Current Players | Selected Non-Current Players | Historical Numerical List

Current Player Profiles

(Updated to end of Season 2023)

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“A”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#114	Lee Grant Ainsworth
Nickname:	Moaner, Chunter, Swear Hotline, Whores Entail			Birthplace:	The bowels of the John Radcliffe Hospital
Debut:	2011	Match:	220	DOB:	10 / 06 / 81	Height:	5’ 11”
Type:	LH bat, Right-arm medium, Keeper			#1 Single:	Adam & The Ants – “Stand and Deliver”

Profile: Cynical, downbeat and eternally grumpy, Lee finally made good on his word to leave his League frustrations behind and concentrate on winning The MAD POTS award for 2016, and in doing so beating someone else to the prize who deserved it more. Technically gifted with both bat and ball, despite being left-handed, he’s every inch that dependable name on the team sheet. He’s also no slouch in the field either, with a wonderful cricketing nous and a supreme gift at moaning. Scarcely a minute passes by without some barbed or disparaging comment concerning blinkered fielding positions or shitty bowling changes.

Form: Boasting a rich cricketing pedigree, it is perhaps no surprise to have seen Mr Ainsworth slip into the Captain’s uniform this season gone. Deputising in his own ubiquitous style, he’s also backed this up with both runs, wickets and a heady dose of cynical grumbling. He’s also impressed behind the stumps, proving you are allowed to take catches and stop byes (no names mentioned).

Fantasy Credentials: A much improved availability backed up by the stats to illustrate his talent, Lee’s Fantasy valuation may be very alluring come the new season. Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Controversially, some say Lee gripes and bitches more than Howarth.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	30	23	7	498	31.13	64	492	101.22	54	9	-	1	-
35 ovs	25	23	7	731	45.69	72*	963	75.91	73	6	1	5	-
40 ovs	18	18	3	522	34.80	83	828	63.04	50	5	-	4	-
Timed	1	1	0	51	51.00	51	64	79.69	9	-	-	1	-
Other	5	5	2	115	38.33	53*	116	99.14	15	-	1	1	-
Totals	79	70	19	1917	37.59	83	2463	77.83	201	20	2	12	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	30	41	4	209	16	3-7	13.06	5.10	15.38	-	7	-	-
35 ovs	25	69.3	2	303	18	4-31	16.83	4.36	23.17	-	8	1	3
40 ovs	18	37	10	124	9	3-16	13.78	3.35	24.67	-	6	-	1
Timed	1	2.1	0	17	1	1-17	17.00	7.85	13.00	-	-	-	-
Other	5	16	1	68	5	4-27	13.60	4.25	19.20	-	2	-	1
Totals	79	165.4	17	721	49	4-27	14.71	4.35	20.29	0	23	1	5

“B”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#162	J____ C__________ B______
Nickname:	Digger, M___ B____ J__			Birthplace:	Wootton, Oxford.
Debut:	2021	Match:	541	DOB:	12 / 12 / 1994	Height:	6’ 3”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	East 17 – “Stay Another Day”

Profile: J____ quickly established himself as a permanent fixture in the team after the [then] skipper discovered he lived nearby and could drive [to matches]. He could also bat, bowl, field, drink, room with Hotson on Tour, sponsor the club and bring the average age of the team down quite considerably. His dad could also take some mean photos when the situation arose. A former Fat Boy, Mr B______ liked nothing more than getting sledged all day whenever The MAD played their perennial rivals [our begrudging friends of Wootton & Bladon]. Casually amicable, it was easy to look past J____’ judicious mind, being that he was fifty years younger than most of his peers. A stellar season in 2022 was then overshadowed by his ridiculous and utterly selfish decision to relocate Down Under – I mean seriously, WTF???

Form: Fuck all, see above, he’s presently dwelling in The Land of Kangaroos, innit … and also in danger of being demoted off this ‘Current Players’ page.

Fantasy Credentials: (Ahem…)

Pithy Remark: Nobody mentions J___ anymore because he never existed as far as we’re concerned. Sod him. He only stays on this page because he’ll probably realise his folly and come back cap in hand….

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	17	17	7	301	30.10	48*	301	100.00	42	2	1	-	-
35 ovs	12	11	2	302	33.56	59	426	70.89	41	-	-	1	-
40 ovs	4	4	1	205	68.33	106*	297	69.02	22	3	-	1	1
Timed	0
Other	1	1	0	25	25.00	25	16	156.25	4	-	-	-	-
Totals	34	33	10	833	36.22	106*	1040	80.10	109	5	0	2	1

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	17	18	1	91	6	2-17	15.17	5.06	18.00	-	4	-	1
35 ovs	12	13	0	61	4	4-13	15.25	4.69	19.50	-	5	-	1
40 ovs	4	6	0	61	0	0-24	-	10.17	-	-	1	-	1
Timed	0
Other	1	2	0	25	0	0-25	-	12.50	-	-	-	-	-
Totals	34	39	1	238	10	4-13	23.80	6.10	23.40	0	10	0	3

#18	Matt Bullock
Nickname:	Warnie, Beermatt, Totem Bullwhack			Birthplace:	Solihull, Warwickshire
Debut:	1998	Match:	004	DOB:	28 / 01 / 71	Height:	5’ 10”
Type:	Keeper, RH bat, Right-arm leg spin			#1 Single:	Clive Dunn – “Grandad”

Profile: Being the oldest serving member of the Far from the MCC, Matt’s seen the lot. As the years have ebbed by, he’s witnessed denims and doc martens replaced by whites and shiny spikes. He’s seen the club rise from the dead, move home, rebrand, move home and rebrand again. He’s experienced the tumultuous highs and the soul-destroying lows. He’s captained the team, toured the UK with the team and chaired over two decades of AGM’s for the team. He’s filed the scorebooks, updated the records and written onto paper things ineffaceable. Moreover, Matt has had countless banter with nearly all of the 162 other lads and lasses who have at one time or another stood in a field with him on a Sunday or some dreamy summer evening. In short, Matthew is The MAD. Intelligent, oracular and quick witted in equal measure, the team have always eschewed a more rounded and wholesome feel with his presence, especially at the bar.

Form: Matt’s current form is hard to establish, being that his only appearances in 2023 were on the Tour to Ipswich where he notched a single when drunk.

Fantasy Credentials: Despite 2023 seeing a paucity of appearances for Matthew, his skills as a stumpmeister allied to the occasional haul of runs and wickets remain undimmed. An enticing and cheap Fantasy proposition, particularly with the gloves, he is definitely in the category of hmm….

Pithy Remark: Matt is to beer what Beermatt.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	74	65	3	479	7.73	30	796	60.18	59	1	9	-	-
35 ovs	104	87	15	667	9.26	35	1424	46.84	62	-	14	-	-
40 ovs	54	45	8	396	10.70	31	738	53.66	46	1	6	-	-
Timed	8	8	2	81	13.50	41*	83	97.59	6	-	1	-	-
Other	21	17	3	127	9.07	39	177	71.75	13	-	6	-	-
Totals	261	222	31	1750	9.16	41*	3218	54.38	186	2	36	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	74	31.2	0	244	12	2-14	23.00	8.12	17.00	-	9	3	5
35 ovs	104	39	1	254	14	3-12	18.14	6.51	16.71	-	44	18	5
40 ovs	54	11.3	0	76	3	2-27	25.33	6.61	23.00	-	20	3	2
Timed	8	1	0	10	1	1-10	10.00	10.00	6.00	-	3	-	-
Other	21	12.5	0	62	3	3-22	20.67	4.83	25.67	-	5	3	-
Totals	261	95.4	1	646	33	3-12	19.58	6.75	17.39	0	81	27	12

“C”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#89	Geoff [The Legend] Carter
Nickname:	Wood Boy, George or any Christian name beginning with ‘G’, Farce Forget			Birthplace:	Oxford
Debut:	2005	Match:	109	DOB:	01 / 05 / 60	Height:	6’ 0”
Type:	Keeper, RH bat, Right-arm lobbers			#1 Single:	Anthony Newley – “Do You Mind”

Profile: Quirky, affable, jocular and increasingly schizophrenic, Geoff has been in and around the team’s edges for well over a decade and is now regarded as a club institution/legend. In fact, such is Geoff’s standing, he has been the focal point of nearly all the match rambles to have claimed The MAD Booker prize in recent years. A carpenter by trade, he enjoys splitting his time between teaching crap to students, smashing a decent beer or ten, ingesting prescribed medicines and watching Oxford United FC lose most weekends. Out on the field, he is both a celebrated opener and tailender, and knows no other positions in the batting order. He can also keep wicket or at least he can stand behind the stumps with some pads on. Sometimes he just stands there, bewildered, looking like he’s wandered out a retirement home.

Form: …is of course temporary and class is permanent. Geoff has neither.

Fantasy Credentials: None, but he’ll be cheap as a discounted item in B&Ms.

