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“2022 AGM Report”
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After a three-year hiatus, The MAD assembled once
more atop the St Aldates in the Blue Room for the annual AGM piss-up. This
would be a later meeting [Friday 3 February] as per the norm, due in no small
part to certain Committee members wresting on their laurels and failing to
book anything before Xmas…. The pub itself is ideally located in the centre
of town near various transport hubs [if they’re not striking], boasts a great
selection of beers/ciders, has friendly and knowledgeable staff and a decent projection
screen and sound system.
The Blue Room is
on the first floor…. Without further ado,
herewith the appended notes from the evening for season 2022 … or at least
the ones that are vaguely readable on a crumpled, cider-stained piece of torn
paper…. ‘T20 Skipper’
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Part I -
Notes on attendance Apologies for absence: Lee
Ainsworth Giant
Duck (trapped
in a Honda Civic) John
Harris James
Pearson Jonathan
Newman-Robson David
Shorten Thornton
Smith Corne
Vermaak (up
some mountain somewhere)
David Emerson is stunned at life outside of Wallingford…. Present: James
Bateman (via
FaceTime) Matt
Bullock (Chairman,
Statto) Geoff
Carter Andrew
Darley David
Emerson Richard
Hadfield James
Hoskins Jake
Hotson (Tour
Director) Ian
Howarth (Fixtures
Secretary, Pissed Minutes) Paddy
Mellor Mike
Reeves (Treasurer) Chris
Roberts Mark
Rundle Gary
Timms Russell
Turner (Captain,
Mike Ashley) Jan
Webster Chris
Williams Taiga
Kawada-Williams |
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Part II - Chairman’s Welcome Chairing his fifty second MAD
AGM’s in lieu of nobody else ever being MAD Chairman, Matt set out by
stipulating the same old shit as was the previous two decades [most of this
print is copy and paste to be fair]…. As ever, thanks
to all who made a MAD contribution. Notable efforts were that of a tireless Committee,
who also helped Jake Hotson star and direct for 1 day only on the Tour to the
Isle of Wight, and of course the team as a whole for upholding the ethos of
the club. Special mention was made to
this being the second AGM in a row to report on paramedics attending a MAD
match. No offence to Bob, but this one seems to trump the events at Hailsham.
Matt wasn’t there, probably a blessing, but we thank those who came to
Psycho’s aid on 27 May at Stanton St John, some of them total strangers.
Maybe best summarised by this paragraph of Spam’s match report (#564)…. “Before we left, we glanced
at the pavilion and the different faces, different expressions
and a different mood. Gone was Ashleigh Edwards, the amazing young lady who
performed and directed CPR, gone was the lady in the village who sped a pub
defibrillator to the ground, gone was the retired army guy who took ownership
of the incident, and gone were all the players who watched the drama unfold.
All gone, such as Mr Shorten and his calm voice to 999, Mr Vermaak and his
cradling of Mark’s head, Mr Williams who helped with CPR, and all of
everybody else who played a part in that evening and days after … to simply…
help Mark. Those who helped should be
proud of what they did; everyone else should be grateful for what they did.”
Bullock flanked by some people we don’t know in some photographs from
times we don’t remember…. |
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Part III - Captain’s Report Skipper Turner wore a black
armband in reference to the absence of Mike Ashley [one day may return with a
Coventry City shirt]. In his capacity as BOTH Skipper and the T20 Skipper it
has been a very trying season. He thanks Mike/Kate for teas, references the
highest player availability of the season being Tour, when he neither picked
a team nor skippered…. Goes on to make mention of the following items:
Any escape from this shithouse
outfit gratefully received…. Top 10 MAD replies to emails: ·
Joe replied to the availability email v Blewbury for the HQ game ·
Lego deleted the availability email v Astons
so he replied to the Blewbury one ·
JP was travelling back from Ipswich so he would come &
watch the HQ game then be home for the Kids bedtime! ·
Lucan asked are we at home? – Capital (H) in brackets is the
clue! ·
Geoff v Appleton forgot he was on holiday! ·
Lego forgot he had arranged an Easter Egg Hunt in his forest ·
Jan forgot his in-laws were coming to stay ·
Dan Gerber v Islip – The team email stated the game was at
Brasenose – Dan was half an hour late waiting at Queens even though he drove
past us at Brasenose ·
27/5 Stanton St. John v HQCC the usual Corne question where
are we playing? There was the usual piss taking
thread but the best one came from Psycho many hours later – “WHERE AM I?”
