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Official MAD Touring Records and Memories

(Updated to end of Season 2023)

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Tour is an integral part of a Far from the MCC cricketing resume. In fact, some would opine that Tour is in fact the whole point of the cricket season. A bunch of summer days for the team to come together as one big family and strike out to pastures new. To make new and lasting friendships, to get pissed and boost local pub trades, and in between all the fun even attempt to play some cricket.

So here it is – a shrine of sorts – dedicated to all things MAD Tour and the institution it has subsequently become.

By clicking on Match number (XXX) in the list of Tours below, you will be then taken to the scorecards for that particular game and any associated match report.

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MAD Tour Count: 22

Seasons 1999 - 2023 ( M66, W16, L47, D1, NR2 )

Match	Date	Opponent	Venue	Overs	Result
018	24 / 07 / 99	v Quayside Occasionals T	Little Bredy, Dorset	16	Won by 67 runs
030	15 / 07 / 00	v Brewers Troops T	Little Bredy, Dorset	30	Won by 47 runs
031	16 / 07 / 00	v Brewers Troops T	Martinstown, Dorset	30	Won by 6 wkts
060	11 / 08 / 02	v Callington CC T	Callington, Cornwall	40	Lost by 7 wkts
077	17 / 08 / 03	v Minehead CC T	Alcombe, Somerset	35	Lost by 68 runs
078	18 / 08 / 03	v Stogumber CC T	Stogumber, Somerset	T20	Lost by 6 wkts
079	19 / 08 / 03	v Timberscombe CC T	Timberscombe, Somerset	35	Lost by 39 runs
093	31 / 07 / 04	v Minehead CC T	Alcombe, Somerset	40	Won by 8 wkts
094	01 / 08 / 04	v Timberscombe CC T	Timberscombe, Somerset	40	Won by 74 runs
095	02 / 08 / 04	v Stogumber CC T	Stogumber, Somerset	T20	Lost by 5 wkts
096	03 / 08 / 04	v Watchet CC T	Watchet, Somerset	35	Won by 62 runs
112	31 / 07 / 05	v Timberscombe CC T	Timberscombe, Somerset	35	Lost by 5 wkts
113	01 / 08 / 05	v Stogumber CC T	Stogumber, Somerset	25	Won by 38 runs
114	02 / 08 / 05	v Watchet CC T	Watchet, Somerset	35	Lost by 1 wkt
146	17 / 08 / 07	v Sidley CC T	Sidley, Eastbourne	40	Won by 7 wkts
147	20 / 08 / 07	v Worthing Chippingdale T	Worthing, Eastbourne	35	Lost by 30 runs
163	15 / 08 / 08	v Whitland CC T	Whitland, Mumbles (Wales)	35	Lost by 5 wkts
164	16 / 08 / 08	v Mumbles CC T	Mumbles, Mumbles (Wales)	30	Abandoned
185	13 / 08 / 09	v Louth CC T	London Road, Louth	40	Lost by 96 runs
186	15 / 08 / 09	v Kevis Old Boys T	London Road, Louth	40	Lost by 48 runs
187	16 / 08 / 09	v Legbourne CC T	Legbourne, Louth	30	Won by 8 wkts
213	13 / 08 / 10	v Honiton CC T	Honiton, East Devon	40	Lost by 3 runs
214	15 / 08 / 10	v Uplyme & Lyme Regis T	Uplyme, East Devon	35	Lost by 2 wkts
245	12 / 08 / 11	v Hayling Island CC T	Hayling Park, Portsmouth	40	Lost by 4 runs
246	14 / 08 / 11	v Portchester CC T	Cams Hill School, Portsmouth	40	Lost by 3 wkts
247	15 / 08 / 11	v Longparish CC T	Longparish, Portsmouth	35	Lost by 6 runs
269	09 / 08 / 12	v Happisburgh CC T	Happisburgh, Norfolk	40	Lost by 4 wkts