Pithy Remark: Anything that can go wrong is most definitely Geoff’s fault.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	82	52	11	223	5.44	30*	505	44.16	20	-	12	-	-
35 ovs	69	52	6	297	6.32	28	852	34.86	31	-	12	-	-
40 ovs	42	38	5	405	12.27	39	1050	38.57	43	-	5	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	1	1.00	1	20	5.00	-	-	-	-	-
Other	14	10	3	29	4.14	14*	94	30.85	1	1	3	-	-
Totals	208	154	25	955	7.40	39	2521	37.88	95	1	32	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	82	16	0	152	1	1-25	152.00	9.50	96.00	-	8	3	11
35 ovs	69	3	0	30	0	0-9	-	10.00	-	-	8	3	5
40 ovs	42	0									7	7	3
Timed	1	0									-	-	-
Other	14	0.4	-	4	-	-	-	6.00	-	-	-	-	2
Totals	208	19.4	0	186	1	1-25	186.00	9.46	118.00	0	23	13	21

#146	Joseph Albert Cartwright
Nickname:	Old Joe, Project Raw Thighs			Birthplace:	Cardiff
Debut:	2018	Match:	450	DOB:	06 / 02 / 59	Height:	5’ 9” (ish)
Type:	RH bat, RH slow			#1 Single:	The Platters – “Sun Gets in Your Eyes”

Profile: Understated, sage like, warm and engaging, Joe made his debut in 2018 after turning up to a pub dressed in whites, yet it feels like he’s been around forever, so maybe he has been, and nobody really noticed. A product of The MAD’s burgeoning Youth Academy, the sprightly Joseph has already proven his quality with the blade, looking overtly studious before unfurling straight drives over the bowler’s head to leave his audience agog. He’s definitely played at much higher levels in his past, exuding an aura at the crease akin to someone who has definitely played at higher levels in the past. It was probably in South Wales or somewhere Wales-like, because all those league teams definitely play at higher levels.

Form: 2023 gave up Joe’s maiden MAD half-century with a POTS outside the loony bin in Cholsey. It was innings built around patience that exploded into life towards the end and will be cherished by those to witness it.

Fantasy Credentials: Could Joe be like a fine wine in getting better with age? Maybe. So, will you take a punt on him with your Fantasy shekels to get a few cheeky runs next term? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Joe can sing and boy can Joe sing.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	22	17	6	170	15.45	37*	199	85.43	19	-	2	-	-
35 ovs	19	17	3	241	17.21	59*	452	53.32	29	1	3	1	-
40 ovs	4	4	0	18	4.50	6	43	41.86	1	-	-	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	3	3.00	3	15	20.00	0	-	-	-	-
Other	4	3	0	80	26.67	40	118	67.80	11	-	-	-	-
Totals	50	42	9	512	15.52	59*	827	61.91	60	1	5	1	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	22	19	0	107	5	2-18	21.40	5.63	22.80	-	3	-	2
35 ovs	19	3	0	26	1	1-26	26.00	8.67	18.00		4	-	1
40 ovs	4	2.1	1	6	1	1-6	6.00	2.77	13.00	-	-	-	-
Timed	1	0									-	-	-
Other	4	1	-	7	2	2-7	3.50	7.00	3.00	-	-	-	-
Totals	50	25.1	1	146	9	2-7	16.22	5.80	16.78	0	7	0	3

“D”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#98	Andrew Darley
Nickname:	Del Boy, Salvador, Butthead, Mo, Warren Deadly, Darned Lawyer			Birthplace:	Oxford
Debut:	2008	Match:	152	DOB:	04 / 02 / 75	Height:	6’ 3”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium fast			#1 Single:	Pilot – “January”

Profile: Enigmatic and gregariously upbeat, Andrew is one of those bubbly, larger-than-life characters who just begs your attention. Whether it be smashing stumps at absurd velocity or smashing sixes into adjoining solar systems, it’s all about IMPACT and SENSATIONALISM. A former OU officer, he is generous and eternally exuberant about everything and anything, with The MAD team sheet always looking more robust with Mr Darley’s name inked on it.

Form: Unshackled by the demons of yesteryear following sessions with a cricketing shrink, appearances skyrocketing, Andy is now displaying the consistent all-round threat we always knew he could be. Quick-fire runs up and down the order and some excellent opening salvos with the ball are now the norm.

Fantasy Credentials: In recent times, Andy’s stock has risen, now representing an enticing batting option to complement the perennial opening bowler. A decent Fantasy punt then? Is he now hard to look past… hmm.

Pithy Remark: Darley loves gluing Bob’s head back together and losing to Spam at poker.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	22	16	2	162	11.57	35*	156	103.85	25	3	4	-	-
35 ovs	51	39	6	385	11.67	53*	474	81.22	44	11	6	2	-
40 ovs	29	22	2	228	11.40	52	291	78.35	25	5	3	1	-
Timed	2	2	0	0	0.00	0	3	0.00	-	-	2	-	-
Other	7	6	1	36	7.20	20	58	62.07	6	-	2	-	-
Totals	111	85	11	811	10.96	53*	982	82.59	100	19	17	3	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	22	65	6	358	13	2-2	27.54	5.51	30.00	-	6	-	1
35 ovs	51	304.5	34	1126	46	3-14	24.48	3.69	39.76	-	14	-	1
40 ovs	29	175.3	25	651	23	4-20	28.30	3.71	45.78	-	3	-	-
Timed	2	11	0	44	2	1-9	22.00	4.00	33.00	-	-	-	-
Other	7	14	0	96	1	1-15	96.00	6.86	84.00	-	2	-	-
Totals	111	570.2	65	2275	85	4-20	26.76	3.99	40.26	-	25	0	2

“E”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#105	David (not Dave) Emerson
Nickname:	Wonky, Diamond, Emo, Varied Demons, Mended Saviour			Birthplace:	Invercargill, Wellington. NZ
Debut:	2008	Match:	167	DOB:	09 / 04 / 76	Height:	6’ 2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Brotherhood of Man – “Save Your Kisses For Me”

Profile: Engaging, knowledgeable, deeply amusing, flawed and talented in equal measure, Kiwi Dave joined the FFTMCC back in the late noughties, juggling permanent intoxication with a rash of ducks and a swathe of match winning bowling performances. The thing is, he was actually a batsman, he always was, but nobody ever asked him, or did we? A calculator of energy use and a boot boy for the Labour militants, David’s MAD career has peaked and troughed over the years, but never been dull. Back-to-back POTS were accrued once upon a time before his body collapsed under the strain of putting some effort in. Of course, it was [then] Skipper Westmoreland’s fault, flogging him like some unloved Muriwai Beach horse or at least that was his agent’s mantra….

Form: After years of self-pity and hypochondria, David slowly assimilated back into the Club ranks to remind everyone of his drinking prowess and his cricketing unpredictability. However, 2023 saw him disappear again after he learned the club was vacating to Ipswich on Tour.

Fantasy Credentials: Absence makes the heart grow fonder, it also makes your Fantasy valuation nosedive. There are rumours of a comeback of sorts in 2024, so do you take that outside punt? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: David tows his static home to Thailand every winter.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	68	58	11	886	18.85	44*	736	120.38	109	4	5	-	-
35 ovs	46	40	4	434	12.06	47	561	77.36	43	2	6	-	-
40 ovs	80	65	8	839	14.72	95	923	90.90	120	4	11	2	-
Timed	4	3	2	20	20.00	14*	30	66.67	0	-	-	-	-
Other	4	4	0	46	11.50	24	41	112.20	4	-	-	-	-
Totals	202	170	25	2225	15.34	95	2291	97.12	280	10	22	2	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	65	133.1	8	689	36	3-20	19.14	5.17	22.19	-	8	-	2
35 ovs	44	174	25	702	19	2-14	36.95	4.03	54.95	-	16	-	2
40 ovs	80	468.5	75	1690	91	5-25	18.57	3.60	30.91	2	13	-	1
Timed	4	34	4	121	5	2-17	24.20	3.56	40.80	-	2	-	-
Other	4	9	0	59	1	1-38	-	6.56	54.00	-	1	1	-
Totals	202	819	112	3261	152	5-25	21.45	3.98	32.33	2	40	1	5

“H”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#50	Richard John Bingham (Thurston) Hadfield
Nickname:	Lord Lucan, Diehard Filchard			Birthplace:	Balham, London
Debut:	2000	Match:	033	DOB:	01 / 07 / 70	Height:	5’ 8 & 1/2”
Type:	RH bat			#1 Single:	Mungo Jerry – “In The Summertime”

Profile: Whimsical, intelligent and purely fictional, the enchanting Mr R. J. B (or is it R. J. T) Hadfield doesn’t really exist, he was a cheeky character invented at the turn of the millennium who hit a flamboyant 72 on debut. Thereafter forgotten at the pub like so many transient ideas are, the mysterious embodiment was reawakened some six years later when someone played under the name and bagged a duck. Whomever it was, they may not have stolen any headlines, but the unsolved sighting threw up the amusing nickname of Lord Lucan. Now fashionable with the pseudo intellectuals of the village cricketing commonality, talented and vertically challenged cricketers with no real club or association choose to play under the name of Hadfield whenever The MAD are short. Other requisites are wearing glasses, being glib and feigning a myriad of injuries.

Form: In recent years, the calibre of players playing under the moniker of Hadfield have gotten progressively better. In fact, the volume of interested individuals has swelled in equal proportions, with some of them of even constructing match winning innings.

Fantasy Credentials: Picking Hadfield back in the day used to ensure your Fantasy team’s spend didn’t go bust, however now it is seen as a more measured, calculated and rational Fantasy move? We await Richard’s algorithmic valuation with interest….

