“MAD Victorious in Rare Game of Cricket”
Match: 22
/ 560
Won
by 5 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
111 |
|
R. Hadfield
57 |
|
|
|
|
|
Ascott-under-Wychwood CC |
106 |
|
I. Howarth
4 - 20, C. Williams 3 - 15 |
|
|
Stumbling out the dark
and gloom of a particularly shitty winter, it was
with some cheer that a new MAD season was ushered in amongst the rather
lovely countryside of Ascott-under-Wychwood. This thawing of the soul was
only hastened by bright blue skies and a pre-pint visit at the Swan Inn, a
pub off limits during the pandemic, but now busy with daytime aristocracy and
those with plenty of monies to burn. It also had a barman of no little wit, a
keen knowledge of his beer and a most pleasing, understated sarcasm. The ground is but a
cricket ball’s throw away, where a welcoming Ascottian XI would be decked out
in their whites and familiar lime green trim. Of course, we’d met them last
year, enjoyed their spirit and banter, but decided to stink the ground out with
a performance as bad as one could only possibly imagine if one were fixated
on shit. Hopefully our skills and a combined absence
thereof would matchup better this year around?
Turner slaps one away during an epic knock of
nearly double figures. Having entered a period
of exclusivity, Russ Turner’s Fineprint Sporting Direct had now acquired the
FFTMCC brand and one of their first brush strokes was to sack long-time ruler
Mr Timms and instead install one of their own… well… Mr Turner himself. One
thing Russ can guarantee is a winning toss, because you can’t dictate Fanny
Adam unless you do exactly that. Opting to bat first on a
fresh mid-April deck, it was instantly apparent that Mr Hadfield was playing
a different game to everybody else. Whilst Richard was selective, patient and diligent, his partners were rash, foolhardy
and… well, pretty crap. Despite the painfully obvious fact that everyone who
returned to the pavilion bemoaned a slow pitch, his successor seemed to
ignore any advice and did largely the fucking same
(i.e got himself out). Whilst we could dwell on some calamitous running,
braindead shots and batters looking like they’d enjoyed the pub too much, let
us instead allow Mr Hadfield’s knock to come into focus.
Hadfield (on strike) stands tall … in lieu of
everyone else lying on their backsides. Richard’s 57.6% of the
team’s runs and 51.35% of The MAD’s total overall were a joy to watch. He
exuded calm throughout, unfurling some lovely drives and did exceptionally
well to keep his laughter to himself as he bore witness to the shite at the other end. His body is famously brittle, his
catalogue of injuries over the years outspasticking
Jofra Archer, but if he stays healthy, this fine 57 out of Nelson stands him
in great stead to be ignored at the end of season POTS awards. One of the casualties of
the pandemical years has been teas. The combined Oxford juggernaut of Cherwell
and OCA league cricket has now decided to ditch them altogether, so whether they
survive the Sunday cull is open to debate. In the meantime, we rely on the
services of Mr and Mrs Reeves to do the right thing, delivering a healthy
Tintin tin of flapjack replacements with nary a thank you very much you’re
both gorgeous.
Shorn of any bowling
riches from Boars Hill, Kennington, Bicester, Tackley and the Deep South, the
FFTMCC were forced into using more traditional munitions from The Jude, The
Madding, The Marlborough, The Wayfarers and not forgetting The Exorbitant
Energy Price Ripoff Shock Horror Farce of the
Corporate Building of Excess that Never Was (Anymore). Yep, this was an old
skool thing, the kinda bowling Flavor Flav would
have grooved on if he done cricket, innit. Whilst Reeves (6-0-33-0)
has and will most certainly enjoy better days, Howarth continued where he
left off in nets to bowl the top three, and at 41-3, or whatever it was in a
barely decipherable scorebook, The MAD held top office. There then followed a
passage of play where everyone was wishing themselves somewhere else and
enjoying something nothing remotely like… this. Howarth and Hoskins grassed
sitters (truly awful), Geoff barely recognised a routine stumping (his pulse
was checked) and skiers dropped deflatingly into space…. It was chastening
and only made worse with Turner and Webster leaving the pitch due to hand injuries.
Russ saved a few runs to be fair to him, Jan merely got into a fight with
some brambles … and there is only one winner there! With the runs required
evaporating, and the afternoon suggesting the sanctuary of a bar might be
preferable … what did happen next was quite inexplicable then.
Kaito attempts to knock some sense into his dad
regarding line and length. At 91-3 and on the
stroke of the drink’s interval, Timms (5-1-15-1) held on to a sharp return catch
to disprove the theory that the team had spread butter on themselves.
Consolation? No, not quite. You see Mr Williams (5-1-15-3) had been working
up to bowling a few straight ones after first spraying it about like an untended
hose, bowling two and having Superstar Hadfield pouch a good one close to the
bat. With Carter now redeeming himself behind the sticks to pacify Hoskins (a
very decent stumping), quite incredibly Ascott now found themselves on 105-8. Again, we’ve been here
before of recent times, only to then snatch depressional defeat from euphoric
victory, so even the possibility of recording a quite stunning win was
largely discounted on the grounds that ‘unless JMO bollocks
us for not dialling into a positive mindset then expect the previously predictable
outcome sans anything good happening.’ Or maybe that was just me? With the final ball of
his over, Hoskins (5-1-12-2) dipped into his smorgasbord of fine pastries and
dobbed up the kind of appetising aperitif that any lower order batter can’t
resist. Shortcrust with a hint of cunning glaze, K. Harvey left for a blob
after trying to hoik it into Charlbury airspace. Turner then resisted the
temptation to try one of his own, and instead gave the ball back to Howarth (5.1-1-20-4)
to try and exact the final rites. Straight, full and with a ‘roar’, Mr
Derham’s (1) timber subsided for a gloriously uplifting 5 run MAD victory! “Well,
I never did.” Chimed spectators Bullock and Hotson.
