“Medical Assistance Required

During Nurses Strike”

Match: 23 / 585

Match Abandoned

Team	Total
Enstone CC	192 - 8
M. Rundle 3 - 23, T. Williams 3 - 34
FFTMCC	70 - 5
I. Howarth 23, J. Webster 22

With winter dragging its arse into summer, it was with some cheer that the 26th MAD cricket season should finally get underway. However, the shitty elements weren’t actually to blame for this malaise in all honest, moreover a committee decision based on the poor take-up last spring and Skipper Turner’s patience running out chasing recalcitrant players every day…. One should also doff one’s cap to Mr Watts and Enstone CC, their being gracious enough to forgive The MAD’s indiscretion last time out by folding the fixture in lieu of an Oxford May Day piss up.

Winning the toss, Bossman Turner had little hesitation in deciding he didn’t know what to do, so maybe have a bowl and wear off some of that winter lard, eh? This the team did with most or all sliding some wet grass at some point as the home team rattled up a total just shy of 200. The pick of the Enstone wood wielders was M. Brook, who hit the ball as true as anyone we’ve seen, and a bloody long way at that. He is of course no relation to England Test protégé M. Brook, but since we didn’t bother to ask, this statement could most easily join the long list of unsubstantiated bullshit to be found peppered all over this website.

True English Sunday cricket: scoring in the open in the rain….

The bowling honours would go to the ghost of M. S. Rundle [which took a 3-for in its first over] and young T. Williams (6-0-34-3), the latter failing to dislodge Keeper Carter’s head from his shoulders, but effective with taking regular wickets with irregular deliveries. It is perhaps also worth noting that when the spectral entity [we assumed was Mark] evaporated, and subsequently replaced by the physical embodiment, the standard of bowling was quickly transformed into the metronomic shite we all remember [their combined figures of 5-0-23-3 being both heart-warming and a victory for the medical staff at the JR*].

Tea and bring your fucking own, an artefact of the pandemic years and one that seems here to stay. Cricket teas have always been divisive for me, with some treating them as the Holy Grail and others disinterested, chewing off a chocolate bar during the interval and smashing a tin of beer. You choose your poison, and if you can’t be arsed to do that, just help yourself to Mike’s flapjacks which his missus slaves over in the morning.

On resumption of this titillating contest, it took less than an over for Williams Snr to drive a ball back to Ranjan for a simple caught and bowled. Alas, the poor fellow decided to try and pouch it using the webbing of his right hand. So, during an extended period of blood stopped play, Doctor Darley would organise the recovery and his family would spirit him off to the famous JR* [several stitches required on finding a nurse refusing to strike].

Webster’s bat provides walking stick duties, whilst Enstone point to some suspected talent….

With Williams (12) playing another crap shot some moments later, Howarth (23) would be joined at the crease by Webster (22), who between them probably left at least 20 or 30 runs out there on a very expansive field. Their running was a disgrace, their energy levels pitiful, with a lowlight during this period being a verbal altercation between Ian and Mr Shorten [watching from the boundary] discussing out loud who should “run the fucking things [runs].”

With a clutch of wickets either side of drinks, recently developed clouds would then take on a more ominous form. A light drizzle would give way to more persistent rain, to furtherly give way to an extended downpour. With the obvious dangers of wearing footwear and no spikes off an astroturf wicket, the teams agreed the game to be canned. MAD way back on 70-5 and a soggy Timms stranded on 0 not out just shy of his promised 70. Victory for nobody then, albeit the scorer and scorebook before it turned into mush.

Captain Turner [with scorebook] attempts to decipher the shit from the shite.

Throughout most of this late melodrama and for much of the day in general, Captain Turner had seemingly struggled somewhat [aside from comprehending the subterranean standard of cricket]. With teammates offering up a combo of concerns and sarcasm, it was decided he too should make a pilgrimage to the JR* and get checked out. A wise move as it transpired, his recent fatigue and ills being left at the door of atrial fibrillation and case of diabetes. All very curable I am thankful to say, and Team MAD look forward to welcoming our leader back in a few weeks’ time [if only to crack off some more poor jokes at his expense].

So, the season is up and running, the dramas are already unfolding [on the field and off], and everything feels so very very MAD. Lovely to be back, lads. See you at the bar or in the JR* [rap copyright see author].

* - JR is an acronym for the little-known John Radcliffe hospital (Oxford)

’P. Anter’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far From the MCC versus Enstone CC Played at Enstone, 30 April 2023 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field Match Abandoned (rain) Far from the MCC debuts: n/a

23 / 585 35 over match

Team	Enstone CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	C. Wimalarathna	b Rundle	25		4	-	1-36
2	B. Gregory	lbw b Rundle	6		-	-	2-37
3	F. Forder †	c Shorten b Kawada-Williams	21		-	-	3-37
4	D. Stewart	b Rundle	0		-	-	4-99
5	M. Brook	c Reeves b Kawada-Williams	48		4	2	5-117
6	M. Molyneux	run out (Reeves)	28		-	3	6-144
7	Ranjan	c Shorten b Kawada-Williams	3		-	-	7-157
8	Pubuda	b Webster	25		1	-	8-191
9	A. Tompkins	not out	10		-	-
10	J. Watts *	not out	0		-	-
11	T. Peterson
	Extras	NB5, W12, LB3, B5	26
	TOTAL	(for 8 wickets, 35 overs)	192

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Darley	6	1	26	0	4.33
2	Shorten	4	0	14	0	3.50
3	Rundle	5	0	23	3	4.60
4	Reeves	5	0	33	0	6.60
5	Timms	7	1	35	0	5.00
6	Kawada-Williams	6	0	34	3	5.67
7	Webster	2	0	19	1	9.50

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	I. Howarth	b Tompkins	23	(34)	1	-	1-16
2	C. T. J. Williams	b Pubuda	12	(18)	2	-	2-48
3	J. vdG. Webster	b Wimalarathna	22	(56)	-	-	3-69
4	D. Shorten	b Peterson	9	(13)	1	-	4-70
5	A. Darley	b Wimalarathna	0	(2)	-	-	5-73
6	G. J. Timms	not out	0	(3)	-	-
7	R. P. Turner *
8	M. K. Reeves
9	M. S. Rundle
10	T. Kawada-Williams
11	G. Carter †
	Extras
	TOTAL	(for 5 wickets, 21 overs)	70

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Ranjan	0.4	0	4	0	6.00
2	Pubuda	5	2	17	1	3.40
3	Watts	0.2	0	1	0	3.00
4	Tompkins	7	0	18	1	2.57
5	Peterson	5	0	23	1	4.60
6	Wimalarathna	3	0	5	2	1.67
Note: Ranjan was replaced by J. Watts in the first over.

MOTM: T. J. Kawada-Williams Champagne Moment: M. S. Rundle’s first wicket (after dying in 2022) Buffet Award: J. vdG. Webster MAD Moment: I. Howarth (batting) and D. Shorten (boundary) exchanging words regarding extremely lazy running

Opposition: V073 / 011 Ground: G061 / 008 Captain: C024 / 72 Match No: 35 / 215