Pithy Remark: Hadfield and Webster are still incompatible between the wickets.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	38	38	12	747	28.73	39*	863	86.56	86	3	1	-	-
35 ovs	35	33	6	936	34.67	88	1345	69.59	112	1	1	6	-
40 ovs	20	20	3	500	29.41	65*	749	66.76	68	3	3	3	-
Timed	2	2	0	18	9.00	11	36	50.00	3	-	-	-	-
Other	5	4	1	72	24.00	59*	110	65.45	7	-	-	1	-
Totals	100	97	22	2273	30.31	88	3103	73.25	276	7	5	10	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	38	2	0	15	0	0-15	-	7.50	-	-	9	-	2
35 ovs	35	3	0	23	1	1-23	23.00	7.67	18.00	-	11	-	1
40 ovs	20	2	0	10	1	1-10	10.00	5.00	12.00	-	9	-	1
Timed	2	0									1	-	-
Other	5	0									1	-	-
Totals	100	7.0	0	48	2	1-10	24.00	6.86	21.00	0	31	0	4

#74	John Harris
Nickname:	Calypso, J. Rah’s Rhino			Birthplace:	Birmingham
Debut:	2003	Match:	063	DOB:	20 / 05 / 79	Height:	6’ 0” ish
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm spin			#1 Single:	Art Garfunkel – “Bright Eyes”

Profile: A keen footballer, John joined The MAD back in 2003 along with a clutch of new faces, mostly from behemoth Vodafone. He immediately fitted into the team with his laid-back and affable nature, and a perceptive and sharp wit on tap whenever required. Stylish and West Indian with the bat (hence the nickname), Mr Harris will always be remembered for taking the quite ridiculous figures of 7 for 5 against another crap pub team. A club record to this day, he even had the audacity to add a direct run out to that tally, so not a bad day out then. A half dozen years later, he was gone…. Fast forward to the future and a chance meeting in The Jude Obscure pub between lockdowns, John was badgered into dusting down his cobweb riddled kitbag and ending his twelve-year exile from the club. His welcome return at Horspath CC shattered Hadfield’s record for time elapsing between matches and it took him no time at all to realise the team he remembered (and held close to his heart) were still pretty shit.

Form: Since his return to the big time, John has become progressively more assured with both bat and ball (and sarcasm). He has become integral to the team as someone who can most definitely influence a match, and his fielding prowess really does embarrass the shortcomings of others.

Fantasy Credentials: …will Mr Harris also now influence your Fantasy decision making? Will his valuation be too alluring to look past when structuring your world beating ensemble? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: John never mentions the 5-for he didn’t achieve at Great Milton, or the standard of umpiring that day.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	19	15	7	123	15.38	20	171	71.93	12	-	-	-	-
35 ovs	36	27	5	327	14.86	48	571	57.27	39	-	2	-	-
40 ovs	15	12	3	121	13.44	33	262	46.18	16	-	3	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	4	4.00	4	6	66.67	1	-	-	-	-
Other	2	1	1	1	-	1*	3	33.33
Totals	73	56	16	576	14.73	48	1013	56.86	68	0	5	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	19	56	0	407	14	5-23	29.07	7.27	24.00	1	3	-	2
35 ovs	36	156	9	868	49	7-5	17.71	5.56	19.10	1	11	-	2
40 ovs	15	80	8	425	17	5-23	25.00	5.31	28.24	1	9	-	2
Timed	1	4	0	14	2	2-14	7.00	3.50	12.00	-	-	-	-
Other	2	10	2	56	7	4-41	8.00	5.60	8.57	-	1	-	-
Totals	73	306	19	1770	89	7-5	19.89	5.78	20.63	3	24	0	6

#27	James Dunne Hoskins
Nickname:	JMO, Stan (James), Pugwash, Uncle Albert, Odds On, Hoskers, Jim(my), ESP, Sham Jokiness, Shanks Emojis			Birthplace:	Home
Debut:	1999	Match:	011	DOB:	04 / 04 / 69	Height:	5’ 9”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm slow			#1 Single:	Marvin Gaye – “I Heard It Through the Grapevine”

Profile: JMO is a MAD institution, second only to Geoff Carter and some of the other guys who are more institutionalised. He has devoted over a third of his life to this Club and has never once asked for anything in return, which is just as well as he can bugger off. Irritatingly overly-positive, energetic and fantastically eccentric, Hoskins has done and seen it all, after first being talent-spotted by a boundary sinking Stella Artois all those years ago. Since then, that passionate nature has seen him Skipper the team, organise Tours, design a wonderful Fantasy Competition and of course, kickstart a pizza empire and never sell a fucking thing to his teammates. It’s not always been plain sailing for James, however. We remember him leaving his teammates in the shit a few years ago to go on some ridiculous, life-affirming sabbatical around the globe. I mean he took some photos and met some bird in his selfish pursuit of inner harmony, but sod that, village cricket must come first.

Form: Hard to quantify to be honest, he simply does and he doesn’t. James just suddenly produces the goods when being slammed and bitched about by those who should really know better.

Fantasy Credentials: Always amongst the action when he makes himself available, he definitely represents a valuation equating to a value that can be valued. Ignore him at your peril.

Pithy Remark: Just in case you didn’t know – or he hasn’t mentioned it – and he most probably definitely has, James once scored 41 not out batting at #9 in the most amazingly successful run chase The MAD have ever known (#153).

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	86	66	12	446	8.26	35*	558	79.93	49	1	16	-	-
35 ovs	148	105	21	660	7.86	43	1087	60.72	73	1	21	-	-
40 ovs	97	75	16	455	7.71	50	847	53.72	51	1	17	1	-
Timed	12	9	4	23	4.60	10*	71	32.39	2	-	2	-	-
Other	26	21	2	139	7.32	19	188	73.94	11	1	2	-	-
Totals	369	276	55	1723	7.80	50	2751	62.63	186	4	58	1	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	86	232.2	6	1505	73	3-9	20.62	6.48	19.10	-	23	-	9
35 ovs	148	745.2	67	3206	148	4-22	21.66	4.30	30.22	-	41	1	8
40 ovs	97	596.2	55	2615	110	4-15	23.77	4.39	32.53	-	23	-	3
Timed	12	72	4	313	7	3-60	44.71	4.35	61.71	-	2	-	-
Other	26	73.3	4	402	27	3-5	13.89	5.47	16.33	-	2	-	2
Totals	369	1719.3	136	8041	365	4-15	22.03	4.68	28.27	0	91	1	22

#47	Jake Charles William Hotson
Nickname:	Judge Dredd, Tea Time, Gumbo, Joke Ashton, Jonah Tokes			Birthplace:	Wales
Debut:	2000	Match:	025	DOB:	Tuesday	Height:	6’ 0”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm yips			#1 Single:	Slade – “Merry Xmas Everybody”

Profile: Dry, acerbic and resolutely anti-establishment, Jake’s debut for The MAD can be traced right back to the millennium, where he was [un]lucky enough to play in the club’s first official Cup game - a resolute tonking against Stokenchurch CC. In crushing defeat, he immediately embraced the sarcastic, disjointed pissheads masquerading as teammates and signed up for some more. He’s still here of course, salivating for more year on year, albeit in slightly more talented company. A deeply intelligent soul, Mr Hotson likes nothing better than advanced compound algebraic calculations, deeply coded web design, zany music compilations and directing tirades of abuse at 21st century society, Tory politicians and fleshed-out messaging services in the early hours of the morning.

Form: An indifferent season has seen Jake don the gloves and demonstrate to Carter how to stop a cricket ball, but fail to fire with the bat providing those usually reliable little cameos down the order. He has of course scored, umpired, captained, organised Tours and done photography along with everything else that has needed doing, so give him a fucking break.

Fantasy Credentials: Another in the category of “might be an excellent cheap option” for 2024, until you realise JMO’s Fantasy computations have made Jake more expensive than an upcoming IPL star….

Pithy Remark: Jake is a keen advocate of WhatsApp and enjoys fighting with boiling kettles.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	125	89	21	441	6.49	26	742	59.43	37	-	21	-	-
35 ovs	136	103	17	459	5.34	24	1538	29.84	30	-	22	-	-
40 ovs	81	68	14	336	6.22	24*	1160	28.97	19	-	15	-	-
Timed	8	7	2	8	1.60	3	36	22.22	-	-	2	-	-
Other	21	12	1	57	5.18	13	127	44.88	4	-	1	-	-
Totals	371	279	55	1301	5.81	26	3603	36.11	90	0	61	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	125	24	0	201	6	1-6	33.50	8.38	24.00	-	21	14	9
35 ovs	136	46	3	241	12	5-28	20.08	5.24	23.00	1	35	10	2
40 ovs	81	8	0	83	1	1-40	83.00	10.38	48.00	-	15	5	1
Timed	8	0									2	1	-
Other	21	7	0	75	1	1-6	75.00	10.71	42.00	-	1	1	2
Totals	371	85.0	3	600	20	5-28	29.35	7.06	25.50	1	74	31	14

#77	Ian Howarth
Nickname:	Spam, Tiny, Scotch, George, Flake, Hanoi Wrath, Noah Wraith			Birthplace:	Oldham, Lancashire
Debut:	2003	Match:	067	DOB:	09 / 03 / 71	Height:	5’ 9 & 1/2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Mungo Jerry – “Baby Jump”

Profile: Cynical, sarcastic and tirelessly ebullient, Ian was another member of the Class of ‘03 that helped breathe life into an ailing pub team. Fractious and ready around his northern edges, he quickly felt at home around his miserable, hedonistic teammates and has somehow dealt with daily hangovers to plunder all those runs. Forthright and decidedly right when utterly wrong, Spam has overseen two tenures as MAD Skipper, with both incarnations ending in unhappy resignations and infighting. A price of passion or simply a troubled mind and soul? Spam’s continued enthusiasm for ALL things MAD has continued unabated over the past decade, being responsible for a lot of the shite on this website, intolerable season after season fixture congestion, a divisive contribution to the Club’s second novel ‘Never at This Level and of course a return to management in the T20 arena.

