Match: 08 / 161
Lost by 192 runs
Team |
Total |
Cholsey CC |
253 - 6 |
A.
Mann 3 - 34 |
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
61 |
A.
Mann 17 |
Alas the day had come – it's Cholsey. For many Madsters
this day always stands out on the fixture list. For the bowlers it's a day to
whet the appetite for improving the wicket column without conceding too many
runs. For the batsman it has tended to be a fixture to avoid if you want to
hold on to a good average for the season.
The stage was set as The MAD folk walked the golden
mile in the blistering heat of deep South Oxfordshire from the car park
towards the Cholsey minefield. It could conjure up memories of those long
airport treks in the Greek islands from the check-in point to the Departures
Lounge. It took forever. For some it was their first encounter at the ground.
The only thoughts were those shared by previous Mad victims who gave eye
witness accounts and plenty of cobbing during the pre-match drinks at the Red
Lion. The phrases “batsman's graveyard” and “bowler's paradise” were often
quoted. As The MADsters passed the mound and headed
towards the pavilion you could be forgiven for believing that we were heading
into a war zone. This thought was fuelled by the many low flying aircraft
that flew across the ground. It was like watching a scene out of King Kong whilst
climbing up Hamburger Hill. On arriving at the pavilion it was noticeable
that not a lot had changed since previous encounters. There still weren't any
showers. The score board didn't hand us much encouragement either as it
displayed the previous run chase which was a nice round 50. Small
biplanes circle over the Cholsey groundsman [yes, he does exist!] Mission 1 was to inspect the batting
strip. Having cautiously walked out to the middle, being watchful for any
live landmines and machine gun fire from the overhead planes, it became
apparent that there were two pitches that had seen some heavy bombing and one
pitch that had yet to be played on. This untouched pitch was the one selected
for today's encounter. It appeared from the eye to be an okay pitch although
damp in areas where it had obviously had a pre-match watering. There didn't
seem to be any noticeable unevenness or sizeable divots to cause any initial
concern. Mission 2 was for the captain to win
the toss. Due to a consistently bad run of calling from Mr. Howarth, the
captaincy along with the call was handed over to Essex regular “Deputy Dob”.
Surely the bad run would end? But as the skipper strolled back from the
middle, it was obvious from the expression on his face and his words “we are fielding”
that yet again the toss was lost…. Always a joy
playing cricket on a football field…. Mission 3 was to get some wicket
keeping gloves as yet again they were not present in the kit bag. Nick Hebbes
had to trek across town to pick some up which delayed the start of the match. As The MAD took to the sun pounded field to the sound
of planes, trains and automobiles, Mission
4 was straight forward “bowl the opposition out as cheaply as possible”.
From previous encounters on this ground it shouldn't have been a
problem. The Cholsey CC innings commenced with Mr. A. Darley
opening with his express bombs from one end and Ant's nagging swinging
grenades from the other. The openers held firm and the ball started to hit
the boundary at regular intervals. The runs were flowing at quite an alarming
rate for this ground. Finally though, Darley got the break through with a
quick one that got the edge of their number two's bat and Jamo took a good
catch behind the stumps. Mike Brierley
would have been proud of that one, especially with J-MO suitably decked out
in the official 1981 Ashes wicket keepers kit. David
Bairstow inset. A. G. Mann was unable to strike from the other end so
it was time to change the weaponry. The hot sunny conditions sparked a
seasonal idea. It's time to open up the picnic hamper and offer some tempting
delights to these ever hungry batters. First it was I. Howarth with some
extra spiced sausage rolls and scotch eggs, followed by N. Hebbes with some
cheese flan and egg custard tarts. The ever gluttonous batsman though
devoured them all and it didn't deter Marshall from reaching a quick and
aggressive 50. Cholsey's cause was certainly aided by some comedy fielding
and dropped catches. Mr. Mann strolled in from the boundary to what seemed a
straight forward catch from a ball that was launched a mere 2000ft in the
air. However he fell 6ft short of the eventual landing grenade. Everyone
ducked for cover waiting for the explosion. It was hard to understand what
had caused this strange misjudgement. Maybe it was the sun, or perhaps the
low flying model aircraft. But no, our fears were put to rest when he
explained “the ball swirled in the wind.” One could only put this down to the
thermals at high altitudes before the ball plummeted down as this certainly
wasn't a day for much air turbulence. A change of appetizers did at the beginning seem to
control the flow of runs with M. Reeves' well pitched scones. But it was A.
