Current Players | Selected Non-Current Players | Historical Numerical List

Current Player Profiles

(Updated to end of Season 2024)

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“A”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#114	Lee Grant Ainsworth
Nickname:	Moaner, Chunter, Swear Hotline, Whores Entail			Birthplace:	The bowels of the John Radcliffe Hospital
Debut:	2011	Match:	220	DOB:	10 / 06 / 81	Height:	5’ 11”
Type:	LH bat, Right-arm medium, Keeper			#1 Single:	Adam & The Ants – “Stand and Deliver”

Profile: Cynical, downbeat and eternally grumpy, Lee finally made good on his word to leave his League frustrations behind and concentrate on winning The MAD POTS award for 2016, and in doing so beating someone else to the prize who deserved it more. Technically gifted with both bat and ball, despite being left-handed, he’s every inch that dependable name on the team sheet. He’s also no slouch in the field either, with a wonderful cricketing nous and a supreme gift at moaning. Scarcely a minute passes by without some barbed or disparaging comment concerning blinkered fielding positions or shitty bowling changes.

Form: Lee had a stellar year even by his own lofty standards, but lost out in the popularity contest at the end of season AGM. Reliable as ever with the bat, excellent behind the stumps, he also deputised when The MAD lacked a leader. His greatest contribution was imbedding his little son (Blake) amongst the Tour party to Somerset, providing great company and a blessed relief to all from the drinking and swearing that normally surrounds you.

Fantasy Credentials: His much-improved availability backed up by the stats to illustrate his talent, Lee’s Fantasy valuation will be very alluring once again come the new season. Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Controversially, some say Lee gripes and bitches more than Howarth.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	35	28	10	654	36.33	64	634	103.15	74	9	-	1	-
35 ovs	29	27	9	840	46.67	72*	1118	75.13	84	6	1	6	-
40 ovs	18	18	3	522	34.80	83	828	63.04	50	5	-	4	-
Timed	1	1	0	51	51.00	51	64	79.69	9	-	-	1	-
Other	9	9	3	257	42.83	64*	303	84.82	25	-	1	3	-
Totals	92	83	25	2324	40.07	83	2947	78.86	242	20	2	15	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	35	52	4	271	18	3-7	15.06	5.21	17.33	-	9	-	-
35 ovs	29	71.3	2	308	18	4-31	17.11	4.31	23.83	-	11	2	5
40 ovs	18	37	10	124	9	3-16	13.78	3.35	24.67	-	6	-	1
Timed	1	2.1	0	17	1	1-17	17.00	7.85	13.00	-	-	-	-
Other	9	22	1	117	6	4-27	19.50	5.32	22.00	-	2	-	2
Totals	92	184.4	17	837	52	4-27	16.10	4.53	21.31	0	28	2	8

“B”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#165	Paul Alexander John Bagot
Nickname:	Bilbo, Banjal Adanax Oglethorpe, Adah Gearbox Jannel Pluto			Birthplace:	Dundee. Scotland.
Debut:	2024	Match:	595	DOB:	10 / 06 / 1981	Height:	5’ 11”
Type:	LH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Kate Bush – “Wuthering Heights”

Profile: Currently The MAD’s sole north of the border representative (no, he’s not Canadian), Paul literally has a tartan carpet in his office. Unusually cheerful for a MAD player – fielding between him and Lee or Spam is like being trapped in the middle of a mood spectrum – presumably a few more seasons should knock the optimism out of him. Paul is likely the only MAD player who works with radioactive material so should in theory be able to handle anything thrown at him. As a bonus, he actually knows how to play golf, so should probably be unleashed against Isis at some point.

Form: Thus far Paul’s few batting opportunities have largely come in gathering darkness when The MAD have needed 95 to win off 8 balls and the oppo have just brought back on their terrifying fast bowler. After snaffling a crafty 3-fer at Ewelme in 2024, Paul somehow found himself 2nd in the 2024 bowling averages – just behind Joe ‘Dwayne’ Cartwright. Appears able to catch a cricket ball, which automatically marks him out as one to watch.

Fantasy Credentials: Dark Scottish Horse.

Pithy Remark: “You’ll have had your tea then?”

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	7	5	3	10	5.00	6*	31	32.26	-	-	1	-	-
35 ovs	1	1	-	1	1.00	1	8	12.50	-	-	-	-	-
40 ovs	0
Timed	0
Other	1	0
Totals	9	6	3	11	3.67	6*	39	28.21	0	0	1	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	7	11.4	-	92	2	1-6	46.00	7.89	35.00	-	1	-	-
35 ovs	1	6	-	32	3	3-32	10.67	5.33	12.00	-	-	-	-
40 ovs	0
Timed	0
Other	1	0									-	-	-
Totals	9	17.4	0	124	5	3-32	24.80	7.02	21.20	0	1	0	0

#162	J____ C__________ B______
Nickname:	Digger, M___ B____ J__			Birthplace:	Wootton, Oxford.
Debut:	2021	Match:	541	DOB:	12 / 12 / 1994	Height:	6’ 3”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	East 17 – “Stay Another Day”

Profile: J____ quickly established himself as a permanent fixture in the team after the [then] skipper discovered he lived nearby and could drive [to matches]. He could also bat, bowl, field, drink, room with Hotson on Tour, sponsor the club and bring the average age of the team down quite considerably. His dad could also take some mean photos when the situation arose. A former Fat Boy, Mr B______ liked nothing more than getting sledged all day whenever The MAD played their perennial rivals [our begrudging friends of Wootton & Bladon]. Casually amicable, it was easy to look past J____’ judicious mind, being that he was fifty years younger than most of his peers. A stellar season in 2022 was then overshadowed by his ridiculous and utterly selfish decision to relocate Down Under – I mean seriously, WTF???

Form: After travelling around the globe cap-in-hand, James enlisted himself for The MAD Tour to Somerset last year where he rekindled people’s memories of a chap who can definitely play cricket. He didn’t set the world alight, but there were glimpses.

Fantasy Credentials: Please see the above. Will he return for Tour 2025 and prove a bargain buy? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: J___ has a really nice Aussie mullet, maaaaaaaaaaaaatttte.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	18	18	7	310	28.18	48*	310	100.00	43	2	1	-	-
35 ovs	14	13	2	307	27.91	59	438	70.01	42	-	-	1	-
40 ovs	4	4	1	205	68.33	106*	297	69.02	22	3	-	1	1
Timed	0
Other	1	1	0	25	25.00	25	16	156.25	4	-	-	-	-
Totals	37	36	10	847	32.58	106*	1061	79.83	111	5	1	2	1

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	18	18	1	91	6	2-17	15.17	5.06	18.00	-	4	-	1
35 ovs	14	19	1	101	7	4-13	14.43	5.32	16.28	-	5	-	1
40 ovs	4	6	0	61	0	0-24	-	10.17	-	-	1	-	1
Timed	0
Other	1	2	0	25	0	0-25	-	12.50	-	-	-	-	-
Totals	37	45	2	278	13	4-13	21.38	6.18	20.77	0	10	0	3

#18	Matt Bullock
Nickname:	Warnie, Beermatt, Totem Bullwhack			Birthplace:	Solihull, Warwickshire
Debut:	1998	Match:	004	DOB:	28 / 01 / 71	Height:	5’ 10”
Type:	Keeper, RH bat, Right-arm leg spin			#1 Single:	Clive Dunn – “Grandad”

Profile: Being the oldest serving member of the Far from the MCC, Matt’s seen the lot. As the years have ebbed by, he’s witnessed denims and doc martens replaced by whites and shiny spikes. He’s seen the club rise from the dead, move home, rebrand, move home and rebrand again. He’s experienced the tumultuous highs and the soul-destroying lows. He’s captained the team, toured the UK with the team and chaired over two decades of AGM’s for the team. He’s filed the scorebooks, updated the records and written onto paper things ineffaceable. Moreover, Matt has had countless banter with nearly all of the 165 other lads and lasses who have at one time or another stood in a field with him on a Sunday or some dreamy summer evening. In short, Matthew is The MAD. Intelligent, oracular and quick witted in equal measure, the team have always eschewed a more rounded and wholesome feel with his presence, especially at the bar.

Form: Matt’s current form is relatively easy to establish. He saves himself primarily for Tour and divides his time between drinking, organising drinking and playing a few games.

Fantasy Credentials: See the above. Matt could be that bargaintacious investment that might just tip things your way, with his handy runs down the order and smart work behind the sticks.

Pithy Remark: Matt is to beer what Beermatt.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	76	67	4	494	7.84	30	819	60.32	60	1	9	-	-
35 ovs	105	88	15	667	9.14	35	1427	46.74	62	-	15	-	-
40 ovs	54	45	8	396	10.70	31	738	53.66	46	1	6	-	-
Timed	8	8	2	81	13.50	41*	83	97.59	6	-	1	-	-
Other	22	18	3	127	9.07	39	182	69.78	13	-	7	-	-
Totals	265	226	32	1765	9.10	41*	3249	54.32	187	2	38	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	76	33.2	0	272	12	2-14	22.67	8.16	16.67	-	11	4	5
35 ovs	105	40	1	261	14	3-12	18.64	6.53	17.14	-	44	18	5
40 ovs	54	11.3	0	76	3	2-27	25.33	6.61	23.00	-	20	3	2
Timed	8	1	0	10	1	1-10	10.00	10.00	6.00	-	3	-	-
Other	21	12.5	0	62	3	3-22	20.67	4.83	25.67	-	5	3	-
Totals	265	98.4	1	681	33	3-12	20.64	6.90	17.94	0	83	28	12

“C”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#89	Geoff [The Legend] Carter
Nickname:	Wood Boy, George or any Christian name beginning with ‘G’, Farce Forget			Birthplace:	Oxford
Debut:	2005	Match:	109	DOB:	01 / 05 / 60	Height:	6’ 0”
Type:	Keeper, RH bat, Right-arm lobbers			#1 Single:	Anthony Newley – “Do You Mind”

Profile: Quirky, affable, jocular and increasingly schizophrenic, Geoff has been in and around the team’s edges for well over a decade and is now regarded as a club institution/legend. In fact, such is Geoff’s standing, he has been the focal point of nearly all the match rambles to have claimed The MAD Booker prize in recent years. A carpenter by trade, he enjoys splitting his time between teaching crap to students, smashing a decent beer or ten, ingesting prescribed medicines and watching Oxford United FC lose most weekends. Out on the field, he is both a celebrated opener and tailender, and knows no other positions in the batting order. He can also keep wicket or at least he can stand behind the stumps with some pads on. Sometimes he just stands there, bewildered, looking like he’s wandered out of a retirement home.