Form: After the renaissance of 2021, Spam was shit in 2022, but recovered some form last time out. He can’t catch a cold, but he can still produce those game-changing periods with bat and ball when his head is switched on and/or he’s sober.

Fantasy Credentials: It depends whether you class him as a fading batsman (with the occasional flourish) or a useful wicket taking option? An enticing option either way depending on his price. Over to you, JMO…?

Pithy Remark: Spam enjoys sleeping off alcoholic stupors in skittle alleys.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	132	111	41	1964	28.06	59*	1826	107.56	240	27	6	4	-
35 ovs	154	138	25	3749	33.18	112	4265	87.90	508	33	12	26	1
40 ovs	118	113	7	2768	26.11	109*	3368	82.19	387	25	10	17	1
Timed	10	11	0	324	29.45	58	426	76.06	47	3	-	2	-
Other	22	17	6	334	30.36	51*	337	99.11	40	4	1	1	-
Totals	436	390	79	9139	29.39	112	10222	89.41	1222	92	29	50	2

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	132	289.4	10	1643	83	5-5	19.80	5.67	20.94	1	12	-	13
35 ovs	154	356.5	28	1805	78	4-17	23.14	5.06	27.45	-	35	-	11
40 ovs	118	260.4	16	1300	63	4-16	20.63	4.99	24.83	-	32	-	8
Timed	10	19	3	98	4	2-18	24.50	5.16	28.50	-	5	-	-
Other	22	58.4	2	399	11	2-2	28.50	6.80	25.14	-	8	-	1
Totals	436	984.5	59	5245	242	5-5	21.67	5.33	24.42	1	94	0	33

“M”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#110	Patrick Anthony Seymour Mellor
Nickname:	KFC, Paddy, Mortal Prickle, Triple Armlock			Birthplace:	London
Debut:	2010	Match:	199	DOB:	08 / 04 / 78	Height:	6’ 2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm military gloop			#1 Single:	Brian & Michael – “Matchstalk Men & Matchstalk Cats & Dogs”

Profile: Gratifyingly charismatic and comedic, Paddy’s engaging humour has rubbed off on many of his teammates over the years. On signing up, he was immediately popular with the hardened pissheads at the Club, where many enticing layers were to be discovered under that glitzy pink golf visor of his… not least his ability to eat an entire roast dinner pre-match using just his fingers (see nickname). Forever synonymous with organising THAT doomed Tour to f______ T______, Mr Mellor has at one point or another turned his hand to most things, other than running between the wickets with any haste. His burgeoning MAD portfolio is underscored with a childlike enthusiasm he has thrown at being Social Secretary, Tour Secretary, Audley Ducks Fixture Secretary, non-forthcoming Tour Coach Organiser and Bastard Fines Chairman.

Form: In recent times there has been paucity of appearances due to relocation, job changes and life changes, with his last four MAD innings resulting in scores of 0, 0, 0 and, erm… 0. But form is temporary as you know, just ask Geoff.

Fantasy Credentials: He’ll be cheap. Real cheap. But how cheap is cheap? Over to you, JMO….

Pithy Remark: Paddy still rejoices in the Tour story of clobbering Emerson all over Weston-Super-Mare.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	30	30	1	241	8.31	34	364	66.21	26	-	7	-	-
35 ovs	8	8	1	85	12.14	41	150	56.67	7	-	2	-	-
40 ovs	24	22	0	105	4.77	17	298	35.23	10	-	5	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	5	5.00	5	25	20.00	-	-	-	-	-
Other	2	2	0	16	8.00	9	27	59.26	1	-	-	-	-
Totals	65	63	2	452	7.41	41	864	52.31	44	0	14	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	30	13.1	0	122	5	2-13	24.40	9.27	15.80	-	4	-	2
35 ovs	8	2	0	12	1	1-7	12.00	6.00	12.00	-	2	-	-
40 ovs	24	2	0	23	0	0-23	-	11.50	-	-	6	-	1
Timed	1	0									-	-	-
Other	2	3	0	23	1	1-23	23.00	7.67	18.00	-	-	-	-
Totals	65	20.1	0	180	7	2-13	25.71	8.93	17.29	0	12	0	3

“N”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#115	Jonathan Newman-Robson
Nickname:	Salad, Beavis, Gout Baron Jon Snowmen			Birthplace:	RAF Wroughton, Wiltshire
Debut:	2011	Match:	220	DOB:	09 / 06 / 75	Height:	6’ 0”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Windsor Davies & Don Estelle – “Whispering Grass”

Profile: Pithy, competitive and exuding a malevolent sarcasm bordering on rude, the brickbat Mr Newman-Robson is famous as that guy who took the four-trick at Jordan Hill. Yep, that is FOUR WICKETS IN FOUR BALLS and don’t you forget it. He’s also famous for succeeding in successfully transferring a nickname nobody really understands from a previous Club to this and let’s not forget his kudos at Sambuca addled arm-wrestling. Jon has always been considered an opening bowler even though he began life as a very accomplished wicketkeeper. Problem here is that the Club already have twenty keepers, so just take the new cherry Jon and shut the fuck up. Over the years he has carried the burden of throwing things down at the decent batsmen, without ever once mumbling some sarcy disparity under his breath. He can also bat a bit.

Form: Injury has robbed Jon of much of the last few seasons, but a recent meeting in our spiritual home of The Jude had him announce a comeback in 2023. He lasted one game, bagged a duck and went wicketless before disappearing once more.

Fantasy Credentials: Hope springs eternal and at a recent MAD social, Jon was again talking up a return to the fold and an expectation to take a hundred wickets before June. How pissed he was at the time is unknown by this scribe.

Pithy Remark: Jon likes breaking Spam’s ribs.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	10	6	1	20	4.00	9	28	71.43	3	-	3	-	-
35 ovs	25	18	7	95	8.64	17*	156	60.90	8	-	2	-	-
40 ovs	41	27	7	167	8.35	31*	279	59.86	18	-	2	-	-
Timed	3	3	1	13	6.50	13*	26	50.00	2	-	2	-	-
Other	5	2	2	2	-	1*	5	40.00	-	-	-	-	-
Totals	84	56	18	297	7.82	31*	494	60.12	31	0	9	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	10	23.1	2	131	3	1-17	43.67	5.65	46.33	-	4	-	1
35 ovs	25	140.3	10	583	17	3-17	34.29	4.15	49.59	-	12	-	1
40 ovs	41	284.4	36	1004	54	5-10	18.59	3.53	31.63	2	13	-	3
Timed	3	18	2	62	1	1-8	62.00	3.44	108.00	-	-	-	-
Other	5	14	0	72	3	1-22	24.00	5.14	28.00	-	1	-	-
Totals	84	480.2	50	1852	78	5-10	23.74	3.86	36.95	2	30	0	5

“P”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#107	James William Pearson
Nickname:	Fattori, Fats, JP, Josser Apeman, Eamon Jaspers			Birthplace:	Bath
Debut:	2010	Match:	192	DOB:	06 / 07 / 79	Height:	5’ 9 & 1/2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Tubeway Army – “Are Friends Electric”

Profile: Astute, droll and eternally smug, James can mostly be found in a dreamlike, sedentary state around the team’s edges. When he isn’t sick or comatose or in a catatonic torpor, he’s diligently surveying proceedings through those Daniel Vettori spectacles of his, eschewing his dulcet witticisms before heading out to bat to save the team’s blushes. Since impressing his new teammates with 0 not out on debut, Corporal Pearson abseiled up The MAD batting order to win the prestigious ‘Performance’ Trophy in 2014… with an unbeaten ton against perennial rivals Isis CC. But to bracket James as purely a seasoned opener would to do a disservice to him, particularly when he’s awake. He’s also more than useful in the field and his many wickets almost always go unnoticed, apart from recently because nobody else really takes any.

Form: Having firmly established himself as a dependable run machine and general all-rounder, James selfishly decided on starting a new family. Against this backdrop of other demands, he still found time in 2023 to demonstrate his mettle with a match-winning 78 not out against OUP. A shoo-in for the ‘Performance of the Season’ award but for that innings by Cartwright.

Fantasy Credentials: With his spare time obviously now at a premium, it would be easy to look past James as that bargain Fantasy gem. That might well be to your detriment… but, of course, it all depends on what he actually costs, so over to you JMO….

