“Tour – Day 3:”Vespertilio
Stercore Vespertilio”
Match: 22
/ 577
Lost
by 8 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
97 |
|
A. Darley
23*, G. Timms 21 |
|
|
|
|
|
Bartley CC |
99 - 2 |
|
M. Reeves
1 - 11 |
|
|
What early cloud cover
there really wasn’t, had now completely evaporated to have Porchfield and
surrounding boroughs given another bombardment of electromagnetic radiation.
The MAD were now soaking this up, bellies digesting these rays, and beer and
cider spilt with regularity as players shuffled awkwardly for the shady
confines of the toilet and bar.
Out in the middle,
Bartley were demonstrating the forgotten skills of the classic village
collapse. This particular chapter [of the ubiquitous Village Handbook] was of
course first penned by The MAD (circa Antony Mann back in the day), but now
seems out of fashion and not quite so in Vogue. Here, our fellow tourists
imploded like a badly behaved star, blaming the pitch, the ball, the clown
who rotated their batting line-up and finally the noise of vultures chewing
on horse remains at the local gymkhana. As this implosion gathered pace [19-9],
it became as enthralling as it was ridiculous to witness a team perform as shit as The MAD, but also quite velvety in its
effect. Unfortunately, nay predictably, the rot would eventually stop with
the last pair saving face, but BCC would go on to get thrashed quite
handsomely and in doing so elevate MAD hopes of victory in the final rubber. Another tea break, more
drinks on Mike’s tab and now the perfect time to avoid FFTMCC conscription for
final match. Excuses were varied as players were drawn out at random from a
pack of club Top Trumps, popular ailments consisting of chronic fatigue, pestilence
and Long Covid, with an ever more ingenious list of unconfirmed [and
life-threatening] injuries. Eventually, after bribes and much hard bargaining,
it would be Mr Darley to stand up – duly elected to take Webster’s robes and baton,
run with it and deliver gold. Oh
Captain Darley giving it some tonk. Earlier in the day, it
was mooted that if The MAD were to “bat first and bat shit” [the Latin of
this term being the title of this report], then an arduous day in the field could
be reduced proportionally to free up more time at the bar. It didn’t work out
that way in the first match [of the day], but it certainly did here. The MAD
were truly terrible and only a robust last wicket partnership of 46 between Timms
(21) and his skipper (23*) would prevent the type of embarrassment that
befell the oppo in the previous game.
If anyone were to be
generous in their assessment of this MAD innings, it would be to applaud the
Bartley fielding and their wonderful catching. Quite how they managed this after
a day on the sauce is anyone’s guess…. The standout would be Bullock (3) driving
uppishly to mid-off and a not-so-youthful Hulbert diving one-handed and plucking
it inches off the ground. I mean seriously!?
Bartley enjoy the spoils of winning a game. A desultory target of 98
was achieved by Bartley with relative calm, with the opposition sensibly resisting
the temptation to bugger about with their batting order
[again]. Reeves (3-0-7-1) and Darley were perhaps the pick with the ball, in
the same way that Webster perhaps wasn’t with an econ of 24.0. And then… all
of a sudden… the Treble-T was over. If there was a final league table which
there wasn’t, it would look something like thus [according to our
Statistician who is never wrong I might add]:
Following the conclusion
of the cricket, Mike took stock of the glaring holes in the team’s finances,
whilst a pair of awaiting taxi drivers took stock of their inebriated
passengers. We bid goodbye to the warm hospitality of Porchfield and our
opponents of the day and headed onwards and into the mecca of the island
[Newport]. There the team would celebrate a curry and a further boatload of
alcohol at Mike’s further expense.