Form: …is of course temporary and class is of course permanent. Geoff has neither.

Fantasy Credentials: None, but he’ll be as cheap as a discounted item in Poundland.

Pithy Remark: Anything that can go wrong is most definitely Geoff’s fault.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	86	54	11	229	5.33	30*	518	44.21	20	-	12	-	-
35 ovs	77	58	7	308	6.04	28	901	34.18	31	-	14	-	-
40 ovs	42	38	5	405	12.27	39	1050	38.57	43	-	5	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	1	1.00	1	20	5.00	-	-	-	-	-
Other	16	12	3	30	3.33	14*	102	29.41	1	1	4	-	-
Totals	222	154	26	973	7.10	39	2591	37.55	95	1	35	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	86	16	0	152	1	1-25	152.00	9.50	96.00	-	8	3	11
35 ovs	77	3	0	30	0	0-9	-	10.00	-	-	10	3	5
40 ovs	42	0									7	7	3
Timed	1	0									-	-	-
Other	16	0.4	-	4	-	-	-	6.00	-	-	-	-	2
Totals	222	19.4	0	186	1	1-25	186.00	9.46	118.00	0	25	13	21

#146	Joseph Albert Cartwright
Nickname:	Old Joe, Dwayne, Project Raw Thighs			Birthplace:	Cardiff
Debut:	2018	Match:	450	DOB:	06 / 02 / 59	Height:	5’ 9” (ish)
Type:	RH bat, RH slow			#1 Single:	The Platters – “Sun Gets in Your Eyes”

Profile: Understated, sage like, warm and engaging, Joe made his debut in 2018 after turning up to a pub dressed in whites, yet it feels like he’s been around forever, so maybe he has been, and nobody really noticed. A product of The MAD’s burgeoning Youth Academy, the sprightly Joseph has already proven his quality with the blade, looking overtly studious before unfurling straight drives over the bowler’s head to leave his audience agog. He’s definitely played at much higher levels in his past, exuding an aura at the crease akin to someone who has definitely played at higher levels in the past. It was probably in South Wales or somewhere Wales-like, because all those league teams definitely play at higher levels.

Form: 2023 gave up Joe’s maiden MAD half-century and 2024 gave up Joe’s starring role in a wonderful MAD run-chase against Isis CC. He also returned the best bowling figures on Tour for those that didn’t notice? You didn’t did you?

Fantasy Credentials: Could Joe be like a fine wine in getting better with age? Maybe. So, will you take a punt on him with your Fantasy shekels to get a few cheeky runs and wickets next term? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Joe can sing and boy can Joe sing.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	27	21	8	185	14.23	37*	224	82.59	20	-	2	-	-
35 ovs	24	21	4	309	18.18	59*	569	54.31	37	1	4	1	-
40 ovs	4	4	0	18	4.50	6	43	41.86	1	-	-	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	3	3.00	3	15	20.00	0	-	-	-	-
Other	8	6	1	107	21.40	40	152	70.39	14	-	-	-	-
Totals	64	53	13	622	15.55	59*	1003	62.01	72	1	6	1	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	27	22	0	130	7	2-18	18.57	5.91	18.86	-	3	-	2
35 ovs	24	7	0	49	4	3-23	12.25	7.00	10.50	-	4	-	1
40 ovs	4	2.1	1	6	1	1-6	6.00	2.77	13.00	-	-	-	-
Timed	1	0									-	-	-
Other	8	4	-	29	3	2-7	9.67	7.25	8.00	-	-	-	-
Totals	64	35.1	1	214	15	3-23	14.27	6.09	14.07	0	7	0	3

“D”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#98	Andrew Darley
Nickname:	Del Boy, Salvador, Butthead, Mo, Warren Deadly, Darned Lawyer			Birthplace:	Oxford
Debut:	2008	Match:	152	DOB:	04 / 02 / 75	Height:	6’ 3”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium fast			#1 Single:	Pilot – “January”

Profile: Enigmatic and gregariously upbeat, Andrew is one of those bubbly, larger-than-life characters who just begs your attention. Whether it be smashing stumps at absurd velocity or smashing sixes into adjoining solar systems, it’s all about IMPACT and SENSATIONALISM. A former OU officer, he is generous and eternally exuberant about everything and anything, with The MAD team sheet always looking more robust with Mr Darley’s name inked on it.

Form: A topsy-turvy year the last one for Del Boy, with appearances hindered by family life and a myriad of other distractions. Batted and bowled well at times, with a beautiful and revered cob out in Cassington (one for the connoisseur).

Fantasy Credentials: A conundrum for all Fantasy punters year in year out, as nobody really knows how good or shit Andy going to be (including himself). He could be a spectacular purchase, but he could also be Nick Leeson.

Pithy Remark: Darley loves setting a wonderful example to children on how to manage your temper.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	25	19	3	169	10.56	35*	168	100.60	26	3	4	-	-
35 ovs	54	42	6	437	12.14	53*	540	80.93	52	11	7	2	-
40 ovs	29	22	2	228	11.40	52	291	78.35	25	5	3	1	-
Timed	2	2	0	0	0.00	0	3	0.00	-	-	2	-	-
Other	9	8	1	37	5.29	20	63	58.73	8	-	3	-	-
Totals	119	93	12	871	10.75	53*	1065	81.78	100	19	19	3	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	25	74	6	423	13	2-2	32.54	5.72	34.15	-	6	-	1
35 ovs	54	319.1	34	1194	47	3-14	25.40	3.74	40.74	-	16	-	1
40 ovs	29	175.3	25	651	23	4-20	28.30	3.71	45.78	-	3	-	-
Timed	2	11	0	44	2	1-9	22.00	4.00	33.00	-	-	-	-
Other	7	22	0	130	4	1-15	32.50	5.91	33.00	-	2	-	-
Totals	119	601.4	65	2442	89	4-20	27.44	4.06	40.56	0	27	0	2

“E”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#105	David (not Dave) Emerson
Nickname:	Wonky, Diamond, Emo, Varied Demons, Mended Saviour			Birthplace:	Invercargill, Wellington. NZ
Debut:	2008	Match:	167	DOB:	09 / 04 / 76	Height:	6’ 2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Brotherhood of Man – “Save Your Kisses For Me”

Profile: Engaging, knowledgeable, deeply amusing, flawed and talented in equal measure, Kiwi Dave joined the FFTMCC back in the late noughties, juggling permanent intoxication with a rash of ducks and a swathe of match winning bowling performances. The thing is, he was actually a batsman, he always was, but nobody ever asked him, or did we? A calculator of energy use and a boot boy for the Labour militants, David’s MAD career has peaked and troughed over the years, but never been dull. Back-to-back POTS were accrued once upon a time before his body collapsed under the strain of putting some effort in. Of course, it was [then] Skipper Westmoreland’s fault, flogging him like some unloved Muriwai Beach horse or at least that was his agent’s mantra….

Form: After years of self-pity and hypochondria, David returned to some pomp and ceremony at Nettlebed for last season’s finale. Striding to the wicket, chest puffed out, he was castled first ball.

Fantasy Credentials: Absence makes the heart grow fonder; it can also make your Fantasy valuation nosedive. There are always rumours of a comeback and a dynamic appearance around the corner, so would you take that outside punt? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: David tows his static home to Thailand every winter.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	68	58	11	886	18.85	44*	736	120.38	109	4	5	-	-
35 ovs	47	41	4	434	11.73	47	562	77.22	43	2	7	-	-
40 ovs	80	65	8	839	14.72	95	923	90.90	120	4	11	2	-
Timed	4	3	2	20	20.00	14*	30	66.67	0	-	-	-	-
Other	4	4	0	46	11.50	24	41	112.20	4	-	-	-	-
Totals	203	171	25	2225	15.24	95	2292	97.12	280	10	23	2	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	68	133.1	8	689	36	3-20	19.14	5.17	22.19	-	8	-	2
35 ovs	47	174	25	702	19	2-14	36.95	4.03	54.95	-	16	-	2
40 ovs	80	468.5	75	1690	91	5-25	18.57	3.60	30.91	2	13	-	1
Timed	4	34	4	121	5	2-17	24.20	3.56	40.80	-	2	-	-
Other	4	9	0	59	1	1-38	-	6.56	54.00	-	1	1	-
Totals	203	819	112	3261	152	5-25	21.45	3.98	32.33	2	40	1	5

“H”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#50	Richard John Bingham (Thurston) Hadfield
Nickname:	Lord Lucan, Diehard Filchard			Birthplace:	Balham, London
Debut:	2000	Match:	033	DOB:	01 / 07 / 70	Height:	5’ 8 & 1/2”
Type:	RH bat			#1 Single:	Mungo Jerry – “In The Summertime”

Profile: Whimsical, intelligent and purely fictional, the enchanting Mr R. J. B (or is it R. J. T) Hadfield doesn’t really exist, he was a cheeky character invented at the turn of the millennium who hit a flamboyant 72 on debut. Thereafter forgotten at the pub like so many transient ideas are, the mysterious embodiment was reawakened some six years later when someone played under the name and bagged a duck. Whomever it was, they may not have stolen any headlines, but the unsolved sighting threw up the amusing nickname of Lord Lucan. Now fashionable with the pseudo intellectuals of the village cricketing commonality, talented and vertically challenged cricketers with no real club or association choose to play under the name of Hadfield whenever The MAD are short. Other requisites are wearing glasses, being glib and feigning a myriad of injuries.