Pithy Remark: James keeps a deckchair in his kit bag.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	87	76	27	1063	21.69	42	1175	90.47	123	12	5	-	-
35 ovs	63	62	7	1528	27.78	84	2203	69.36	175	11	6	9	-
40 ovs	58	56	8	1201	25.02	113*	2153	55.78	124	10	9	9	1
Timed	4	3	0	15	5.00	7	50	30.00	1	-	-	-	-
Other	7	7	0	90	12.86	45	116	77.59	12	-	1	-	-
Totals	219	204	42	3897	24.06	113*	5697	68.40	435	33	21	18	1

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	87	194	3	1098	57	4-16	19.26	5.66	20.42	-	15	1	7
35 ovs	63	169	17	767	34	3-23	22.56	4.54	29.82	-	23	-	11
40 ovs	58	209.1	28	831	50	5-20	16.62	3.97	25.10	1	26	-	4
Timed	4	16	2	77	5	3-27	15.40	4.81	19.20	-	3	-	1
Other	7	18	0	109	2	1-4	54.50	6.06	54.00	-	1	-	-
Totals	219	606.1	50	2882	148	5-20	19.47	4.75	24.57	1	68	1	23

“R”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#93	Michael Keith Reeves
Nickname:	Cloughie, Ol’ Big Head, Reevsie, Seamer Vehicle			Birthplace:	Chatham, Kent
Debut:	2006	Match:	119	DOB:	04 / 10 / 68	Height:	5’ 9 & 1/2”
Type:	LH bat, Left-arm medium			#1 Single:	Mary Hopkins – “Those Were The Days”

Profile: Intelligent, tenebrous and astringent, Mike is the numerically proficient Club Bean Counter. He also doesn’t give a shit what your predicament is or when you sadly lost your dead-end job… just pay your subs or fuck off. He joined the Far from the MCC back in the middle noughties when his former pub team no longer had a pub and actually had no players either. Reevsie immediately fitted in, enjoying a tipple or three and being richly imbued in cynicism and sarcasm. Talented in all cricketing departments, Ol’ Big Head has proved himself reminiscent of a fine wine in recent years, seemingly getting better with age. He finally received recognition of this fact, by scooping a long overdue POTS award [twice] to banish the bitter memories of years gone by where his dreams were trampled afoot by those less deserving, but somehow more popular.

Form: An excellent season last time out with both bat and ball, and perhaps unlucky that the bloke who died the previous year returned from the grave to land the POTS award. There was also some guy who scored over 700 runs who won fuck all too, so maybe Mike wasn’t unlucky after all.

Fantasy Credentials: Mike’s Fantasy valuation is always prohibitive and surely 2024 will be no different. But then that is to bet against those who gave them their backing, shelling out wedges of cash for his services. He could of course be crap and an expensive flop. Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Mike’s regularly holidays to America to witness gun massacres.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	132	109	39	1295	18.50	54*	1393	92.96	162	14	11	2	-
35 ovs	114	89	20	1129	16.36	52	1544	73.12	147	12	11	1	-
40 ovs	93	78	17	1244	20.39	85	1807	68.84	169	7	5	3	-
Timed	5	5	0	58	11.60	19	102	56.86	9	-	-	-	-
Other	19	13	6	120	17.14	32*	132	90.91	12	4	2	-	-
Totals	363	294	82	3846	18.14	85	4978	77.26	501	37	29	6	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	132	355.4	15	1839	93	4-14	19.77	5.17	22.95	-	33	-	11
35 ovs	114	556.2	62	2330	103	5-29	22.62	4.19	32.41	1	50	-	4
40 ovs	93	447	38	1883	79	5-12	23.84	4.21	33.95	2	25	-	5
Timed	5	31.4	7	86	8	5-28	10.75	2.72	23.75	1	1	-	-
Other	19	54.1	3	279	16	2-3	17.44	5.15	20.31	-	8	-	2
Totals	363	1444.5	125	6417	299	5-12	21.46	4.44	28.99	4	117	0	22

#109	Christopher David Roberts
Nickname:	Tall Bob, Lennie, Christs Rober, Brothers Rectorship			Birthplace:	Oxford
Debut:	2010	Match:	195	DOB:	03 / 07 / 75	Height:	6’ 5 & 1/2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	10CC – “I’m Not In Love”

Profile: An amiable and genial giant, the congruent Mr Roberts is much akin to a loveable Great Dane – quietly and obediently performing whatever role he’s given. Unperturbed by results, tantrums and hysteria that surround him, this cordial and happy chappy just enjoys getting on with his sport with a smile on his face. Truth be told, if we could bottle his DNA and sell it on to the discordant Middle East we would. Problem solved. In recent times, Bob has experienced a metamorphosis from hobbyist Kennel Club entrant to Crufts Best of Breed. He’s always been useful in the field with that howitzer of an arm, but his bowling has come on exponentially seeing him morph into that towering threat we always knew he could be.

Form: After his infamous head-injury on Tour to Brighton in 2021, Bob has slowly assimilated back into MAD ranks and now offers an excellent counselling service for any teammates who tread the tightrope between life and death. He also takes easy catches by making them impossible.

Fantasy Credentials: Now he’s regained his mojo and looking leaner than in years, is Bobby going to be worth your precious Fantasy mullah this time out? Over to you JMO….

Pithy Remark: Bob really does have his head in the clouds at times and also pads up for no reason.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	106	76	10	313	4.74	32*	454	68.94	31	3	18	-	-
35 ovs	64	37	16	233	11.10	20*	244	95.49	33	-	9	-	-
40 ovs	66	43	14	138	4.76	13*	251	54.98	15	-	8	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	0	0.00	0	3	0.00	-	-	1	-	-
Other	8	5	2	21	7.00	8*	31	67.74	-	-	-	-	-
Totals	245	162	42	705	5.88	32*	983	71.72	79	3	36	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	106	299	8	1804	59	4-26	30.58	6.03	30.41	-	18	-	7
35 ovs	64	344.4	22	1638	50	3-32	32.76	4.75	41.36	-	13	-	8
40 ovs	66	339.1	19	1638	59	3-9	27.76	4.83	34.49	-	15	-	4
Timed	1	5	0	28	1	1-28	28.00	5.60	30.00	-	-	-	-
Other	8	38	3	216	5	2-18	43.20	5.68	45.60	-	-	-	2
Totals	245	1025.2	52	4863	174	4-26	30.60	5.19	35.37	0	46	0	21

#117	Mark Simon Rundle
Nickname:	Psycho, Pyscho (original misspelling), Drunk Lamer, Klan Murder			Birthplace:	Oxford
Debut:	2010	Match:	223	DOB:	27 / 01 / 68	Height:	6’ 0”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm trundler			#1 Single:	Georgie Fame – “The Ballad of Bonnie And Clyde”

Profile: Cerebral and acidic, Mr Rundle brought a thoroughly intimidating nickname to The MAD at the start of the last decade. On first impression, he seems unexpectedly mild-mannered, basking in an aura of calm and quiet understanding. But like all classically misaligned nutjobs, do not underestimate the calculating, malevolent wanker who lurks underneath. A peripheral figure in the beginnings, Psycho has slowly become a recognised name on the team sheet, simply playing when and where he wants… and if you don’t like it, you can just… well, you know. Mark has suffered in recent years from a myriad of aches and pains, but went one better in 2022 by actually dying on the field. Thankfully for him (and us) there were angels in the vicinity, so he lived to bag a duck another day.

Form: Having arisen from the grave, Mark resumed his mastery of sauntering in to deliver that indescribable shite that bags him a whole bunch of wickets. He also finished the season with an average protection of 37.50, caught like Ernest Hemingway and strolled away from the AGM with the 2023 ‘Player of the Season’ award. As the Latin phrase goes “De mortuis nil nisi bonum dicendum est” ... or, to you and me “Of the dead nothing but good is to be said.”

Fantasy Credentials: Got supernatural skills, innit. His sale price just went up, baby!

Pithy Remark: Psycho considers Bob’s near-fatal head injury a light scratch.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	54	37	15	241	10.95	32*	442	54.52	21	-	4	-	-
35 ovs	63	36	16	190	9.50	19	451	42.13	18	-	6	-	-
40 ovs	35	21	8	104	8.00	20*	282	36.88	11	-	1	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	5	5.00	5	12	41.67	1	-	-	-	-
Other	12	7	2	101	20.20	31*	103	98.06	11	3	2	-	-
Totals	165	102	41	641	10.51	32*	1290	49.69	62	3	13	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	54	163	7	954	29	2-6	32.90	5.85	33.72	-	8	-	1
35 ovs	63	339.4	41	1537	65	4-19	23.65	4.53	31.35	-	16	-	3
40 ovs	35	175.2	23	733	31	3-12	23.65	4.18	33.94	-	9	-	1
Timed	1	6	2	10	0	0-10	-	1.67	-	-	-	-	-
Other	12	37	6	177	3	1-12	59.00	4.78	74.00	-	1	-	-
Totals	165	721	79	3411	128	4-19	26.65	4.73	33.80	0	34	0	5

“S”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#96	Dave Shorten
Nickname:	Lego, Hang Time, Bertie, Short Invaded, Divas Throned			Birthplace:	Poringland, Norfolk
Debut:	2006	Match:	130	DOB:	19 / 09 / 71	Height:	5’ 10”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	The Tams – “Hey Girl Don’t Bother Me”

Profile: One of life’s true good guys, apart from when he isn’t berating his teammates for being shit. Lego, as he’s affectionately known, is the only MAD member to own their own wood and holds the record for both the longest and shortest time taken to write a Match Ramble. Dave’s colourful contributions to FFTMCC folklore also include enlisting his teammates in a doomed 5-a-side competition, organising a winter fitness regime with the army, a successful climb of Mount Everest in his underpants and the launch of his own book ‘A Winner’s Guide to Poker’. In short, Mr Shorten is an archetypal example of that perfectly eccentric, amicable, and loyal English gentleman who makes us all feel a little bit better about ourselves. Aside from doing the earthy things in life, like eating real honey, holding wood clearing parties and appearing on BBC TV reality programs, Dave’s infectious enthusiasm is integral to Team MAD.

