“Weekender”
Match: 21
/ 549
Lost
by 31 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
Ferring CC |
237 - 9 |
|
M. Reeves
5 - 33, I. Howarth 2 - 2 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
206 - 6 |
|
I. Howarth 78,
J. Bateman 44 |
|
|
Day 3 of Tour, or
Saturday as it is more commonly known. The day where you wake with a hangover
having taken the handbrake off and gone from pub to pub to pub (and to other watering
holes not quite remembered). One does remember Bob marching a troupe to the
Queen and Kings, a happening pub not far from the pier, one he used to
frequent in his student days, big open plan and banging beats, perfect for
men in their forties and fifties to chill. JMO danced on a table spinning in
circles like a fairground ride. Spam impressed only himself by skulling pints
of cider in one. When most of everyone arrived to get furtherly pissed, a team was picked at random for Saturday. If you
could hear beyond the techno bassline, you would hear the audible sigh by the
chosen eleven.
Pissheads
of the round table decide The MAD Saturday XI. No matter how drunk and
confused you get, Team MAD never leave a man behind in the field, or if they
do, those missing have gone to the casino to argue with croupiers, gone for
romantic dinners at Burger King or simply wobbled back to Lenny’s (Premier
Inn) to fart, burp and face plant on their beds.
Everyone always makes their bed, and they never wake up in a random one either.
Only the Chairman* finds people asleep in his bed.
Saturday represented
the first full length game of Tour, so it’s sort your shit out and stop
dithering time, eat your fried breakfast (again), pace around the seafront
like a zombie, and be ready with your kit when the team bus arrives at 10:30.
Being post-pandemic times, you might get a heat gun aimed at your head as the
driver checks your health, but don’t worry about that, those ruby cheeks and
slightly slurred mannerisms are the effects of alcohol and not some fucking
bug.
Today’s destination was
Ferring CC in adjoining Worthing, an area Spam used to work, and not the
place further east where people go to die (Eastbourne). The bus ride was
reasonably uneventful, with most people sobering up in time for the drop off
at the Henty Arms, a most obliging bar lady throwing open the doors to the
pub and telling anyone listening (not many) they were open for trade. The walk to the ground
(from the pub) was more convoluted, with Russ chaperoning an intercity train
by a level crossing. Bags bopped and rolled along pavements, across roads, down
banks, past reopened shops and eventually to the ground of Ferring CC, a
large expansive field noted for moving due to a watercourse under the pitch, thus
creating a strange undulating effect to the roving eye. The ground is also
south of the South Downs, where due to crazy atmospherics, heavy
thunderclouds will often sidestep the place and piss
down further north (local knowledge and a note to homebuyers).
Having agreed to a 40
over match, Darley wasted little time in losing the toss and having his
opposite number (Baldock) tell him they fancied smacking some shit about for most the day. This they would ultimately
achieve, their progress checked firstly by a burglar alarm, which a man of
questionable intelligence (builder) seemed clueless in turning off, and
secondly Reeves, a man of undoubted bowling intelligence with a large head. Before any of this came
to be, Mr Newman would go down theatrically in just about the first over of
the day with a fatal leg injury. Pulling something unseen, Salad exited stage
left to keep Hotson and his endless beer company on a park bench. Replaced by
the shorts and casuals of Hoskins, they watched the home team duly tucking
in, with buffet shared out equally (econ 8.0) by Bateman, Hoskins and Timms.
Darley, Roberts and Shorten would go wicketless, as batsman after batsman
came and went after giving it some humpty.
A ragged looking salad. A total of 300 was
mooted at one point, but Ferring eventually succumbed to a Reeves 5-for
(6-1-33-5) and a double from Howarth aimed at some cotton tailed rabbits. 237
still seemed unsurmountable, but not if you scored more. It would be remiss
of course in not mentioning the MAD Moment of the day, Keeper Carter taking a
throw from behind, spinning around on the spot, and barely avoiding impaling
himself as the stumps that were splattered asunder. A true item for the connoisseur’s
collection of the totally incompetent. In reply, Hoskins (1)
quickly joined Salad to talk about injuries, casinos, gambling
and pizzas. A more robust 19 from the ever-dependable Turner and a couple of
heaves from Shorten (10) would at least hoist the tourists beyond fifty, but
they now needed something a little more determined. That partnership came in
the form of young Bateman and serial grumbler Howarth, who together delighted
all by adding a fine 91, James (44) eventually holing out after adding to his
burgeoning reputation as cricketer who can actually play
cricket. He’s also young too (if you didn’t know), at least in comparison to
some of the arthritic fuckers he calls his team mates.
An innings of 1 from sub. At this point, The MAD
were gaining some sort of foothold in the run chase, with Howarth slogging
three sixes in an over to have Ferring faces concerned. Then Geoff happened.
Or… more to the point, didn’t happen, much akin to Skipper Darley’s brain.
Having stood behind the stumps for forty overs in sapping heat,
Geoff (left) anchoring his partnership with
Howarth. The MAD would
eventually tail out on 206-7, Reeves (16*) and Timms (14*) not so much
protecting their averages as completely perplexed by the bounce of the pitch.