Form: In recent years, the calibre of players playing under the moniker of Hadfield have gotten progressively better. In fact, the volume of interested individuals has swelled in equal proportions, with some of them of even constructing match winning innings.

Fantasy Credentials: Picking Hadfield back in the day used to ensure your Fantasy team’s spend didn’t go bust, however now it is seen as a more measured, calculated and rational Fantasy move? We await Richard’s algorithmic valuation with interest….

Pithy Remark: Hadfield enjoys leaving his team in the plop and turning out for the Bodleian.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	42	42	14	828	29.57	44*	934	88.65	98	4	2	-	-
35 ovs	37	35	6	992	34.21	88	1428	69.47	119	1	1	6	-
40 ovs	20	20	3	500	29.41	65*	749	66.76	68	3	3	3	-
Timed	2	2	0	18	9.00	11	36	50.00	3	-	-	-	-
Other	5	4	1	72	24.00	59*	110	65.45	7	-	-	1	-
Totals	106	103	24	2410	30.51	88	3257	73.99	295	8	6	10	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	42	2	0	15	0	0-15	-	7.50	-	-	9	-	2
35 ovs	37	3	0	23	1	1-23	23.00	7.67	18.00	-	12	-	1
40 ovs	20	2	0	10	1	1-10	10.00	5.00	12.00	-	9	-	1
Timed	2	0									1	-	-
Other	5	0									1	-	-
Totals	100	7.0	0	48	2	1-10	24.00	6.86	21.00	0	32	0	4

#74	John Harris
Nickname:	Calypso, J. Rah’s Rhino			Birthplace:	Birmingham
Debut:	2003	Match:	063	DOB:	20 / 05 / 79	Height:	6’ 0” ish
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm spin			#1 Single:	Art Garfunkel – “Bright Eyes”

Profile: A keen footballer, John joined The MAD back in 2003 along with a clutch of new faces, mostly from behemoth Vodafone. He immediately fitted into the team with his laid-back and affable nature, and a perceptive and sharp wit on tap whenever required. Stylish and West Indian with the bat (hence the nickname), Mr Harris will always be remembered for taking the quite ridiculous figures of 7 for 5 against another crap pub team. A club record to this day, he even had the audacity to add a direct run out to that tally, so not a bad day out then. A half dozen years later, he was gone…. Fast forward to the future and a chance meeting in The Jude Obscure pub between lockdowns, John was badgered into dusting down his cobweb riddled kitbag and ending his twelve-year exile from the club. His welcome return at Horspath CC shattered Hadfield’s record for time elapsing between matches and it took him no time at all to realise the team he remembered (and held close to his heart) were still pretty shit.

Form: Since his return to the big time, John has become progressively more assured with both bat and ball, becoming integral to the team as someone who can most definitely influence a match. So much so, he won the 2024 POTS award for just that.

Fantasy Credentials: With the trappings of being POTS comes a higher Fantasy valuation, so would you choose to take a punt on John in 2025? Was last season a flash in the pan or was it the start of something beautiful? Hmmm….

Pithy Remark: John likes Geoff to umpire at square leg when he nears a fifty.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	22	18	9	164	18.22	27*	229	71.62	15	-	1	-	-
35 ovs	43	33	7	471	18.12	56*	782	60.23	55	-	2	1	-
40 ovs	15	12	3	121	13.44	33	262	46.18	16	-	3	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	4	4.00	4	6	66.67	1	-	-	-	-
Other	7	4	1	67	22.33	36	74	90.54	7	-	-	-	-
Totals	88	68	20	827	17.23	48	1353	61.12	94	0	6	1	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	22	63	1	444	17	5-23	26.12	7.05	22.24	1	3	-	2
35 ovs	43	178	9	1009	54	7-5	18.69	5.67	19.78	1	14	-	2
40 ovs	15	80	8	425	17	5-23	25.00	5.31	28.24	1	9	-	2
Timed	1	4	0	14	2	2-14	7.00	3.50	12.00	-	-	-	-
Other	7	24	2	153	12	4-41	12.75	6.38	12.00	-	3	-	-
Totals	88	349	20	2045	102	7-5	20.05	5.86	20.53	3	29	0	6

#27	James Dunne Hoskins
Nickname:	JMO, Stan (James), Pugwash, Uncle Albert, Odds On, Hoskers, Jim(my), ESP, Sham Jokiness, Shanks Emojis			Birthplace:	Home
Debut:	1999	Match:	011	DOB:	04 / 04 / 69	Height:	5’ 9”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm varied			#1 Single:	Marvin Gaye – “I Heard It Through the Grapevine”

Profile: JMO is a MAD institution, second only to Geoff Carter and some of the other guys who are more institutionalised. He has devoted over a third of his life to this Club and has never once asked for anything in return, which is just as well as he can bugger off. Irritatingly overly-positive, energetic and fantastically eccentric, Hoskins has done and seen it all, after first being talent-spotted by a boundary sinking Stella Artois all those years ago. Since then, that passionate nature has seen him Skipper the team, organise Tours, design a wonderful Fantasy Competition and of course, kickstart a pizza empire and never sell a fucking thing to his teammates. It’s not always been plain sailing for James, however. We remember him leaving his teammates in the shit a few years ago to go on some ridiculous, life-affirming sabbatical around the globe. I mean he took some photos and met some bird in his selfish pursuit of inner harmony, but sod that, village cricket must come first.

Form: Not the jaw-dropping season that most of us never achieve anyway, but plenty of useful little cameos when he was available, which he wasn’t on many occasions (tut tut).

Fantasy Credentials: On the back of the above, JMO might just represent a very enticing Fantasy proposition for 2025? We all know he has that ability to shine on the odd day. Hmm….

Pithy Remark: James likes creating tailbacks on the Abingdon Road whilst negotiating his pizza van into Brasenose College Sports ground.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	89	68	12	466	8.32	35*	582	80.07	50	2	16	-	-
35 ovs	156	111	22	680	7.64	43	1130	60.18	76	1	22	-	-
40 ovs	97	75	16	455	7.71	50	847	53.72	51	1	17	1	-
Timed	12	9	4	23	4.60	10*	71	32.39	2	-	2	-	-
Other	28	22	2	139	6.95	19	189	73.54	11	1	3	-	-
Totals	382	285	56	1763	7.70	50	2819	62.54	190	5	60	1	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	89	243.2	6	1602	76	3-9	21.08	6.58	19.21	-	23	-	9
35 ovs	156	796.2	69	3482	154	4-22	22.61	4.37	31.03	-	43	1	8
40 ovs	97	596.2	55	2615	110	4-15	23.77	4.39	32.53	-	23	-	3
Timed	12	72	4	313	7	3-60	44.71	4.35	61.71	-	2	-	-
Other	28	79.3	4	463	27	3-5	17.15	5.82	17.67	-	2	-	2
Totals	382	1787.3	138	8475	374	4-15	22.66	4.74	28.68	0	93	1	22

#47	Jake Charles William Hotson
Nickname:	Judge Dredd, Tea Time, Gumbo, Joke Ashton, Jonah Tokes			Birthplace:	Wales
Debut:	2000	Match:	025	DOB:	Tuesday	Height:	6’ 0”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm yips			#1 Single:	Slade – “Merry Xmas Everybody”

Profile: Dry, acerbic and resolutely anti-establishment, Jake’s debut for The MAD can be traced right back to the millennium, where he was [un]lucky enough to play in the club’s first official Cup game - a resolute tonking against Stokenchurch CC. In crushing defeat, he immediately embraced the sarcastic, disjointed pissheads masquerading as teammates and signed up for some more. He’s still here of course, salivating for more year on year, albeit in slightly more talented company. A deeply intelligent soul, Mr Hotson likes nothing better than advanced compound algebraic calculations, deeply coded web design, zany music compilations and directing tirades of abuse at 21st century society, Tory politicians and fleshed-out messaging services in the early hours of the morning.

Form: An indifferent season saw Jake readily available most weeks, but without ever hitting the vertigo heights of that imperious season not of us ever have any more to be honest. Handy behind the sticks and of course happy to help wherever.

Fantasy Credentials: Another in the category of “might be an excellent cheap option” for 2025, until you realise JMO’s Fantasy computations have made Jake more expensive than an upcoming IPL star….

