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“Does Alcohol Affect Cricketing Performance?
A Scientific Study

 

 

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Match:  21 / 548

Won by 81 runs

 

 

Team

 

Total

FFTMCC

144 - 9

D. Shorten  73*,  J. Bateman  18*

 

Zambuca Tigers CC

63

G. Timms  5 - 4,  C. Roberts  2 - 12

 

 

 

 

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Introduction

This paper attempts to quantify the impact of alcohol on cricketing performance, namely batting, bowling and catching. Subjects in this randomised trial were selected from a pool of fourteen respondents using the ‘Top Trumps and coin toss’ method (Ref 1.) A control group (David Shorten) who consumed no alcohol on the day of the game was measured against the test group of ten, who got progressively more battered as the game approached. The traditional Friday of tour was selected as the optimum day of the test as it combined numerous drinking establishments in the host city with copious time to kill before the game.

 

 

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The opponents in the experiment were Zambuca Tigers (ZT Ref 2.) a team that appear to be moulded very similar to us in that they get that cricket is a largely social event. We hear they have over 100 members with 50 or so hanging on live updates to the Whatsapp group. Great credit and many thanks are given for persevering with the game through intermittent drizzle and fading light. Apparently, they tour to exotic locations including Russia, but we’d be very happy to host if they decide on a more modest tour to Oxford.

 

 

Methodology

After an enjoyable night at the Hope and Ruin, Friday dawned grey and windy. I mean like properly gale force five, lean into it when you’re walking the 2.5 miles along the seafront to the crazy golf type of windy. For perhaps the one and only time on tour, the team walked past a pirate themed crazy golf course and on to the ‘Jungle Rumble Adventure’, a course named close enough to the classic encounter for the lawyers of Mr Ali and Mr Foreman to take an interest. Thirty six holes allowed the leaders to be grouped into a final foursome, in to which an early (for him) rising Jake inserted himself. As they came to the final hole, the result was still up for grabs, but Russ emerged victorious.

 

 

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So on to the experiment. Dave Shorten removed himself from the possibility of drinking by opting for a 10km run along the seafront, whilst the rest of the team headed for The Evening Star (ES Ref 3.) Coin tossing (Ref 1) the night before had established that Messrs Reeves, Psycho and Salad would not be playing today, they were therefore free to get stuck well in. Even when it was discovered that ZT (Ref 2) had only nine players and would therefore require two FFTMCC players they refused to get involved. The team were at first horrified to discover that the ES only served vegan food, but when in Brighton and all that, they found that a change is sometime good. JMO threw himself in to the experiment at this point, downing half a pint of (possibly) Stout, which was around 18% and the consistency of a McDonalds chocolate milk shake.

 

 

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From there the experiment continued on to the Battle of Trafalgar (Refs 4 and 5, 1805), where JMO and Jake had an impromptu game of table tennis involving some pint glasses and their hands. Finally, the team went to the colourful Albert pub (Ref 6 and 7), to put the tin hat on their preparations.

 

The game took place in a council park (imagine that!) just east of Brighton. A café / pavilion overlooked the pitch and served wonderful samosas (Ref 8), but was unfortunately closing just as the match started. Opening bat I Howarth decided that a quick streak around the outfield in his under crackers was just what was needed as the rain started to fall. The scorebook records that he was caught by sub Darley, who then batted at 3. Can that really be right?

 

 

   

 

 

With Russ doing much of the scoring, precise details are hard to come by, but it looks like the team were 9 for 3 when Dave Shorten came in, the sober contingent of our team. He smashed three massive sixes and quickly retired on 34 as helicopters, fire engines and ambulances circled the pitch attending to an accident nearby. After that, the team performed about as well as can be expected with an average of five pints inside each of them. Hotson and Hoskins got goldens (although the ball to Hoskins from Mariner was a beauty) whilst Bullock and Carter also got ducks. No-one else got in to double figures although all troubled the scorer.

 

 

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At (roughly) 82-9 and the rest of his inebriated team mates back in the pavilion / café Shorten returned for a record breaking performance (Ref 9). He was supported by James B (18 n.o.), the Dilley to his Botham, but this was all about Dave. Another three monster 6’s, bringing the total to six equals a club record in all formats and his 73 not out is a new club record beating the 65 from Thornton set in 2003. Again, we have to talk about ringers, and ZT would be entitled to think we had drafted in a county player, but no, this is one of our own who when he occasionally fires, does so brilliantly. Well done sober Dave, scoring 50.7% of the total 144.

 

 

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Champion Master Blaster.

 

 

Now a confession, alcohol does affect memory and I have little recollection of our bowling performance. Was it the fact it was so dark, or just my failing eyesight meaning I literally struggled to make out which of our bowlers were bowling? The ZT innings never really got going as a succession of players struggled with the intermittent drizzle and terrible light. Special mention to P Styles batting at four and getting a golden (caught Hotson bowled Roberts), he returned at eleven to bag a second golden this time bowled Timms. We have all collectively been there and ZT will have better days.

