“Timms Guides Team Home in Record Run Chase”

 

 

Match:  10 / 211

Won by 4 wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

Wootton & Bladon CC

195 - 7

T. Smith  2 - 15

 

FFTMCC

196 - 6

M. Reeves  64,  I. Howarth  43

 

 

 

 

The Far from the MCC signed off their Brasenose College home matches for 2010 with a successful Club Record run chase. Having ineptly allowed their erstwhile weighty opponents to gorge themselves on some glutinous pie [which doubled as their bowling], their batting dug them out of a Costcutter’s chocolate pudding and earned them a bottle of Dom Perignon Vintage 2000.

 

 

 

“A job advert? Sod that, I’m enjoying doing fuck all these days.”

 

 

After the curtain came down on a pulsating encounter, MAD debutant and hero, G. J. Timms was quick to face the assembled media. “Gentlemen, when my agent D. Emerson contacted me and suggested I ply my services with a bunch of alcoholics masquerading as a cricket team, I was initially sceptical; but then having met The Mad management down the local pisser, I was left in little doubt. There was only one Sunday club I wanted to play for” he started. “Their skipper [Moo] persuaded me I would bring much needed vim and vigour to their arthritic fielding, and my nerveless batting could be a real boon at the death. He also got me wankered too, that helped – but I have to say, I never did envisage having such an amazing debut. It was wonderful bringing the team home to victory. I can’t imagine a more fantastic day.”

 

 

 

D. Emerson throws a ball at the back of Pooley Senior’s head.

 

 

Earlier in the day, M. Westmoreland continued his rich vein of form in successfully losing the loss. Without a moment for thought, his Wootton counterpart decided on having fist crack on a hard if grass topped track. It initially looked like an err in judgement, as D. Emerson (7-2-24-1) and D. Shorten (7-1-16-1) extracted plenty of life in nipping out Poole Jr for a duck, and Poole Snr for 6. There were even mutterings in the field that maybe they should “give ‘em a few doughnuts, this lot look crap.” Arrogance and poor judgement are sometimes comical virtues, especially when combined, and the Far from the MCC combine them better than most. Predictably, Wootton then found their appetite and their ample gut started to increase in girth.

 

M. Westmoreland (7-1-25-1) bowled some useful balls before the final delivery of each over was twatted for four. J. Hoskins (5-0-35-1) bowled some useful balls, but unfortunately saw quite a few more of his deliveries twatted for four. Debutant G. Timms (4-0-30-1) erected a fast food outlet utilising C. Roberts’ (2-1-15-1) expertise, and together they ran out of hot dogs and burgers in the space of 6 overs. This despite a courier sent to the nearby Co-op to acquire more meat and seeded buns.

 

 

 

D. Shorten retrieves some more MAD pie from the boundary.

 

 

It was all becoming rather doughy, and Wootton skipper, N. Hambridge (52), celebrated his fifty in style by lumping a ploughman’s lunch over orthodox cow. Things were tidied up a little towards the end, as The MAD turned to veteran pieman D. Edwards (4-0-28-0), and novice understudy T. Smith (4-0-15-2). The pair bowled with a certain degree of control, and only a few times did they leave the pies in the oven too long. Wootton eventually totalled a rather bulky 195-7 off their 40 overs, and many in The Mad ranks were already grumbling about “shit fucking bowling giving these village hillbilly’s too many bloody runs”.

 

Time for tea, and the Family Dobner did us proud, with a distinguished spread that had our portly opposition licking their lips. Injured superstar, Stevie D, naturally watched on as his missus did the majority of everything, but he at least had the decency to galvanise himself out of his deckchair to take the plaudits. With a team nickname of “The Fat Boys” you would expect a robust effort come the mid-innings interval, and I am delighted to report that Wootton gave an exemplary performance; save for a few token crumbs and crisps which Joe Puppy snaffled.

 

 

 

The Fat Boys award their skipper a pink hat for his eating ability.

 

 

It is a minor curiosity as to why Wootton & Bladon are called “The Fat Boys” these days, especially amongst the newcomers to MAD ranks. A quick glance at their personnel and only a few of their number are actually wide of waist and bulbous of paunch. The name was handed to them some seven years ago during an ill-tempered match in Bladon – and it’s stuck ever since; even though their more rotund members have long since left. Mud sticks, huh? And likewise, fat is hard to lose.

 

On resumption, the majority of The MAD team pulled up a deckchair, made themselves comfortable, and hid behind a newspaper or Sunday magazine. They were preparing themselves for the usual snoozefest of an opening partnership in lieu of such an imposing target – soon to be followed by the inevitable collapse and desultory defeat [and cobbing thereafter]. Incredibly, today was to be very different. Maybe Kim had laced the rather tasty fruit cake we’d all eaten? Or maybe she only laced the seven eighths of the cake the Fat Boy’s ate? Either way – wonderful things were about to happen….