Pithy Remark: Jake is a keen advocate of WhatsApp and enjoys fighting with boiling kettles.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	127	90	21	447	6.48	26	759	58.89	37	-	21	-	-
35 ovs	145	109	19	479	5.32	24	1621	29.55	31	-	22	-	-
40 ovs	81	68	14	336	6.22	24*	1160	28.97	19	-	15	-	-
Timed	8	7	2	8	1.60	3	36	22.22	-	-	2	-	-
Other	24	13	1	57	4.75	13	128	44.53	4	-	2	-	-
Totals	385	287	57	1327	5.77	26	3704	35.83	91	0	62	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	127	24	0	201	6	1-6	33.50	8.38	24.00	-	21	14	9
35 ovs	145	46	3	241	12	5-28	20.08	5.24	23.00	1	37	10	2
40 ovs	81	8	0	83	1	1-40	83.00	10.38	48.00	-	15	5	1
Timed	8	0									2	1	-
Other	24	9	0	86	1	1-6	86.00	9.56	42.00	-	1	2	2
Totals	385	87.0	3	611	20	5-28	30.55	7.02	54.00	1	76	32	14

#77	Ian Howarth
Nickname:	Spam, Tiny, Scotch, George, Flake, Hanoi Wrath, Noah Wraith			Birthplace:	Oldham, Lancashire
Debut:	2003	Match:	067	DOB:	09 / 03 / 71	Height:	5’ 9 & 1/2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Mungo Jerry – “Baby Jump”

Profile: Where to start? Fixture sorting junkie, cider slurping tart, cob tossing, sweary, flaming ball of whinging rage, Spam is MAD made flesh. Sarcastic to the point where his own fielding has become ironic, along with Lee Ainsworth, Spam is one of the club’s great moaners. He claims to play bowling based ‘on length’ but given this would imply he actually bothers to watch the ball this is a suspect contention. Joking aside, Spam is approaching 10,000 runs for the club – over 5000 runs more than any other player - which is a truly MAD achievement. This very website is the Ulysses of amateur cricket, truly labyrinthine in style and scope; The MAD have truly been blessed by Spam’s OCD tendencies. There are many good reasons why this wonderful club has kept going for over 25 years, and Spam is very much one of them.

Form: Mercurial in recent seasons but plenty of credit in the bank and capable of giving good attacks a right bumming. Has added the straight ball to his bowling armoury in recent years. In the same period, when it comes to catching, let’s just make this analogy: Say, there was a murder in Kent, then Spam couldn’t be a suspect because he would still have been in Shropshire at the time it happened. Not even close.

Fantasy Credentials: Well, he’s always likely to do something. It might not be cricket, though. An entirely plausible scenario would be Spam hitting a quick 40, taking two wickets and ending up with zero points because he’s dropped 7 catches and been banned from the local Netto.

Pithy Remark: Always a pleasant surprise to everyone when Spam makes it back home safely.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	138	117	45	2030	28.19	59*	1899	106.90	247	28	6	4	-
35 ovs	163	146	26	3920	32.67	112	4457	87.95	532	35	12	26	1
40 ovs	118	113	7	2768	26.11	109*	3368	82.19	387	25	10	17	1
Timed	10	11	0	324	29.45	58	426	76.06	47	3	-	2	-
Other	25	18	6	337	28.08	51*	348	96.84	40	4	1	1	-
Totals	454	405	84	9379	29.22	112	10498	89.34	1253	95	29	50	2

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	138	305.4	10	1748	84	5-5	20.81	5.72	21.83	1	14	-	13
35 ovs	163	387	30	1952	84	4-17	23.24	5.04	27.64	-	38	-	11
40 ovs	118	260.4	16	1300	63	4-16	20.63	4.99	24.83	-	32	-	8
Timed	10	19	3	98	4	2-18	24.50	5.16	28.50	-	5	-	-
Other	25	69.4	3	459	14	2-2	32.79	6.59	29.86	-	8	-	1
Totals	454	1042	62	5557	249	5-5	22.32	5.33	25.11	1	97	0	33

“M”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#110	Patrick Anthony Seymour Mellor
Nickname:	KFC, Paddy, Mortal Prickle, Triple Armlock			Birthplace:	London
Debut:	2010	Match:	199	DOB:	08 / 04 / 78	Height:	6’ 2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm military gloop			#1 Single:	Brian & Michael – “Matchstalk Men & Matchstalk Cats & Dogs”

Profile: Gratifyingly charismatic and comedic, Paddy’s engaging humour has rubbed off on many of his teammates over the years. On signing up, he was immediately popular with the hardened pissheads at the Club, where many enticing layers were to be discovered under that glitzy pink golf visor of his… not least his ability to eat an entire roast dinner pre-match using just his fingers (see nickname). Forever synonymous with organising THAT doomed Tour to f______ T______, Mr Mellor has at one point or another turned his hand to most things, other than running between the wickets with any haste. His burgeoning MAD portfolio is underscored with a childlike enthusiasm he has thrown at being Social Secretary, Tour Secretary, Audley Ducks Fixture Secretary, non-forthcoming Tour Coach Organiser and Bastard Fines Chairman.

Form: In recent times there has been a complete paucity of appearances due to relocation, job changes and life changes, with his last four MAD innings resulting in scores of 0, 0, 0 and, erm… 0. But form is temporary as you know, just ask Geoff.

Fantasy Credentials: He’ll be cheap. He’s always real cheap. But how cheap is cheap? Over to you, JMO….

Pithy Remark: Paddy still rejoices in the Tour story of clobbering Emerson all over Weston-Super-Mare.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	30	30	1	241	8.31	34	364	66.21	26	-	7	-	-
35 ovs	8	8	1	85	12.14	41	150	56.67	7	-	2	-	-
40 ovs	24	22	0	105	4.77	17	298	35.23	10	-	5	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	5	5.00	5	25	20.00	-	-	-	-	-
Other	2	2	0	16	8.00	9	27	59.26	1	-	-	-	-
Totals	65	63	2	452	7.41	41	864	52.31	44	0	14	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	30	13.1	0	122	5	2-13	24.40	9.27	15.80	-	4	-	2
35 ovs	8	2	0	12	1	1-7	12.00	6.00	12.00	-	2	-	-
40 ovs	24	2	0	23	0	0-23	-	11.50	-	-	6	-	1
Timed	1	0									-	-	-
Other	2	3	0	23	1	1-23	23.00	7.67	18.00	-	-	-	-
Totals	65	20.1	0	180	7	2-13	25.71	8.93	17.29	0	12	0	3

“N”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#115	Jonathan Newman-Robson
Nickname:	Salad, Beavis, Gout Baron Jon Snowmen			Birthplace:	RAF Wroughton, Wiltshire
Debut:	2011	Match:	220	DOB:	09 / 06 / 75	Height:	6’ 0”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Windsor Davies & Don Estelle – “Whispering Grass”

Profile: Pithy, competitive and exuding a malevolent sarcasm bordering on rude, the brickbat Mr Newman-Robson is famous as that guy who took the four-trick at Jordan Hill. Yep, that is FOUR WICKETS IN FOUR BALLS and don’t you forget it. He’s also famous for succeeding in successfully transferring a nickname nobody really understands from a previous Club to this and let’s not forget his kudos at Sambuca addled arm-wrestling. Jon has always been considered an opening bowler even though he began life as a very accomplished wicketkeeper. Problem here is that the Club already have twenty keepers, so just take the new cherry Jon and shut the fuck up. Over the years he has carried the burden of throwing things down at the decent batsmen, without ever once mumbling some sarcy disparity under his breath. He can also bat a bit.

Form: Jon hasn’t much played since the start of 2023 when he claimed a fatal injury out in Cassington, and since then his hypochondria has taken hold. But will he return to take the gloves off the other dozen keepers we apparently have…?

Fantasy Credentials: Probably zero, but incredibly cheap. But then how cheap is a waste of money?

Pithy Remark: Jon likes breaking Spam’s ribs.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	10	6	1	20	4.00	9	28	71.43	3	-	3	-	-
35 ovs	25	18	7	95	8.64	17*	156	60.90	8	-	2	-	-
40 ovs	41	27	7	167	8.35	31*	279	59.86	18	-	2	-	-
Timed	3	3	1	13	6.50	13*	26	50.00	2	-	2	-	-
Other	5	2	2	2	-	1*	5	40.00	-	-	-	-	-
Totals	84	56	18	297	7.82	31*	494	60.12	31	0	9	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	10	23.1	2	131	3	1-17	43.67	5.65	46.33	-	4	-	1
35 ovs	25	140.3	10	583	17	3-17	34.29	4.15	49.59	-	12	-	1
40 ovs	41	284.4	36	1004	54	5-10	18.59	3.53	31.63	2	13	-	3
Timed	3	18	2	62	1	1-8	62.00	3.44	108.00	-	-	-	-
Other	5	14	0	72	3	1-22	24.00	5.14	28.00	-	1	-	-
Totals	84	480.2	50	1852	78	5-10	23.74	3.86	36.95	2	30	0	5

“P”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#107	James William Pearson
Nickname:	Fattori, Fats, JP, Josser Apeman, Eamon Jaspers			Birthplace:	Bath
Debut:	2010	Match:	192	DOB:	06 / 07 / 79	Height:	5’ 9 & 1/2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Tubeway Army – “Are Friends Electric”

Profile: Astute, droll and eternally smug, James can mostly be found in a dreamlike, sedentary state around the team’s edges. When he isn’t sick or comatose or in a catatonic torpor, he’s diligently surveying proceedings through those Daniel Vettori spectacles of his, eschewing his dulcet witticisms before heading out to bat to save the team’s blushes. Since impressing his new teammates with 0 not out on debut, Corporal Pearson abseiled up The MAD batting order to win the prestigious ‘Performance’ Trophy in 2014… with an unbeaten ton against perennial rivals Isis CC. But to bracket James as purely a seasoned opener would to do a disservice to him, particularly when he’s awake. He’s also more than useful in the field and his many wickets almost always go unnoticed, apart from recently because nobody else really takes any.