270	10 / 08 / 12	v Saxlingham Gents T	Saxlingham N’gate, Norfolk	25	Lost by 1 run
271	12 / 08 / 12	v Marlingford CC T	Marlingford, Norfolk	40	Lost by 9 wkts
305	08 / 08 / 13	v Weston Super Mare CC T	Weston S Mare, WSM	T20	Lost by 6 wkts
306	09 / 08 / 13	v Wembdon CC T	Wembdon, WSM	40	Lost by 6 wkts
307	11 / 08 / 13	v Belvedere CC T	Weston S Mare 2nds, WSM	40	Lost by 2 wkts
339	08 / 08 / 14	v Wroxeter Grove CC T	Shire Hall, Shrewsbury	T20	Lost by 26 runs
369	06 / 08 / 15	v Sarisbury Athletic CC T	Sarisbury Green, Hampshire	T20	Lost by 26 runs
370	07 / 08 / 15	v Hythe and Dibden CC T	Ewart Rec’ Ground, Hampshire	25	Match Tied
371	08 / 08 / 15	v Trojans CC T	Wellington Ground, Hampshire	35	Won by 5 runs
372	09 / 08 / 15	v Pylewell Park CC T	Pylewell Park, Hampshire	35	Won by 21 runs
399	04 / 08 / 16	v Bramshaw CC T	Roundhill, Hampshire	T20	Won by 5 wkts
400	05 / 08 / 16	v Hythe and Dibden CC T	Ewart Rec’ Ground, Hampshire	25	Lost by 8 wkts
401	06 / 08 / 16	v Knights Valley CC T	Knightwood LC, Hampshire	40	Lost by 81 runs
402	07 / 08 / 16	v Pylewell Park CC T	Pylewell Park, Hampshire	35	Won by 15 runs
436	03 / 08 / 17	v Stogumber CC T	Stogumber, Somerset	T20	Lost by 4 wkts
437	04 / 08 / 17	v Minehead CC T	Minehead, Somerset	T20	Lost by 45 runs
438	05 / 08 / 17	v Blacksmiths & ACC T	Blagdon Hill, Somerset	35	Lost by 5 wkts
439	06 / 08 / 17	v Bridgetown CC T	Bridgetown, Somerset	35	Lost by 30 runs
467	02 / 08 / 18	v Felixstowe & CCC T	Felixstowe, Suffolk	T20	Lost by 33 runs
468	03 / 08 / 18	v Battisford & District CC T	Moats Tye, Suffolk	T20	Lost by 16 runs
469	04 / 08 / 18	v Kesgrave CC T	Kesgrave CC, Suffolk	35	Lost by 23 runs
470	05 / 08 / 18	v Reach CC T	Reach Acres, Suffolk	35	Lost by 9 runs
498	01 / 08 / 19	v Stogumber CC T	Stogumber, Somerset	T20	Lost by 64 runs
499	02 / 08 / 19	v Minehead CC T	Minehead, Somerset	T20	Lost by 62 runs
500	03 / 08 / 19	v Chittlehampton CC T	Chittlehampton, North Devon	T10	Won by 7 wkts
501	03 / 08 / 19	v Erlestoke & CCC T	Chittlehampton, North Devon	T10	Lost by 2 wkts
502	03 / 08 / 19	v Erlestoke & CCC T	Chittlehampton, North Devon	T5	Lost by 32 runs
503	04 / 08 / 19	v Bridgetown CC T	Bridgetown, Somerset	35	Lost by 7 runs
547	29 / 07 / 21	v Denton CC T	Brighton, East Sussex	T20	Lost by 20 runs
548	30 / 07 / 21	v Zambuca Tigers CC T	Brighton, East Sussex	T20	Won by 81 runs
549	31 / 07 / 21	v Ferring CC T	Worthing, West Sussex	40	Lost by 31 wkts
550	01 / 08 / 21	v Hailsham CC T	Wealden, East Sussex	35	Abandoned
574	28 / 07 / 22	v Newport CC T	Newclose County Ground, I-o-W	25	Lost by 133 runs
575	29 / 07 / 22	v Shanklin & Godshill CC T	Westhill Road, I-o-W	T20	Lost by 45 runs
576	30 / 07 / 22	v Porchfield CC T	Porchfield, I-o-W	T20	Won by 1 run
577	30 / 07 / 22	v Bartley CC T	Porchfield, I-o-W	T20	Lost by 8 wkts
603	03 / 08 / 23	v Shotley Peninsula CC T	Tattingstone, Suffolk	T20	Lost by 48 runs
604	04 / 08 / 23	v Battisford & District CC T	Moats Tye, Suffolk	T20	Lost by 34 runs
605	06 / 08 / 23	v Felixstowe & CCC T	Felixstowe, Suffolk	25	Lost by 10 wkts

