“Coaching Ignored, as Horspath Enjoy Home
Pudding Advantage”
Match: 13 / 279
Lost by 151 Runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
Horspath CC |
202 - 3 |
|
C.
Roberts 2 - 41 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
51 |
|
I.
Howarth 20 |
|
|
Despite a day of rain on
Saturday to top up the rain that had already fallen on Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday – the good folk of Horspath declared their
pitch as fit for purpose. After all, the sun was now out and a sharp wind was
drying the outfield quicker than their customized ‘super sopper’. Besides, as
their general dogsbody, Mr. Eason, would tell you – the players will only
find themselves sat in pub, twiddling their thumbs, moaning endlessly about a
lack of cricket…. After 7 months of
interminably cold weather, it felt great to be back on an expanse of cut
grass moaning about the sport we love to moan about above all others. The bar
was open on arrival and Oxford’s premier professional cricketing outfit,
known as the Far from the MCC, were quick to boost Horspath’s coffers as they
sought to help raise the capital for their hosts’ dreams of an extended
pavilion.
The Class of 2013 (maybe ‘class’ is the wrong word)…. Accompanying pints of cider
and beer to the wicket, a groundswell of MAD opinion led Skipper Westmoreland
to agree that this was definitely a day for the bowler. The going was soft
under foot with the potential for one that could shoot, one that could pop
and one that could nip back at a 45 degree angle to flummox the batsman. But
what do we know? Eh? Martin duly won the toss, elected to bowl and Horspath
shoved that opinion right up our arse. The visitors were joined in
the field in the third over by late arrival, P. Mellor – raising a few
eyebrows on his missing out on the now obligatory pre-match drinks. Was this
a new svelte, more serious-minded Paddy – ignoring tradition in favour of
honing his fitness? No, not really…. The opening salvo from D. Emerson and J.
Newman (8-1-35-0) was controlled and assured, but alas a wicket was not
forthcoming. It needed the introduction of C. Roberts (7-0-41-2) to tempt the
Horspath openers into upping their run-rate, firstly I. Belcher (28) skied
one between Westmoreland and Mr. Hoskins. They both called for the catch – at
different times I might add, yet neither heeded the others call, so they
simply converged into a square metre of turf and bounced off each other…
amusingly so, with Martin somehow pouching the ball. R. Eason (33) fell a few
balls later as he picked out I. Howarth on the boundary. 65-2.
After seven months in the back of Howarth’s car – Giant Duck gets to
see how crap his chauffer’s team really is. And that was as good as it
got really. G. Timms (8-0-32-0), J. Hoskins (5-0-29-0) and S. Dobner (4-0-28-0)
all toiled away without any reward, with the only other wicket coming from a
comebacking Emerson (8-0-30-1) as he had S. Green (12) snaffled behind by Mr.
Bullock at the tail of the innings. A. Wynd (50*), S. Ali (50*), G. Beer
(13*) and an emigrated D. Edwards (5*) all contributed to a mature total of
202-3 after 40. Was this really a bowling paradise? After budgeting for a score
in excess of 300, the Far from the MCC sat down to enjoy their tea with 98
credit in their bank. A rarefied atmosphere prevailed during the interval as
the sun poked its head out for a couple of minutes and temperatures reached
the dizzying heights of double figures.
#10 and #11 get padded up awaiting The MAD reply…. So would the Mad benefit
from nets with a batting coach at Dummer the weekend before? No, not really….
The players who attended the sessions could probably be divided into three
pools: ‘Pool A’ – those that listened and attempted to modify their game (unsuccessfully);
‘Pool B’ – those that listened and ignored / forgot the general advice; and
‘Pool C’ – those that argued with the coach and refused to take on any advice
or reasoning and instead told the qualified coach he hadn’t got a fucking
clue what he was on about. I’m not sure what ‘Pool’ openers R. Turner (7) and
Westmoreland (3) dived into, but Howarth batting at 3, could most certainly
could be categorised as a ‘C’ (how ironic). But maybe that’s the point? Some
things you just don’t mess with at the tender age of 42 – and the views and
appreciations of some ‘qualified’ coach brought up on manicured, public
schoolboy pitches somewhere in Toffsville should be disregarded as simply
that. Would this coach have ever batted on a ‘proper’ pudding of a pitch? Do
I really have to qualify that statement?
Lucky fucker – Howarth (20) rides his luck. The MAD reply would be
studded with numerous comedy dismissals, but ‘Pool A’ batsman S. Dobner’s (2)
effort was perhaps the connoisseur’s choice. Having watched various
deliveries pop past his ears, he left his telescope up on the seventh such
delivery, guiding the ball diligently to a bemused first slip. 33-3 with
spectators inching forwards on their plastic chairs as a famed FFTMCC
collapse was definitely on…. Not to be outdone in the
comedy stakes, Howarth (20) presented the fielder at cover point with catching
practice after swatting a wide one – a shot befitting ‘Pool C’ and a shot of
absolutely no responsibility whatsoever. M. Bullock (2) was then caught
behind and ‘Pool A’ candidate who became a ‘Pool B’ candidate, D. Emerson,
went for a four ball duck after a cowardly, trembling cameo against young
speed king, G. Beer (5-2-9-1).
