05-07 | 08-17 | 18 | 19 | 20-21 | 22 | 23

“2020-2021 AGM Report”

After a little publicised world pandemic in part due to people eating bats and something called Covid, The MAD assembled once more for an AGM a piss-up after a barren two-year hiatus. The venue would be a first for the Jericho Tavern (in Jericho funnily enough) after another (un-named) venue decided they wanted a king’s ransom up front. It turned out to be a perfect setting, boasting a great selection of beers/ciders, friendly and knowledgeable staff, and a great line on buffet food. It also had a projection screen and an excellent sound system.

The function room atop The Jericho….

Without further ado, herewith the appended notes from the evening to recount both seasons 2020 and 2021… or at least the ones that are vaguely readable on a crumpled, cider-stained piece of torn paper…

‘MIP’

Part I - Notes on attendance

Apologies for absence:

Joe Cartwright

Giant Duck (trapped in a Honda Civic)

Brian Eade

David Emerson (sniffles or Covid)

James Hoskins

Jonathan Newman-Robson

David Shorten would arrive fashionably late to receive a most amusing book….

Present:

Lee Ainsworth

James Bateman

Matt Bullock (Chairman, Statto)

Geoff Carter

Andrew Darley

Richard Hadfield

John Harris

Jake Hotson (Deputy Captain, Tour Director)

Ian Howarth (Fixtures Secretary, Minutes)

Tony Mander (Patron)

James Pearson (Deputy Captain)

Mike Reeves (Treasurer)

Chris Roberts

Mark Rundle

Dave Shorten

Gary Timms (Captain)

Russell Turner + 1 (T20 Captain, Mike Ashley)

Jan Webster

Chris Williams

Part II - Chairman’s Welcome

Having set and now furthered the record of chairing more MAD AGM’s in lieu of nobody else ever being Chairman, Matt set out by stipulating the same old shit as he has in the previous 20 plus years … thanks to all who made a contribution. Notable efforts were that of a tireless Committee, Jake Hotson’s wonderful Tour dedication (Brighton), and of course the team as a whole for upholding the ethos of the club. Also, thanks to all who survived the pandemic.

Old Skool: Bullock and Mander.

Part III - Captain’s Report

After a seventh (SEVENTH) season in charge, Skipper Timms ran through a quick catch up of the year (2020) that nobody now remembers (or wants to), and then on to a more leisurely recap of the current year (2021).

[Much of this is culled from script but curtailed to avoid sensory dropout and sleep….]

Some amusing predictions formed the backdrop of 2020 – or rather being quite wide of the mark:

· Psycho, Jan, and Russ predicted Nuno would have the highest average (last game).

· A lot of people rightly said Salad wouldn’t beat his 2019 haul of 4 wickets. He got 0.

· Emerson predicted a total of 25 stitches and 4 lost teeth – he’d have been close for 2021.

· Moo corrected predicted he’d be the lowest scoring Westmoreland, and perhaps more dubiously, that Dan would run out Spam in a game (he has form).

Performance of the Season 2020

Hon Mentions

· JP’s 84 vs Fat Boys in a comprehensive win.

· Russ (54*) and JP (78) had a wonderful partnership (121) in an enthralling encounter (win) vs Nettlebed.

· Reeves’ 4-16 in the Mandarins T20 – who are a (more than) decent batting ensemble.

· Corne’s 4-15 vs Fat Boys in a comprehensive loss.

Winner (unusual as it was in a loss) … Mr C Williams’ 110* at Hampstead Norreys … (equating to 67% of the teams runs – although, combined with extras, 86% of the teams runs). 13 fours, 2 sixes. Next highest score was 8!!!)”

And then onwards into 2021… stats were now produced via the projector (slide copied below), and Gary again thanked all who had made themselves available for some serial disappointments and consistent defeats….

Performance of the Season 2021

Hon Mentions

· Spam hit a cultured and well-paced 67 (off 61 balls) in a solid win against the old foe, Isis. It was our first (and what looked to be only for while) win of the year. I’d mention his 78 vs Ferring as well, but he got out stupidly at the wrong time. I’d also mention his 79* at Aldworth, but ultimately it was dull as towards the end. Psycho was more flamboyant. i.e. also couldn’t hit the ball.

· Nuno hit a somehow equally belligerent and measured 77* (in tandem with Digger) in a rare 10 wicket win for The MAD at Astons.

· Psychs took a 4-for against the Cumnor kids but, in my opinion, bettered that with a metronomic spell of 7-4- (1 for 7) in the win against Islip.