Form: Having firmly established himself as a dependable run machine and general all-rounder, James selfishly decided on starting a new family a few years ago. Against this backdrop of other demands, he still found time in 2024 to demonstrate his dependableness, make wry moany commentary when he rocked up and generally slot in as he always does.

Fantasy Credentials: With his spare time obviously now at a premium, it would be easy to look past James as that bargain Fantasy gem. That might well be to your detriment… but, of course, it all depends on what he actually costs, so over to you JMO….

Pithy Remark: James keeps a deckchair in his kit bag.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	88	77	27	1066	21.32	42	1182	90.19	123	12	5	-	-
35 ovs	66	65	8	1624	28.49	84	2327	69.79	187	11	6	10	-
40 ovs	58	56	8	1201	25.02	113*	2153	55.78	124	10	9	9	1
Timed	4	3	-	15	5.00	7	50	30.00	1	-	-	-	-
Other	11	11	2	248	27.56	78*	282	87.94	30	-	1	1	-
Totals	227	212	45	4154	24.87	113*	5994	69.30	465	33	21	20	1

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	88	197	3	1109	58	4-16	19.12	5.63	20.38	-	15	1	7
35 ovs	66	170	17	774	34	3-23	22.76	4.55	30.00	-	23	-	11
40 ovs	58	209.1	28	831	50	5-20	16.62	3.97	25.10	1	26	-	4
Timed	4	16	2	77	5	3-27	15.40	4.81	19.20	-	3	-	1
Other	11	29	0	176	5	1-4	35.20	6.07	34.80	-	5	-	2
Totals	227	621.1	50	2967	152	5-20	19.52	4.78	24.52	1	72	1	25

#166	John Stephen Pyrah
Nickname:	Pyrotechnic, Big Tuna, Phat Herpes Johnny, Hash Prophet Jenny			Birthplace:	Leicester
Debut:	2024	Match:	617	DOB:	25 / 07 / 82	Height:	6’ 2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Dexys Midnight Runners – “Come on Eileen”

Profile: John is a recent acquisition for The MAD, arriving to no great fanfare from Leicester City in a move brokered by Mike Ashley and his deputy Anders Darlson. Whilst being obviously proficient at football, he would seem to be no mug when it comes to cricket. Being handy with both bat with ball, he at the very least looks a few levels above the crap around him. Insouciant, wry and very easy company, Mr Pyrah should fit right into the club ethics.

Form: Having completed only the one season, it’s hard to quantify a measure of form against John. He’s certainly looked impressive on the occasion and infinitely more promising than some of the other shit in the ranks.

Fantasy Credentials: Dependent on his valuation, John is going to prove a dark horse for 2025, having already showing glimpses of what might be as he gets back into the cricketing swing of things.

Pithy Remark: Being a mate of Darley, he obviously suffers bouts of mental oblivion.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	4	4	-	60	15.00	32	85	70.59	9	-	-	-	-
35 ovs	2	2	-	41	20.50	41	61	67.21	4	-	1	-	-
40 ovs	0
Timed	0
Other	1	1	-	14	16.43	14	29	48.28	13	-	-	-	-
Totals	7	7	0	115	24.06	41	175	65.71	435	0	1	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	4	4	-	23	1	1-11	23.00	5.75	24.00	-	2	-	-
35 ovs	2	4	-	23	1	1-23	23.00	5.75	24.00	-	2	-	-
40 ovs	0
Timed	0
Other	1	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
Totals	7	8	0	46	2	1-11	23.00	5.75	24.00	0	4	0	0

“R”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#93	Michael Keith Reeves
Nickname:	Cloughie, Ol’ Big Head, Reevsie, Seamer Vehicle			Birthplace:	Chatham, Kent
Debut:	2006	Match:	119	DOB:	04 / 10 / 68	Height:	5’ 9 & 1/2”
Type:	LH bat, Left-arm medium			#1 Single:	Mary Hopkins – “Those Were The Days”

Profile: Intelligent, tenebrous and astringent, Mike is the numerically proficient Club Bean Counter. He also doesn’t give a shit what your predicament is or when you sadly lost your dead-end job… just pay your subs or fuck off. He joined the Far from the MCC back in the middle noughties when his former pub team no longer had a pub and actually had no players either. Reevsie immediately fitted in, enjoying a tipple or three and being richly imbued in cynicism and sarcasm. Talented in all cricketing departments, Ol’ Big Head has proved himself reminiscent of a fine wine in recent years, seemingly getting better with age. He received recognition of this fact last season, by scooping the Performance award having completed a famous run chase against bitter rivals Isis CC.

Form: Generally consistent with most thing he does, last season was no different, where Mike was largely consistent and the polar opposite of being inconsistent. Even his relocation to Nottingham didn’t hamper his consistent appearances.

Fantasy Credentials: Mike’s Fantasy valuation is generally prohibitive, especially if you listen to Spam. So, will you take a punt on him in 2025? He might just prove to be that consistent performer. Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Mike’s regularly holidays to America to witness gun massacres.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	135	112	40	1317	18.29	54*	1430	92.10	164	15	11	2	-
35 ovs	123	97	23	1236	16.70	52	1698	72.79	157	13	11	2	-
40 ovs	93	78	17	1244	20.39	85	1807	68.84	169	7	5	3	-
Timed	5	5	0	58	11.60	19	102	56.86	9	-	-	-	-
Other	22	15	7	126	15.75	32*	148	85.14	15	4	2	-	-
Totals	378	307	87	3981	18.10	85	5185	76.78	514	39	29	7	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	135	363.4	15	1911	95	4-14	20.12	5.25	22.97	-	34	-	11
35 ovs	123	609.2	62	2585	107	5-29	24.16	4.24	34.17	1	52	-	5
40 ovs	93	447	38	1883	79	5-12	23.84	4.21	33.95	2	25	-	5
Timed	5	31.4	7	86	8	5-28	10.75	2.72	23.75	1	1	-	-
Other	22	65.1	3	356	18	2-3	19.78	5.46	21.72	-	8	-	2
Totals	378	1516.5	125	6821	307	5-12	22.22	4.50	29.64	4	120	0	23

#109	Christopher David Roberts
Nickname:	Tall Bob, Lennie, Christs Rober, Brothers Rectorship			Birthplace:	Oxford
Debut:	2010	Match:	195	DOB:	03 / 07 / 75	Height:	6’ 5 & 1/2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	10CC – “I’m Not In Love”

Profile: An amiable and genial giant, the congruent Mr Roberts is much akin to a loveable Great Dane – quietly and obediently performing whatever role he’s given. Unperturbed by results, tantrums and the hysteria that surrounds him, this cordial and happy chappy just enjoys getting on with his sport with a smile on his face. Truth be told, if we could bottle his DNA and sell it on to the discordant Middle East we would. Problem solved. In recent times, Bob has experienced a metamorphosis from hobbyist Kennel Club entrant to Crufts Best of Breed. He’s always been useful in the field with that howitzer of an arm, but his bowling has come on exponentially seeing him morph into that towering threat we always knew he could be. If there could be a criticism, it is he can sometimes have his head in the clouds [sic].

Form: After his infamous head-injury on Tour to Brighton in 2021, Bob has slowly assimilated back into MAD ranks and now offers an excellent counselling service for any teammates who tread the tightrope between life and death. An indifferent season last out, with the occasional flourish and a touched of Covid.

Fantasy Credentials: Now he’s regained his mojo and looking leaner than in years, is Bobby going to be worth your precious Fantasy mullah this time out? Over to you JMO….

Pithy Remark: Bob loves cancelling or cutting short Tour due to a myriad of reasons out of his control.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	112	79	10	318	4.61	32*	467	68.09	31	3	20	-	-
35 ovs	73	42	16	266	10.23	20*	288	92.36	39	-	10	-	-
40 ovs	66	43	14	138	4.76	13*	251	54.98	15	-	8	-	-
Timed	1	1	-	0	0.00	0	3	0.00	-	-	1	-	-
Other	12	7	2	30	6.00	8*	46	65.22	1	-	-	-	-
Totals	264	172	42	752	5.78	32*	1055	71.28	86	3	39	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	112	316	8	1951	63	4-26	30.97	6.17	30.10	-	18	-	7
35 ovs	73	388.4	22	1912	54	3-32	35.41	4.92	43.19	-	13	-	9
40 ovs	66	339.1	19	1638	59	3-9	27.76	4.83	34.49	-	15	-	4
Timed	1	5	0	28	1	1-28	28.00	5.60	30.00	-	-	-	-
Other	12	50	3	308	7	2-18	44.00	6.16	42.86	-	2	-	2
Totals	264	1098.5	52	5837	184	4-26	31.72	5.31	35.83	0	48	0	22

#117	Mark Simon Rundle
Nickname:	Psycho, Pyscho (original misspelling), Drunk Lamer, Klan Murder			Birthplace:	Oxford
Debut:	2010	Match:	223	DOB:	27 / 01 / 68	Height:	6’ 0”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm trundler			#1 Single:	Georgie Fame – “The Ballad of Bonnie And Clyde”

Profile: Cerebral and acidic, Mr Rundle brought a thoroughly intimidating nickname to The MAD at the start of the last decade. On first impression, he seems unexpectedly mild-mannered, basking in an aura of calm and quiet understanding. But like all classically misaligned nutjobs, do not underestimate the calculating, malevolent wanker who lurks underneath. A peripheral figure in the beginnings, Psycho has slowly become a recognised name on the team sheet, simply playing when and where he wants… and if you don’t like it, you can just… well, you know. Mark has suffered in recent years from a myriad of aches and pains, but went one better in 2022 by actually dying on the field. Thankfully for him (and us) there were angels in the vicinity, so he lived to bag a duck another day.

