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Exhibition of Batting Incompetence

Seasons 2017 - 2018

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An online page totally devoted to the exhibition, celebration and educational interpretation of classical batting incompetence, as performed and executed by members of the Far from the MCC. Please note there have been countless other examples since the team’s inception back in 1998, but alas a camera wasn’t present to record the event(s).

Many thanks to all the photographic contributions over the years, in particular James Hoskins, who set the benchmark in the middle noughties by mortgaging his house for a zoom lens and hifalutin Nikon. Other luminaires would be Chairman Bullock (one remembers the early Minehead Tours) and of course Mr Howarth, whose investment in a Canon reaped dividends in lieu of his dwindling time out in the middle. Lest we forget Mr Hotson’s analogue work at Garsington and Mr Williams’ modern day claims to be sports photographer of high repute.

All art pieces therein are named and displayed in chronological order, which leaves us to say…. Enjoy!

The Playground

- J. C. W. Hotson, Freeland v Freeland CC. 2017

No stranger to an exhibit or five, here Jake Hotson shows his inner anger in trying to maim some kids in a playground. Alas his rabid testosterone bubbles over and he loses control of the shot.

The Playground II

- R. J. B. Hadfield, Freeland v Freeland CC. 2017

Attempting to right a wrong, Richard decides a maiden MAD century is worth forgoing in favour of trying to maim those pesky kids. Like Hotson before him, he really should grow up.

Wham Bam Thankyou Mam

- A. Darley, Freeland v Freeland CC. 2017

Some players are happy playing to the crowd, and even if they’re not, they still do. As is the case in this delightful exhibit, as Andrew Darley looks to follow up his 4 and a 6 with a….

Bad Habits

- G. J. Timms, Cutteslowe Park v Wolvercote CC. 2017

Gary has notorious MAD beginnings with the bat, but in recent times has defied his critics in becoming a useful middle order tonker. They say bad habits die hard and here in this example, Mr Timms rolls back the years of ill-advised decision making, attempting to pick out a white BMW with a ball of full length.

The Non-Believer

- R. P. Turner, Cutteslowe Park v Wolvercote CC. 2017

It would seem Russell Paul Turner can either never comprehend he has missed a ball, or simply overrates his natural talent. In each and every exhibit in this burgeoning library of inadequacy, he is to be found looking back incredulously as the ball hammers against his uprights. “If you hear the splat, then don’t look back.” It’s OUT, it always has been OUT and it always will be OUT. Unless it’s a no-ball of course, in which case stare at the fucking umpire instead.

13.5

- D. Emerson, Magdalen College v St Clement’s Strollers CC. 2017

Once upon a time, Dave Emerson’s Fantasy valuation was the currency for the rich. In this fine exhibit, we now see why his stock has plummeted.

The Non-Believer II

- R. P. Turner, Queens College v Isis CC. 2017

In this latest exhibit of inadequacy, further evidence is provided of Russell Paul Turner’s failure to comprehend he has missed a ball. He is always found looking back incredulously as the ball hammers against his uprights. So, here we go again… (ahem) “If you hear the splat, then don’t look back.” It’s OUT, it always has been OUT and it always will be OUT. Unless it’s a no-ball of course, in which case stare at the fucking umpire instead.

Tearful memories

- J. W. Pearson, Queens College v Isis CC. 2017

Where once you were a hero, unbeaten on 113, now just a mere mortal, beaten on… erm, first ball. The perfect example if ever there was that cricket is the great leveller.

The Copycat

- J. C. W. Hotson, Queens College v Isis CC. 2017

Angered by the adulation showered upon James Pearson’s golden a few moments earlier, Jake demonstrates he is certainly no slouch when it comes to swinging across the line and hearing the clink of middle and off. There is no looking back here, just anger and a snarl directed at the bowler.

The Top Edge

- M. S. Rundle, Park Field, Cumnor v Bodleian. 2017

A real EBI treasure this one: a storyboard of inept IT failure. On the back of 2016’s regular season haul of a single run, here Oxford University’s finest example of Dilbert crashes one through the offside. Actually he doesn’t.

