05-07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18-22

“2017 AGM Report”

The MAD’s 2017 Annual General Meeting was catered for once again by the Blue Room at the St Aldates Tavern (cue ‘copy n’ paste’ activity here). Providing a perfectly gentrified experience as with previous years, a decent smattering of souls past and present sat through endless PowerPoint presentations, half-amusing speeches, Mike Ashley doing a strip show, before delivering their misguided and ill-informed votes on who should do what and who should win what.

The ‘Blue Room’….

Without further ado, herewith the notes from the evening – or at least the ones I’ve cobbled together because I hardly took any and had to ask what happened the following day….

‘Charlie Under’

Part I - Notes on attendance

Apologies for absence:

Duck (thought lost in Dave Emerson’s attic)

Giant Duck (couldn’t be arsed)

Nick Hill (Italy)

Paddy Mellor

Thornton Smith (wedding)

Jan Webster (hosting his own house party)

Present:

Lee Ainsworth

Matt Bullock (Chairman, Statto)

Geoff Carter

Andrew Darley

Dave Emerson

Richard Hadfield

James Hoskins (Fantastist)

Jake Hotson

Ian Howarth + 1 (Fixtures Secretary, crappy Minutes)

Antony Mann (Overseas Guest)

Jon Newman-Robson

Steve Parkinson

James Pearson

Mike Reeves (Treasurer)

Chris Roberts

Mark Rundle + 1

Dave Shorten (T20 Captain)

Gary Timms (Captain)

Russell Turner + 1 (Club Dogsbody, Mike Ashley)

Martin Westmoreland (Director of Cricket, Merchandising)

Chris Williams

Graham Wilson

Part II - Chairman’s Welcome

Matt Bullock completed two decades of chairing MAD AGM’s by stating he started off in his role because nobody else wanted to do it (this remains the case, so thank you, Matthew). He went on to discuss quite a few things I failed to make a note of, but I do remember him thanking the team for their efforts in maintaining the good reputation of The Club over the past season. He also thanked some other people about some stuff and made a passing comment to Ed Lester who founded the MAD all those years ago (notes of which I don’t have). He also welcomed Antony Mann back into the throng after a small 21,000 mile round trip.

A PowerPoint presentation he cobbled together was left on repeat during the buffet break, highlighting a few of the many milestones achieved in 2017.

Part III - Captain’s Report

After a third season in charge, Skipper Timms outlined the fact the team need to score more runs and take more wickets, as they weren’t very good this season. He also pinpointed Ian Howarth’s pre-Madonna tendencies when called on to bowl….

Mr. Timms finished off my announcing that it was intention to stand down as skipper at the end of 2018 (after four seasons at the helm) and that “one of [us] fuckers can pick up the slack.” (Never say never, Gary). Lastly, a few amusing statistics were outlined by our statistically minded statistician that he culled from the year….

Part IV - Treasurer’s Report

As acting Bean Counting Dictator, Mike Reeves went the way of another PowerPoint presentation to articulate the current state of MAD finances. To which end he boasted on making good on his promise to lose us money (club finances down from £1,480 to £,1252.61) and the below never really happened….

Summing up, Mike hates the Oxford County Council (but then who doesn’t?), and he will continue to lose us money and fund his own holidays abroad. A summary of outgoings minus his trips to the United States are detailed below….

Part V - Committee Member Elections

The election of MAD officers is as always a popular and integral part of the evening, unfortunately this was one of the most boring electoral processes ever with absolutely nobody opposing anyone in office (read into that what you want). Martin Westmoreland even ventured to say “[he] has no spare time” and “[does] fuck all in his role as Director of Cricket” but retained his post.

On a non-committee theme, and slightly more enlivening, Andrew Darley handed back over Social Secretarial work to Vicki Howarth citing “thank fuck for that.” Despite a hopeless haul of levies for the season, the same four Fines Chairmen somehow retained their positions as well.

Elected Committee Posts

Chairman

Matt Bullock

- continues in his role, unopposed.

Fixtures Secretary

Ian Howarth

- continues in his role, unopposed.

Treasurer

Mike Reeves

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

Captain

Gary Timms

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

T20 Captain

Dave Shorten

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

Vice Captain(s)

Russ Turner & James Pearson

- continue in their role(s) in the coming season.

Director of Cricket

Martin Westmoreland

- continues in his role of doing nothing and is duly elected, unopposed.

*

Non-Committee Posts

Tour Organiser(s) 2019

James Hoskins

- wins the post with promise of Minehead, unopposed.

Fines Chairman(s)

Lee Ainsworth, Dave Emerson, James Pearson and Jan Webster

- continue in their role, unopposed.

Social Secretary

Vicki Howarth

- duly elected, unopposed, thanked by Andrew Darley.

Part VI - Fixtures

After a sizeable intermission for beer and fags and time enough for Howarth to chalk off another toilet facility where he’s thrown his guts up, Jake Hotson would step in to embolden the team with news on fixtures for the coming year and subsequently go on to give the Tour breakdown (thank you, Jake).

