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MAD Glossary “0 – 238855”
(Updated to end of Season
2024)
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Comic book? Graphic novel? Back of a graffiti-daubed toilet door? The
Glossary is an idea dating back to 2006 which was sewn by Mike Reeves, who
having recently joined the club from a shit pub team worse than our own,
declared he hadn’t got a clue what everyone else was on about. His reasoning
was that since the club was established some eight years previous, many of
the terms, references and lingo were alien to the unacquainted. Fast forward to the future and after an annually exhaustive MOT, the
Far from the MCC’s allegedly most
popular web page comes back online. A huge amount of thanks to all
contributors, however small, for the gems and inspiration which have gone
into creating this encyclopaedic breakdown of MAD folklore. |
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0 0, or nought, or zero, or
fuck all. A much-revered MAD number and a very common one to be found etched
in the scorebook next to a batter’s name (see “Duck” for further details).
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0 The number of runs that Chris
Roberts accumulated on Sunday’s throughout the year
of 2017.
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0, 0,
0, 0*, 0 & 0 … erm, 0 again After registering a single away against Wootton &
Bladon CC in a pandemic infested 2020, Geoff Carter’s subsequent scores with
the bat to close of season were…. And then into 2021….
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0.00% The combined strike rates in T20’s over the course of
season 2017 for Geoff Carter, Andrew Darley and Geoff Carter.
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1 (a
very lonely one) The haul of career wickets ensnared by Geoff Carter
between 2005 and 2021. That’s fifteen years and counting….
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1 Known as “Duck Avoidance” (scoring 1) – costs the
incumbent batsman 25p at any post-match Fines Committee.
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1.029411764705882 The average number of innings
that Howard Jones managed during his 34 games for the club.
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1.733333333333333 The average number of matches
per year that the illusive and mysterious Richard J. B. Hadfield undertook
for the club between 2000 and 2014.
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2 (metres) Two metres is the standard space we should keep between
us during times of the coronavirus. This is soon relaxed to 2cm after six or
seven pints.
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~2
(metres) Two metres is the approximate distance to the crease
before batting partner Jan Webster turns you back….
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“2
for 2” An often-mimicked quote that popped up during a T20 match
on Tour to Minehead in 2003, after Nick Hebbes registered the impressive
bowling figures of 2 for 2 against Stogumber.
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3GH The abbreviation for the cheapest watering hole in Oxford
City Centre, the Three Goats Heads. Owned by the Samuel Smith’s brewery
chain, and popular with the cricket team in the off season, it’s hidden down
a backstreet serving a darned fine pint of beer, stout or cider.
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4.0% The lowest strength of lager that Club Poet Andrew
Morley would ever partake in during a mid-innings drinks break. It would
usually signal a sign of ill-health or a lack of decent finances on his part.
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4.1 “4.1” was the number attributed to one Philip Holt
whilst playing skittles on Tour to Dorset in 2000. After scribbling
everyone’s names up on the board, it was noted Phil’s name looked like “4.1”
– and thus this relative newcomer to the club became forever known as, er…
“4.1”. Thereon, everything about that Tour seemed to link to that number.
Sadly, Phil passed away in the fall of 2022 (please see the History
> Tributes section of the website).
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4.285714285714286 The average number of innings that the enigmatic and
wholly unreliable Andrew Darley undertook for the club between 2008 and 2014.
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4-Trick John
Newman-Robson performed the utterly unperformable by registering The MAD’s
first ever Four-Trick v OUP in 2013. An amazing feat and one we doubt will
ever be equalled, let alone bettered.
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4.5-for John
Newman-Robson would lay claim to The MAD’s first ever 4.5-for against
perennial rivals Appleton CC in 2012. Having dismissed 4 adults of varying
skill, he completed his 4.5-for by catching a small child off his own
bowling.
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5 The number of runs Ian
Howarth managed to score whilst blind drunk on Tour at Hythe & Dibden CC,
Hampshire in 2015. He can’t remember his innings, or the day for that matter,
but it was notable for being longer than some of his efforts whilst sober.
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5 The number of times the fleet of foot Paddy Mellor was
ran out in consecutive matches in 2011.
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5 In
2013, Chris Roberts managed to face just one ball in 5 consecutive matches
where he batted. His run of poor scores included 0 (Golden), 0*, 0 (Golden),
0 (Golden) and 0*.
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5-a-side During the fall of 2009, Dave Shorten decided on improving
MAD fitness and sociability by enlisting a 5-a-side football team in a local
midweek competition ran at Tilsley Park. After 9 matches
The MAD had failed to win a single game and boasted a goal difference of
minus 98!
On
one particular evening, an opponent refused a 5-nil bye in favour of drubbing
the Far from the MCC 15-0. You can’t say fairer than that. |
5.2% The alcoholic strength of The
MAD’s favourite lager – the famous (nay infamous), It
is also Thornton Smith’s partner in crime.