Form: Still a pivotal player within the team, he has the ability to change the dynamic of a match with both bat and ball. Some wonderful slogs knocks in recent years have been complemented by great spells with the ball to further underscore his importance.

Fantasy Credentials: Being better than crap, David will always cost a good few a few fantasy dollars… and is he a batsman or a bowler? Regardless, he’s a wonderful fielder, so any of his many catches will boost the return of a Batter Shorten or a Bowler Shorten. We await the JMO valuation with a keen eye….

Pithy Remark: David enjoys pushing Spam out the way to take his simple outfield catches.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	111	103	30	1514	20.74	73*	1238	122.29	195	43	11	1	-
35 ovs	66	55	8	727	15.47	54*	912	79.71	98	11	7	1	-
40 ovs	53	47	8	823	21.10	103*	1056	77.94	100	20	4	1	1
Timed	3	3	0	25	8.33	16	61	40.98	3	-	1	-	-
Other	14	12	2	147	14.70	38	140	105.00	19	7	3	-	-
Totals	247	220	48	3236	18.81	103*	3407	94.98	380	81	26	3	1

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	111	277.4	17	1445	73	4-4	19.79	5.20	22.82	-	38	1	16
35 ovs	66	329.2	56	1135	63	4-7	18.02	3.45	31.37	-	26	-	8
40 ovs	53	316.2	46	1161	47	4-14	24.70	3.67	40.38	-	12	-	2
Timed	3	14	1	60	1	1-28	60.00	4.29	84.00	-	1	-	-
Other	14	39	1	167	5	2-6	33.40	4.28	46.80	-	6	-	-
Totals	247	976.2	115	3968	189	4-4	20.99	4.06	30.99	0	83	1	26

#57	Thornton Peter Wylam Smith
Nickname:	Flash, 410, Jesus, Thorny, Goat Boy, Northmost Thin			Birthplace:	Reading
Debut:	2001	Match:	039	DOB:	28 / 06 / 73	Height:	5’ 9”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm slow			#1 Single:	10CC – “Rubber Bullets”

Profile: Capricious, comical and idiosyncratic, the maverick and loquacious Mr Smith has been a beating heart of The Club since the early days when The Jude were The MAD. A loyal and trustworthy friend, a great man in a tight corner and someone who would do anything for you in times of need. At the same time, he realises that is no reason to be spared from essential piss taking and withering barbs. He is also a man of a million different business enterprises, specialising in everything wood from fencing to cabinet making, shelving and door hanging, interior and exterior decorating and a complete recreation of the Death Star in seasoned oak. A classically wired contradiction in terms, 410’s alternative take on cricket has seen his Skippers increasingly turn to his bowling in recent times. He can bat too, of course he can, but he’s been much more successful bowling pissed beamers than whacking pissed cover drives.

Form: Hard to quantify, as in recent times, our Thorn has only made fleeting appearances due to his geographical relocation and myriad of other assorted distractions.

Fantasy Credentials: So, where does he stack up in your Fantasy valuations? A paucity of recent matches, but an ability with both bat and ball. Could he be that genius purchase that flips the table your way if he decides to play a few games? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: 410 loves a good auction and retelling a story he’s cunningly stolen from you.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	78	67	12	597	10.85	65	770	77.53	70	9	5	1	-
35 ovs	79	68	10	555	9.57	58*	885	62.71	69	-	14	1	-
40 ovs	68	63	7	533	9.52	52	910	58.57	70	1	14	1	-
Timed	5	5	0	28	5.60	9	54	51.85	4	-	-	-	-
Other	11	11	4	82	11.71	17*	112	73.21	8	1	3	-	-
Totals	241	214	34	1795	9.97	65	2731	65.73	221	11	36	3	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	77	164.1	2	1167	62	5-28	18.82	7.11	15.89	1	21	-	4
35 ovs	79	184.5	11	901	48	4-28	18.77	4.87	23.10	-	19	-	2
40 ovs	68	108.5	6	573	29	3-22	19.76	5.26	22.52	-	15	-	3
Timed	5	7	1	29	0	0-2	-	4.14	-	-	2	-	-
Other	11	13	0	99	4	1-9	24.75	7.62	19.50	-	2	-	1
Totals	241	480.5	20	2794	144	5-28	19.40	5.81	20.03	1	59	0	10

“T”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#112	Gareth John Timms
Nickname:	Noah, Anatidaephobe, Gazza, Gary Oakey, Grimmest Hat, Gemma Thirst			Birthplace:	Bristol
Debut:	2010	Match:	211	DOB:	15 / 12 / 81	Height:	5’ 8 & 1/2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm leg spin			#1 Single:	Human League – “Don’t You Want Me”

Profile: Perceptive, enthusiastic and highly convivial, Gary was immediately recognised as having the necessary qualities for leadership, particularly in lieu of the clowns who led before him. To the uninitiated, a casually sarcastic and insouciant character belied a notable IQ and rich appreciation of this often-bewildering sport. He made an instant splash as T20 Supremo following an undemocratic coup to remove Mr Hotson, and his rapid ascent of seniority continued unabated to become The Captain of The MAD ship for many many years (until he wasn’t). His commitment always been unwavering, making himself available for pretty much every game unless he’s on holiday or at Glastonbury, so maybe his commitment isn’t that great after all? Happy to stand in the cricketing mud in freezing wind and rain, he’s also happy to stand in the pub, outside the pub or simply lie unconscious on a beach or a park bench.

Form: Last year wasn’t Gary’s greatest, but that is because we’re so used to him snagging those prize scalps and whacking a few down the order to push our MAD totals up. 2024 could be his year.

Fantasy Credentials: Mr Timms has always been that Fantasy purchase that captures the eye… be it with a surfeit of cheeky wickets or a rash of almost unnoticed runs. So, is he a leggie who needs a decent keeper, or a handy batsman who needs a kick up the arse? Worth a punt? The JMO has a calculation to do on this gentleman… hmm.

Pithy Remark: Gary had more holidays than took wickets in 2023.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	123	91	22	537	7.78	32*	719	74.69	54	-	21	-	-
35 ovs	90	65	15	520	10.40	31	800	65.00	56	1	9	-	-
40 ovs	64	51	13	352	9.26	45	483	72.88	45	-	8	-	-
Timed	3	3	0	3	1.00	3	9	33.33	-	-	2	-	-
Other	10	8	4	84	21.00	27*	79	106.33	10	-	-	-	-
Totals	290	218	54	1496	9.12	45	2090	71.58	165	1	40	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	123	342.4	12	2168	98	5-4	22.12	6.33	20.98	1	14	-	11
35 ovs	90	428.2	27	2416	90	4-29	26.84	5.64	28.56	-	21	-	5
40 ovs	64	344.2	16	1662	77	4-17	21.58	4.83	26.83	-	17	-	5
Timed	3	16.3	2	56	4	2-18	14.00	3.39	24.75	-	-	-	-
Other	10	28	1	243	2	2-40	121.50	8.68	84.00	-	2	-	1
Totals	290	1159.5	58	6545	271	5-4	24.15	5.64	25.68	0	54	0	22

#122	Russell Paul Turner
Nickname:	Homer, Mystic Meg, Mike Ashley, Runlets Rulers, Sells Nurturer			Birthplace:	Maidenhead
Debut:	2012	Match:	258	DOB:	17 / 10 / 65	Height:	5’ 9 & 1/2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm pies			#1 Single:	Ken Dodd – “Tears”

Profile: Don’t let Russ’ gelastic, frivolous mannerisms fool you, because lurking behind that lovable exterior is a seasoned and accomplished sportsman. Every club or sporting franchise could do with someone like Mr R. P. Turner, a kindly gentleman of boundless wisdom, energy and enthusiasm with no small measure of self-depreciation. He brought a civilised air of cricketing pedigree to the ranks a decade ago and has been a dependable go-to to pick up the slack when every other fucker in the team can’t be arsed. A printer by trade and a dead ringer for his alter-ego Mike Ashley of Sports Direct fame, Russ quickly abseiled up the ladder of responsibility to become the [unenviable] Captain of Team MAD. A resolute and stoic top order batsman, Russ gets his head down when others are back in the hutch bemoaning their carefree ways.

Form: Perhaps jealous of Mr Rundle’s fast-track to heart surgery, Russ spent the early season recovering from a stint in the JR as they sorted his internals out. It was a long road back, but now he is back!

