05-07 | 08-17 | 18 | 19 | 20-21 | 22 | 23
“2018 AGM Report”
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After last year’s slightly muted experience in
the Blue Room atop the St Aldates Tavern, bogged down by endless PowerPoint
presentations and trips to the bar, the club decided to do something radically
different for 2018 and go to the same place on a different evening. This
worked a treat with a better fervour throughout and PowerPoint presentations
that seemingly had an end. A shortage of pub personnel after 8pm also meant
the quenching of thirst needed a trip downstairs, with laziness prompting the
grouping of pint purchases having a positive effect on the number of trips to
the bar.
The ‘Blue Room’…. Without further ado,
herewith the notes from the evening, or at least the ones that are vaguely
readable on a crumpled, cider stained piece of A4
paper…. ‘Fourever Thebride’
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Part I -
Notes on attendance Apologies for absence: Joe
Cartwright Giant
Duck (couldn’t
be arsed) Richard
Hadfield (arrested
on suspicion of murder) James
Hoskins (pizzas) Anthony
Mander Chris
Roberts Jon
Newman-Robson (can’t) Thornton
Smith Martin
Westmoreland (flu)
Present: Matt
Bullock (Chairman,
Statto) Geoff
Carter Andrew
Darley David
Emerson Jake
Hotson Ian
Howarth + 1 (Fixtures
Secretary, crappy Minutes) James
Pearson Mike
Reeves (Treasurer) Mark
Rundle Dave
Shorten (T20 Captain) Gary
Timms (Captain) Russell
Turner (Club
Dogsbody, Mike Ashley) Cornelius
Vermaak Ben
Walker Chris
Williams Graham
Wilson |
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Part II - Chairman’s Welcome Having completed two decades
of chairing MAD AGM’s, Matt started off the evening by stating he was already
pissed having conducted research work for CAMRA at
the Pint Shop beforehand. He thanked the Committee for all their hard work
over the course of the season and made mention of the efforts of both
skippers Messrs Timms and Shorten, and whilst absent for sizeable chunks of
the year, thanked them nonetheless. There was also praise
for the efforts of Jake Hotson in orchestrating the Tour to Felixstowe, and
also to Mike and Russ in their supporting roles (as ever). Russ Turner was thanked again
for his generosity in realising the club’s second book in print (‘Never at
This Level’) and also for the sizeable input of Ian Howarth, Antony Mann,
Mike Reeves and Jan Webster, and whoever else made
contributions however small. It was noted the book hadn’t gone down well in
certain quarters (Bodleian), but that was a purely personal decision and that
overall it had been received extremely well. Matt concluded by saying the
last thing he could remember about the season was being smacked in the face
by a ball….
Matt is deeply offended by Gary’s shirt…. |
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Part III - Captain’s Report After a fourth season in
charge, Skipper Timms amused all with his PowerPoint presentation which
detailed all the highlights of the season of which he missed nearly all of
them. A lowlight was considered batting with Geoff.
Had the team improved on last
year? It was thought “yes” was the answer, because
the coloured pie charts thought so, which was what Gary bought into and told
those in attendance. So there.
He concluded with some
amusing slides referencing fielding positions when catching the ball. These
would’ve been even funnier if the craptop (Ian’s shit laptop) had the latest version of PowerPoint
installed on it, but it didn’t, so animation was saved for those in
attendance instead. The final image showed that Howarth’s catching positions amazingly
spelt the word “cunt” (slide removed for fear of offending Mr Hoskins).
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Part IV – T20 Captain’s Report After a fourth season of
orchestrating midweek slogathons by instructing James Pearson from afar what
to do, Dave Shorten reluctantly called time on his tenure due to circumstances
out of his control. It was sad to see Dave hand his notice in, a view shared
in particular by recent acquired team members Corne Vermaak and Ben Walker –
who both said it was a “privilege” to play under him.