Middle Peg

- J. C. W. Hotson, Cutteslowe Park v Lemmings. 2017

There is no finer sight than the middle stump being rocked back by a fast bowler, and in this exhibit Mr Hotson showcases things beautifully by overbalancing and plunging headfirst into the turf.

The Cut

- G. J. Timms, Jesus College v OUP. 2017

There is no more beautiful a stroke as a contemptuous front foot cut shot that slams into the advertising hoardings in front of an expectant crowd. The only real caveats are: (a) hitting the ball (b) picking the one outside off stump.

Baseball Forward Defensive

- N. Hill, Queens College v Isis CC. 2017

The forward defensive in baseball requires a completely different technique to that of cricket, whereby it hasn’t actually been invented. A relative novice to this art gallery, Nick Hill could maybe tweak his methodology just

Shit

- M. S. Rundle, Brasenose College v Astons CC. 2017

No superlatives required here, as some things in life are just plain shit. Like this example above… whatever the hell it is by Mark Rundle.

The Gallery

- C. D. Roberts, Brasenose College v Astons CC. 2017

Under the watchful gaze of a sizeable Sunday crowd, Tall Bob offers an exquisite, half-forward defensive prod. It may have been the pressure of Giant Duck staring straight at him, but somehow Chris has got his angles wrong.

Night Fright

- M. S. Rundle, Sunningwell v St Clements Strollers. 2018

You could hear the wind of the ball flying through the air and the chink of ball on bails, but you couldn’t see anything. Not that Mr Rundle would play this shot any differently if he could see it.

Twice The Twat

- M. S. Rundle, Wootton & Boars Hill, Oxford v Wootton & Boars Hill CC. 2018

It’s okay to do something stupid or something shit, the real onus is learning from your mistakes. Take a look at the above two exhibits and we realise that… oh.

Thou Shalt Always Pass

- C. D. Roberts, Wootton & Boars Hill, Oxford v Wootton & Boars Hill CC. 2018

A regular to this hallowed shrine of incompetence, here Tall Bob further illustrates that moving your feet in defence drastically reduces the chances of you being bowled… oh. See James Hoskins for further clarification.

The Unfortunate Defensive Prod

- J. C. W. Hotson, Wheatley Campus (Brooks) v Holton & Wheatley CC. 2018.

At school you are taught the basics of the forward defensive technique at cricket. It is an effective and redoubtable way of repelling the best that a bowler can throw at you. Front foot forward, bat straight and perpendicular to the pad… oh.

Flash!

- T. P. W. Smith, Brasenose College v OUP. 2018.

With only 24 hours to save the Earth, here Flash! tries smoking one through the populated cow area of the farm, seizing his opportunity in magnificent style to… oh.

Flash!

- G. J. Timms, Brasenose College v OUP. 2018.

Hath no fear, Flash! You have backup in the tremendous talents of Sunday Skipper Timms, taking on the baton before pulling majestically to the… oh.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder!

- C. T. J. Williams, Moats Tye, Suffolk v Battisford CC. 2018.

Twenty years in the making, the club’s venerable shrine to the wholly incompetent, finally is bestowed that thing of majestic beauty, namely an EBI shot against a reddening sky at sunset. Our eternal thanks go to Mr C. T. J. Williams who unselfishly strode out to bat in the latter evening in Suffolk, noted the camera and majesty of the sky and promptly dipped into his bag of shit shots. We salute you both as skipper for that day, Chris and for your noble efforts to the cause.

Ton – Ton = 0

- J. D. Hoskins, Horspath CC v Moreton CC. 2018.

On the greatest stage of all, a Cup Final streamed live on YouTube, James narrowly avoids getting off the mark despite advertising a bat with ‘Ton’ emblazoned on it.

DRS

- R. J. B. Hadfield, Horspath CC v Moreton CC. 2018.

A moment to treasure, the first instance in MAD history of DRS being used to settle an argument over whether Mr Hadfield made his ground in the Friendly Cup final. No, he did not, and the umpire was justified in telling him “silly boy, you should have dived.”

You’ve Been Tubed

- D. Emerson, Horspath CC v Moreton CC. 2018.

No stranger to this shrine for incompetence, here Mr Emerson stands at square leg before trying to hit a full ball somewhere to off. It doesn’t quite work out, but at least the world got to share this moment of ineptitude with him.