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5.5% The alcoholic strength of The
MAD’s favourite apple aperitif – Aspalls “Suffolk”
Cyder. A sweet and toxic beverage, it can claim the higher ground due to
having been responsible for no club brawls (unlike “Katy”). Here is an
advertising sign rescued from a skip.
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6 SIX!!! The record number of sixes hit in one FFTMCC
innings by Mr J. W. Pearson in 2014 v Isis CC at Queens College.
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6 The most coveted batting position on any MAD Tour.
There is no specific reason, other than the likelihood of avoiding the
opening bowlers and cashing in against the crap later on in the innings.
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6’ 6” The height of Mr C. D. Roberts. The FFTMCC have always
been fixated with height and Tall Bob just happens to be the tallest of them
all. So well done to him, hurrah!
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7 Extremely tricky to score a seven with one shot off the
bat, Chris Williams managed the feat against Headington Quarry during a
slogfest at Stanton St John’s in 2019. A whack for three followed by a
fielder shying at the stumps and launching it to the boundary for four more.
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7-0-120-0 The not quite so revelatory figures returned by the
bowling combination of Ian Howarth and Nick Hebbes during the 2009 director’s
cut of a Tetsworth Cricket Bat Massacre. You’ll note that Ian pulled it round
nicely in his last over by going for just the 4 runs.
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7 (methods) Over the course of FFTMCC
time there have only been seven differing methods of which a MAD batsman’s
innings has been concluded (bowled, caught, hit wicket, lbw, run out, stumped
and retired).
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7 for
5 The quite amazing figures returned one by John Harris
against a weakened Marlborough House in 2005. John even affected a run out in
the same innings. Not a bad day out then.
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8 The record number of ducks accrued by Gary Timms during
one season (2011). He also registered two scores of 0 not out and a duck
whilst guesting for Centrica XI. Ironically, this from a man who can actually
bat….
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8
(for 15) The number of wickets Stuart Christopher John Broad took
v Australia in the fourth Ashes Test, 2015 – all during the time it took a
MAD cavalcade to drive down to the New Forest on Tour. Erm… that would be
less than two hours then.
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8.6% The nominal strength of lager that Club Poet
Andrew Morley would usually partake in during a mid-innings drinks break. It
was seen as a sign of good health and finances on his part.
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9 for
9 No, not some implausible bowling figures, but the number
of wickets that fell for 9 runs in 9 overs after the FFTMCC had progressed to
99-1 against Milton CC in 2006. On a bright and sunny day with perfect conditions for
batting, it was disaster movie on a Hollywood scale, and
is still the most talked about collapse of all MAD collapses (and
there have been many believe me you).
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10 The
derisory number of players who contested the first game of Tour to Felixstowe
in 2018. It should have been eleven, but some people had other priorities…
didn’t they James?
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10-06-18 After
seventeen long years, this was the date that the FFTMCC finally put one over
the Lemmings – all ten of them, that would eventually become nine in the
field. And no, they were not offered any substitute fielders were they Ian?
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11.33 The
bowling average for Joe Cartwright in season 2024 was almost twice as good as
his nearest challenger. Not bad for someone considered a non-bowling batsman.
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13 In
2011, the Far from the MCC lost a club record thirteen matches in succession,
including a morale sapping reverse against the Bodleian in the rain. In all honesty,
if The MAD had played themselves during this period they would have lost.
Awful. Awful. Truly fucking awful….
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14 The number of deliveries in Ian Leggate’s now infamous
over whilst on Tour in Louth in 2009. It started at 15:02 and finished at
15:13. Eleven minutes of undiluted misery for him and his teammates, as Ian’s
over lurched from slightly off target to yips imbued shite.
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15 A recurrent number whilst on Tour at Stogumber in 2005.
See “Stogumber 15” for further details.
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16 The remarkable number of outfield catches taken by Dave
Shorten in season 2023.
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16 Also, the number of consecutive overs of twirling pie
that James Hoskins threw down in Aston Tirrold in 2011. It shattered the
record for The MAD’s most lengthy spell of bowling. It is also worth noting that Mr Reeves threw down 13
consecutive overs from the other end.
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17 Ian
Leggate’s latest impregnable record v Cholsey CC for the most deliveries
bowled in one yips fuelled over.
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20 In 2015, under the
stewardship of Captains Timms and Shorten (T20), the Far from the MCC won a
record high of 20 games in one season.
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26 The record number of matches
the FFTMCC managed to successfully lose in one season in 2011.
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27 In 2008, Andrew Morley cast aside a four-pack of lager
and half a bottle of vodka, before striding out to bat against previously
unbeaten opponents Milton CC (at home). The rest as they say is the stuff of
legends.