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Overall Tour Playing Statistics

For	M	W	L	T	D	NR	% Won
Batting First	30	10	20	0	0	0	33.33
Batting Second	36	6	27	1	0	2	16.67
Totals	66	16	47	1	0	2	24.24

Overall Tour Tossing Records

From	To	M	W	L	% Won
1999	2023	66	38	28	57.58

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What is a MAD Tour?

“A MAD Tour is the chance for Middle Aged Men who should know better to constantly abuse their insides with harmful quantities of alcohol and junk food. And who then wonder why it takes a week to recover.”

- M. Rundle 19/02/2016

“…it’s too hard to sum up and so I’m not going to attempt it. It’s about friends and cricket. Over indulgence of friendship whilst playing cricket is definitely a drug – and is one addiction I intend never to stub out.”

- J. Hoskins 08/02/2016

“A MAD Tour is a chance to escape the monotony of adult daily life and head off out of Oxfordshire with your mates for an extended weekend on the piss. It is a hedonistic bonding exercise of extreme bromance with a good dose of our favourite sport thrown in for good measure. A chance to discover pastures new in the heat of summer, meet friends afresh and create long-standing memories – if indeed you are sober enough to remember anything.”

- I. Howarth 06/10/2016

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2023 – Ipswich, Suffolk

“The Marina. A pleasant spot only 5 minutes’ walk from the Premier Inn (15 mins from HMP Easy), it had a gaggle of MADsters dreaming of leaving life behind and sailing the high seas in a very reasonably priced boat (only £120,000), until it started raining, whereby thoughts turned to finding a pub on dry land. Again”

“Cutting Edge Tech (Not). Kids these days are only interested in the latest gadgets etc. Always wanting the new Xbox or PS7, who cares about the cost. Luckily, the MAD have very little yoof in their ranks so the simpler things in life give them pleasure. Namely SHUT THE BOX. This kept the squad busy / quiet throughout the Tour. If we weren't playing it, we were hunting down pubs that had it, all the while arguing over the correct tactics needed to win and failing.”

“Ipswich. For a relatively small town, it had an amazing number of nice pubs, with a varied selection of Beer, if you like that sort of thing and strong continental Lagers, if you REALLY like that sort of thing. It also had a Wetherspoons that helped keep the chavs away from said pubs, conveniently located near the (Not) Easy (to swing a cat) hotel, which was a godsend to those trying to recover from a hangover.”

“Unlocked Locked Doors. According to Egyptian tomb paintings from 4,000 years ago, doors have been around a while. So, it’s a wonder that they can continue to confuse simple folk, namely hungover tourists waiting outside pubs after the official opening time who fail to realise the pub is actually open, so they continue to stand outside in the rain like Proper TWATS, to the bemusement of the Landlady inside.”

- M. Rundle 08/02/24

2022 – Isle of Wight

“MOT. After a half-dozen years organising a trip abroad for Tour (IoW), and detailing everyone to assemble at Oxford train station to be chaperoned to the Southampton docks… Geoff’s work bus naturally failed it’s etc     [F___ sake, Geoff!]”

“Ferry. A mode of transport that allows certain players to get inebriated ahead of a game without any concerns over travel or making a total prick of themselves on the field later in the day.”