· Lucan hit a more than nice 64 (off 88 balls) in a loss vs the POW to make a forgetful day at least slightly memorable.

· We had two 5 fers – both on Tour. One looks better in the scorebook, one was better in reality. The best T20 bowling figures of 5-4 (rightly) weren’t enough to get MOTM having been overshadowed somewhat on the day. Reeves’ 5 fer vs Ferring included the dismissals of some very handy bats. Mine vs Zambuca Tigers didn’t. At least I bowled straight though, unlike anyone else – especially Geoff, who packed his two overs (and some) into one.

· It was easy in the end though, our only silverware came through the Isis Golf Day and I was amazing, stealing (and then losing) Paddy’s nearest the pin trophy, and taking home maximum points with room (beers) to spare so… No…

There was only one place to really go with this though…

I say one place, it includes two (semi related) innings. There was “controversy” surrounding Dan W’s 72 (and were it in a winning cause) he’d be riding into the sunset with the trophy with Moo looking on jealously. It was knock that we a) all enjoyed, and b) all hated as it made us realise how useless we are. But, as younger bro Joe W will tell you, 72 wasn’t enough... (if you play more for us Dan… it’s only a matter of time).”

Champion Slogger and Performance OTS 2021.

Winner … D Shorten 73* off 33 balls (SR of 221%) … versus Zambuca on Tour, with 7 fours and 6 sixes (tying a record). We were 8-2 and latterly 83-9 when David returned in the 15th over. Ably supported by Digger at no 11 … who, unselfishly, let his own potential record (held by Shorten) go … the 11th wicket partnership was worth 61* (a record) and featured some frankly ridiculous hitting.

Part IV – T20 Captain’s Report

Russ’ second and third season in the T20 hotseat were a mixed bag, neatly sandwiched around various lockdowns and tens of thousands of people dying. To begin his address to the team, he began with the recent news from NUFC that Mike Ashley was no longer at the helm, and for one night only gave everyone “THE FULL ASHLEY” by stripping down to his Newcastle Kit as per below….

[Again, culled and amended from script….]

In brief for the now forgotten 2020 Season, The MAD P8 W3 L5:

· Appearances – Only 1 person played in all 8 games – Russ himself!

· Most Wicket – Mike 8

· Most Runs – JP 156 Ave.39

· Most Catches – 2 each Psycho, John Harris & Dan W

The season began belatedly in July with the annual bumming at Middleton Stoney, where one remembers Geoff’s flat battery saga after leaving his card door open for the team to change. The MAD then got spanked a week later in Appleton … with the website stating we lost by 70 runs after batting first! (now corrected, we actually lost by 6 wickets). There was Joe Cartwright’s first wicket v Harwell, and the team bested OUP by 14 runs after JP’s all-round contributions of 30* and 1-9. A 14 run victory v Isis saw Spam denied a Platinum on account of no extra balls being bowled for wides … so that would be Wide (counted) and Wicket (counted) = a desultory 2 ball duck. The team would end a makeshift season with losses to OUCCCCCC by 6 wickets and the Civil Servants (Mandarins) by 36 Runs.

Mike Ashley Performance 2020 … went to Geoff for his 30* v OUP, and being an avid lifelong Oxford United Fan, he was then tasked with a little quiz:

· His birth date? DOB 01/05/1960 – Correct

· What was Significant about the 1960-61 Season (Southern League)? 1st Season they changed from Headington United to Oxford United – Correct

· Who did they play in their 1st match? Barrow – Incorrect – Worcester City at Home & won 3-0

· Who was Skipper? Ron Atkinson – Correct

Geoff is presented with Romford Home & Away programmes from the 1960-61 season that Russ procured off eBay. No photos were taken of these items, so here is #legendthatisGeoff below….

Geoff holding some other prizes he was the (reasonably happy) recipient of.

Onto to 2021….

Records were there to be broken, but some were unenviable! So, with a season which read The MAD P12 L11 W1 … and taking into account ending the prior season with 2 defeats, it meant Russ had gone 13 games without a win as Skipper. But, amongst this smorgasbord of shite, there were some very close games (allegedly).

The first game v OUCCCCCCC saw the team get battered, with Spam top scoring with 36* and sawing Joe off (run out) at the strikers’ end after his straight drive ended up inches short of the long boundary. Against the Clems, Mr Emerson hit the cover drive of the season (4 first ball) but the team were undone by Nawaz 39 off 19, a match (unfortunately) memorable for Psycho’s 29 containing not a single boundary. (Ahem) Blewbury … moving swiftly on to Appleton where Bob (2-9) once again bowled beautifully, and Darley conversely chucked down some absolute trash.