The Tamarind did us proud. It was a superb day all
in all, with many great memories and our immense gratitude to Porchfield CC
for making it all happen. They were as magnanimous as they were receptive to
our idiosyncrasies and histrionics. In short, they were the perfect host. We
may very well return one day, but let us close this
particular chapter by wishing them all the best in the coming months and
years. Time for bed. ‘Mittens de Stercore’
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far From the MCC versus Bartley CC Played at Porchfield, 30 July 2022 Far From the MCC won the toss and
elected to bat Bartley CC won by 8 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: n/a |
22 / 577 20 over match |
|
Team |
Far From the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Shorten |
c Hart b Neill |
12 |
(10) |
3 |
- |
2-25 |
|
2 |
M. K. Reeves |
c Newland b Strickland |
9 |
(8) |
1 |
- |
1-21 |
|
3 |
R. P. Turner |
c Nicholls b S. Whitehorn |
9 |
(12) |
2 |
- |
4-30 |
|
4 |
C. T. J. Williams |
c Strickland b Hulbert |
0 |
(4) |
- |
- |
3-26 |
|
5 |
G. Carter |
c Strickland b Nicholls |
1 |
(5) |
- |
- |
5-39 |
|
6 |
I. Howarth |
c and b T. Winter |
8 |
(14) |
1 |
- |
8-46 |
|
7 |
J. vdG. Webster |
lbw b T. Winter |
4 |
(10) |
- |
- |
6-39 |
|
8 |
M. Bullock † |
c Hulbert b Hart |
3 |
(6) |
- |
- |
7-46 |
|
9 |
G. J. Timms |
lbw b Dickinson |
21 |
(22) |
3 |
- |
10-97 |
|
10 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b S. Winter |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
9-51 |
|
11 |
A. Darley * |
not out |
23 |
(17) |
4 |
1 |
- |
|
|
Extras |
W5, LB2 |
7 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 18.3 overs) |
97 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Strickland |
2 |
0 |
16 |
1 |
8.00 |
|
|
2 |
Neill |
2 |
1 |
9 |
1 |
4.50 |
|
|
3 |
Hulbert |
2 |
0 |
7 |
1 |
3.50 |
|
|
4 |
S. Whitehorn |
2 |
0 |
6 |
1 |
3.00 |
|
|
5 |
Nicholls |
2 |
0 |
4 |
1 |
2.00 |
|
|
6 |
T. Winter |
2 |
0 |
4 |
2 |
2.00 |
|
|
7 |
Hart |
2 |
0 |
7 |
1 |
3.50 |
|
|
8 |
S. Winter |
2 |
1 |
17 |
1 |
8.50 |
|
|
9 |
Dickinson |
1.3 |
0 |
12 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
10 |
M. Whitehorn |
1 |
0 |
13 |
0 |
13.00 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Bartley CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. Newland † |
not out |
40 |
|
4 |
- |
- |
|
2 |
C. Neill |
c and b Reeves |
8 |
|
1 |
- |
1-15 |
|
3 |
M. Hart |
c Darley b Shorten |
28 |
|
2 |
1 |
2-80 |
|
4 |
A. Dickinson |
not out |
13 |
|
2 |
- |
- |
|
5 |
M. Whitehorn |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
6 |
S. Nicholls |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
7 |
S. Winter |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
8 |
T. Winter |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
S. Whitehorn |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
R. Hulbert |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
M. Strickland |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
W6. B4 |
10 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 2 wickets, 17.1 overs) |
99 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Darley |
3 |
1 |
9 |
0 |
3.00 |
|
|
2 |
Reeves |
3 |
0 |
7 |
1 |
2.33 |
|
|
3 |
Timms |
2 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
8.00 |
|
|
4 |
Hoskins |
3 |
0 |
20 |
0 |
6.67 |
|
|
5 |
Howarth |
2 |
0 |
14 |
0 |
7.00 |
|
|
6 |
Williams |
2 |
0 |
6 |
0 |
3.00 |
|
|
7 |
Shorten |
2 |
0 |
19 |
1 |
9.50 |
|
|
8 |
Webster |
0.1 |
0 |
4 |
0 |
24.00 |
|
|
MOTM: A. Darley Champagne Moment: A. Darley big maximum
over cow Buffet Award: D. Shorten’s giant free range omelette for twenty-two MAD
Moment: I. Howarth’s double-cob and
bat throwing (after dismissal) |
Opposition:
V128 / 01 Ground: G114 / 02 Captain: C027 / 05 Match No: 20 / 169 |