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“2016 AGM Report”

The St. Aldates Tavern in central Oxford once again catered for The MAD’s 2016 Annual General Meeting, providing a perfectly gentrified experience as with previous years – and as such, as minutes, I can therefore copy n’ paste the same preamble. Located atop the main pub area opposite the Town Hall, “The Blue Room” features its own bar and video projection screen – ideal for screening the club’s photographic work and any amusing PowerPoint presentations. An excellent turnout ensured the pre-requisite £500 bar takings were clobbered and a pair of stepladders made use of to climb to the blimp before the journey home….

The ‘Blue Room’….

Without further ado, herewith the notes from the evening – or at least the ones still legible on a soggy piece of paper found crumpled in the back of my laptop bag….

‘Samuel Buca’

Part I - Notes on attendance

Apologies for absence:

Steve Dobner

Giant Duck

James Hoskins (Fantasy Chairman)

Vicki Howarth (Social Secretary)

Paddy Mellor

Jon Newman-Robson

Present:

Lee Ainsworth

Matt Bullock (Chairman, Statto)

Geoff Carter

Andrew Darley

Dave Emerson

Duck

Richard Hadfield

Nick Hebbes

Nick Hill

Jake Hotson

Ian Howarth (Fixtures Secretary, Minutes)

Mike Reeves (Treasurer)

Chris Roberts

Mark Rundle

Dave Shorten (T20 Captain)

Thornton Smith

Gary Timms (Captain)

Russell Turner (Club Dogsbody)

Jan Webster

Martin Westmoreland (Director of Cricket, Merchandising)

Graham Wilson

Part II - Chairman’s Welcome

Chairman Mr. Bullock chaired the nineteenth MAD AGM of which he has chaired all nineteen. That means Matt has chaired nineteen more than anyone else and therefore holds the MAD record for Chairing. He went on to discuss the decline in standards of behaviour on cricket pitches and the concern thereof by the England and Wales Cricket Board. In future, a 5 point penalty system is likely to be rolled out by leagues across the country to clamp down on dissent and bad behaviour. Thankfully, the ethos of The MAD and the standards we would expect have been maintained, on and off the pitch, which is why the club are invited to enter Cup competitions and are never short of willing opposition. There is nothing wrong with a bit of competitive spirit and a desire to win, but it is a matter of striking the right balance. The team are thanked for their efforts in maintaining the good reputation over the past season.

Matt holds court….

Both captains, Gary and Dave, vice captains, scorers, umpires and tea makers and all other contributors are additionally thanked. The phrase “team spirit” is aired about being mentioned a lot in sport, but The MAD truly have that in abundance; and those who sent apologies for the evening seemed genuinely disappointed.

Part III - Captain’s Report

After a second season in charge, Skipper Timms buckled under the pressure of current vogue and went the way of others with an assured PowerPoint presentation. Utilising this medium, Gary received great applause for pouring scorn and ridicule on the team and in particular, Mr. A. Darley – whose now infamous dismissal at Astons CC will go down in MAD folklore. A few choice slides from the show are detailed below….

Mr. Timms finished off my announcing something that avoided being detailed in the minutes, but presumably was along the line of “thank you all for your efforts and I hope to go one better and win the Friendly Cup Competition next year.”

Part IV - Treasurer’s Report

As acting Bean Counting Dictator, Mr. Reeves went the way of another PowerPoint presentation to articulate the current state of MAD finances – to which end he boasted on making £52.91 for the club kitty over the course of the year. In particular, he drew great amusement and attention to the following slide below….

By way of explanation for those too thick to comprehend it, playing cricket costs the Club money, whereas sat our twats doing nothing all day does not. We are encouraged to pray for rain at weekends and furtherly win fuck all – negating any requirement for an open-top bus celebration. Signing off, Ol’ Big Head underlined his long term strategy for the Far from the MCC with this final slide….

Part V - Committee Member Elections

The election of MAD officers is as always a popular and integral part of the evening. Herewith the results following a drunken show of hands….

Elected Committee Posts

Chairman

Matt Bullock

- continues as Chairman, beats off interest from Thornton Smith (1 vote).

Fixtures Secretary

Ian Howarth

- continues as Fixtures Secretary, unopposed.

Treasurer

Mike Reeves

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

Captain

Gary Timms

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

T20 Captain

Dave Shorten

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

Vice Captain(s)

Russ Turner

- (to be) verified by the Skippers in the coming season.

Director of Cricket

Martin Westmoreland

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

*

Non-Committee Posts

Tour Organiser(s) 2018

Jake Hotson

- wins the post, beating off Jan Webster with a promise to hold a June referendum.

Fines Chairman(s)

Lee Ainsworth, Dave Emerson, James Pearson and Jan Webster

- duly elected.

Social Secretary

Andrew Darley

- duly elected, beating off interest from Giant Duck, Vicki Howarth and Paddy Mellor.

