“Who Am I?”

Match: 24 / 629

Won by 5 wkts

Team	Total
Isis CC	197 - 4
J. Pearson 78*, C. Williams 65
FFTMCC	201 - 5
M. Reeves 50*,

Why have I come upstairs? Why am I staring into the fridge? Why is my fridge upstairs? Why have I arrived at midday for a game scheduled to start at 13:30? (Scheduled being the appropriate word there). Why do I bother playing cricket? Who the bloody hell is that? Who are any of these people? Ooohh. Some marbles. Where am I? Who am I? Why am I here? This Sunday, versus the old neighbours from Queens, would answer some of those questions. Sort of.

Eleven Madsters were all present and correct and eyeing up a dominating win over Nick Wyatt as 13:30 approached. As it turns out, the Isis massive had been given the wrong start time of 14:00. The other 10 Isis-ites did eventually arrive, on what felt like Tuesday. The MAD spent much of the extra waiting time realising that no one knew who anyone was. A WhatsApp snap of a briefly returned James Bateman going unrecognised by way too many. Skipper Turner, who has given him many a lift, perhaps the worst culprit as his response to said pic also assumes that me sending images of random strangers to The MAD crew is commonplace.

Timms and some guy on the right.

On a day where the forecast was for brightening skies Russ was spot on in winning the toss and opting to field first. Surely anything the pitch had to offer would be early on before it dried out and the clouds dissipated. That’s the sort of stuff I’ve learnt from the tele, innit. Russ was even more spottier-onner in pouching a couple of lovely sounding snicks behind the sticks. Messrs Shorten (7-2-28-3) and Rundle (5-0-26-1) the edge inducers. After his incredibly selfish move to Nottingham, Bean Counter Reeves has been forced to be even more prudent with both cash and time. He can hear the roar from Trent Bridge from his new gaff apparently. It was a pleasure to see him back in the fold. It was even more of a pleasure to be stood at point to watch Mike channel Ben Stokes’ sensational TB grab and dive full-length to cling on to a cleanly hit grass skimmer at midwicket. Batsman Keith Whiter (0) suitably impressed. He may well still be out in the middle at Brasenose now, staring at the sky in disbelief. Mind you, it was to Mike’s strong hand. Nah, it was a champagne belter. The MAD clearly getting the better of the early stages with Isis 30-3 after 9 overs.

Stock footage of Mr Whiter dwelling on something (maybe a glimpse into the future at being caught).

Ponsford Jnr joined O. Walter at the crease and the two began to rebuild the Isis reply. [cough] rather decent LBW shouts that were turned down notwithstanding [cough]. Slowly to start with. Briskly, and with some style, towards the end of the 35 overs. Walter (82) would depart late on, allowing S. Gregan (6*) to accompany John Ponsford (101*) to his first ever century. Most of The MAD being surprised by this fact an indication of his ability. Well batted chap. The late impetus saw Isis reach 197 from their 35 overs. Perhaps a nudge above par? As if we ever have any idea what ‘par’ is. As if ‘par’ is even a thing when it comes to a Mad innings.

Not content with a 4-hour round trip from Nottingham, Mike also made the teas. Everyone else ate them with gusto. The coffee and walnut cake a particular favourite of those with zero taste buds. That’s not dissing the cake itself, just coffee. Which tastes like someone shat in your mouth. I imagine. During tea, James Bateman arrived. No one cared. Until they cottoned on to his disgraceful Australian twaaaang, mate. Then they saw the mullet. FFS.

Early in the piece, Williams hits a red thing.

The MAD response was measured in its approach, never too far shy of the 5.7 runs per over required. That being said, I’d wager there were points when not many in the ranks truly believed 197 could be chased down. JMO aside, of course. Pearson (13) was undone by some classic pie from the East but his and Harris’ (17) partnerships with Williams (44) saw The MAD to 70-2 after 14. Harris briefly forgetting how you figure out which end you’re at in-between overs. The scorer was, I hear, most perplexed.

No MAD innings is complete with a mini wobble and thus a dozen or so balls later the score was 78-4. Harris, having figured out which end to bat at, temporarily misplaced his stumps to be bowled round the legs. Russ (3), simply stumped by a quicker and flatter one from the Isis standout K Whiter (7-0-27-3). Having only driven 2 hours (thus far), bowled 5 overs, taken a stunning catch, and made the teas, Mike was rightly sent out at no. 6 to join D Shorten (13) at the crease. Lego missing another Whiter quicker one that looked to have kept a touch low. With 19.4 overs gone and The MAD on 106-5 Joe Cartwright entered the fray. ‘I’ve got this’ he uttered as he went out to the middle. ‘Just be patient with me.’ A solitary bye from his first 11 balls a stern test of said patience. We’ll ignore the fact he was dropped… Remember Cholsey. Remember Cholsey.

Cartwright stands firm to the end.

At the other end Mike had passed through the usual ‘early flailing’ stage of his innings and was now adding the odd boundary to the singles and twos. With 10 overs to go, 61 was required to win. Squeaky bums all round. Good overs were survived. Loose balls were pounced upon. Emergency squash was required. Ainsworth declared he needed new pants on the group WhatsApp. It wasn’t overtly clear if that was related to details of the run chase or the beers being consumed. It all boiled down to 9 being required off the last Nick Wyatt over. Single. Single. Single. The result of the first three balls, as well as the title of The MAD 2024 calendar.

6 off 3 required. This would be a good time for a boundary Mike (50*). Ohhhh, you absolutely beauty!! A single left the scores tied. The Isis fielders crowded Joe’s bat. Joe (44*) didn’t give a shit as he pummelled the final ball over the top to the boundary. The MAD win!! Russ cracks open the celebratory fizz. Or Carlsberg/Thatchers to you and I. Joe sparks up a celebratory ciggie and proclaims the game ‘one of the best he’s played in’. Something tells me he’s played his part in a fair few decent chases. Kudos to you, Joe. You know how to cart it, right? And to ‘the finisher’ too! An unbeaten 95 run partnership to see us home. [Applause and scene].

Mike, Captain Turner and the guy who slapped the winning boundary (Joe).

Whilst post-match beverages were being consumed there was time for our hero Joe to struggle to identify our other hero Mike, the man he’d just spent 15 overs with. Wanting to enjoy the moment together he failed to notice Mike was stood right next to him. Pearson managed to take all of his kit home save his whites. That’s whites as in trousers, top, socks, and undercrackers. Maybe we don’t always know where we are, what we’re doing, or who each other are, but we have a bloody good laugh doing it. Tip o’ the hat to Isis, who absolutely played their part in a great game and day. It just fell our way today.

The game earlier on in the season was an odd affair – as is often the case with rain affected games. Some miscalculations, in many ways, from both teams influencing affairs. This one though was another to add to a plethora of last ball finishes between both sides over the years. That’s providing anyone can remember it of course which, given some of the events of the day, seems highly unlikely.

’S. Tranger-Danger’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far From the MCC versus Isis CC Played at Brasenose College, 21 July 2024 Lemmings won the toss and elected to field Lemmings won by 2 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: n/a

24 / 629 35 over match

Team	Isis CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
	TOTAL	(for 4 wickets, 35 overs)	197

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
	TOTAL	(for 5 wickets, 35 overs)	201

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

MOTM: M. K. Reeves Champagne Moment: M. K. Reeves’ superb low catch off Whiter (mid wicket) Buffet Award: MAD Moment: D. Shorten’s four, non-four, runout, not run out fiasco

Opposition: V0 / 0 Ground: G0 / 0 Captain: C0 / 0 Match No: 0 / 0