Form: Having arisen from the grave, Mark resumed his mastery of sauntering in to deliver that indescribable shite that bags him a whole bunch of wickets. He also finished the season with an average protection of 37.50, caught like Ernest Hemingway and strolled away from the AGM with the 2023 ‘Player of the Season’ award. Last year he didn’t win fuck all, but still bagged the most MAD wickets.

Fantasy Credentials: He’ll be an interesting purchase if the price is right, but then that could be said for everybody else, right? So, a little pointless this summary. Apologies.

Pithy Remark: Psycho considers Bob’s near-fatal head injury a light scratch.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	60	39	15	254	10.58	32*	468	54.27	23	-	4	-	-
35 ovs	72	43	17	232	8.92	19	569	40.77	23	-	8	-	-
40 ovs	35	21	8	104	8.00	20*	282	36.88	11	-	1	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	5	5.00	5	12	41.67	1	-	-	-	-
Other	17	9	3	106	17.67	31*	113	93.81	11	3	2	-	-
Totals	185	112	43	701	10.01	32*	1444	48.55	69	3	15	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	60	182	7	1078	32	2-6	33.69	5.92	34.13	-	9	-	1
35 ovs	72	389.4	42	1777	79	4-19	22.49	4.56	29.59	-	17	-	3
40 ovs	35	175.2	23	733	31	3-12	23.65	4.18	33.94	-	9	-	1
Timed	1	6	2	10	0	0-10	-	1.67	-	-	-	-	-
Other	17	54	6	272	5	1-12	54.40	5.04	64.80	-	2	-	-
Totals	185	807	80	3870	147	4-19	26.33	4.80	32.94	0	37	0	5

“S”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#96	Dave Shorten
Nickname:	Lego, Hang Time, Bertie, Short Invaded, Divas Throned			Birthplace:	Poringland, Norfolk
Debut:	2006	Match:	130	DOB:	19 / 09 / 71	Height:	5’ 10”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	The Tams – “Hey Girl Don’t Bother Me”

Profile: One of life’s true good guys, apart from when he isn’t berating his teammates for being shit. Lego, as he’s affectionately known, is the only MAD member to own their own wood and holds the record for both the longest and shortest time taken to write a Match Ramble. Dave’s colourful contributions to FFTMCC folklore also include enlisting his teammates in a doomed 5-a-side competition, organising a winter fitness regime with the army, a successful climb of Mount Everest in his underpants and the launch of his own book ‘A Winner’s Guide to Poker’. In short, Mr Shorten is an archetypal example of that perfectly eccentric, amicable, and loyal English gentleman who makes us all feel a little bit better about ourselves. Aside from doing the earthy things in life, like eating real honey, holding wood clearing parties and appearing on BBC TV reality programs, Dave’s infectious enthusiasm is integral to Team MAD.

Form: Still a pivotal player within the team and an excellent season last time out, David has the ability to change the dynamic of a match with both bat and ball. Some wonderful slogs knocks in recent years have been complemented by great spells with the ball to further underscore his importance.

Fantasy Credentials: Being one of the club’s more talented players when he isn’t having a mental implosion, David will always cost a good few a few fantasy dollars…. We await the JMO valuation with a keen eye….

Pithy Remark: David enjoys pushing Spam out the way to take his simple outfield catches.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	118	110	31	1651	20.90	73*	1359	121.49	213	47	11	1	-
35 ovs	75	63	9	918	17.00	71*	1060	86.60	130	15	8	2	-
40 ovs	53	47	8	823	21.10	103*	1056	77.94	100	20	4	1	1
Timed	3	3	0	25	8.33	16	61	40.98	3	-	1	-	-
Other	19	15	2	195	15.00	47	196	99.49	25	8	4	-	-
Totals	268	238	50	3612	19.21	103*	3732	96.78	471	90	28	4	1

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	118	294.4	19	1544	77	4-4	20.05	5.24	22.96	-	39	1	18
35 ovs	75	374.2	62	1285	71	4-7	18.10	3.43	31.63	-	27	-	8
40 ovs	53	316.2	46	1161	47	4-14	24.70	3.67	40.38	-	12	-	2
Timed	3	14	1	60	1	1-28	60.00	4.29	84.00	-	1	-	-
Other	19	54	1	240	6	2-6	40.00	4.44	54.00	-	6	-	-
Totals	268	1053.2	129	4290	202	4-4	21.24	4.07	31.29	0	85	1	29

#57	Thornton Peter Wylam Smith
Nickname:	Flash, 410, Jesus, Thorny, Goat Boy, Northmost Thin			Birthplace:	Reading
Debut:	2001	Match:	039	DOB:	28 / 06 / 73	Height:	5’ 9”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm slow			#1 Single:	10CC – “Rubber Bullets”

Profile: Capricious, comical and idiosyncratic, the maverick and loquacious Mr Smith has been a beating heart of The Club since the early days when The Jude were The MAD. A loyal and trustworthy friend, a great man in a tight corner and someone who would do anything for you in times of need. At the same time, he realises that is no reason to be spared from essential piss taking and withering barbs. He is also a man of a million different business enterprises, specialising in everything wood from fencing to cabinet making, shelving and door hanging, interior and exterior decorating and a complete recreation of the Death Star in seasoned oak. A classically wired contradiction in terms, 410’s alternative take on cricket has seen his Skippers increasingly turn to his bowling in recent times. He can bat too, of course he can, but he’s been much more successful bowling pissed beamers than whacking pissed cover drives.

Form: Hard to quantify, as in recent times, our Thorn has only made fleeting appearances due to his geographical relocation and myriad of other assorted distractions.

Fantasy Credentials: So, where does he stack up in your Fantasy valuations? A paucity of recent matches, but an ability with both bat and ball. Could he be that genius purchase that flips the table your way if he decides to play a few games? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: 410 loves a good auction and retelling a story he’s cunningly stolen from you.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	78	67	12	597	10.85	65	770	77.53	70	9	5	1	-
35 ovs	79	68	10	555	9.57	58*	885	62.71	69	-	14	1	-
40 ovs	68	63	7	533	9.52	52	910	58.57	70	1	14	1	-
Timed	5	5	0	28	5.60	9	54	51.85	4	-	-	-	-
Other	11	11	4	82	11.71	17*	112	73.21	8	1	3	-	-
Totals	241	214	34	1795	9.97	65	2731	65.73	221	11	36	3	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	77	164.1	2	1167	62	5-28	18.82	7.11	15.89	1	21	-	4
35 ovs	79	184.5	11	901	48	4-28	18.77	4.87	23.10	-	19	-	2
40 ovs	68	108.5	6	573	29	3-22	19.76	5.26	22.52	-	15	-	3
Timed	5	7	1	29	0	0-2	-	4.14	-	-	2	-	-
Other	11	13	0	99	4	1-9	24.75	7.62	19.50	-	2	-	1
Totals	241	480.5	20	2794	144	5-28	19.40	5.81	20.03	1	59	0	10

“T”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#112	Gareth John Timms
Nickname:	Noah, Anatidaephobe, Gazza, Gary Oakey, Grimmest Hat, Gemma Thirst			Birthplace:	Bristol
Debut:	2010	Match:	211	DOB:	15 / 12 / 81	Height:	5’ 8 & 1/2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm leg spin			#1 Single:	Human League – “Don’t You Want Me”

Profile: Perceptive, enthusiastic and highly convivial, Gary was immediately recognised as having the necessary qualities for leadership, particularly in lieu of the clowns who led before him. To the uninitiated, a casually sarcastic and insouciant character belied a notable IQ and rich appreciation of this often-bewildering sport. He made an instant splash as T20 Supremo following an undemocratic coup to remove Mr Hotson, and his rapid ascent of seniority continued unabated to become The Captain of The MAD ship for many many years (until he wasn’t). His commitment always been unwavering, making himself available for pretty much every game unless he’s on holiday or at Glastonbury, so maybe his commitment isn’t that great after all? Happy to stand in the cricketing mud in freezing wind and rain, he’s also happy to stand in the pub, outside the pub or simply lie unconscious on a beach or a park bench.

Form: Gary kind of flew under the radar last year after bagging the second most MAD wickets and turning in a rather handy average with the bat. Then again, he’ll never win the POTS award after throwing his toys out his pram in 2016.

Fantasy Credentials: A very alluring Fantasy purchase and one whose popularity will be defined by the algorithmic computation that nobody understands.

Pithy Remark: Lee still loves drinking out of Gary’s 2016 POTS tankard.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	132	98	25	620	8.49	35*	832	74.52	58	-	22	-	-
35 ovs	98	71	18	559	10.55	31	842	66.39	61	1	11	-	-
40 ovs	64	51	13	352	9.26	45	483	72.88	45	-	8	-	-
Timed	3	3	0	3	1.00	3	9	33.33	-	-	2	-	-
Other	13	11	4	106	15.14	27*	123	86.18	12	-	-	-	-
Totals	310	234	60	1640	9.43	45	2289	71.65	176	1	43	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	132	362.4	13	2327	103	5-4	22.59	6.42	21.13	1	15	-	12
35 ovs	98	466.2	27	2676	100	4-29	26.76	5.74	27.98	-	22	-	5
40 ovs	64	344.2	16	1662	77	4-17	21.58	4.83	26.83	-	17	-	5
Timed	3	16.3	2	56	4	2-18	14.00	3.39	24.75	-	-	-	-
Other	13	36	1	318	4	2-40	79.50	8.83	54.00	-	2	-	1
Totals	310	1225.5	59	7039	288	5-4	24.44	5.74	25.54	1	56	0	23

#122	Russell Paul Turner
Nickname:	Homer, Mystic Meg, Mike Ashley, Runlets Rulers, Sells Nurturer			Birthplace:	Maidenhead
Debut:	2012	Match:	258	DOB:	17 / 10 / 65	Height:	5’ 9 & 1/2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm pies			#1 Single:	Ken Dodd – “Tears”

Profile: Current Skipper and supreme Club Man, Russ Turner has also never been seen in the same room as Mike Ashley. Or Homer Simpson. Russ is an unfailingly cheerful and generous bloke, but definitely tactically suspect as, despite overwhelmingly strong mathematical evidence showing that the FFTMCC win more when they bat first, Russ’s preferred tactic, particularly on baking hot days against youthful opposition, is always to take to the field regardless. He also has an unusual approach to team motivation. One recent season saw an unusually lengthy (even for The MAD) run of losses and Russ shrewdly offered to buy the team a drink if we managed to win the next one. We didn’t, but Russ did anyway, sending a beautifully mixed message.