Onto Astons … again a match where The MAD were well on top until ringer T. Swan came in at the death to whallop 17 off 6 balls. Lego’s 37* was standout as was Lucan retiring hurt (again) on 24. Oh, lest forgotten, Psycho bowled Ralph! A narrow Isis defeat saw Spam give Blakeman a send off, before Brian Eade made his debut during another bumming at Middleton Stoney. Defeat against the touring Great Beardon saw 9 MAD players get into double figures … unfortunately they were all bowlers. Yet another narrow Isis loss saw a young Danny Westmoreland come of age with a swashbuckling 72. Weirdly it was nearly a year to the day of Mike’s diamond v Harwell, so he decided to commemorate that with a golden after failing to understand what “Run!” means.

A poor loss in Harwell would be down to Mike & John turning the match into a mini Test Match (16 runs off 37 balls), before … FINALLY … a WIN against the Mandarins, where their skipper noted The MAD were “a much younger outfit” despite the combined age of Joe, Geoff & Russ totalling 178 Years.

In summing up, there were 2 x Mike Ashley Performance Awards 2021 … both v Zambuca Tigers on Tour, where Lego tonked 73* (already won the main POTS award) and not forgetting Gary Timms’ 5-4 in the rain … which, in any other season (nay game), would have won the award….

Timms and the forgotten 5-for.

Part V - Treasurer’s Report

Mike Reeves’ presentation differed from previous years in avoiding stat heavy details on the INs and OUTs financially and one simple slide to detail which players were solvent and those that were not.

He did, however, broadcast a very amusing video from Matthew Hoggard (he of England fame), in which the blonde tearaway of yesteryear asked everyone to vote for Mike as Player of the Season.

In other cash related news, 2022 shall see match subs raised to £10 for the full Sunday experience (and a longer day out), but season subs will be lowered to a more appropriate £20. This decision was based on some mathematical calculations against gross income subdivided by the volume of cricket multiplied by cricket balls used.

Part VI - Fixtures and Tour for 2022

Having finally navigated himself to the JT after getting lost in Cherwell performing a shortcut (in the wet and dark), Spam went through a quick PowerPoint presentation of what was what for 2022. Here is a slide culled from his monotone ramble below and please note the FFTMCC leaving the Friendly Cup….

…he also took a break during the middle of his speech so Mr Timms could better explain the plans for an overseas 2022 Tour to the Isle of Wight….

[Again, amended from script….]

We have 16 players signed up already with the threat a few more to follow … divided out between the Premier Inn and the Waverley Guest House. A Tour to the IoW was always going to be tough (to get right) but knowing that the team is invested early helps massively with logistics (such as a mini-bus and a ferry bookings).

(Another) great Tour will comprise a Thursday T20 at the IoW County Ground (that Hampshire occasionally play at), followed by another T20 on the Friday (sandwiched with heavy drinking). A three-way competition (think Chittlehampton 2019) on the Saturday will preface a return to the mainland and a fond return to picturesque Pylewell on the Sunday. A ground, opposition and tea we all love … and also where Stevie D bagged a diamond duck.

Gratitude is also aired in advance for Russ (Pylewell fixture), Matt (sage advice, as always), and Darley, Geoff and Lego (whose debut album is out now) for their driving/vehicle services for the duration.

Before the pandemic, Spam went to the IoW to see a lighthouse and henceforth owns the copyright to this photo.

Part VII - Committee Member Elections

Once upon a time, the election of MAD officers was a popular and hugely exciting part of the evening, but now under a strict dictatorship, nobody stands against anyone in a position of power unless they can afford an attorney. One person who could stump up the legal fees was Geoff Carter, who successfully campaigned and removed Chris Williams from office (Sporting Director). Jake’s role (pictured below) as Tour Director would also be ratified.

Elected Committee Posts

Chairman

Matt Bullock

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

Fixtures Secretary

Ian Howarth

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

Treasurer

Mike Reeves

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

Captain

Russ Turner

- replaces Mr Timms and is duly elected, unopposed.

T20 Captain

Russ Turner

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

Vice Captain(s)

Jake Hotson, James Pearson and Chris Williams (and Ian Howarth if desperate)

- Chris added to the short list by Skipper(s) Timms and Turner.

Sporting Director

Geoff Carter

- elected to the role, opposed by Chris Williams.