“The Waverley. THE place to be in the Isle of Wight....so exclusive, it’s incredibly hard to get into, especially at 1am after a day on the ALE.... Luckily, if you throw enough stones at Room 1's window, a fat bloke will come down and let you in, won’t he Jake...?”

“Shit Value for Money. Having coughed up for a 3-night stay at a B&B and funded trips on a Ferry across the Solent, getting carted on the first night, imploding and ending up back on UK shores the next morning for the Charlbury festival… is probably it (see above).

Shit Value for Money II. Having coughed up for a 3-night stay at a B&B and funded trips on a Ferry across the Solent, but failing to play one game due to dying on the field back in May… is probably it.”

- M. Rundle & A. Mallard 22/12/22

2021 – Brighton, East Sussex

“Casualty. Normally set in the main hospital in the fictional city of Holby, this year they decided to do a 2-part outside broadcast episode. Part 1 featured Salad getting shot by a sniper / burglar hiding in a house just outside the ground with a sub plot of Geoff losing his marbles and bearings and collapsing on the stumps.”

“Part 2 featured Bob being carted off in a stretch ambulance after getting confused by the sounds coming the neighbouring footy pitch as he tried to head the cricket ball rather than catch it.”

“Premier Inn. If 50% of your lifts aren’t working and there are 7 floors to get up / down then it’s not very Premier is it, so fuck you Lenny Henry, sort it out (Beds were comfy tho, I’ll give you that).”

Lesbians. Brighton is full of them apparently. And they don’t like taking photos (apparently).

“Trainspotting. Choose life, choose tour, choose sitting in a pub garden waiting for the 12.17 to Southampton central go past while your skipper for the day gets Humped by Giant Duck.”

“Nooris Cousin. Like Charlie from Charlie’s Angels or the geezer who employs Magnum P.I in err... Magnum P.I, this person achieved mythical status as he / she graciously put up with 12 pissed tourists invading his / her restaurant on a Saturday night while staying in the shadows and counting his / her money & Blessings as Russ demolished yet another plate of poppadom’s....”

- M. Rundle 25/08/21

2019 – Minehead, Somerset

“11.8 seconds. The fastest time never seen for the little-known event: The 100(!) Metre Sprint (in the dark) at Minehead CC. Current Holder, Usain Timms, seen above passing the finishing line (Giant Duck).”

“Crazy Golf Hole #8 at Minehead seafront. The Graveyard of champions... and p1ssed up tourists. Hit the ball too hard and it will rebound off the back and return to your feet. Hit it too softly and it won’t get up the slope and return to your feet. The only way to succeed is to pray your ball gets trapped by a convenient fallen leaf by the edges, otherwise you will be there for more than 10 mins holding up all the other players.”

- M. Rundle 25/10/19

“Mr Timms’ apparent inability to ever get to his own bed, preferring the more relaxing embrace of stony beaches, park benches, hotel bars and cricket cradles to name but a few.”

- A. Mallard 31/10/2019

2018 – Felixstowe, Suffolk

“Ribena – The Drink of Champions... and middle-aged twats who think it replaces the 5-a-day they lack due to missing their continental breakfast as they overslept because they were smashed on... Ribena.”

“The Grosvenor Pub, Ranelagh Road – an ideal location should you wish to participate in the Legendary Somerset Darts. Less than ideal if wish to avoid some ritual Cat Strangling... I mean Karaoke undertaken by Hen Parties smashed on cheap Prosecco and the awful chav delighting blue WKD.”

- M. Rundle 25/10/19

“The Drone. The beloved pet of Mr Hoskins, who on arrival at the Orwell Hotel on Day 2, flew it directly into the top of a tree and had to rediscover his mountaineering skills to rescue it. The drone would later buzz Kesgrave during a cricket match until shot down by an anti-aircraft battery.”

- I. Howarth 29/10/2019

2017 – Minehead, Somerset

“Day 1 of Tour and the P1ss Artist formally known as ‘Pops’, having accumulated a fair amount of goodwill by signing up for Tour at very late notice, nearly gives it all back by almost missing the train to Stogumber that was a massive 100 yards from the hotel….”