Small's fully tossed strawberry trifle that got the second break through.
Marshall couldn't resist the lofted drive which this time found the safe
hands of A. Mann. Marshall though had already smacked 80. Chapman (48) arrived
at the crease having just raced across from the hospital following the birth
of his child. It wasn't long before he started tucking into the lemon
meringues and apple turnovers as both A. Small and M. Reeves lost their line
and length and got plenty of boundary treatment. M. Reeves though did pick up
a wicket and bowled some pretty good overs beside the more expensive ones.
With the game drifting rapidly away from The MAD, the team needed some
inspiration. I. Howarth found it whilst reading pages of the Sunday Mirror as
he fielded on the boundary. The buffet award suddenly became the new focus
for the innings with I. Howarth (5-0-41-0), N. Hebbes (5-0-44-0) and M.
Reeves (6-0-43-1) all competing for the award. It looked as though Mr. Buffet
himself was going to take the spoils with a late entry, as A. Small finished
with 4-0-38-1, but it was Captain Dobner (1-0-12-0) who bowled himself a
solitary over at the death that sealed the sandwiches. A rejuvenated Ant came
back for an impressive 2nd spell with Darley to finish up. A. Mann
finished with overall figures of 7-1-34-3 which was the best bowling of the
innings. Darley finished with 7-2-32-1 as the Cholsey innings ended on 253-6.
The MAD were left scratching their heads and wondering just what had gone so
terribly wrong. This was not a Cholsey pitch score…. Apologies for
the scoreboard error – it should have read 253…. Tea was taken and there was still some belief and
optimism found under one of Dobner’s ham and cheese sandwiches. It was simply
a matter of 7.23 runs per over. With Ant all kitted out in his full Gladiator
armoury and ready to open it wouldn't be a problem “No worries mate”. Howarth and Mann opened the innings for The MAD. The
Early encounters didn't create too much cause for alarm as both batsmen
played tidily and A. Mann played some forceful shots and put up a sound
defence. Spam too smashed a good one to the boundary. The first talking point
of the innings came when Sergeant appealed for an LBW against A. Mann. Umpire
Small whilst filming from behind the stumps kept his trigger finger down as
the ball pitched just outside off stump. The bowler called for the third
umpire, but the camera evidence proved inconclusive for the appeal – i.e. it
didn't record the event. With both batsmen being defiant, Sergeant decided on
a different approach to his bowling. “Forget the brisk straight stuff, and
bring on the slow cooked pies.” Sure enough it brought the break through as
Howarth tried hooking an inviting steak and ale thick crust pastry. It looped
straight up in the air and was caught and bowled by Sergeant for 7. “Like what
the fuck…?!” From here on the dreaded Mad collapse took hold as in
the last game. Batsman after batsman came and went with not too many runs to
his name. Sergeant's strawberry flans and lemon tarts proved too much, as did
Hough's extra lively rock cakes. Ant put on a brave show, but was eventually
clean bowled for 17 by Hough who took 4-25 from 7. Sergeant took 4-20 off 9