In short, Cholsey made way for Aldworth CC and Holton & Wheatley CC came in for the cancelled home fixture versus Enstone. The eagerly anticipated Friendly Cup draw was as follows….

Part VII - Fantasy

Mr. Hoskins this year bothered to show up to the AGM which was jolly nice and had some very amusing facts and figures. In particular he singled out Dave Emerson who had been incensed by his valuation being the same as Nick Hill (13.5) and had named his teams as such (“You Cheeky Bastard!!” etc). Needless to say Mr Hill scored more Fantasy points than David in the final reckoning….

JMO (left) about to be escorted out by a bouncer….

With no-one really the wiser about how James arrived at his final standings, other than he’s honest (honestly), Centrica’s monopoly of the competition continued with Lee Ainsworth’s team ‘Blake’s Blockers’ announced as the eventual victors. Herewith how the dosh got handed out in small see-through envelopes that can readily double as somewhere to keep your cocaine or heroin….

Pos / Cash	Team	Manager	Winnings
1st (50%)	Blake’s Blockers	Lee Ainsworth	£135.00
2nd (30%)	PickIV	Chris Roberts	£81.00
3rd (15%)	Graham Tourpe, Arty	Gary Timms	£40.50
4th (5%)	Basket of Eggs	James Pearson	£13.50
	Total Prize Money		£269.00

Part VIII - Season 2017

Ground / Pub

The team are more than happy at Brasenose College despite never playing there and would like to go on record to thank the groundsman Dan for his efforts during the year. An opportunity may arise next year to play Oriel College which is substantially cheaper, and the club will consider this a viable alternative.

The team have no pub and will drink anywhere given any incentive.

Nets

Details were unveiled by MAD dogsbody Russ Turner. They are to be hosted at Gosford Community Centre, Kidlington as per previous years. Four Sundays straddling Mother’s day will begin on March 18 (90 minutes per session). More details are available on this website under ‘News’.

Kit

As per usual, Director of Everything, Mr Westmoreland will cater to your whims and will be ordering another raft of MAD merchandise in the New Year. There was a hint that some jogging bottoms may be an available item – similar to what convicts use in the prison yard.

Players

The club are more than happy with their current squad size, which has been swollen in recent times by the return from injury and death of Lord Lucan, the return to playing more than one game by Andrew Darley, and of course the recent acquisition of Chris Williams and Cornelius Vermaak.

Teas

Are once again to be supported by team players and duties to be administered where necessary by the Club Captain. Mike Reeves and his wife are thanked for their sterling work in 2017 (or if they weren’t, then they are here – thanks, Mike).

Part IX - Tour 2018

Having delivered the Fixtures PPP in lieu of Howarth being a lazy bastard, The MAD’s 2018 Tour was announced by Jake Hotson by way of a series of cleverly constructed catchphrases (now removed as Mr Chips didn’t agree to image rights). Perhaps surprising to all those that were expecting a return to Minehead, the team are instead venturing to Felixstowe (home to Battisford & District CC)….

Peering into the future….

For all interested parties, Jake had sourced accommodation at either The Dolphin or Brook Hotel – and since nobody will probably reply to him regarding a preference, this task will no doubt fall under the auspices of Mike Reeves (as things generally do these days and not that he will ever win the Clubman award).

The journey home from Felixstowe, Suffolk will begin on the Sunday morning with the team stopping at Cambridge (below) to play their final match against Remnants CC….

Part X - FFTMCC Awards

After yet another sizeable delay whilst votes were tallied and summed, lost and forged, the dubious winners of the various MAD trophies and awards were announced as follows….

None of these guys were the Player of the Season….

Roll of MAD Honours

Player Of The Season

James Hoskins

Most Improved Player

Matt Bullock

Clubman of the Year

Russ Turner

MAD Fantasy Cricket

Lee Ainsworth

Team ‘Blake’s Blockers’

Champagne Moment

Lee Ainsworth

Running catch on boundary whilst drunk on Tour (v Stogumber CC #436)

MAD Booker Prize

Ian Howarth

“Me and Geoff (On Tour)” (v Stogumber CC #436)

MAD Moment

Jan Webster

Fielding his own no-ball and then arguing with the umpire (v St Clements Strollers #415)

‘Adrian Fisher’ Performance Trophy

Ian Howarth & Lee Ainsworth

137 run partnership in first win over this opposition (v Horspath CC #408)

‘Mike Ashley’ Sports Direct Prize (Lesser performance)

Richard Hadfield

Excellent knock of 88 (v Freeland CC #410)

POTS Hoskins (left) pulls Matt’s shoulder of joint.

Part XI - Any Other Business

With the evening being declared another success, drunken cricketing twaddle continued into the night as winnings from Fantasy Cricket were stolen to fund waves of Jagerbombs, tequila and Sambuca….

Mike Ashley awards Lord Lucan a celebratory mug for killing his nanny.

Here’s to a tremendous MAD season in 2018!!!