Fantasy Credentials: Russ is going to be an extremely divisive Fantasy pick for the coming season. He has bugger all form, but he certainly has cricketing credentials. A more than handy valuation and a regular on the team sheet might make him an extremely tempting purchase? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Russ got jealous of Psycho’s bed-occupation in the John Radcliffe and free breakfasts.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	114	101	35	1508	22.85	52*	2081	72.47	135	1	7	1	-
35 ovs	92	86	8	1205	15.45	63	2368	50.89	111	-	8	2	-
40 ovs	58	57	4	962	18.15	71	1791	53.71	93	1	5	4	-
Timed	1	1	0	18	18.00	18	36	50.00	2	-	-	-	-
Other	12	11	2	149	16.56	32*	270	55.19	9	1	-	-	-
Totals	277	256	49	3842	18.56	71	6546	58.69	350	3	20	7	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	114	46.5	0	405	14	2-9	28.93	8.65	20.07	-	29	-	3
35 ovs	92	23.5	0	169	7	1-10	24.14	7.09	20.43	-	21	-	6
40 ovs	58	5	0	31	2	2-31	15.50	6.20	15.00	-	15	-	2
Timed	1	0
Other	12	3	0	31	0	0-15	-	10.33	-	-	3	-	1
Totals	277	78.4	0	636	23	2-9	27.65	8.08	20.52	0	68	0	12

“V”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#141	Cornelius Johannes Vermaak
Nickname:	Corne, Kolpak, Uncover Malarkies, Cavernous Armlike			Birthplace:	Witbank, South Africa
Debut:	2017	Match:	421	DOB:	02 / 12 / 79	Height:	6’ 0”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Dr Hook – “When You’re In Love With A Beautiful Woman”

Profile: Upbeat and jovially enthusiastic, Cornelius’ debut for The MAD really was a baptism of fire. Answering a plea for players for a double weekender in June, he found himself dropped behind alcoholic lines to fend off a touring Battisford team. He equipped himself well, showcasing a willingness to bowl as a total of 300 loomed, and a willingness to bat as if the target needed chasing in less than ten overs. Actually, subsequent visits to the crease suggest that is how he plays anyway…. Mr Vermaak is now an integral part of Team MAD, especially when he makes himself available. He’s most welcome too, as he seems at odds with our country’s view that there aren’t any nice South Africans. Corne is definitely nice, maybe too nice, all a façade to hide the real him, the man who fled his homeland following a spate of serial killings in the Highveld of Mpumalanga?

Form: A dearth of appearances last term would make it difficult to substantiate the form of Mr Vermaak. When he did play, he bowled with the usual purpose after that ten-minute delay between deliveries.

Fantasy Credentials: Another of those cheap Fantasy acquisitions who could tip things your way, when he produces a spell of bowling we all know he’s (more than) capable of. Another dude whose allure will be reliant on the algorithmic calculations that decide on his net worth. Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Corne takes a decade to flip a house and gets angry when his teammates give him directions to fictional grounds.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	22	10	1	34	3.78	18	60	56.67	2	1	3	-	-
35 ovs	30	14	4	68	6.80	19*	109	62.39	7	1	-	-	-
40 ovs	8	7	1	9	1.50	7	23	39.13	1	-	5	-	-
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	60	31	6	111	4.44	19*	192	57.81	11	2	8	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	22	59	0	422	5	1-11	84.40	7.15	70.80	-	2	-	3
35 ovs	30	155.4	14	736	24	4-15	30.67	4.73	38.92	-	6	-	2
40 ovs	8	23.2	0	76	3	2-17	36.33	4.67	46.67	-	-	-	-
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	60	238.0	14	1267	32	4-15	39.59	5.32	42.00	0	8	0	5

“W”

A | B | C | D | E | H | J | L | M | N | P | R | S | T | V | W

#123	Johannes van den Grootschnyke Webster
Nickname:	Jan, Tulip, The MAD Dutchman, Western Jab, Jews Banter			Birthplace:	Maidenhead
Debut:	2012	Match:	259	DOB:	31 / 12 / 71	Height:	6’ 2”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm anything			#1 Single:	Benny Hill – “Ernie, the Fastest Milkman in The West”

Profile: Leftfield, sarcastic and sublimely eccentric, the socially joyous Mr Webster also has the longest name of anyone born outside of Sri Lanka. Since debuting over a decade ago, this University Publishing Lifer has entertained all with his unpredictably zany character both on and off the field. Acutely clever and well-studied, The MAD’s maverick Danish Dutchman is a genius with the pen… detailing in absurd detail the highs and lows of a cricket match in Booker detail, whilst sometimes starring in the leading role. Irreverent and enthralling to the casual observer, Jan just demands your attention, particularly when running between the wickets. How can a simple 22 yards be so incalculable to a man of such obvious intellect?

Form: Excellent with the pen, less so on the field, Mr Webster has predictably been unpredictable in recent times. He scooped a Performance of the Season with the bat at Sydenham a few years ago, then largely forgot how to play a shot in anger during the pandemic. This season gone he whacked a few in T20s and then wasted everyone’s time in the longer format.

Fantasy Credentials: He is of course always a Fantasy conundrum and 2024 will be no different. Jan is exactly that: a cricketing enigma capable of fuck all and everything with both bat and ball. A Rubik’s cube of cricketing potential both realised and trodden into the turf. Over to you JMO….

Pithy Remark: Jan denies he enjoys his running his batting partners out.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	47	38	10	458	16.36	37*	617	74.23	44	2	6	-	-
35 ovs	34	31	5	397	15.27	72*	844	47.04	37	-	6	1	-
40 ovs	10	9	1	44	5.50	9	121	36.36	3	-	1	-	-
Timed	1	1	0	3	3.00	3	23	13.04	0	-	-	-	-
Other	4	4	0	65	16.25	30	121	53.72	8	-	-	-	-
Totals	96	83	16	967	14.43	72*	1726	56.03	92	2	13	1	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	47	48.1	0	310	12	2-13	25.83	6.44	24.08	-	9	-	2
35 ovs	34	26.2	0	198	5	2-24	39.60	7.52	31.60	-	11	-	1
40 ovs	10	24	1	92	2	2-19	46.00	3.83	72.00	-	-	-	-
Timed	1	3.4	0	27	0	0-27	-	7.36	-	-	-	-	-
Other	4	0
Totals	96	102.1	1	627	19	2-13	33.00	6.14	32.26	0	20	0	3

#155	Daniel Jasper Hunt Westmoreland
Nickname:	Tall Mini Moo, Islanded Watermelon			Birthplace:	Oxfordshire
Debut:	2019	Match:	489	DOB:	12 / 09 / 06	Height:	5’ 9”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Justin Timberlake – “SexyBack”

Profile: One of the more wonderful occasions in recent MAD times, was seeing our ex-skipper (Martin) being superseded by his kids. Debuting in 2019, young Daniel demonstrated all the talents his dad failed to boast, being that he could bat, he could field, and didn’t suffer from the yips when bowling. We hope he inches more into being a club regular one day, as his T20 innings of 72 only narrowly missed out on being a club record.

Form: Currently an unknown as 2023 was sadly a no-show (for The MAD anyway).

Fantasy Credentials: Obviously depends on how many cameos Danny might make in 2024. His ability is unquestioned, so he could represent an extremely judicious investment… with bat or ball? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Daniel enjoys running Spam out.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	4	3	0	92	30.67	72	104	88.46	5	1	1	1	-
35 ovs	5	2	0	0	0.00	0	10	0.00	-	-	2	-	-
40 ovs	0
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	9	5	0	92	18.40	72	114	80.70	5	1	3	1	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	4	13	0	100	2	1-23	50.00	7.69	39.00	-	2	-	1
35 ovs	5	20.1	0	99	2	1-6	49.50	4.91	60.50	-	1	-	1
40 ovs	0
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	9	33.1	0	199	4	1-6	49.75	6.00	49.75	0	3	0	2

#156	Joseph Alexander Hunt Westmoreland
Nickname:	Glovesy Mini Moo, Jolthead Presswomen			Birthplace:	Oxfordshire
Debut:	2019	Match:	489	DOB:	12 / 02 / 08	Height:	5’ 0”
Type:	Wicketkeeping RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Basshunter – “Now You’re Gone”

Profile: The younger of the two Westmoreland brothers, Joe would also make his debut in 2019 at Harwell, giving everyone a timely reminder of how their own abilities have waned and how youth will have its day. Keeping adroitly to the garbage thrown down at him, young Joseph has also demonstrated a steely resolve with the bat. Aside from being a handy option with the ball, his real accolade though must surely be when he turned his back on his dad a few years ago whilst going for a quick single at Horspath CC, Martin imploding with a calf strain in trying to head back. Oh, the laughter….

Form: Currently an unknown as 2023 was sadly a no-show (for The MAD anyway).