A fun game with many (many) a talking point and our thanks to these most
genial of hosts for putting on such a great day. If you ever Tour to Oxford,
you know where to call, lads. Match concluded, it was
time for Russ to collapse through a plastic chair and for Salad and Howarth
to pick up a ninety quid bar tab at the Henty Arms. Here, the teams chatted
candidly about the day, how Hotson could officiate as on field umpire after a
crate of beer, and why Giant Duck could now be seen humping a sleeping
Darley.
Back on the bus, our
driver discovered a more direct route back to Brighton, one that didn’t
involve college campuses or being stuck in mile long traffic jams in the
middle of fucking nowhere. It also afforded views of
a beautiful coastline with shimmering lights, something all
us landlocked dudes yearn for. Lastly?
* - a rather
unfortunate incident whilst down in Hythe & Dibden (at Balti Towers).
‘Unstumped’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Ferring CC Played at Little Twitten Recreational
Ground, 31 July 2021 Ferring CC won the toss and elected
to bat Ferring CC won by 31 runs Far from the MCC debuts: n/a |
21 / 549 40 over match |
|
Team |
Ferring CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
C. King |
b Reeves |
36 |
(48) |
7 |
- |
2-76 |
|
2 |
A. King |
b Reeves |
24 |
(34) |
4 |
- |
1-53 |
|
3 |
C. Tams |
b Reeves |
20 |
(31) |
2 |
- |
3-105 |
|
4 |
C. Baldock *† |
b Rundle |
40 |
(29) |
3 |
3 |
4-158 |
|
5 |
C. Albertyn |
b Hoskins |
52 |
(40) |
10 |
- |
5-210 |
|
6 |
J. Bond |
c Rundle b Howarth |
37 |
(35) |
4 |
2 |
7-237 |
|
7 |
H. Lewis |
b Howarth |
5 |
(8) |
1 |
- |
6-227 |
|
8 |
T. Cutler |
not out |
0 |
(9) |
- |
- |
- |
|
9 |
M. Lewis |
c Timms b Reeves |
0 |
(5) |
- |
- |
8-237 |
|
10 |
B. Adkin |
b Reeves |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
9-237 |
|
11 |
J. Awde |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
W8, LB5, B10 |
23 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 9 wickets, 40 overs) |
237 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Darley |
5 |
1 |
19 |
0 |
3.80 |
|
|
2 |
Roberts |
5 |
0 |
25 |
0 |
5.00 |
|
|
3 |
Shorten |
5 |
0 |
20 |
0 |
4.00 |
|
|
4 |
Reeves |
6 |
1 |
33 |
5 |
5.50 |
|
|
5 |
Rundle |
5 |
0 |
27 |
1 |
5.40 |
|
|
6 |
Timms |
5 |
0 |
40 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
7 |
Bateman |
3 |
0 |
24 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
8 |
Hoskins |
4 |
0 |
32 |
1 |
8.00 |
|
|
9 |
Howarth |
2 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
1.00 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from the
MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. P. Turner |
lbw b M. Lewis |
19 |
(38) |
2 |
- |
2-47 |
|
2 |
J. D. Hoskins |
c A. King b Adkin |
1 |
(2) |
- |
- |
1-6 |
|
3 |
J. C. Bateman |
c A. King b Bond |
44 |
(84) |
6 |
- |
4-150 |
|
4 |
D. Shorten |
c Tams
b Adkin |
10 |
(9) |
1 |
1 |
3-59 |
|
5 |
I. Howarth |
st Baldock b C. King |
78 |
(65) |
9 |
3 |
6-182 |
|
6 |
G. Carter † |
st Baldock b C. King |
2 |
(15) |
- |
- |
5-174 |
|
7 |
M. K. Reeves |
not out |
16 |
(17) |
3 |
- |
- |
|
8 |
G. J. Timms |
not out |
14 |
(14) |
2 |
- |
- |
|
9 |
M. S. Rundle |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
C. D. Roberts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
A. Darley * |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
NB5, W13, LB2, B2 |
22 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 6 wickets, 40 overs) |
206 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Awde |
4 |
0 |
23 |
0 |
5.75 |
|
|
2 |
Adkin |
8 |
1 |
20 |
2 |
2.50 |
|
|
3 |
M. Lewis |
7 |
1 |
36 |
1 |
5.14 |
|
|
4 |
Tams |
5 |
0 |
28 |
0 |
5.60 |
|
|
5 |
Bond |
6 |
0 |
44 |
1 |
7.33 |
|
|
6 |
C. King |
7 |
0 |
27 |
2 |
3.86 |
|
|
7 |
Albertyn |
3 |
0 |
24 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note: J. Newman-Robson started the game and
retired after 1 over, replaced by J. D. Hoskins |
|
||||||
|
MOTM: M. K. Reeves Champagne Moment: G. J. Timms’ superb
slip catch after clash with Turner (in slips) Buffet Award: J. C. Bateman, M. S Rundle & G. J. Timms’ treble dipped chips (assorted dips and onion rings at a small surcharge) MAD
Moment: G. Carter taking the ball and
collapsing over his stumps |
Opposition:
V123 / 01 Ground: G110 / 01 Captain: C027 / 04 Match No: 40 / 143 |