, they were therefore free to get stuck
well in. Even when it was discovered that ZT (Ref 2) had only nine players
and would therefore require two FFTMCC players they refused to get involved.
The team were at first horrified to discover that the ES only served vegan
food, but when in Brighton and all that, they found that a change is sometime
good. JMO threw himself in to the experiment at this point, downing half a
pint of (possibly) Stout, which was around 18% and the consistency of a
McDonalds chocolate milk shake.
From there the experiment continued on to the Battle of
Trafalgar (Refs 4 and 5, 1805), where JMO and Jake had an impromptu game of
table tennis involving some pint glasses and their hands. Finally, the team
went to the colourful Albert pub (Ref 6 and 7), to put the tin hat on their
preparations. The game took place in a council park (imagine that!)
just east of Brighton. A café / pavilion overlooked the pitch and served
wonderful samosas (Ref 8), but was unfortunately closing just as the match
started. Opening bat I Howarth decided that a quick streak around the
outfield in his under crackers was just what was needed as the rain started
to fall. The scorebook records that he was caught by sub Darley, who then
batted at 3. Can that really be right?
With Russ doing much of the scoring, precise details
are hard to come by, but it looks like the team were 9 for 3 when Dave
Shorten came in, the sober contingent of our team. He smashed three massive
sixes and quickly retired on 34 as helicopters, fire engines and ambulances
circled the pitch attending to an accident nearby. After that, the team
performed about as well as can be expected with an average of five pints
inside each of them. Hotson and Hoskins got goldens (although the ball to
Hoskins from Mariner was a beauty) whilst Bullock and Carter also got ducks.
No-one else got in to double figures although all troubled the scorer.
At (roughly) 82-9 and the rest of his inebriated team
mates back in the pavilion / café Shorten returned for a record breaking
performance (Ref 9). He was supported by James B (18 n.o.), the Dilley to his
Botham, but this was all about Dave. Another three monster 6’s, bringing the
total to six equals a club record in all formats and his 73 not out is a new
club record beating the 65 from Thornton set in 2003. Again, we have to talk
about ringers, and ZT would be entitled to think we had drafted in a county player,
but no, this is one of our own who when he occasionally fires, does so
brilliantly. Well done sober Dave, scoring 50.7% of the total 144.
Champion Master
Blaster. Now a confession, alcohol does affect memory and I have
little recollection of our bowling performance. Was it the fact it was so
dark, or just my failing eyesight meaning I literally struggled to make out
which of our bowlers were bowling? The ZT innings never really got going as a
succession of players struggled with the intermittent drizzle and terrible
light. Special mention to P Styles batting at four and getting a golden
(caught Hotson bowled Roberts), he returned at eleven to bag a second golden
this time bowled Timms. We have all collectively been there and ZT will have
better days. Stand-out performance on the bowling front was Gary. 3.3-1-5-4
sees him to number three in the all time best bowling figures and the best
going back to 2005. Surely the only time ever that such great figures did not
merit a MOTM nod.
Timms and
Shorten… a day to remember (for one of them anyway). Results ·
Alcohol does affect batting
performance. ·
Alcohol does not affect bowling, well
not Gary’s anyway. Geoff bowled a 14 ball over, but here the influence of
booze is not thought to be significant. ·
A surprising result is that alcohol does
not appear to affect catching with Hotson, Hoskins and judas Darley
managing to cling on. ·
Alcohol most definitely affects
scoring with Reeves unable to count to five and Turner, well just unable.
Conclusions Further extensive research is required. References 1.
First pioneered in match #399 in 2015 during the Tour to Hythe
& Dibden 2.
https://zambucatigers.play-cricket.com/home 3.
https://www.facebook.com/EveningStarBrighton 4.
https://www.facebook.com/horatio.nelson.77128/ 5.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Trafalgar 6.
https://princealbertbrighton.co.uk/ 7.
https://www.royal.uk/prince-albert 8.
https://www.indianhealthyrecipes.com/samosa-recipe-make-samosa/ 9.