Form: One of the few opponents W&B fear at the between innings break. Russ is one the great trenchermen of cricket teas – at this level, he’s a class above.

Fantasy Credentials: An adhesive and selfless top order bat, Russ is a pretty safe pick who tends to play a lot of games. Also, a very occasional purveyor of some of the most succulent pies seen since Sweeney Todd was active, and occasionally a handy ‘keeper to boot.

Pithy Remark: “Boys, I’ve put ‘em in….”

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	123	106	38	1560	22.94	52*	2169	71.92	137	1	7	1	-
35 ovs	103	96	11	1375	16.18	63	2743	50.13	123	-	8	2	-
40 ovs	58	57	4	962	18.15	71	1791	53.71	93	1	5	4	-
Timed	1	1	0	18	18.00	18	36	50.00	2	-	-	-	-
Other	18	17	8	184	20.44	32*	353	52.12	9	1	-	-	-
Totals	303	277	61	4099	18.98	71	7092	57.80	364	3	20	7	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	123	51.5	-	446	14	2-9	31.86	8.60	22.21	-	32	1	5
35 ovs	103	31.5	-	212	8	1-10	26.50	6.66	23.88	-	26	-	7
40 ovs	58	5	-	31	2	2-31	15.50	6.20	15.00	-	15	-	2
Timed	1	0
Other	18	7	-	48	-	0-15	-	6.86	-	-	3	-	1
Totals	303	95.4	0	737	24	2-9	30.71	7.70	20.52	0	76	1	15

“V”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#141	Cornelius Johannes Vermaak
Nickname:	Corne, Kolpak, Uncover Malarkies, Cavernous Armlike			Birthplace:	Witbank, South Africa
Debut:	2017	Match:	421	DOB:	02 / 12 / 79	Height:	6’ 0”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Dr Hook – “When You’re In Love With A Beautiful Woman”

Profile: Upbeat and jovially enthusiastic, Cornelius’ debut for The MAD really was a baptism of fire. Answering a plea for players for a double weekender in June, he found himself dropped behind alcoholic lines to fend off a touring Battisford team. He equipped himself well, showcasing a willingness to bowl as a total of 300 loomed, and a willingness to bat as if the target needed chasing in less than ten overs. Actually, subsequent visits to the crease suggest that is how he plays anyway…. Mr Vermaak is now an integral part of Team MAD, especially when he makes himself available. He’s most welcome too, as he seems at odds with our country’s view that there aren’t any nice South Africans. Corne is definitely nice, maybe too nice, all a façade to hide the real him, the man who fled his homeland following a spate of serial killings in the Highveld of Mpumalanga?

Form: A dearth of appearances last term would make it difficult to substantiate the form of Mr Vermaak. When he did play, he bowled with the usual purpose after that ten-minute delay between deliveries.

Fantasy Credentials: Another of those cheap Fantasy acquisitions who could tip things your way, especially when he produces one of those excellent spells of bowling we all know he’s (more than) capable of. Over to you, JMO….

Pithy Remark: Corne gets angry when his teammates give him directions to fictional grounds.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	24	11	1	34	3.40	18	62	54.84	2	1	4	-	-
35 ovs	32	14	4	68	6.80	19*	109	62.39	7	1	-	-	-
40 ovs	8	7	1	9	1.50	7	23	39.13	1	-	5	-	-
Timed	0
Other	1	0
Totals	65	32	6	111	4.27	19*	194	57.22	11	2	9	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	24	67	0	463	7	1-11	66.14	6.91	57.43	-	2	-	3
35 ovs	32	169.4	16	802	25	4-15	32.08	4.73	40.72	-	6	-	2
40 ovs	8	23.2	0	109	3	2-17	36.33	4.67	46.67	-	-	-	-
Timed	0
Other	1	6	0	21	1	1-21	21.00	3.50	36.00	-	-	-	1
Totals	65	266	16	1395	36	4-15	38.75	5.24	44.33	0	8	0	6

“W”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#123	Johannes van den Grootschnyke Webster
Nickname:	Jan, Tulip, The MAD Dutchman, Western Jab, Jews Banter			Birthplace:	Maidenhead
Debut:	2012	Match:	259	DOB:	31 / 12 / 71	Height:	6’ 2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm anything			#1 Single:	Benny Hill – “Ernie, the Fastest Milkman in The West”

Profile: Leftfield, sarcastic and sublimely eccentric, the socially joyous Mr Webster also has the longest name of anyone born outside of Sri Lanka. Since debuting over a decade ago, this University Publishing Lifer has entertained all with his unpredictably zany character both on and off the field. Acutely clever and well-studied, The MAD’s maverick Danish Dutchman is a genius with the pen… detailing in absurd detail the highs and lows of a cricket match in Booker detail, whilst sometimes starring in the leading role. Irreverent and enthralling to the casual observer, Jan just demands your attention, particularly when running between the wickets. How can a simple 22 yard dash be so incalculable to a man of such obvious intellect?

Form: Excellent with the pen, less so on the field, but that’s probably because he flew under the radar due to only a smattering of appearances in 2024. A couple of decent knocks, a few great catches and a couple of unplayable deliveries, Jan is as always, a complete enigma.

Fantasy Credentials: Always a conundrum, Jan could be a Fantasy bargain or a hole in your wallet where you’re left scratching your head. How will be shape in the JMO valuation? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Jan is simply quite brilliant between the wickets….

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	52	43	10	526	15.94	37*	711	73.98	50	2	6	-	-
35 ovs	35	32	5	405	15.00	72*	867	46.71	38	-	6	1	-
40 ovs	10	9	1	44	5.50	9	121	36.36	3	-	1	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	3	3.00	3	23	13.04	0	-	-	-	-
Other	9	7	1	109	18.17	30	176	61.93	13	-	-	-	-
Totals	107	92	17	1087	14.49	72*	1898	57.27	104	2	13	1	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	52	49.1	0	317	12	2-13	26.42	6.45	24.58	-	12	-	2
35 ovs	35	26.2	0	198	5	2-24	39.60	7.52	31.60	-	12	-	1
40 ovs	10	24	1	92	2	2-19	46.00	3.83	72.00	-	-	-	-
Timed	1	3.4	0	27	0	0-27	-	7.36	-	-	-	-	-
Other	9	6.5	0	52	2	2-14	26.00	7.61	20.50	-	3	-	-
Totals	107	110	1	686	21	2-13	33.00	6.14	32.26	0	27	0	3

#155	Daniel Jasper Hunt Westmoreland
Nickname:	Tall Mini Moo, Islanded Watermelon			Birthplace:	Oxfordshire
Debut:	2019	Match:	489	DOB:	12 / 09 / 06	Height:	5’ 9”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Justin Timberlake – “SexyBack”

Profile: One of the more wonderful occasions in recent MAD times, was seeing our ex-skipper (Martin) being superseded by his kids. Debuting in 2019, young Daniel demonstrated all the talents his dad failed to boast, being that he could bat, he could field, and didn’t suffer from the yips when bowling. We hope he inches more into being a club regular one day, as his T20 innings of 72 only narrowly missed out on being a club record.

Form: Currently an unknown as 2024 was sadly a no-show (for The MAD anyway), but he did score a bundle of runs elsewhere.

Fantasy Credentials: Obviously depends on how many cameos Danny might make in 2025. His ability is unquestioned, so he could represent an extremely judicious investment… with bat or ball? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Daniel enjoys running Spam out.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	4	3	0	92	30.67	72	104	88.46	5	1	1	1	-
35 ovs	5	2	0	0	0.00	0	10	0.00	-	-	2	-	-
40 ovs	0
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	9	5	0	92	18.40	72	114	80.70	5	1	3	1	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	4	13	0	100	2	1-23	50.00	7.69	39.00	-	2	-	1
35 ovs	5	20.1	0	99	2	1-6	49.50	4.91	60.50	-	1	-	1
40 ovs	0
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	9	33.1	0	199	4	1-6	49.75	6.00	49.75	0	3	0	2

#156	Joseph Alexander Hunt Westmoreland
Nickname:	Glovesy Mini Moo, Jolthead Presswomen			Birthplace:	Oxfordshire
Debut:	2019	Match:	489	DOB:	12 / 02 / 08	Height:	5’ 0”
Type:	Wicketkeeping RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Basshunter – “Now You’re Gone”

Profile: The younger of the two Westmoreland brothers, Joe would also make his debut in 2019 at Harwell, giving everyone a timely reminder of how their own abilities have waned and how youth will have its day. Keeping adroitly to the garbage thrown down at him, young Joseph has also demonstrated a steely resolve with the bat. Aside from being a handy option with the ball, his real accolade though must surely be when he turned his back on his dad a few years ago whilst going for a quick single at Horspath CC, Martin imploding with a calf strain in trying to head back. Oh, the laughter….