Fantasy Credentials: Much akin to his brother, it obviously depends on how many cameos Joe might make in 2024. His ability is unquestioned, so he could represent an extremely judicious investment… with bat, gloves or ball? Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Joe enjoys ignoring his dad’s quick singles.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	4	3	0	28	9.33	14	68	41.18	1	-	1	-	-
35 ovs	5	1	0	5	5.00	5	22	22.73	-	-	-	-	-
40 ovs	0
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	9	4	0	33	8.25	14	90	36.67	1	0	1	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	4	0									-	-	2
35 ovs	5	6	0	29	1	1-29	29.00	4.83	36.00	0	-	2	-
40 ovs	0
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	9	6	0	29	1	1-29	29.00	4.83	36.00	0	0	2	2

#72	Martin Trevor Westmoreland
Nickname:	Moo, Jonty, Take Me Home, Marital Wonderments, Walmart Indorsement			Birthplace:	Doncaster
Debut:	2003	Match:	063	DOB:	04 / 02 / 73	Height:	5’ 10”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm slow medium			#1 Single:	Sweet – “Blockbuster”

Profile: Forthright and sardonic, Martin’s keen sense of wit has helped to soften his hard northern edges over the years. He is considered by his peers to be one of THE cornerstones of The MAD, a key and instrumental figure who helped breathe life into an ale(ing) pub team all those years ago. At one point or another, Mooman has done everything, and only right that someone regarded as the scrupulous definition of a true Clubman became the first Director of Cricket – a hallowed Committee position bestowed on someone who does fuck all (other than order some new hoodies and hats once in a while). With over 4,000 MAD runs to his name and a couple of slogs that bore tons, Moo has slowly slid into the periphery in recent times and only stays on this page because he drives his kids to games and… erm, well, might play a game or two. Who knows?

Form: Bugger all. Scored a couple of runs a few years ago at our neighbours and also played at Horspath last millennium when tearing his calf muscles.

Fantasy Credentials: You would most likely need your head examined picking Moo for your Fantasy team.

Pithy Remark: Behind his missus, Martin is the fourth best cricketer in the family.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	56	52	18	597	17.56	36	724	82.46	64	2	5	-	-
35 ovs	87	82	9	1539	21.08	109*	2094	73.50	225	10	6	6	1
40 ovs	101	92	8	1522	18.12	106*	2343	64.96	210	7	11	4	1
Timed	9	9	1	160	20.00	73	267	59.93	21	-	3	1	-
Other	11	10	1	183	20.33	59	211	86.73	22	3	-	2	-
Totals	264	245	37	4001	19.24	109*	5639	70.95	542	22	25	13	2

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	56	57.4	1	394	11	3-25	35.82	6.83	31.45	-	13	-	2
35 ovs	87	161.4	11	755	49	4-19	15.41	4.67	19.80	-	41	-	3
40 ovs	101	210.1	21	1098	48	4-27	22.88	5.22	26.27	-	49	2	9
Timed	9	16	2	105	3	3-24	35.00	6.56	32.00	-	4	-	-
Other	11	19	0	91	1	1-14	91.00	4.79	114.00	-	4	-	2
Totals	264	464.3	35	2443	112	4-19	21.81	5.26	24.88	0	111	2	16

#144	Christopher Trevor John Williams
Nickname:	Pops, Renon, Nuno, Islamic Whirls, Lili Scrimshaw			Birthplace:	Oxford born and inbred
Debut:	2017	Match:	428	DOB:	18 / 03 / 1978	Height:	5’ 11”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Kate Bush – “Wuthering Heights”

Profile: A financial university gopher and keen guitarist, Williams finally cracked under pressure a few years ago to finally join his mates and lose most Sundays. An ex-Wayfarer, ex-Isis graduate, ex-Officer and ex-everything, he is a player of consummate talent with a batting style that is candy for the eye. Prudent and judicious, a mischievous grin belies that inner child that ingratiates Chris with his teammates. Often quiet and happy to sit in the background, he is equally at home smashing bowling attacks apart and offering glib and sarcastic commentary. His two boys have also tried batting for The MAD but wish they hadn’t.

Form: In recent years, Chris has matured his batting style to remain at the wicket beyond a top order thrash. This can only be of benefit to the team as most of them enjoy drinking beer in deckchairs and watching from the sidelines. Don’t discount his bowling either, because when he isn’t aiming at the batsman’s head, he’s taking a few cheeky wickets in between warnings for no-balls.

Fantasy Credentials: Despite a burgeoning cost to include him in your Fantasy team, punters aren’t dissuaded due to the fact he produces the goods and is seldom shit (unlike his teammates). But, when does a pricey indulgence become too indulgent? We await the JMO valuation with keen interest….

Pithy Remark: Williams isn’t the greatest fielder when pissed out of his head.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	52	49	13	846	23.50	46*	729	116.05	113	9	4	-	-
35 ovs	61	60	6	2340	43.33	138*	2210	105.88	344	19	1	14	3
40 ovs	11	11	0	210	19.09	43	278	75.54	29	-	1	-	-
Timed	0
Other	6	3	1	115	23.00	53*	102	112.75	16	2	-	1	-
Totals	130	126	20	3511	33.12	138*	3319	105.78	502	30	6	15	3

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	52	70.5	2	482	17	4-11	28.35	6.80	25.00	-	12	-	2
35 ovs	61	74	7	390	20	4-21	19.50	5.27	22.20	-	17	-	3
40 ovs	11	15	3	68	3	3-15	22.67	4.53	30.00	-	3	-	1
Timed	0
Other	6	5	0	37	0	0-23	-	7.40	-	-	1	-	-
Totals	130	164.5	12	977	40	4-11	24.43	5.93	24.73	0	33	0	6

#157	Taiga James Kawada-Williams
Nickname:	Tiger, Adam Wagtail Saki Wail, Adam Awaits Alkali Wig, AKA Malawi Sid Wagtail			Birthplace:	Oxford
Debut:	2020	Match:	518	DOB:	19 / 11 / 2003	Height:	5’ 9”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm slow/medium/fast			#1 Single:	Kylie Minogue – “Slow”

Profile: Infinitely more intelligent than his dad, Taiga guests for The MAD when he isn’t studying the biochemistry of the universe and discovering the intricate layers of Oxford University’s much lauded, venerable city. Jocular, with a keen sense of wit, it is hoped this dysfunctional Sunday outfit can become enough of a lure over the years for him to succumb to parking in his arse in a deckchair, quaffing beers and making derisory comments about all on show.

Form: Just a handful of matches in 2023, but enough to more than showcase his skills with both bat and ball.

Fantasy Credentials: Very much dependent on how many appearances the young man makes and of course that all important Fantasy valuation. If he does play the odd match, then he could well be pivotal. Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Taiga enjoys Geoff stood up to the wicket for his off spin, before hurling down a ball in excess of 70mph without any prior warning.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	2	1	-	36	36.00	36	36	100.00	4	-	-	-	-
35 ovs	2	1	-	4	4.00	4	10	40.00	-	-	-	-	-
40 ovs	1	1	-	0	0.00	0	1	0.00	-	-	1	-	-
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	5	3	0	40	13.33	36	47	85.11	4	0	1	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	2	6	0	46	0	-	7.67	-	-	-	-	-	-
35 ovs	2	6	0	34	3	3-34	5.67	11.33	12.00	-	3	-	-
40 ovs	1	2	0	11	0	-	5.50	-	-	-	-	-	-
Timed	0
Other	0
Totals	5	14	0	91	3	3-34	30.33	6.50	28.00	0	3	0	0

#158	Kaito Archie Kawada-Williams
Nickname:	Bolt, Alt Kiwi Somali, Malawi Awaits Kid Kola			Birthplace:	Oxford
Debut:	2020	Match:	523	DOB:	19 / 05 / 2006	Height:	5’ 8”
Type:	RH bat, Right-arm medium			#1 Single:	Gnarls Barkley – “Crazy”

Profile: The younger of the Williams boys, Kaito is of course likewise already vastly more intelligent than his dad, studying to be more of a success and a star of the future. Cheeky and fun to be around, he found it easy to slip into The MAD Tour of Ipswich, delighting in the failure of those who really show know better whilst amply carrying his own.

Form: A more regular initial on The MAD team sheet, much akin to his older brother, young Kaito is adept with both bat and ball and can also run at considerable speed without falling flat on his arse.

Fantasy Credentials: Obviously anchored to the speculative JMO costing derived from the hidden algorithm that delves into appearances and trips to the moon. Like his bro, could be a super cheap bargain! Hmm….

Pithy Remark: Kaito outpaces his sprinting teammates whilst walking.

Batting	M	I	NO	R	Avg	HS	BF	SR	4	6	0	50	100
T20	4	4	2	10	5.00	7*	31	32.26	-	-	1	-	-
35 ovs	6	5	1	20	5.00	8	28	71.43	2	-	1	-	-
40 ovs	1	1	0	0	0.00	0	3	0.00	-	-	1	-	-
Timed	0
Other	2	1	0	2	2.00	2	8	25.00	-	-	-	-	-
Totals	13	11	3	32	4.00	8	70	45.71	2	0	3	0	0

Bowling	M	O	M	R	W	Best	Avg	Econ	SR	5wi	Ct	St	RO
T20	4	5.1	0	51	1	1-9	51.00	9.87	31.00	-	1	-	-
35 ovs	6	9	1	64	2	1-32	32.00	7.11	27.00	-	-	-	1
40 ovs	1	0
Timed	0
Other	2	6.1	0	37	2	2-25	18.50	6.00	18.50	-	-	-	-
Totals	13	20.2	1	152	5	2-25	30.40	7.48	24.40	0	1	0	1