Part VI - Fixtures

Following in the same corporate vein as Messrs Reeves and Timms after a sizeable intermission for beer and fags, Fixtures gopher, Ian Howarth, now sought to amuse a progressively pissed congregation with yet another PowerPoint presentation. After bringing the axe down on Wytham CC, Ian unveiled the draw for 2017 Friendly Cup competition….

Spam went on to introduce new opposition in Didcot CC and news of a touring Battisford & District CC game scheduled for a summer Saturday. The MAD’s twentieth year celebrations are aired as being in line with old adversary the Lemmings who also celebrate 20 years in existence. The season’s curtain call will be on Saturday 16, September – again at Warborough, again against close friends the Bodleian, whereby all participants can hopefully enjoy a piss up and curry thereafter.

Thus far, with weather in agreement, the new season will see approximately 40 matches contested both home and away. Less of course factoring in the month of June which is serially fucking damp.

Part VII - Fantasy

Mr. Hoskins this year flew in the face of both modern technology and being sociable by having the winners of the 2016 Fantasy Cricket announced in his absence by Chairman Bullock. You wouldn’t have guessed this guy has worked in IT for over 20 years, then again, if you were to witness his bungled computations using his Mac….

With no-one really the wiser about how JMO (above right) arrived at his final standings, James Pearson’s monopoly of the competition continued with team ‘Ummmmmmm’ announced as the eventual victors. Herewith the cash prizes and those who were being nagged to get the Sambuca’s in later in the evening….

Pos / Cash	Team	Manager	Winnings
1st (50%)	Ummmmmmm	James Pearson	£122.50
2nd (30%)	The Jive Turkeys	Lee Ainsworth	£73.50
3rd (15%)	Hungerford Bees	James Hoskins	£36.75
4th (5%)	Moo’s Magical Menagerie	Martin Westmoreland	£12.25
	Total Prize Money		£245.00

Part VIII - Season 2017

Ground / Pub

The team are more than happy at Brasenose College and thank the groundsman, Dan, for his wonderful efforts during and after the month of June in rescuing his pitch. Opportunities to play at Jordan Hill continue to be limited due to an Oxford CC contractual agreement, but Jesus College still provides a very decent alternative. A shit alternative is Horspath Rec which the club really don’t want to fall back on.

Nets

Details were unveiled by MAD dogsbody Russ Turner. They are to be hosted at Gosford Community Centre, Kidlington as per previous years. Four Sundays straddling Mother’s day will begin on March 12 (90 minutes per session). More details are available on this website under ‘News’.

Kit

As per usual, Director of Everything, Mr M. T. Westmoreland, will be ordering another raft of MAD merchandise in the New Year. Oddly, the subject of which wasn’t aired – despite Mr Hotson raising the issue as an AOB….

Players

The club are more than happy with their current squad size, which has been swollen in recent times by the return from injury and death (Lord Lucan) of certain team members.

Teas

Are once again to be supported by team players and to be administered where necessary by the Club Captain. Mike Reeves is thanked for his sterling work in 2016.

Part IX - Tour 2017

The Club’s 2017 Tour was announced jointly by Slogmaster General, Dave Shorten and Club Dogsbody, Russ Turner by way of a couple of PowerPoint presentations. The latter deciding on a word association game to help identify the location (a return to Somerset), whereas the former (Lego) donned a Donald Trump wig to help mask his failings in taking the club to Scotland as promised….

Donald Shorten.

The touring party will be staying within the rarefied confines of The Beach Hotel, Minehead – and whilst going to press, it makes no mention of a disabled water fountain, piss-stained carpets or a bar area for delinquent power drinkers.

Part X - FFTMCC Awards

After yet another sizeable delay whilst votes were tallied and summed, lost and forged, the dubious winners of the various MAD trophies and awards were announced as follows….

With a great touch of irony, Mr. Reeves wins the new Performance Trophy after he demolished the previous one.

Roll of MAD Honours

Player of The Season

Lee Ainsworth

Most Improved Player*

Gary Timms

* - now calculated by a Fantasy Cricket algorithm

Clubman of the Year

Russ Turner

MAD Fantasy Cricket

James Pearson

Team ‘Ummmmmmm’

Champagne Moment

Jake Hotson

A T20 first ball winning cover drive in the gloom (v Isis CC #389)

MAD Booker Prize

Ian Howarth

“Me and Geoff” (v Bodleian #387)

(Inaugural prize for the Best MAD Match Report)

MAD Moment

Andrew Darley

An unforgettably pathetic hit-wicket and tumble (v Astons CC #405)

(Inaugural prize for craziest MAD Moment of the year)

Adrian Fisher Performance Trophy

Mike Reeves

A winning T20 knock of 54* from 33 balls (v Bramshaw CC #399)

Howarth and Carter celebrate their ignorant, inflammatory red neck Booker award.

Part XI - Any Other Business

With the evening being declared another wonderful success, drunken cricketing twaddle continued into the night as winnings from Fantasy Cricket were stolen to fund waves of Jagerbombs and Sambuca….

Here’s to a tremendous MAD season in 2017!!!