Form: Currently an unknown as 2024 was sadly a no-show (for The MAD anyway).

Fantasy Credentials: Much akin to his brother, it obviously depends on how many cameos Joe might make in 2024. His ability is unquestioned, so he could represent an extremely judicious investment… with bat, gloves or ball? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Joe enjoys ignoring his dad’s quick singles.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	4	3	0	28	9.33	14	68	41.18	1	-	1	-	-
35 ovs	5	1	0	5	5.00	5	22	22.73	-	-	-	-	-
40 ovs	0
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	9	4	0	33	8.25	14	90	36.67	1	0	1	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	4	0									-	-	2
35 ovs	5	6	0	29	1	1-29	29.00	4.83	36.00	0	-	2	-
40 ovs	0
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	9	6	0	29	1	1-29	29.00	4.83	36.00	0	0	2	2

#72	Martin Trevor Westmoreland
Nickname:	Moo, Jonty, Take Me Home, Marital Wonderments, Walmart Indorsement			Birthplace:	Doncaster
Debut:	2003	Match:	063	DOB:	04 / 02 / 73	Height:	5’ 10”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm slow medium			#1 Single:	Sweet – “Blockbuster”

Profile: Forthright and sardonic, Martin’s keen sense of wit has helped to soften his hard northern edges over the years. He is considered by his peers to be one of THE cornerstones of The MAD, a key and instrumental figure who helped breathe life into an ale(ing) pub team all those years ago. At one point or another, Mooman has done everything, and only right that someone regarded as the scrupulous definition of a true Clubman became the first Director of Cricket – a hallowed Committee position bestowed on someone who does fuck all (other than order some new hoodies and hats once in a while). With over 4,000 MAD runs to his name and a couple of slogs that bore tons, Moo has slowly slid into the periphery in recent times and only stays on this page because he drives his kids to games and… erm, well, might play a game or two. Who knows?

Form: Bugger all. Scored a couple of runs a few years ago at our neighbours and also rocked up at Horspath last millennium to tear his calf muscles.

Fantasy Credentials: You would most likely need your head examined picking Moo for your Fantasy team.

Pithy Remark: Behind his missus, Martin is the fourth best cricketer in the family.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	56	52	18	597	17.56	36	724	82.46	64	2	5	-	-
35 ovs	87	82	9	1539	21.08	109*	2094	73.50	225	10	6	6	1
40 ovs	101	92	8	1522	18.12	106*	2343	64.96	210	7	11	4	1
Timed	9	9	1	160	20.00	73	267	59.93	21	-	3	1	-
Other	11	10	1	183	20.33	59	211	86.73	22	3	-	2	-
Totals	264	245	37	4001	19.24	109*	5639	70.95	542	22	25	13	2

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	56	57.4	1	394	11	3-25	35.82	6.83	31.45	-	13	-	2
35 ovs	87	161.4	11	755	49	4-19	15.41	4.67	19.80	-	41	-	3
40 ovs	101	210.1	21	1098	48	4-27	22.88	5.22	26.27	-	49	2	9
Timed	9	16	2	105	3	3-24	35.00	6.56	32.00	-	4	-	-
Other	11	19	0	91	1	1-14	91.00	4.79	114.00	-	4	-	2
Totals	264	464.3	35	2443	112	4-19	21.81	5.26	24.88	0	111	2	16

#144	Christopher Trevor John Williams
Nickname:	Pops, Renon, Nuno, Islamic Whirls, Lili Scrimshaw			Birthplace:	Oxford born and inbred
Debut:	2017	Match:	428	DOB:	18 / 03 / 1978	Height:	5’ 11”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Kate Bush – “Wuthering Heights”

Profile: Laid back to the point where it isn’t always clear as to whether he is just quite calm or actually asleep, Nuno scored The MAD’s all time highest individual score (138*) and in full flow with the bat is one of The MAD’s great get-the-popcorn sights. He also has to his credit, and in the same season, what must surely be (and against some pretty strong opposition) the Most Drunken Dropped Tour Catch in all FFTMCC history on the Isle of Wight. Even when mostly incapacitated he is more capable than most. Nuno has contributed more than most to The MAD Youth Policy, in the shape of both Taiga and Kaito. As with the Westmoreland boys, they tend to make the rest of us look like Betamax tapes in a streaming world.

Form: A late 2024 headline caught the eye: ‘Manufacturer Diageo has limited the amount of Guinness pubs can buy in the run-up to Christmas after “exceptional demand” over recent weeks.’ Or is this supposed to be about his batting? Pretty effective in either case.

Fantasy Credentials: Tricky – the question is can you risk not picking Chris in your team and spend the whole season watching the top half of the table cancel each other out as he piles on the runs leaving you sat at the foot of the table? Also picks up some handy wickets and when he’s awake generally can catch.

Pithy Remark: “Argle Plinth Farggg!!!” vs Newport, August 2022.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	55	52	13	872	22.36	46*	744	117.20	119	9	5	-	-
35 ovs	69	68	7	2581	42.31	138*	2445	105.56	376	21	1	16	3
40 ovs	11	11	0	210	19.09	43	278	75.54	29	-	1	-	-
Timed	0
Other	8	8	1	181	25.86	65	170	106.47	26	2	-	2	-
Totals	143	139	21	3844	32.58	138*	3637	105.69	550	32	7	18	3

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	55	72.5	2	509	17	4-11	29.94	6.99	25.71	-	12	-	2
35 ovs	69	78.2	7	432	20	4-21	21.60	5.51	23.50	-	23	-	3
40 ovs	11	15	3	68	3	3-15	22.67	4.53	30.00	-	3	-	1
Timed	0
Other	8	5	0	37	0	0-23	-	7.40	-	-	1	-	-
Totals	143	171.1	12	1046	40	4-11	26.15	6.11	25.68	0	39	0	6

#157	Taiga James Kawada-Williams
Nickname:	Tiger, Adam Wagtail Saki Wail, Adam Awaits Alkali Wig, AKA Malawi Sid Wagtail			Birthplace:	Oxford
Debut:	2020	Match:	518	DOB:	19 / 11 / 2003	Height:	5’ 9”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm slow/medium/fast			#1 Single:	Kylie Minogue – “Slow”

Profile: Infinitely more intelligent than his dad, Taiga guests for The MAD when he isn’t studying the biochemistry of the universe and discovering the intricate layers of Oxford University’s much lauded, venerable city. Jocular, with a keen sense of wit, it is hoped this dysfunctional Sunday outfit can become enough of a lure over the years for him to succumb to parking his arse in a deckchair, quaffing beers and making derisory comments about all on show.

Form: Just a solitary match in 2024, but enough to demonstrate skills with both bat and ball. His athleticism in the field reminds the team of bygone years.

Fantasy Credentials: Very much dependent on how many appearances the young man makes and of course that all important Fantasy valuation. Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Taiga really enjoys doing all the team’s running for them in the outfield.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	2	1	-	36	36.00	36	36	100.00	4	-	-	-	-
35 ovs	3	2	-	12	6.00	4	22	54.55	1	-	-	-	-
40 ovs	1	1	-	0	0.00	0	1	0.00	-	-	1	-	-
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	6	4	0	48	12.00	36	59	81.36	5	0	1	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	2	6	0	46	0	-	7.67	-	-	-	-	-	-
35 ovs	3	6	0	34	3	3-34	5.67	11.33	12.00	-	-	-	-
40 ovs	1	2	0	11	0	-	5.50	-	-	-	-	-	-
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	6	14	0	91	3	3-34	30.33	6.50	28.00	0	0	0	0

#158	Kaito Archie Kawada-Williams
Nickname:	Bolt, Alt Kiwi Somali, Malawi Awaits Kid Kola			Birthplace:	Oxford
Debut:	2020	Match:	523	DOB:	19 / 05 / 2006	Height:	5’ 8”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Gnarls Barkley – “Crazy”

Profile: The younger of the Williams boys, Kaito is of course likewise already vastly more intelligent than his dad, now studying in the Big Apple to be a star of the future in architecture. Cheeky and fun to be around, he found it easy to slip into The MAD Tour of Ipswich, delighting in the failure of those who really show know better whilst amply carrying his own.

Form: Just a singular appearance in 2024 from young Kaito, displaying all that natural enthusiasm and a complete disregard for the skills of any bowler. Like his brother, he ends up doing all the running about in the outfield whilst the rest of the team’s ageing loafers look on.

Fantasy Credentials: As per the above, it depends on his MAD appearances as to whether you get your Fantasy value for money. But how many games will he play… and, erm what is his valuation anyway? Erm… over to JMO…?

Pithy Remark: Kaito outpaces his sprinting teammates whilst walking.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	4	4	2	10	5.00	7*	31	32.26	-	-	1	-	-
35 ovs	7	6	1	29	5.80	8	33	87.88	4	-	1	-	-
40 ovs	1	1	0	0	0.00	0	3	0.00	-	-	1	-	-
Timed	0
Other	2	1	0	2	2.00	2	8	25.00	-	-	-	-	-
Totals	14	12	3	41	4.56	8	75	54.67	4	0	3	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	4	5.1	0	51	1	1-9	51.00	9.87	31.00	-	1	-	-
35 ovs	7	9	1	64	2	1-32	32.00	7.11	27.00	-	-	-	1
40 ovs	1	0
Timed	0
Other	2	6.1	0	37	2	2-25	18.50	6.00	18.50	-	-	-	-
Totals	14	20.2	1	152	5	2-25	30.40	7.48	24.40	0	1	0	1