“Cricket, as we all know is more dependent on equipment (Bats / stumps / balls etc) than other popular sports, e.g football. When playing ‘footy’ you can get away with less specialised equipment and still play the game... i.e shirts v skins, small boys in the park, jumpers for goalposts. Rush goalie. Two at the back, three in the middle, four up front, one’s gone home for his tea. Beans on toast? Possibly, don't quote me on that. Marvellous. So, it was slightly surprising to the tourists when cricket mad Dave Shorten turned up at the hotel without anything in the way of kit, having left it on his drive 150 miles away. Luckily Ian 'Reek' Howarth was Happy* to provide Dave with the essentials for the weekend.”

*Spoiler: Ian is NEVER happy.

- M. Rundle 25/10/19

“The skittle alley – Day 3. Who can forget the skittle alley? A nice quiet drink on the Friday evening to precede an all-nighter in Wetherspoons to precede a diesel fume filled journey to Blagdon Hill. On arrival, Spam sought comfort in the bowling alley on a comfy bed of cricket bags and concrete. Anyone concerned for his wellbeing could simply glance at the CCTV behind the bar which acted as a kind of video baby monitor. Suitably refreshed he roused himself to join the rest of the team for the 0.7 mile walk to the ground to get a duck.”

- M. Reeves 24/08/2017

2016 – Hythe, Hampshire

“Fountain Court Hotel: Also known, by us as ‘Balti Towers’ (as per the Indian owners). They say you should never go back, but if we listened to ‘them’ we would have missed out on the following Pros & Cons:

Pro: Rooms Big enough to accommodate 3 blokes, plus ducks plus kit

Con: Walls thin enough to hear what’s happening in next room…. “For Fucks Sake Bob, put a cork in it… Jesus!”

Pro: Karaoke

Con: Karaoke

Pro:  Easy Access to room if you misplace your key (See Thorn)

Con: Easy Access to room if you have no key (See Matt)

Pro: Set in quiet area

Con: Fucking (1.3) Miles from The Nelson pub

Pro: Interesting local ‘characters’ in the Bar

Con: Locals cause the Bar to close at ‘normal’ time.

Pro: Big car park

Con: Not big enough to avoid running Giant Duck over and squashing the First Aid Bag.”

- M. Rundle 24/08/2016

“Perhaps more infamous than anything else, the all-out assault on the senses which constituted Hythe & Dibden Friday (HDF). The day after the day before. The day before being the arrival in Hampshire to get plastered and the Friday being a continuum thereof until early evening for a scheduled 25 over game. Having barely any recognition of 2015’s debacle, it was with some smug comfort that I bore witness to teammate’s intoxication this time around. Some asleep on highway benches, some in a haze of amorous overdrive and others with glazed eyes as they bounced pint glasses off pub forecourts. That the day should stagger on until the early hours of Saturday morning for an impromptu question and answers in a conference room is mind-boggling.”

- I. Howarth 12/10/16

2015 – Hythe, Hampshire

“Breaking and entering Downtown Fucking Abbey: After failing to make the team for the final match of Tour, Ian Howarth and Mark Rundle decided to take in numerous pubs as they hiked from Lymington to the cricket ground of Pylewell Park. There are many direct routes, but they chose instead to climb walls, cross wheat fields, navigate barb wire and hidden brooks, and sneak through the grounds of the mansion – arriving just in time for cricket teas.”

- M. Rundle 19/02/2016

2014 – f______ T______

“Mark Rundle non-catch: So, what do we remember about the one game played on the infamous 2014 Tour to f_____ T_____? Was it the 8000+ runs left on the boundary in the shape of Spam and Moo? Was is Geoff kicking the ball over the boundary in what is the worst single piece of fielding I have ever seen? Was it that guy smacking the pink ball over the council offices and into the middle of next week? No, towards the end of their innings a flat shot was hit straight towards Mark Rundle at long on. As the ball sailed through the air he planted his feet, raised his hands and set himself for a regulation catch. As the ball hurtled towards him, he stood there statuesque. Closer and closer it came and still he remained, frozen it time and space. I could only think it was going straight down his throat. Then, ssswwwwoooooossssshhhhh and it passed about three feet to his left. Not a flicker, not a twitch. That’s how I remember it.”

