“Angels and Hammerings”

Match: 22 / 566

Lost by 7 wkts

Team	Total
FFTMCC	164 - 9
R. Hadfield 42, D. Shaw 27
United Oxford Hospitals CC	166 - 3
D. Shaw 1 - 15, D. Shorten 1 - 20

Thanks, that this website and the match rambles are most often about the periphery of the sport. It gets dull talking about some dude who bowled this ball, some dude who hit that ball and some dude who dropped the fucker on the floor, before going through a thesaurus of lame excuses and whinging. It is ultimately repetitive and to the casual reader who mistakenly clicked on this site searching for some Thomas Hardy blurb, it’s pretty alien and boring. Not to say that this piece isn’t boring, but it isn’t your standard reportage.

The FFTMCC have seemingly played against Headington Quarry all season, not that they’ve played much cricket, but it’s seemingly always been against Fred’s lot. Forever intertwined and all that. We weren’t actually playing them on this day, but they were still there at Horspath, playing on the adjoining pitch with the bar and pavilion, and of course the TV cameras to stream footage of the Todd Bros carving their hosts a new arsehole. Those were the days, chests puffed out on “Pitch A” … showcasing our skills to an adoring public, now “Pitch B” is perhaps above our less than lofty ambitions, entertaining a passing dog having a shit by the sightscreen.

Hadfield drives his way to another decent score (but not a big one).

Okay, a quick recap on the crickety side of stuff (for anyone interested). Winning Losing the toss, Skipper Turner had little hesitation in batting first as that’s what the Hospitals decided on. Hadfield (42) wasted a great opportunity of nailing that big one, but still scored more anyone else and is in the form of his newly ‘coached’ life. Most of everyone chipped in to be fair, with some chipping in more than others, Shorten (22) unveiling this watchful and methodical batter so often put into the shade by the guy who smashes everything to cow corner and beats his chest atop of Boars Hill. Young debutant Dan Shaw (27) also impressed, as one should in his late teens, displaying consummate skills that will no doubt serve him well as he morphs into the impressive cricketer that most of his team mates still believe they are or were.

Square leg umpire Carter remembers back to being Dan Shaw’s [batter] age sometime last century.

A late flourish from Jake had The MAD top out on 164-9 and together with their hosts, retreated off the pitch for the less than swanky confines of Pitch B’s … hut-type pavilion thingie. There, inside this unloved structure, was perhaps the best cricketing tea seen in several years (and that isn’t making a joke about the effects of the pandemic). Here it was, a superb vegetarian, gargantuan, Indian-flavoured spread that would make the aforementioned Hotson weep into his samosas and chocolate desserts. Whether this was a cunning plan on the Hospitals behalf to labour our team in the field is anyone’s guess, but a big shout out to the ladies who turned this out.

Ball in hand, Howarth and Shorten were reasonable first up, the former notable for a lack of beamers, and the latter seeing Hotson (yes, him again) take a sharp catch behind the sticks. Thereafter there was some flan from Hoskins and Harris, a procession of boundaries, a drinks interval, some more clobber and a game eventually lost. The one bright period saw Mr Shaw Jr run in with some gusto, have THREE slips in place and rattle some timber … figures of 5-1-15-1, proving if ever the obvious, that this game is for young men, and not the archaic shambles The MAD often adhere to.

Hoskins fronts up after putting his shirt in the wash on the wrong temperature.

Post clobbering, The MAD decamped to the far swankier quarters of Pitch A, to do what they’re exceedingly good at these days and drink alcohol. The Hospitals also made that short journey and likewise enjoyed some late evening sunshine as a Horspath XI failed in their bid to overhaul the 6 or 7,000 runs the Todd Bros had smacked earlier. All good fun, particularly if you didn’t bowl at the, erm… Todd Bros. And then…

…quite suddenly, she reappeared! As angels always do, coming into focus with a blinding [low] sun behind her, that saviour of Mark Simon Rundle and demolition expert when it comes to a ribcage – Miss Ashleigh Edwards! Being a ‘Quarry’ Girl, fate would have us once again being able to put a face to that name, and how wonderful that was. Reunited after the intervening weeks of craziness and MAD introspection, where essentially time stopped still, became fragmented and players lost their minds, whilst the universe and everything around it collapsed in on itself (along with Mark’s Fantasy valuation). It was great to see her, great to see that smile and great to know we hadn’t dreamt it all up … also great to know she was moved by the flowers our skipper had thoughtfully sent (big up, Russ – beautiful gesture).

I offered to buy Ashleigh a drink, but she was on a mission to Nando’s in town with the girls. That’s fine, but it’s your turn to offer me a drink next time darling, just saying….

‘Gareth Bage’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far From the MCC versus United Oxford Hospitals CC Played at Horspath (Pitch B), 26 June 2022 United Oxford Hospitals CC won the toss and elected to field United Oxford Hospitals CC won by 7 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: n/a

22 / 566 40 over match

Team	Far From the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. J. T. Hadfield	c N. Halfhead b Patel	42	(50)	9	-	3-73
2	G. Carter	run out (Francis)	11	(34)	1	-	1-31
3	J. A. Shaw	b G. Halfhead	3	(7)		-	2-45
4	R. P. Turner *	b Patel	15	(25)	2	-	4-74
5	I. Howarth	c N. Halfhead b Patel	10	(13)	2	-	5-101
6	D. R. Shaw	c Raman b Patel	27	(44)	5	-	6-123
7	D. Shorten	b Lamerton	22	(33)	3	-	7-146
8	J. Harris	run out	15	(23)	1	-	9-158
9	J. D. Hoskins	b Lamerton	2	(7)	-	-	8-152
10	D. Gerber	not out	2	(4)	-	-	-
11	J. C. W. Hotson †	not out	5	(4)	1	-	-
	Extras	NB4, W5, LB1	10
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 40 overs)	164

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Lamerton	8	0	36	2	4.50
2	Francis	8	1	13	0	1.63
3	G. Halfhead	4	0	32	1	8.00
4	Patel	8	3	27	4	3.38
5	Raman	8	1	26	0	3.25
6	Gupta	1	0	13	0	13.00
7	Anagani	3	0	14	0	4.67

Team	United Oxford Hospitals CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	A. Bourne	c Hotson b Shorten	21		4	-	1-34
2	D. Flowers	b D. Shaw	61		12	-	2-108
3	G. Gupta	c D. Shaw b Gerber	37		5	-	3-132
4	T. Choudhry	not out	30		6	-	-
5	N. Anagani	not out	9		2	-	-
6	N. Halfhead †
7	S. Raman
8	J. Francis
9	J. Lamerton *
10	P. Patel
11	G. Halfhead
	Extras	NB1, W4, B3	8
	TOTAL	(for 3 wickets, 31.3 overs)	166

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Shorten	6	1	20	1	3.33
2	Howarth	7	3	27	0	3.86
3	Harris	5	0	33	0	6.60
4	Hoskins	6	0	41	0	6.83
5	D. Shaw	5	1	15	1	3.00
6	Gerber	2.3	0	27	1	10.80

MOTM: R. J. B. Hadfield Champagne Moment: D. Shaw’s first wicket (bowled) Buffet Award: D. Gerber’s raclette and fondue feast MAD Moment: J. C. W. Hotson’s apparent buffet (bowled Gerber’s overs in scorebook)

Opposition: V0119 / 02 Ground: G046 / 11 Captain: C024 / 58 Match No: 40 / 146