·
My favourite – Moo answering back availability v Islip on 21/8
as “Maybe, I’ll let you know by the 23/8….” Appearances ·
One person played 24/25 games, had a shit season
and fucked up anyone’s’ chance of winning the Fantasy Cricket [if you had him
in your team]. Moral of the story is if you’re playing shite
become Captain and you still get to play! ·
Nuno 22/25 Picks of Individual
Performances ·
John Harris 5-fors [among a clutch of 4-fors] ·
Williams’ 709 runs and MAD HS of 138* ·
Darley finally bagging a second 50 after a decade of trying ·
Bateman and Lucan’s batting contributions [averaging 47.27 and 40.25
respectively] ·
JMO scoring his season’s runs in one innings at Harwell ·
Reevsie the most catchable catcher ·
Geoff for his keeping and being cheated out of a couple at H______ Memorable Conversation: ·
Player: Hi Russ I’m not
feeling 100% I was in bed all day yesterday can you get a replacement? ·
Me: Yep, I’ll see if
Geoff can play ·
Me: Geoff I’ve had ____
drop out can you play today, please? ·
Geoff: Yes, no problem as I
was coming down to watch anyway… ·
Me: Great thanks, Geoff. ·
Me: Right ____, Geoff
will step in, sorted. ·
Player: Hi Russ, I’m feeling
a bit better now, so I’ll man up and play… ·
Me: But I’ve just asked
Geoff and he said he’ll play… ·
Player: Well, I’m feeling
better now… ·
Me: Okay, let me speak to
Geoff again… ·
Me: Geoff, ___ says he’ll
play after all, so would you mind dropping out again? ·
Geoff: Yes, no problem. [Geoff
the Legend!] Me:
I won’t say who the player was, but it was good job he was doing the
teas! Russ makes mention of plenty
of games from the season, in particular the narrow wins over Ascott, OUP and
the final match against the Mandarins that was tied. Also, the run chases and
one in particular against Islip … as Russ recounts the day: “Islip whacked 210 and they thought
they wouldn’t lose, I knew we’d win, and we chased it down in just 24.5 overs!
Opening partnership of 88 helped and great to see Lee back in the fold with 37
[Nuno failed with the bat contributing only 130]. I went in with 3 balls of
the over left with The MAD needing just 9 runs to win…. What I thought would happen: Lego will get a few then I’ll knock off the winnings runs in
the next over What actually happened: Lego bang 4; bang 4; swipe for 2 & game over! Mine was classy 0* not out as I was
able to steady the ship & bring us home. I also Emerson taking a truly
excellent catch … but as an Islip substitute off Dan Gerber. Fuckin Judas!”
A superb 0 not out. As a footnote to all and
everything, please see the NHS Award further down this AGM waffle for the
gift of ‘that’ cricket ball from Russ to a certain player. |
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Part V - Treasurer’s Report Mike Reeves’ presentation differed
from previous years in avoiding stat heavy details on the financial INs and
OUTs and no slides whatsoever to detail which players were solvent and those
that were not. This was as bare as it gets it terms
of content and he obviously had a prior engagement to fill….
In other cash related news, we
are around £2000 in credit. We lost around £600 last year, which was due to a
lot of money making “away” games being cancelled. Against this, we had
sponsorship [SONEDD] where several players invested in a new shirt and
contributed to club funds. If anyone has or knows a sponsor for this year,
that would be very welcome! Subs this year will be £50
including an optional £10+ to help our groundsman. |
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Part VI - Fixtures and Tour for 2023 As with other presentations,
Spam opted for reading from a hymn sheet to blather on about April being
ignored due to the previous year’s complete apathy among players. Fixtures
are largely the same [year on year] with some minor tinkering, with a few new
touring teams visiting these climbs [in addition to the civil servants of the
Mandarins]. Stour Provost herald from Dorset, whilst Ferring hosted The MAD
in the summer of 2021 and their Tour to Brighton. There are around 30-35 fixtures and everyone is expected to be available for
every single game and any abstainers will be shot at dawn. Then there is the
weather to consider, so we will probably play about 5-10 games….
Spam could just about mumble some words, an improvement on his
minutes…. …Ian also took a break
during the middle of his rambles [August] so that (i) he
could get another pint and (ii) Mr Hotson
could better explain the planned Tour to Ipswich [Suffolk] in 2023: a
reacquaintance with Battisford CC and Delia Smith, and one or two journeys to
Felixstowe for some astoundingly amazing Pirate Golf [naturally]. Once again,
everyone is expected to Tour even if they can’t.
Stock footage from 2018 as Giant Duck has a shit
on Jake’s shoulders…. |
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Part VII - Committee Member Elections Once upon a time, the election of MAD officers was a
popular and hugely exciting part of the evening, but now under a strict
dictatorship, nobody stands against anyone in a position of power unless they
can afford an attorney and/or they are pissed. One
person who was [very] pissed was Ian Howarth who
decided to stand as T20 Skipper. The fact he was voted in says more about the
inebriated ensemble as much as anything else…. In the cold light of the morning [and post hangover],
Spam would contact another unruly T20 applicant and Mr Timms duly accepted to
become a member of an Autocratic T20 Power Share. This unholy union will see
them contradicting each other, disagreeing with each other
and hopefully winning every game.