Outgoing T20 Skipper Shorten wore a quiet T-shirt and a Taxi Driver
haircut. Mr Shorten went on to go through
numerous stats, with standout moments in 2018 including Andrew Darley being
caught on the longest boundary at Wolvercote, the two amazing wins at Wootton
& Boars Hill and then Appleton, and the final game v OUP where Russ
Turner ran 88 times up and down the wicket out of a total of 141. He signed off by saying a
big thankyou to all involved. Never say never, David! |
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Part V - Treasurer’s Report Mike Reeves PP presentation
was centred around a Groundhog, synonymous with the film related to that
particular species of large squirrel, where each day Bill Murray wakes up to
the same day. Much like the Club’s finances, nothing really changes year on
year, unless James Hoskins wins big on the horses with club cash whilst on
Tour. In short, the bank balance is
much the same, subs and fees are much the same and the only irritating rise
is the cost of a pint in the pub (before, during and after a game). …one thing that was quite different,
and that was additional monies raised by the release of the seminal book ‘Never
at This Level’, with the figure indicated in the diagram below. Quite how
this figure was realised is anyone’s guess, but it is thought to be related
to net price plus tax plus postage, sub divided by Amazon tax, paper cost, binding and ink, which are also a percentage of the
takings attributed to FinePrint and Mike Ashley. Got that?
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Part VI - Fixtures and Tour for 2019 Prior to a sizeable
drinks break and Andrew Darley spilling a tray of the stuff after
being lasered by a PowerPoint gadget, Ian Howarth gave an extended breakdown
of who he had pissed off in his capacity as Fixtures Secretary in sorting
next year’s resume. The Bodleian were already pissed off due to their umbrage with the book ‘Never at
This Level’ or at least some of them are, but we don’t know quite who they are – and their sad absence from
2019’s roster was complemented by that of the Astons CC, Didcot CC and
Freeland CC. The latter three non-continuals were due in part to folding, a turd of a pitch and a family who don’t seem to “get it”. In to
the fray come Cublington CC (north of Aylesbury and a short three hour drive),
Sunningwell CC (south of Lego’s mansion on Boars Hill), Cumnor CC (east of
Lego’s mansion on Boars Hill) and game between FFTOUOWCC v FFTOUOWCC which
now occupies the August Bank Holiday (to be played at Brasenose which is
north of Lego’s mansion on Boars Hill).
…essentially a Club Day in
essence, the above fixture is a celebration of the gradual merging and
bastardisation of The Jude, The OUO and the now defunct Wayfarers into
becoming the best Sunday / pub cricket team in the world. It is the
intention for this to be a 30 over game with a pool of 22 players split
between two teams named after their respective Captains (an example being
Mellor’s Melon XI). All performances attributed to any existing MAD players will
contribute towards their end of season averages. So, it is a game to be
taken seriously whilst you get shitfaced and enjoy
the planned barbeque pitch side. Lastly, the draw for the
Friendly Cup (drum roll)… with The MAD drawn away
for each round much to the delight of our Treasurer (below). If both The MAD
and Moreton CC come through their first round games,
there is a chance of revenge for this year’s defeat in the final and the
paying of Hylam Shallow’s wages for a nice day out.
Ian signed off by saying he
had achieved his personal remit of reducing Sunday fixtures down to playing a
maximum of ONE game per opposition per season (excluding draws in the
Friendly Cup). News of Tour 2019 had
already been broadcast on email by organiser James Hoskins, but for those who
didn’t receive a copy, deleted it or simply couldn’t be fucked to read it – The
Club are going back to Minehead, Somerset between the dates of Thursday,
August 1st and Sunday, August 4th, and staying in the rather lovely Beach
Hotel again for a rather lovely price (argued over and won by Mr Hoskins).
This will be our fifth stay in the area and expectations are high that it
will meet all our high expectations and weather will suitably lovely
throughout.
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Part VII - Committee Member Elections The election of MAD officers is always a popular and
integral part of the evening, or at least it was a good few years ago when
people resigned on mass or decided to stand up against the people they hated.
Now this beige and distinctly tepid affair marks an excellent opportunity to
head for the bar. However, and thanks to Dave
Shorten handing his notice in and Martin Westmoreland going down with the Spanish
Flu, there was a modicum of interest in naming the next T20 Skipper and also
the new Director of Cricket. In a totally unclose vote, Russ Turner held off
interest from former Skipper Jake Hotson to become the next T20 Supremo,
whereas Chris Williams just inched past Andrew Darley (and Jake Hotson) to
garner the role of doing nothing much (Director) but with a place on the
Committee.