- M. Reeves 09/12/2015

“THAT SIX!!! There has never been a SIX to match it. When Geoff Carter lobbed that pink ball towards the Wroxeter batsman (unknown, but take your pick from J Shaw or C Haylett) on August 8th, nobody thought after being smacked its trajectory would endanger local airspace. It was HUGE. It disappeared out the ground, still gaining height as it cleared a nearby car park and… was never seen again. Truly legendary.”

- I. Howarth 31/10/19

“Jake’s magically appearing golf ball in the T______ International Centre car park: Disconsidering the nearby golf course, Jake is both stunned and amused when a golf ball suddenly bounces on the tarmac just metres away from him….”

- M. Rundle & G. Timms 17/02/16

“Wonderland, Wonderland-d-d-d-d-d....”: So bad was the Tour to f______ T______ in 2014, the tourists paid entry to a kids theme park (Wonderland) near the shitty Holiday Inn so they could compete on a crazy golf course. Worse, wherever you stood, walked or hit bloody balls, you were serenaded by a theme tune telling you it was ‘big fun for little people’…. AAAARRGGGHHHH!!!!”

- M. Rundle & G. Timms 17/02/16

“It is sometimes said the most disappointing and shameful episodes are often the most memorable. The Tour to f______ T______ in 2014 qualified on all levels on all days. Aside from a trip to Shrewsbury to stay by a motorway in Telford and play hardly any cricket, Chairman Mr M. Bullock escorted half the team on a route march around a pretty Shropshire town in full bloom to a ‘highly rated’ CAMRA watering hole. Notwithstanding this excursion bypassed a multitude of excellent pubs and beer gardens on the way, it was the fact that after an hour’s slog up and down winding hills and cobbled streets the pub was in fact shut. Closed for business. Nothing doing. Side-splittingly funny.

Fortunately, there was another pub nearby and fortunately Mr Westmoreland had the energy to walk back into town to buy a job lot of Gregg’s pasties. I still laugh about this sad sad tale sandwiched as it was between a very sad few days, and I’m only grateful Tour debutant and future Skipper Mr Timms could see the funny side of it all. Totally Priceless. It could only ever have happened on this doomed Tour.”

- I. Howarth 05/10/16

2013 – Weston-Super-Mare

“Shitstairs-gate, Weston 2013:  Could it be anything other than no.1, even tho it’s a no.2 technically…. At breakfast on the morning after a day on the lash, a muted atmosphere is noted to be prevalent. In fact, it seems pretty hostile when the proprietors’ son enters the room to announce that someone’s walked dogshit all the way up the staircase of the Corbiere Guest House. People hurriedly finish their eggs and bacon to follow the dotted brown line… which goes right to the top and under the door of Howarth and Rundle’s room. On further inspection of evening footwear, the mystery is solved as Ian Howarth spends the next half an hour rinsing his trainers in the sink.”

“Thorn kicking the shite out of his kitbag on way to train station, 2013: The last day of Tour and tempers are frayed. Joe Public are entertained / shocked / amazed as Thorn’s less than useful kitbag is on the receiving end of a sustained torrent of abuse and prolonged shit-kicking. Fucking hilarious!”

- M. Rundle 19/02/2016

2012 – Norfolk

“Happisberg versus Haysborough: It’s time to bring to light a feud which has been bubbling since 2012 and the Tour of Norfolk. The match against Happisburgh is perhaps best remembered for the recorded fining of over £120 administered by Paddy after the game, or the confusion after Dan’s request that he would like to open the batting was met with the response ‘good for you’. However, I remember the game for Paddy’s insistence that the village is called Hap-is-berg whereas I know it is correctly pronounced as Hays-borough. I will not be backing down over this and hopefully neither will Paddy….”

