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“Evening of Fluctuating Fortunes
Leaves Record Crowd Agog and in Awe”

 

 

Match:  21 / 540

Lost by 6 wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

FFTMCC

127 - 6

D. Shorten  37*,  R. Hadfield  24*

 

Astons CC

131 - 4

D. Emerson  2 - 11

 

 

 

 

 

Going into this match having not been in the most scintillating form (slides Bible of Deadpan Sarcasm back among similar reads), The MAD could of course boast a victory on the adjoining pitch of Queens not so many yards away. It was a terrific victory, so satisfying and now so, well… lonely, that a taxidermist was sought, and the memory now nailed to the gates of OX1 4PW. A timely reminder to visiting opposition, that at this post code, The MAD are definitely top dog and can guarantee themselves at least a Top 2 podium finish.

 

If this sport (taking a liberty here) was all about tossing, then Russ would probably ensure we were Top 1, and following his latest predictable success, opted to rattle up 400 and crush a select Tirrold XI so deep into a dry outfield as to never venture from Tim Henman’s back garden ever again. Period.

 

 

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Mystic Turner watches some high-class top order craftsmanship.

 

 

Scribbling the names of six aspiring top order bats to the scorebook, Mr Turner’s faith would be rewarded by watching them bat like pricks (himself included). You can probably discount Hadfield (24*) from that defamatory hand-grenade just made mention, as his was a knock that nodded to a fifty a few days earlier, but alas he hasn’t learnt how to manage his body (injured yet again/hamstring), so perhaps reinclude him amongst the… pricks not very good. Disproving the notion that wisdom comes with age, Howarth (5) went back to one just outside off, to a bowler (Kilcoyne) he has faced for over a decade who has been doing exactly the same thing (inswing). With Webster (1) fannying around like he needed a shit, Emerson and Cartwright would follow up by notching a pair of golden blobs. To be fair to Joe, he saw off the hat-trick ball from Wood (2-0-7-3) by leaving a wide, then absolutely nailed one out the centre of his bat. Alas, straight to the hands of the aforementioned Kilcoyne, who decided (quite reasonably) to retain his gnashers. A small period of not-a-lot would now ensue before Reeves (5) and Turner (1) sighed inwardly as they too joined the burgeoning rank of the pricks those that didn’t cover themselves with glory. 52-6.

 

 

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Cartwright departs to a waiting stripper….

 

 

This match could well have been put out of its misery at this point, if it were not [finally] now given some impetus by the scarcely impressed (and muttering) lower order. Mr Shorten (37*) rolled back the years by flexing those posh builder’s shoulders of his (a bruised pink ball disappearing to all parts), whilst competent biffing at the other end had the blades of Rundle (12*) and Timms (14*) take the score to a barely believable 127-6. Jolly gosh, was that total actually now defendable? My, oh my.

 

An invisible and largely silent crowd now leaned forward in their chairs to watch the Astons reply, as an energised MAD would finally take their first home wicket at Brasenose since August 25, 2019. Mr Cartwright was to be the man, avoiding the distraction of hot air balloons, to pouch a spiralling twister off the impressive David Emerson (4-0-11-2), the latter doing for the aforementioned aforementioned Kilcoyne with a beaut slower one some moments later. How that cheeky smile and bag of Kiwi bowling tricks has been missed.

 

 

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With the away team struggling to break into a rhythm against some keen pub fielding (discount a botched run out belonging to a group with special needs), Rundle (4-0-35-1) would snare the talismanic R. Smith (23) to have The MAD romp home to a well-deserved… oh. [*Amended and correct ending to match now added here] *Camouflaged in Cairns Fudge attire, ringer T Small (17*) would stride purposefully to the wicket, launch a few into the Thames off Timms, whilst assisting the ageless C Allen (31*) in putting the game to bed. End of. Bugger.

 

As worded in a previous ramble, it felt so heartening to be back at our spiritual home of Brasenose College Sports Ground. The sumptuous views towards the dreamy spires, the striped deckchairs, the chaotic parking, the sound of a choir echoing at the far end, only muffled by the shouts of drunken pissheads on the towpath, and Groundsman Dan running his mower about before the expected monsoons at the weekend. It has been so so missed by everyone.

 

 

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A portion of the capacity crowd….

 

 

Time enough to leave Russ to waste his time going to Londis for some team beers (shut), conduct the post-match awards (nobody listening) and collect and stack all the plastic chairs in an orderly fashion (everyone had fucked off). Here is to post-pandemic sport where even losing in a desultory fashion has to be better than spending another sixteen months at home with her indoors.

 

 

‘S. H. I. T. Toporder’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Astons CC

Played at Brasenose College, 16 June 2021

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat

Astons CC won by 6 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  n/a

 

 

21 / 540

 

 

 

 

 

20 over match

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

I. Howarth

b Kilcoyne

5

(10)

-

-

1-12

2

R. J. T. Hadfield

retired hurt

24

(30)

4

-

-

3

J. vdG. Webster

b Wood

1

(7)

-

-

2-28

4

D. Emerson

c and b Wood

0

(1)

-

-

3-28

5

J. A. Cartwright

c Kilcoyne b Wood

0

(1)

-

-

4-29

6

M. K. Reeves

b Hargreaves

5

(17)

-

-

5-51

7

R. P. Turner *

lbw b Brearey

1

(2)

-

-

6-52

8

D. Shorten

retired

37

(18)

4

2

-

9

M. S. Rundle

not out

12

(24)

-

-

-

10

G. J. Timms

not out

14

(13)

1

-

-

11

J. C. W. Hotson †

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

NB3, W16, LB3, B6

28

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 6 wickets, 20 overs)

127

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Kilcoyne

2

0

4

1

2.00

 

2

Isaac

3

0

35

0

11.67

 

3

Hargreaves

4

0

19

1

4.75

 

4

Wood

2

0

7

3

3.50

 

5

Brearey

2

1

2

1

1.00

 

6

Andrews

2

0

11

0

5.50

 

7

White

3

0

23

0

7.67

 

8

Allen

2

0

22

0

11.00

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note:  R. T. J. Hadfield retired hurt at 51-5 (10.5 overs);  D. Shorten retired at 104-6 (17.0 overs)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Astons CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

R. Harris

retired

32

(37)

3

-

-

2

B. Brearey

c Cartwright b Emerson

9

(15)

1

-

1-19

3

D. Kilcoyne

b Emerson

1

(5)

-

-

2-28

4

L. Andrews

run out (Timms/Shorten)

6

(17)

-

-

3-67

5

R.A. Smith †

b Rundle

23

(20)

2

-

4-88

6

C. Allen

not out

31

(17)

2

1

-

7

T. Swan

not out

17

(6)

2

-

-

8

D. White *

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

G. Wood

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

B. Hargreaves

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

N. Isaac

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

NB1, W3, LB5, B3

12

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 4 wickets, 19.2 overs)

131

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Shorten

2.2

0

11

0

4.71

 

2

Howarth

2

0

9

0

4.50

 

3

Emerson

4

0

11

2

2.75

 

4

Reeves

4

0

21

0

5.25

 

5

Rundle

4

0

35

1

8.75

 

6

Timms

3

0

36

0

12.00

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  D. Shorten

Champagne Moment:  D. Shorten’s second maximum (off C. Allen)

Buffet Award:  M. S. Rundle’s sausage casserole with double dipped fries

MAD Moment:  Botched (nay calamitous) run out attempt of stricken batsman by Messrs D. Emerson  &  J. C. W. Hotson

 

 

Opposition:  V046 / 22

Ground:  G040 / 82

Captain:  C024 / 46

Match No:  20 / 152