Elected Committee Posts Chairman Matt Bullock - continues in his role,
unopposed. Fixtures
Secretary Ian Howarth - continues in his role,
unopposed. Treasurer Mike Reeves - continues in his role and
is duly elected, unopposed. Captain Gary Timms - continues in his role and
is duly elected, unopposed. T20
Captain Russ Turner - Dave Shorten resigns, Russ
Turner elected opposed by Jake Hotson. Vice
Captain(s) TBC - will be appropriated in the
coming season. Director
of Cricket Chris Williams - Martin Westmoreland
forfeits the role, Chris Williams elected opposed by Darley and Hotson. * Non-Committee Posts Tour
Organiser(s) 2020 TBC - will be elected in the
coming months having submitted a good idea. Fines
Chairman(s) Captain’s Choice - the role will be assigned
by the Skipper if he feels there is a need for fines to be levied. Social
Secretary Vicki Howarth - duly elected, opposed by
Giant Duck (postal vote). |
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Part VIII - General Administration for Season 2019 Nothing much to report here
with Brasenose College continuing as our home cricket ground and Gosford
Community Centre (Kidlington) providing indoor facilities for nets. It is
intended to make small use of Oriel College’s ground after making contacts
with them. Somebody will be responsible
for ordering kit, although with Martin stripped of his responsibilities as
Director of Cricket, this duty is a TBC. Maybe Williams will step up? Players are encouraged to
umpire and score to the best of their abilities, with those unwilling or uneducated
in either of the roles encouraged to get
educated. Teas are to be arranged by the incumbent Skipper on the day.
A small argument* then broke
out regarding player numbers, with some suggesting we need additional playing
staff and others bemoaning their chances of playing due to an increased
squad. A fight then ensued, with Jan Webster instigating some quite disgraceful
bloodletting and violence, before everyone kissed
and made up at the bar. * - unresolved, or if it was resolved, no notes were taken |
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Part IX - FFTMCC Awards After yet another sizeable
delay whilst votes were tallied and summed, lost and
forged, the dubious winners of the various MAD trophies and awards were
announced as follows….
Corne (left) is mad, won MAD Moment, plays for The MAD, but won his
award by… not playing.
Roll of MAD Honours Player
of the Season Chris Williams Most
Improved Player David Emerson Clubman
of the Year Ian Howarth MAD
Fantasy Cricket James Pearson Team ‘Team 2’ Champagne
Moment Chris Roberts Extraordinary one handed catch on the boundary (v Harwell International CC #460) MAD
Booker Prize Mike Reeves “Plenty More Guns in the
Bag” (v Kesgrave CC #469) MAD
Moment Corne Vermaak Driving to James Hoskins’ house in Hungerford to
play cricket at Harwell (v Harwell
International CC #460) ‘Adrian
Fisher’ Performance Trophy James Pearson & Richard Hadfield 137 run partnership in first win over this
opposition (v Lemmings #453) ‘Mike
Ashley’ Sports Direct Prize (Lesser performances) Chris Williams Figures (at one point) of 3-1
in a T20 (v Felixstowe CC #467) Andrew Darley Amazing spell of bowling (and
wicket) in the Friendly Cup final (v Moreton
CC #473) David Emerson Great knock of 44 retired and
giving Russ shit batting advice (v Hendrix
XI #471)
Chris Williams generously agrees to hold
Ian Howarth’s POTS trophies for the camera |
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Part X – Fantasy Stuff With Mr Hoskins having
resigned from the club in pursuit of the perfect pizza and non-retirement,
Gary Timms stepped into the breach to give the lowdown on all things
fantastical. Nauseating as it was, Mr Pearson won top prize of £115.00 for
what seems like the twentieth year running, with Sonny Bill Howarth coming
second to the tune of £65.00.
Smug mother………… There was a total of 51
entrants into the competition with the winning team netting 5,313 pts. The
other three money spots were split by just 122 pts. The most Fantastic player
of 2018 proved to be Chris Williams with a net value now of 64.5, so it’s a
shame that Renon didn’t realise he could pick himself for his Fantasy teams
(dozy shite). The shittest
player proved to be Paddy Mellor, who not only extricated himself from Lego’s
player availability list, now has a desultory net value of -2.5 (candidate
for Most Improved Player in 2019 anyone?)
In what was a first for MAD
Fantasy was an adjoining competition which you bought into for an extra £1
called “The Chase”. This secondary fantasy affair was intended to keep
interest for the crapper entrants whereby the
highest scoring teams were knocked out each week, or something like that.
Anyway, the eventual winner was Martin Westmoreland (£50) who never showed up
to collect his winnings with a team ironically titled “A Fiver Wasted”.
Whether this competition is ever seen again is open to debate…. |
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Part XI - Any Other Business With the evening being
declared an unparalleled sporting success, the Chairman asked if there was
any other business. Jan was quick to hold his hand up and ask about “pensions”….
Here’s
to a tremendous MAD season in 2019 and whatever joys and moaning it brings. |