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32 The
lowest team total in club history. This day of ultimate shame happened right
back in 1998 in the club’s first ever match versus Research Machines – so
maybe we can’t be too harsh on the then Jude that day, huh?
On
a day where skipper Eddie Lester could only assemble nine available pissheads
from the pub, Nick Banks registered the historic first MAD duck. Well
done him. We salute you, sir! |
34 The second most expensive over in MAD history belongs to
Ian Howarth, who was unceremoniously tonked for two short of a Malcolm Nash
(36) during the team’s visit to Tetsworth CC in 2009. It is also worth noting
his subsequent 3 balls also went for 16 – so that’s a 9 ball 50. Well played,
dude.
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35 A suitably blurred photo from the opposition (Longparish
CC) scorebook records the over as containing 4 no balls and 2 wides. It also
spanned two boxes in the bowler’s column. 1-27 before the over began. 1-62 on
completion. Tidy stuff.
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37.5% The nominal strength of vodka that Club Poet
Andrew Morley would usually partake in during a mid-innings drinks break. It
was seen as a sign of good health and finances on his part.
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40-somethings Time waits for no man, and as
such the majority of The MAD team have now tumbled headlong into their 40’s.
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41
not out Will James Hoskins ever let us forget about him
scoring 41 not out whilst batting at number 9 to rescue the match against
Wootton & Boars Hill in 2008? No, we don’t think so either. But well
played anyway, James – a darned fine knock under exceptional pressure.
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42 The score at which Dan Edwards mistakenly celebrated a
half-century by raising his bat to his MAD teammates on the boundary.
Subsequent to this feat, the team ridiculed and applauded Dan whenever he
reached that milestone (of 42).
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42 Also, the score at which batsman are required to retire
when reached (or having gone past with a boundary) when playing against the
Hendrick’s XI. The number 42 is classed in a book called the “Hitchhiker’s
Guide to the Galaxy” as the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The
Universe and Everything.
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50 A score that allowed James Hoskins to reverse the effect
of the ‘Mongoose Multiplier’ (fine) on Tour in 2010. On achieving a wonderful
maiden fifty for the club, the rest of his teammates’ fines were doubled on
that day.
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50-somethings Time still waits for no man and the majority of The MAD team who were into their 40’s and now the wrong
side of 50….
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59* A swashbuckling knock by Dave
Emerson in 2015, which gave The MAD a stunning victory whilst chasing 183
against perennial rivals Astons CC.
One of the great MAD innings.
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61cm Would be the circumference of
the largest head within the ranks of Club MAD. No prizes for guessing this
individual to be Mr M. K. Reeves, but a bonus point awarded for those who
guessed his equal – that belonging to “Tall” Bob Roberts.
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65 Thornton Smith’s iconic T20 score back in 2003 against
East Oxford was The MAD’s highest score in that format for many a year. The
now largely compulsory retirement at thirty or fifty ensured it was a tough
cookie to crack….
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…then along came David
Shorten in 2021 and having savaged the Zambuca bowling on Tour to Brighton,
he found himself back at the crease with everyone else having gotten out.
Thus, his innings continued after retirement to set a new HS for a T20.
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80 A curious one this: it being
the lowest high score NOT achieved by a MAD batter. Nobody has registered
this score since the dawn of MAD and Jude time back in 1998.
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85 Proof that Mike Reeves is actually a batsman in case any
of you were wondering. Or, is it proof that Mike is a vastly underachieving
batter? The jury as ever is still out.
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90 The
number of seconds introduced for fining an individual during a post-match
‘Fines Committee’. The duration of this period and how it has been used is
steeped in controversy and was debated at length during the AGM of 2014.
Everyone agreed to disagree naturally.
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94* Gary
Littlechild’s cavalier innings was only ended after The MAD had successfully
chased down a modest OU Office target of 112. Gary accounted for 81.03% of
his team’s total that day and we can only wonder what he may have gone on to
achieve if we’d batted first…. Again, one of the great MAD innings.
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95 Proof
that Dave Emerson can most definitely bat (on Tour) when he’s not battered.
Actually, he may have had a hangover and a few before his knock to settle the
nerves … so best ignore the first statement.
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99 Proof that Ian Howarth is a dick. After managing to get
stumped one short of a century at the start of the 2005 season, Spam duly
managed to hole out on the boundary on that very
same score in 2010. Cue the MAD joke: “D’you want a Flake with that?”
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103*
And… eight years later, Dave
Shorten would cast aside his batting shortcomings to hammer out his maiden
ton. His identical score of 103* was actually the first time he had passed
fifty for The MAD.
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105
(but not really) On the Tour to Minehead in 2017, the team got shitfaced
all day before contesting a T20 in the early evening versus Stogumber CC.