 

 

 

D. Edwards helps get The MAD innings off to a flyer.

 

 

D. Edwards and I. Howarth ignited The MAD innings with a joint opening salvo of 83 in 15 overs. Their partnership was notable for the blitz of boundaries and urgency between the wicket [yes, urgency]. It was a shame then that Howarth (43) decided on reverting to type and trying to tonk Wootton quickie, O. Bevan, into nearby Banbury and holed out in the covers. There was an unsettling quiet as Ian returned to the pavilion, spectators and team mates acutely aware that a sympathetic comment may trigger some bat-throwing histrionics. As it was, the guys waited until Howarth had disappeared into the changing rooms for some bat-throwing histrionics before shaking their heads and calling him a “dozy wanker”.

 

Mr. Reeves had been enjoying a purple patch with his new bat of late, and seeing the ball like the size of his head – which as anyone will tell you, is of considerable proportions. Mike joined Dan at the crease and in no time was smiting the ball to all corners. It’s not that the bowling was bad; it’s just that ‘Ol Big Head really is in that zone at present. Anything wide – wallop! Anything straight – wallop! Anything anywhere – wallop! Enjoy the trip Mike, these patches of purple come along all too infrequently for us batsmen.

 

 

 

Amazing – The MAD innings showing some impetus early on.

 

 

Edwards (40) was eventually caught off a high full toss as tried to pull it onto the deck of his nearby barge, but he’d help push the score along to 127. This total was then furtherly pushed along to 171 as a salivating D. Shorten (15) joined the fray. At this point it looked like The MAD would canter home, but that be without factoring in The Mad. T. Smith (1) went from hero to zero, M. Reeves (64) was triggered by some dubious umpiring from Howarth, and the skipper, M. Westmoreland (6) was stumped in hilarious circumstances with the scores tied. It all left The Mad requiring an implausible 1 run off 3.5 overs with only 4 wickets in hand.

 

Step forth one Gareth Timms. Having been nudged up the order due to M. Bullock’s mental disintegration in the face of such unbearable pressure, Gareth grabbed the opportunity to cement himself as the club’s chief finisher in tight-match situations. He began by swiping his bat at thin air, knowing the ball was missing his stumps, and then drove powerfully through the vacant skip cordon to register his first run for the team. It was exhilarating stuff, and Timms (1*) was chaired from the pitch by an average protecting J. Hoskins (0*) – who was quick to tell anyone who was listening “that was the greatest run chase that this team has ever seen!”

 

 

 

“Wow, Mr. Timms – you really are the real deal! Good shit, dude.”

 

 

A fitting way to round off a most enjoyable home season at Brasenose. A banquet of runs, a large portion of wickets, and a star is born. We salute you Gareth “Michael Bevan” Timms.

 

 

‘Spam’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Wootton & Bladon CC

Played at Brasenose, 1 August 2010

 

Wootton & Bladon CC won the toss and elected to bat

Far from the MCC won by 4 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  Gareth John Timms (112)

 

 

10 / 211

 

 

 

 

 

40 over match

 

 

 

Team

Wootton & Bladon CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

W. Dale

c Shorten b Westmoreland

37

(75)

5

-

4-87

2

T. Poole

b Emerson

0

(4)

-

-

1-1

3

S. Poole

b Shorten

6

(18)

-

-

2-18

4

A. Stone

c Howarth b Hoskins

14

(29)

2

-

3-53

5

N. Hambridge *

c Westmoreland b Smith

52

(44)

8

-

6-157

6

O. Bevan

c Bullock b Roberts

17

(16)

3

-

5-127

7

A. Hambridge

not out

20

(33)

1

-

-

8

D. De Bono

b Smith

8

(7)

1

-

7-172

9

T. Floyd +

not out

16

(14)

2

-

-

10

M. Grieve

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB4, W13 LB2, B6)

25

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 7 wickets, 40 overs)

195

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Shorten

7

1

16

1

 

2

Emerson

7

2

24

1

 

3

Westmoreland

7

1

25

1

 

4

Hoskins

5

0

35

1

 

5

Timms

4

0

30

0

 

6

Roberts

2

1

15

1

 

7

Edwards

4

0

28

0

 

8

Smith

4

0

15

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

D. M. Edwards

c Floyd b Dale

40

(81)

5

-

2-127

2

I. Howarth

c Stone b Bevan

43

(38)

8

-

1-83

3

M. K. Reeves

lbw b Poole

64

(62)

8

1

5-193

4

D. Shorten

lbw b Dale

15

(19)

3

-

3-171

5

T. P. W. Smith

b Dale

1

(6)

-

-

4-181

6

M. T. Westmoreland *

st Floyd b Poole

6

(5)

1

-

6-195

7

J. D. Hoskins

not out

0

(9)

-

-

-

8

G. J. Timms

not out

1

(4)

-

-

-

9

M. Bullock +

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

C. D. Roberts

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

D. Emerson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB3, W7, LB4, B12)

26

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 6 wickets, 36.5 overs)

196

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Bevan

8

2

26

1

 

2

Grieve

8

0

50

0

 

3

Stone

8

1

40

0

 

4

Dale

8

0

49

3

 

5

T. Poole

2.5

1

6

2

 

6

A. Hambridge

2

0

9

0

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  M. K. Reeves

Champagne Moment:  M. K. Reeves’ six over long on

Buffet Award:  C. D. Roberts and G. J. Timms’ vanilla sponge cake) with custard

 

 

Opposition:  V027 / 14

Ground:  G040 / 13

Captain:  C011 / 38

 

 

 

 

 

Match Fines