“An honourable mention should also go to Jake spending a night outside sleeping on a bench because he didn’t know the difference between push and pull on the door of the B&B.”

- M. Reeves 09/12/2015

2011 – Southsea, Hampshire

“The moment when Leggate turned up with a toilet seat around his neck. Iconic. Symbolic. Fucked up. Brilliantly funny and utterly unforgettable. Skipper Ian Leggate and his bog seat medallion. Gonzo would later turn up at Hayling Island looking like a toilet warrior – going on to commandeer one of the great games of Tour cricket. Thankfully Ian chose not to bat with the bog seat and batted bloody well.”

- J. Hoskins & A. Mallard 24/08/2016

“Thorn’s Expansive Leave: When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling sad. I simply remember that middle stump rocking back, and then I don’t feel ssssooooo sad. This occurred in the match against Hayling Island in 2011. A game remembered for Howarth’s heroics coupled with his failure to understand the principle of limited overs. I was umpiring, with Ian at the non-striker’s end and Thorn on strike. The bowler bowled and Thorn planted his front foot forward in a beautiful expansive leave. It was text book, watchful, with the bat raised well away from any danger. I watched it all the way from the bowler’s hand as it went wicket to wicket, pitched in-line and didn’t deviate. I think Ian’s hernia almost burst too. Priceless.”

- M. Reeves 09/12/2015

2010 – Honiton, East Devon

“Ian Howarth – a ‘cunt times two’: this is also my all-time favourite fine. It occurred in the bar during the 2010 Tour to Lyme Regis. Ian Leggate was the fines chairman and although I can’t quite remember what Mr Howarth’s misdemeanour was, I’m sure it thoroughly deserved 50p for being a cunt. Then, just like a player ‘on a yellow’ and failing to heed the warning, it was only a couple of seconds later that a second offense was committed. Yes Ian, you’re not just a cunt, you’re a ‘cunt times two’.”

“Ball on to Stevie D’s car – not much to say about this one. In the 2010 encounter with Uplyme & Lyme Regis CC, I hit a big moo over mid-on. There was the sound of the ripping of leaves as it went through the trees and then a loud thwack as it struck something metal. Could only be a car, but whose car could it be? A shoe-in for Champagne Moment of the Season, but I’m not bitter.”

- M. Reeves 09/12/2015

“Many years later, I still find myself laughing at the dismissal of Ben Mander at Uplyme & Lyme Regis – adjudged lbw to a ball that hit him somewhere around his belly button. Unfortunately for Ben, Umpire Bullock was still smarting from being kept up all night watching him down a bottle of vodka and turning their cosy hotel room into a mosh pit.”

- A. Mallard 09/02/2024

2009 – Louth, Lincolnshire

“The moment that Ian Leggate decided to salsa dance with England Captain Clare Taylor.”

- J. Hoskins 08/02/2016

2008 – Mumbles

“It never relented. Never. Not once. Every day you would wake up in this godforsaken accommodation on the Gower Peninsula and prey the clouds had parted. Every day your hopes were shattered as soon as soon as you pulled back the curtains – if indeed you had any curtains. Perhaps sympathetic to our cause, and against their better judgement, a couple of teams agreed to try and play some cricket in the shitty weather. One of the games even finished. Just. Or maybe it didn’t? Local pubs broadcasting Olympic weightlifting would offer a modicum of cheer, but aside from leaving the Mumbles a day early due to alcoholic poisoning (the shame of it), it is the afternoon’s round at Ashleigh Road Golf Course I remember most vividly. A day so depressingly fucking miserable, that even the most positive members of the Tour posse were reduced to tears. Watching rain run in torrents off the sloping shoulders of Dave Shorten as he sat dejected on tree stump staring into oblivion almost haunts me to this day….”

- I. Howarth 02/07/2016

2007 – Eastbourne

“The Red Arrows by the sun kissed seafront, captured magnificently by Chairman Bullock in the days when he had a decent camera (and an eye for a picture).”