MAD Batting Records as per the above Link
‘Reevsie’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Zambuca
Tigers CC Played at East Brighton Park, 30 July
2021 Zambuca Tigers CC won the toss and
elected to field Far from the MCC won by 81 runs Far from the MCC debuts: n/a |
21 / 548 20 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
I. Howarth |
c sub (Darley) b Adams |
14 |
(18) |
2 |
- |
3-61 |
|
2 |
M. Bullock |
b Ryan |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
1-3 |
|
3 |
A. Darley |
c Edgell b Ryan |
5 |
(11) |
1 |
- |
2-8 |
|
4 |
J. C. W. Hotson † |
b Ryan |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
4-61 |
|
5 |
D. Shorten |
not out |
73 |
(33) |
7 |
6 |
- |
|
6 |
R. P. Turner |
c Edgell b De Silva |
9 |
(11) |
- |
- |
5-75 |
|
7 |
C. D. Roberts |
b Tovey |
4 |
(13) |
- |
- |
6-79 |
|
8 |
G. J. Timms |
lbw b Barrs |
7 |
(9) |
- |
- |
9-83 |
|
9 |
G. Carter |
b Mariner |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
7-82 |
|
10 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Mariner |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
8-82 |
|
11 |
J. C. Bateman * |
not out |
18 |
(17) |
3 |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
W7, LB3, B4 |
14 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for
9 wickets, 20 overs) |
144 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Ryan |
3 |
1 |
12 |
3 |
4.00 |
|
|
2 |
Styles |
2 |
0 |
5 |
0 |
2.50 |
|
|
3 |
Adams |
3 |
0 |
28 |
1 |
9.33 |
|
|
4 |
Ewing |
3 |
0 |
34 |
0 |
11.33 |
|
|
5 |
De Silva |
2 |
0 |
6 |
1 |
3.00 |
|
|
6 |
Tovey |
2 |
0 |
10 |
1 |
5.00 |
|
|
7 |
Mariner |
2 |
0 |
6 |
2 |
3.00 |
|
|
8 |
Barrs |
3 |
0 |
36 |
1 |
12.00 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note: D. Shorten retired at 57-3 (7.5 overs) and
returned at 83-9 (14.2 overs) |
|
||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Zambuca Tigers CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. Tovey |
b Hoskins |
2 |
(3) |
- |
- |
1-2 |
|
2 |
T. Mariner |
b Roberts |
4 |
(10) |
- |
- |
2-14 |
|
3 |
N. De Silva |
b Timms |
8 |
(12) |
2 |
- |
4-18 |
|
4 |
P. Styles |
c Hotson b Roberts |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
3-14 |
|
5 |
S. Adams * |
b Timms |
6 |
(9) |
- |
- |
6-34 |
|
6 |
S. Ryan |
b Timms |
3 |
(7) |
- |
- |
5-34 |
|
7 |
T. Ewing |
run out (Howarth) |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
7-34 |
|
8 |
K. Barrs |
c Hoskins b Bullock |
4 |
(19) |
- |
- |
8-53 |
|
9 |
J. Edgell † |
b Timms |
16 |
(15) |
2 |
- |
9-63 |
|
10 |
J. Tovey |
not out |
2 |
(4) |
- |
- |
- |
|
11 |
P. Styles |
b Timms |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
10-63 |
|
|
Extras |
NB6, W7, B5 |
18 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all
out, 14.3 overs) |
63 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Hoskins |
2 |
0 |
3 |
1 |
1.50 |
|
|
2 |
Roberts |
2 |
0 |
12 |
2 |
6.00 |
|
|
3 |
Timms |
3.3 |
1 |
4 |
5 |
1.14 |
|
|
4 |
Carter |
1 |
0 |
15 |
0 |
15.00 |
|
|
5 |
Darley |
2 |
0 |
11 |
0 |
5.50 |
|
|
6 |
Turner |
2 |
0 |
6 |
0 |
3.00 |
|
|
7 |
Bullock |
2 |
0 |
6 |
1 |
3.00 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note: J. Tovey and P. Styles batted twice |
|
||||||
|
MOTM: D. Shorten Champagne Moment: D. Shorten six into
adjoining field and over campervan Buffet Award: G. Carter’s soggy pizza spread (extra wet garlic bread) MAD
Moment: D. Shorten loses grip on bat
and hurls it to square leg attempting a huge pull shot |
Opposition:
V0122 / 01 Ground: G0109 / 01 Captain: C032 / 01 Match No: 20 / 157 |