It took Mellor 36 balls to avoid getting his eye in…. Could things get any worse?
Abso-fucking-lutely. In fact, why even pose that ridiculous question? Former
Madster, D. Edwards, arms whirling like an octopus in a vortex, adrenalin
pumping – or was it hatred? – then returned the piss-take figures of
1.5-0-4-3 as a succession of MAD batsman suffered stage-fright (Mellor 7,
Newman 1, Hoskins and Timms both nought). Actually, Timms could be
categorised in ‘Pool D’ – those that never made the coaching sessions due to
illness (also known as a crushing hangover). So, there you have it… 51 all
out. 8 wickets had fallen for 18 runs with Mr. Roberts left stranded on 1 not
out. Oh, my – how the locals loved it! We aim to entertain. There were, however, several
positives to take from this performance – most notably the MAD bringing a
conclusion to the match in ample time for the final round of the Masters golf
starting early evening (much appreciated by all). Other positives included
Mr. Hoskins being able to dump a car load of garden waste in Mr. Edwards’ van
(as recompense for non-gardening during James’ world sabbatical), and the
team as a whole having plenty to fucking moan about in the bar – and you can
never complain about that. So, we’ve hit the ground in
2013 – we just need to start running. To be honest, even a casual saunter or
jog would be appreciated.
Mr. Edwards’ FFTMCC leaving present – courtesy of Mr. Hoskins. ‘Pool C’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Horspath C.C. Played at Horspath, 14 April 2013 FFTMCC won the toss and elected to
field Horspath C.C. won by 151 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none |
13 / 279 40 over match |
|
Team |
Horspath
CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. Eason |
c Howarth b Roberts |
33 |
|
4 |
- |
2-65 |
|
2 |
I. Belcher |
c Westmoreland b Roberts |
28 |
|
3 |
- |
1-64 |
|
3 |
A. Wynd + |
retired |
50 |
|
4 |
- |
- |
|
4 |
S. Ali |
retired |
50 |
|
3 |
2 |
- |
|
5 |
S. Green |
c Bullock b Emerson |
12 |
|
- |
1 |
3-188 |
|
6 |
G. Beer |
not out |
13 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
7 |
D. Edwards * |
not out |
5 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
8 |
T. Smith |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
H. Moon |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
C. Fox |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
G. Manger |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB3, W6, B2) |
11 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 3 wickets, 40 overs) |
202 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Emerson |
8 |
0 |
30 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Newman |
8 |
1 |
35 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Roberts |
7 |
0 |
41 |
2 |
|
|
4 |
Timms |
8 |
0 |
32 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Hoskins |
5 |
0 |
29 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Dobner |
4 |
0 |
28 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from
the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. P. Turner |
b Smith |
7 |
(15) |
1 |
- |
1-9 |
|
2 |
M. T. Westmoreland * |
c Fox b Moon |
3 |
(20) |
- |
- |
2-21 |
|
3 |
I. Howarth |
c Beer b Fox |
20 |
(30) |
3 |
- |
4-34 |
|
4 |
S. L. P. Dobner |
c Eason b Moon |
2 |
(7) |
- |
- |
3-33 |
|
5 |
M. Bullock + |
c Wynd b Fox |
2 |
(19) |
- |
- |
5-44 |
|
6 |
P. A. S. Mellor |
c Smith b Edwards |
7 |
(36) |
1 |
- |
7-47 |
|
7 |
D. Emerson |
b Beer |
0 |
(4) |
- |
- |
6-46 |
|
8 |
C. D. Roberts |
not out |
1 |
(9) |
- |
- |
- |
|
9 |
J. Newman-Robson |
run out |
1 |
(6) |
- |
- |
8-50 |
|
10 |
J. D. Hoskins |
lbw b Edwards |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
9-51 |
|
11 |
G. J. Timms |
b Edwards |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
10-51 |
|
|
Extras |
(NB3, W3, LB1, B1) |
8 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 24.5 overs) |
51 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Smith |
6 |
0 |
17 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Moon |
6 |
2 |
16 |
2 |
|
|
3 |
Fox |
5 |
3 |
4 |
2 |
|
|
4 |
Beer |
5 |
2 |
9 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
Edwards |
1.5 |
0 |
4 |
3 |
|
|
6 |
Manger |
1 |
1 |
0 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: C. D. Roberts Champagne Moment: P. A. S. Mellor’s text
book drive for four past the bowler Buffet
Award: S. L. P. Dobner’s assorted
platter of canapés and dips |
Opposition:
V057 / 04 Ground: G046 / 04 Captain: C011 / 74 |