During this seminal pasting under the brainless stewardship of A. Darley, the
team recovered from an awful 12-6 to finally post a more respectable 95. That would of course be the end of the story after the
home team chased down the total, if it weren’t for the separate story in the
scorebook – the fact that when counted, The MAD’s total of 95 did in fact add
up to be 105. We have no idea who was responsible for this mathematical
genius, but here is photo of someone with a red T-shirt below doing some…
scoring at… erm, Stogumber….
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113* 2014 saw Mr J. W. Pearson not
only thrash the club record of smacking SIX maximums in one innings, but in doing
so, he also became only the seventh MAD batter at the time to score a
century. A truly superb innings from
start to finish, it secured the ‘Ade Fisher Performance Trophy’ at the end of
season AGM.
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117* In 2006, Gary Littlechild mastered the vagaries of a
typically crap pitch at Hanney CC, to hit the highest score (at the time) by
a MAD batter. In what was quite an achievement, he was helped on the day by the
opposition fielders dropping him to his milestone on numerous occasions.
Gary’s innings off just 88 balls, contained 17 boundaries including 1
maximum.
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£126.50 The
ridiculous club record haul for match fines was accrued at Happisburgh
(ironically) whilst on Tour in Norfolk in 2012. Fines Chairman Paddy Mellor
didn’t give a hoot and nobody was spared. Nobody.
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128
(for 0) 128 is the highest MAD team
total recorded for a ten-wicket win. It was accomplished in 2021 with C.
Williams (77*) and J. Bateman (37*) orchestrating the run-chase after Astons
posted 126. Ian Howarth also played and recorded a TFC.
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130 130 is the total that when
achieved, watching members of The MAD put the batter’s total (Williams) on
the scoreboard to alert him/her to the fact they only need a few more runs to
beat the MAD HS record. The batter is then subsequently out and starts
ranting at his teammates for their stupidity.
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138* 138 is the MAD high score
record achieved by Mr Williams in 2022, shortly before he failed to better it
a few weeks’ later.
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150
(ish) When Steve Dobner relocated
to Stevenage, it meant his round trip to play for The MAD in Oxfordshire was
approximately 150 miles depending on which ground the match was played at.
Steve subsidised his expenses by getting his missus to lay on Tesco Value teas.
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199-3 In the season opener of 2017, The MAD chased down a
completely implausible 197 against league superstars Horspath CC. Yes, we
expected the backlash in the forthcoming years….
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218
not out In July of 2016, curry house employee Jay Rahman
clobbered an unrealistic 218 not out at Fair Mile for Cholsey CC. In a 35
over match his innings contained no less than 40 boundaries in total and was
in fact Jay’s first ever ton. Might as well double it up then.
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231 On a day where everything went right for The MAD and everything
went wrong for the opposition (Wantage & Grove CC), a record margin of
victory was achieved in terms of runs.
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243-1
off 14 overs A cautious and reflective period of play during the
infamous Tetsworth v FFTMCC match from 2009. That would illustrate an
excellent MAD economy rate of just 17.36 runs per over.
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272
for 4 A Moreton CC total in the Friendly Cup final of 2018,
inspired by the generous garbage of MAD opening bowler Jon Newman.
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358
for 8 In 2009, the Far from the MCC were invited to field first
after skipper Martin Westmoreland declined a very generous offer from the
hosts of deciding what The MAD would like to do first (bypassing the toss if
you will). The rest as they say is history. Infamously so….
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400 After clambering off a ferry in the Isle of Wight after
a whole day on the piss, Captain Howarth won the toss at the Newport County
Ground and declared it a “400 pitch”. He duly asked the hosts to bat
first…. #fucking_clown
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500* On Tour to Minehead in 2019, well, actually North
Devon, The MAD would celebrate their 500th game since their inception back in
1998 against Chittlehampton CC. Part of a Tri-team competition, Geoff Carter
starred in the leading role by blazing a straight six to bring the house
down!
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509 In 2009, the apocalyptic game versus Tetsworth CC gave
up a record aggregate number of runs scored in one MAD match.
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999 After dying on the pitch in the May of 2022, the
reawakening of Mr Rundle was awarded a new shirt on the Tour to I-o-W that
summer where his original number of 666 was inverted to have the phone number
used to call the ambulance that fateful day.
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2,184 Is the number of days from Richard Hadfield’s
appearance against the Rose and Crown on the 27th August 2000, until his next
MAD appearance at Hanney CC on 20th August 2006. This disappearing act earned
him the nickname Lord Lucan.
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4,415 Is the number of days from John Harris’ appearance
against the Lemmings on 22nd June 2008, until his next MAD appearance against
Horspath CC on 24th July 2020. John had a few sprogs to bring up, so spare
time was of a premium.
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238,855 Is the number of miles travelled by a pink cricket ball
after it left the bat of a Wroxeter batter in 2014 … before landing on the
surface of the moon. The ball was truly clobbered, and the bowler was truly
Carter.
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