 

Stand-out performance on the bowling front was Gary. 3.3-1-5-4 sees him to number three in the all time best bowling figures and the best going back to 2005. Surely the only time ever that such great figures did not merit a MOTM nod.

 

 

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Timms and Shorten… a day to remember (for one of them anyway).

 

Results

·         Alcohol does affect batting performance.

·         Alcohol does not affect bowling, well not Gary’s anyway. Geoff bowled a 14 ball over, but here the influence of booze is not thought to be significant.

·         A surprising result is that alcohol does not appear to affect catching with Hotson, Hoskins and judas Darley managing to cling on.

·         Alcohol most definitely affects scoring with Reeves unable to count to five and Turner, well just unable.

 

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Conclusions

Further extensive research is required.

 

 

References

1.       First pioneered in match 399 in 2015 during the tour to Hythe & Dibden http://fftmcc.org.uk/

2.       https://zambucatigers.play-cricket.com/home

3.       https://www.facebook.com/EveningStarBrighton

4.       https://www.facebook.com/horatio.nelson.77128/

5.       https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Trafalgar

6.       https://princealbertbrighton.co.uk/

7.       https://www.royal.uk/prince-albert

8.       https://www.indianhealthyrecipes.com/samosa-recipe-make-samosa/

9.       Batting records http://fftmcc.org.uk/

 

 

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‘Reevsie’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Zambuca Tigers CC

Played at East Brighton Park, 30 July 2021

 

Zambuca Tigers CC won the toss and elected to field

Far from the MCC won by 81 runs

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  n/a

 

 

21 / 548

 

 

 

 

 

20 over match

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

I. Howarth

c sub (Darley) b Adams

14

(18)

2

-

3-61

2

M. Bullock

b Ryan

0

(3)

-

-

1-3

3

A. Darley

c Edgell b Ryan

5

(11)

1

-

2-8

4

J. C. W. Hotson †

b Ryan

0

(1)

-

-

4-61

5

D. Shorten

not out

73

(33)

7

6

-

6

R. P. Turner

c Edgell b De Silva

9

(11)

-

-

5-75

7

C. D. Roberts

b Tovey

4

(13)

-

-

6-79

8

G. J. Timms

lbw b Barrs

7

(9)

-

-

9-83

9

G. Carter

b Mariner

0

(3)

-

-

7-82

10

J. D. Hoskins

b Mariner

0

(1)

-

-

8-82

11

J. C. Bateman *

not out

18

(17)

3

-

-

 

Extras

W7, LB3, B4

14

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 9 wickets, 20 overs)

144

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Ryan

3

1

12

3

4.00

 

2

Styles

2

0

5

0

2.50

 

3

Adams

3

0

28

1

9.33

 

4

Ewing

3

0

34

0

11.33

 

5

De Silva

2

0

6

1

3.00

 

6

Tovey

2

0

10

1

5.00

 

7

Mariner

2

0

6

2

3.00

 

8

Barrs

3

0

36

1

12.00

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note:  D. Shorten retired at 57-3 (7.5 overs) and returned at 83-9 (14.2 overs)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Zambuca Tigers CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

J. Tovey

b Hoskins

2

(3)

-

-

1-2

2

T. Mariner

b Roberts

4

(10)

-

-

2-14

3

N. De Silva

b Timms

8

(12)

2

-

4-18

4

P. Styles

c Hotson b Roberts

0

(1)

-

-

3-14

5

S. Adams *

b Timms

6

(9)

-

-

6-34

6

S. Ryan

b Timms

3

(7)

-

-

5-34

7

T. Ewing

run out (Howarth)

0

(1)

-

-

7-34

8

K. Barrs

c Hoskins b Bullock

4

(19)

-

-

8-53

9

J. Edgell †

b Timms

16

(15)

2

-

9-63

10

J. Tovey

not out

2

(4)

-

-

-

11

P. Styles

b Timms

0

(1)

-

-

10-63

 

Extras

NB6, W7, B5

18

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 14.3 overs)

63

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Hoskins

2

0

3

1

1.50

 

2

Roberts

2

0

12

2

6.00

 

3

Timms

3.3

1

4

5

1.14

 

4

Carter

1

0

15

0

15.00

 

5

Darley

2

0

11

0

5.50

 

6

Turner

2

0

6

0

3.00

 

7

Bullock

2

0

6

1

3.00

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note:  J. Tovey and P. Styles batted twice

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  D. Shorten

Champagne Moment:  D. Shorten six into adjoining field and over campervan

Buffet Award:  G. Carter’s soggy pizza spread (extra wet garlic bread)

MAD Moment:  D. Shorten loses grip on bat and hurls it to square leg attempting a huge pull shot

 

 

Opposition:  V0122 / 01

Ground:  G0109 / 01

Captain:  C032 / 01

Match No:  20 / 157