- I. Howarth 01/11/2019

“Seeing eight fielders behind the batsman at Worthing Chippendale. The wisdom of having a tearaway young fast bowler (M Strackher) bowling in poor light against a bunch of pissed tourists still beggars belief to this day. It’s okay though, their skipper was keen to point out that his 80mph deliveries would be pitched up, nothing short….”

- I. Howarth 01/11/2019

2005 – Minehead

“The Dude (Antony Mann) perched inside Thorn’s campervan which was being used at Watchet CC to double as a scoreboard close to the pitch. Utterly iconic, a moment captured in time forever.”

- I. Howarth 01/11/2019

2004 – Minehead, Somerset

“The Hill – somewhere above the Dunkery Beacon Hotel: a crazy and hedonistic night which culminated in the above photograph being taken by Jake Hotson sometime after sunrise. From what I recall, it all started with the appropriately named Father Chem (the late and great Adie Fisher) administering certain compounds to the team in the early evening. Many of these ‘individuals’ would later find themselves ironically manning an honesty bar within the hotel. Sometime after midnight, with pints of vodka and orange to hand, an advanced party decided to climb a nearby hillside to watch the sun come up. From what I recall, Jake Hotson would fall down a brook whilst somehow avoiding any spillage by holding his pint aloft, Mike Clarke would singe his jeans and bollocks straddling an electric fence, and at a later point… there was simply a blackout, where Mr Hotson remained solely awake to take the above iconic photo.

On returning to the hotel in a dishevelled and less than satisfactory state, Jake would then go through the motions of giving himself third degree burns whilst making himself a morning cuppa (see below). It was a night of total and utter wrong that in subsequent years feels increasingly so utterly right.”

- I. Howarth 24/08/2016

“2004 Tour to Minehead – the moment when Jake, devastated because Doc wouldn’t allow him to play because of burns to his hand following the kettle incident, scored all day with a plastic bag around his hand.”

- J. Hoskins 08/02/2016

2003 – Minehead, Somerset

“2003 Tour to Minehead – the moment when Eddie Lester exclaimed it was ‘like the fucking red arrows round here’ as the balls hurtled around his head at mid-off  (note not catching any of them) and then one smacked into the Pavilion – to hit the Westmoreland Brick. I dunno... it was just funny... and very memorable.”

- J. Hoskins 08/02/2016

“After persistent nagging by Mr T. P. W. Smith, I decided to end my cricketing exile and join The MAD back in 2003. I’d grown bored of Cornish league cricket some good few years previous, so the opportunity to meet fresh faces and enjoy a pint or six was an opportunity too tempting. I was immediately hooked on the intrigue of the club’s de facto lunatic, Mr Dobner. Could this unassuming Essex boy with a great sense of wit really be this ‘thug’ I was led to believe – or the amusing and facetious little professor he appeared to be?

Never one to shy away, despite repeated warnings, I’d pulled Steve’s strings a good few times on the lead up to Tour, but there was nothing really to suggest anything to substantiate these ‘warnings’. However, all that changed one drunken afternoon back at the Dunkery Beacon Hotel, when having poked and prodded Mr Dobner over a game of poker, he subsequently followed me back to my room, kicked the door open, tore a wardrobe door off its hinges and attempted to panel my face as I hid in the trench between two single beds. Thankfully, roommate Mr Smith was there to temper the situation.

Memorable, definitely. Infamous, most definitely – just a shame lessons weren’t learnt before Antony Mann’s book launch some several weeks later….”

- I. Howarth 18/07/2016

1999 – Weymouth, Dorset

James checks the obituaries.

“1999 Tour to Weymouth – the moment when Greg Le Toque – a new youngster in the team shoved his head into my tent at 3 am shivering like a Madman... convinced he was going to die after over imbibing. It took two hours to convince him he wasn't going to die (he didn’t) I have been anxious around Tours ever since.”

- J. Hoskins 08/02/2016