overs. When their spinner came on and managed to turn some jam doughnuts by
some 4ft and with the required run rate climbing towards 20 per over, it
became “Mission Impossible” for The MADsters. A
late arriving Thornton Smith tried to do something spectacular to turn the
tide, but he was bowled by a wicked low cutting spinning ball for 5 which
ended the misery for The MAD as he was the last wicket to fall. The other
batsmen's scores were N. Hebbes 3, S. Dobner 1, J. Hoskins 5, M. Reeves 4,
and A. Darley 9. I. Leggate and A. Morley didn't trouble the scorers…. The
FFTMCC had been skittled out for 61 and were comprehensively defeated by the small margin of 192 runs. So as The MADsters walked
into the evening sunset from the battlefield almost mortally wounded, there
was much to discuss and collect at the Fines Committee. The post-mortem into
the shambles had now commenced. ‘Mr. Small’
|
*
Far from the MCC versus Cholsey
CC Played at Cholsey, 27 July 2008 Cholsey CC won the toss and elected to bat Cholsey CC won by 192 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none |
08 / 161 35 over match |
Team |
Cholsey CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
1 |
J. Marshall |
c Mann b Small |
80 |
|
|
|
|
2 |
S. Haigh |
run out (Dobner/Hoskins) |
23 |
|
|
|
|
3 |
A. Chapman |
c Dobner b Reeves |
48 |
|
|
|
|
4 |
A. Hough |
c Hoskins b Darley |
48 |
|
|
|
|
5 |
D. Powell |
b Mann |
37 |
|
|
|
|
6 |
A. Sergeant |
lbw b Mann |
0 |
|
|
|
|
7 |
J. Haigh |
lbw b Mann |
0 |
|
|
|
|
8 |
A. Goldsmith |
not out |
0 |
|
|
|
- |
9 |
Weaver |
not out |
0 |
|
|
|
- |
10 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB1, W6, B10) |
17 |
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 7 wickets, 35 overs) |
253 |
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
1 |
Darley |
7 |
2 |
32 |
1 |
|
2 |
Mann |
7 |
1 |
34 |
3 |
|
3 |
Howarth |
5 |
0 |
41 |
0 |
|
4 |
Hebbes |
5 |
0 |
44 |
0 |
|
5 |
Small |
4 |
0 |
38 |
1 |
|
6 |
Reeves |
6 |
0 |
43 |
1 |
|
7 |
Dobner |
1 |
0 |
12 |
0 |
|
Team |
Far from
the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
1 |
I. Howarth |
c and b Sargeant |
7 |
(10) |
1 |
- |
1-15 |
2 |
A. G. Mann |
b Hough |
17 |
(40) |
2 |
- |
4-38 |
3 |
N. J. Hebbes |
lbw b Hough |
3 |
(8) |
- |
- |
2-18 |
4 |
S. L. P. Dobner * |
b Sargeant |
1 |
(7) |
- |
- |
3-31 |
5 |
J. D. Hoskins + |
lbw b Sergeant |
5 |
(15) |
- |
- |
7-44 |
6 |
I. C. Leggate |
c b Hough |
0 |
(6) |
- |
- |
5-40 |
7 |
M. K. Reeves |
c b Hough |
4 |
(3) |
1 |
- |
6-44 |
8 |
A. Morley |
c b Sergeant |
0 |
(6) |
- |
- |
9-56 |
9 |
A. Darley |
b Haigh |
9 |
(6) |
2 |
- |
8-56 |
10 |
A. Small |
not out |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
- |
11 |
T. P. W. Smith |
b Haigh |
5 |
(5) |
- |
- |
10-61 |
|
Extras |
(NB2, LB3, B5) |
10 |
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 17.3 overs) |
61 |
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
1 |
Sergeant |
9 |
0 |
20 |
4 |
|
2 |
Hough |
7 |
1 |
25 |
4 |
|
3 |
Haigh |
1.3 |
0 |
9 |
2 |
|
MOTM: A. G. Mann Champagne Moment: J. D Hoskins and S. L.
Dobner run out Buffet
Award: S. L. Dobner’s Essex flan
(with extra onion and cheese) |
Opposition:
V033 / 09 Ground: G026 / 06 Captain: C008 / 05 |