Elected Committee Posts Chairman Matt Bullock - continues in his role and
is duly elected, unopposed. Fixtures
Secretary Ian Howarth - continues in his role and
is duly elected, unopposed. Treasurer Mike Reeves - continues in his role and
is duly elected, unopposed. Captain Russ Turner - continues in his role and
is duly elected, unopposed. T20
Captain(s) Ian Howarth & Gary Timms - elected to the role,
opposed by Gary who is asked and joins a Co-operative. Vice
Captain(s) Russ, Ian and Gary and “somebody else”
will step in if we’re short…. - See notes on T20 Skipper. Sporting
Director Geoff Carter - elected to the role, too pissed to remember to be honest. Tour
Director Jake Hotson - continues in his role, both
ratified and duly elected, unopposed. * Non-Committee Posts Fines
Chairman(s) Captain’s Choice - the role will be assigned
by the Skipper if he feels there is a need for fines to be levied. Social
Secretary n/a - the post is now redundant
and falls under the Sporting Director or anyone who can be arsed.
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Part VIII - General Administration for Season 2023 Nothing much to report here
with Brasenose College continuing as our home cricket ground when available and
Gosford Community Centre [Kidlington] providing indoor facilities for nets. Russ
has confirmed nets to run from Sunday, March 26 to Sunday, April 16 as per
below….
Players are encouraged to
umpire and score to the best of their abilities, with those unwilling or uneducated
in either of the roles encouraged to get
educated. For non-umpires, it was suggested you could stand and do square leg
at both ends. For non-scorers, sit with a scorer and learn the fucking job. Teas are to be arranged by the incumbent Skipper
on the day, but usually to be underscored by Mr Reeves [so read his missus
then]. Player numbers are considered
okay going forwards, but any enthusiastic/interested parties are encouraged
to come to nets and demonstrate an ability to touch 80mph with the ball and a
batting technique that wouldn’t look out of place at Lords.
Home is where the heart is. |
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Part IX - FFTMCC Awards After yet another sizeable
delay whilst votes were tallied and summed, the dubious winners of the
various MAD trophies and awards were announced as follows…
Williams doubles up on his POTS.…
Roll of MAD Honours Player
of the Season Chris Williams Most
Improved Player Cornelius Vermaak Clubman
of the Year Russ Turner MAD
Fantasy Cricket Gary Timms Manager ‘Timms’ … Team ‘Lucan
Play That Game’ Champagne
Moment Kaito Kawada-Williams Dismissing Big Bird for his debut MAD wicket (v OUP #569) MAD
Booker Prize Jan Webster “Tour – Day 1” (v Newport CC XI #574) MAD
Moment Thornton Smith Getting his glove stuck
retrieving a ball stuck above in the nets
(v St Clements Strollers CC #563) ‘Adrian
Fisher’ Performance Trophy Chris Williams Nuno’s MAD HS of 138* off just 100 balls (v Wootton & Bladon CC #580) ‘Mike
Ashley’ FFTMCC NHS Award Mark Rundle Collapsing and dying up at Stanton
St John (v Headington Quarry CC #564)
Rundle with said ball from “that evening”…. |
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Part X – Fantasy Stuff Mr Hoskins’ updated everyone
on things he could update people with, which wasn’t much to be honest as his
Mac* was once again playing up. What JMO could define [but certainly not
corroborate with hard facts] was Mr Timms scooping the Fantasy Cricket trophy
[lost with James Pearson] and that Giant Duck came 2nd and 3rd despite
leading practically all season…?!
To add to the shambles was
the announcement of The MAD’s Most Improved Player [culled from Fantasy
figures] which amounted to “…we don’t know as there is a large problem.” [the
Mac*] In time we will discover the
winner of the 2022 MIP Trophy, but that won’t most probably be until 2023
when James has hopefully invested in a new laptop…. STOP PRESS: Cornelius Vermaak pips Geoff
Carter to the award… on account of Geoff letting 1 bye through at Harwell CC at
the end of the season else he would have won! * - An excuse used
periodically for a decrease in mental cohesion and basic arithmetic. |
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Part XI - Any Other Business With the evening and venue being
declared an unparalleled sporting success, players were quick to overachieve
at the bar and leave phone chargers, shields and
cups behind for any fucker to subsequently steal [Darley].
Here’s
to a tremendous MAD season in 2023 and whatever joys and moaning it brings. |