It's been the preposterous
end of game MAD awards that have been so badly missed over winter. No matter
the result of the match, just to hijack the voting at the pub with a
cacophony of laughter, talking bollocks whilst driving
the skipper to despair… is still magical. Now, Mr Timms can relax back into
the underwhelming ranks of the glib and join in this stupid fun. It was noteworthy to
have a few of the home team join us for the piss take
after the game, it has been a pleasure to visit them these past few years.
They have a fine spirit, no little humour and we
wish them all the best in this season’s campaign. We also wish ourselves the
same … if we can get a team out. ‘Spam’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Ascott-under
Wychwood CC Played at the Memorial Playing Field,
Ascott-under Wychwood, 17 April 2022 Far from the MCC won the toss and
elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 5 runs Far from the MCC debuts: n/a |
22 / 560 40 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
C. T. J. Williams |
c Read b Hussain |
3 |
(11) |
- |
- |
2-6 |
|
2 |
J. vdG. Webster |
b Benfield |
1 |
(6) |
- |
- |
1-6 |
|
3 |
R. J. T. Hadfield |
c Vaughan b Hussain |
57 |
(76) |
8 |
- |
7-94 |
|
4 |
R. P. Turner * |
run out (Hussain) |
8 |
(26) |
- |
- |
3-41 |
|
5 |
K. A. Kawada-Williams |
b Sabin |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
4-41 |
|
6 |
I. Howarth |
b Sabin |
6 |
(12) |
1 |
- |
5-62 |
|
7 |
J. A. Cartwright |
b Hussain |
6 |
(14) |
- |
- |
6-91 |
|
8 |
M. K. Reeves |
b Hussain |
7 |
(14) |
1 |
- |
8-100 |
|
9 |
J. D. Hoskins |
run out (Derham) |
4 |
(12) |
1 |
- |
10-111 |
|
10 |
G. J. Timms |
st Appleyard b Sabin |
6 |
(5) |
1 |
- |
9-110 |
|
11 |
G. Carter † |
not out |
1 |
(2) |
- |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
NB2, W3, LB4, B3 |
12 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 29.5 overs) |
111 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Benfield |
4 |
1 |
4 |
1 |
1.00 |
|
|
2 |
Hussain |
7 |
2 |
14 |
4 |
2.00 |
|
|
3 |
Sabin |
6.5 |
2 |
19 |
3 |
2.78 |
|
|
4 |
Beasant |
3 |
1 |
17 |
0 |
5.67 |
|
|
5 |
Serham |
4 |
0 |
26 |
0 |
6.50 |
|
|
6 |
Harvey |
2 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
7 |
Vaughan |
3 |
0 |
7 |
0 |
2.33 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Ascott-under-Wychwood CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
A. Vaughan * |
b Howarth |
3 |
|
- |
- |
1-27 |
|
2 |
M. Read |
b Howarth |
22 |
|
3 |
- |
3-41 |
|
3 |
G. Benfield |
b Howarth |
0 |
|
- |
- |
2-27 |
|
4 |
E. Matthews |
c and b Timms |
16 |
|
1 |
- |
4-91 |
|
5 |
S. Appleyard † |
b Williams |
40 |
|
5 |
1 |
5-97 |
|
6 |
J. Beasant |
c Hadfield b Williams |
5 |
|
1 |
- |
7-105 |
|
7 |
J. Hussain |
st Carter b Hoskins |
3 |
|
- |
- |
6-105 |
|
8 |
R. Derham |
b Howarth |
1 |
|
- |
- |
10-106 |
|
9 |
W. Harvey |
b Williams |
0 |
|
- |
- |
8-105 |
|
10 |
K. Harvey |
lbw b Hoskins |
0 |
|
- |
- |
9-106 |
|
11 |
E. Sabin |
not out |
0 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
NB6, W4, LB1, B5 |
16 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 26.1 overs) |
106 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Reeves |
6 |
0 |
33 |
0 |
5.50 |
|
|
2 |
Howarth |
5.1 |
1 |
20 |
4 |
3.87 |
|
|
3 |
Hoskins |
5 |
1 |
12 |
2 |
2.40 |
|
|
4 |
Timms |
5 |
1 |
15 |
1 |
3.00 |
|
|
5 |
Williams |
5 |
1 |
15 |
3 |
3.00 |
|
|
MOTM: R. J. B. Hadfield Champagne Moment: I. Howarth’s final
Ascott wicket (bowled) Buffet Award: M. K. Reeves’ Mexican fajitas (with Dorito cheesy chip side) MAD
Moment: J. vdG. Webster’s Bramblegate
farce/episode |
Opposition:
V117 / 02 Ground: G107 / 02 Captain: C024 / 53 Match No: 40 / 144 |