Tour Director

Jake Hotson

- continues in his role, both ratified and duly elected, unopposed.

*

Non-Committee Posts

Fines Chairman(s)

Captain’s Choice

- the role will be assigned by the Skipper if he feels there is a need for fines to be levied.

Social Secretary

n/a

- the post is now redundant and falls under the Sporting Director or anyone who can be arsed.

Part VIII - General Administration for Season 2022

Nothing much to report here with Brasenose College continuing as our home cricket ground and Gosford Community Centre (Kidlington) providing indoor facilities for nets. The return of nets are confirmed by Russ to run from Sunday, March 13 to Sunday, April 10 as per below….

Date	Start	Finish
13 / 03 / 22	11:00	12:30
20 / 03 / 22	11:00	12:30
03 / 04 / 22	11:00	12:30
10 / 04 / 22	11:00	12:30

Players are encouraged to umpire and score to the best of their abilities, with those unwilling or uneducated in either of the roles encouraged to get educated. For non-umpires, it was suggested you could stand and do square leg at both ends. For non-scorers, sit with a scorer and learn the fucking job. Teas are to be arranged by the incumbent Skipper on the day.

Home is where the heart is.

Player numbers are considered more than okay, with the possibility of a returning Lee Ainsworth and some young master blaster befriended on Tour to Brighton currently studying in Oxford (he may find the time for cricket in between women and pubs). Details are with the skippers.

Part IX - FFTMCC Awards

After yet another sizeable delay whilst votes were tallied and summed, the dubious winners of the various MAD trophies and awards were announced as follows… with each category having TWO winners for seasons 2020 and 2021….

Howarth (POTS) stops whinging about 2016 … and Williams collects 2020’s Performance for his slog at Hampstead.

Roll of MAD Honours

Player of the Season

Ian Howarth 2021

James Pearson 2020

Most Improved Player

Ian Howarth 2021

Corne Vermaak 2020

Clubman of the Year

Jake Hotson 2021

n/a 2020

MAD Fantasy Cricket

Ian Howarth 2021

Manageress ‘Meghan Sparkle’ … Team ‘Precious Sitting Duck’

Chris Williams 2020

Manager ‘Chris Williams’ … Team ‘Nuno, no, no… YES!’

Champagne Moment

Gary Timms 2021

Reactionary slip-catch whilst punching Russ in the face (v Ferring CC #549)

Jan Webster 2020

Jan’s televised slip-catch off Darley whilst tearing his arse cheek (v Horspath Club XI #513)

MAD Booker Prize

Mike Reeves 2021

“Does Alcohol Affect Cricketing Performance? A Scientific Study” (v Zambuca Tigers CC #548)

Ian Howarth 2020

“Pearson XI Defeated in Sanitised Performance” (v Middleton Stoney CC #510)

MAD Moment

Geoff Carter 2021

Tumbling and nearly impaling himself on his own stumps as keeper (v Ferring CC #549)

Mark Rundle 2020

Dropping a sitter and having it bounce out his hands knocking his cap off (v Islip CC #515)

‘Adrian Fisher’ Performance Trophy

David Shorten 2021

Dave’s spectacular 73* off just 33 balls in a drunken T20 on Tour (v Zambuca Tigers CC #548)

Chris Williams 2020

Chris’ wonderful 110* out of a total of just 164 (v Hampstead Norreys CC #528)

‘Mike Ashley’ Sports Direct Prize (Lesser performances)

David Shorten & Gary Timms 2021

For their heroic 73* and 5-4 performances on Tour (v Zambuca Tigers CC #548)

Geoff Carter 2020

His 30* at OUP proving there is life in the old sea-dog yet (v OUP #517)

Rundle (right) careful not to ‘drop’ his cheap cava.

Part X – Fantasy Stuff

Mr Hoskins’ recently updated his updated Fantasy Cricket with a new 12th man ruling that only Meghan Sparkle could fully understand. After picking your three batsmen and three bowlers, you were allowed an additional ‘cheap’ signing as your twelfth man who would be activated if only 3 of your players were actually playing in a certain match. Got that?

Those who could understand the new ruling won some monies, those that didn’t carped on about things not being explained properly and didn’t win a bean….

Part XI - Any Other Business

With the evening and venue being declared an unparalleled sporting success, players were quick to get stuck in to the bar, but not before Mike Ashley handed out brand new MAD Top Trumps Stumps! A fiver a pack, these can be bought from the club until stocks run out... which may be sometime in 2047….

Here’s to a tremendous MAD season in 2022 and whatever joys and moaning it brings.